by S. Moose
Erin and I lay in my bed talking about random things when both of our stomachs grumble. “Well I’m hungry for some sushi, so get your cute little booty up and let’s go!” Erin gets out of bed and puts on her jacket.
“Alright let’s go!” I quickly throw on a pink hoodie, my black Uggs and loop my arm through Erin’s, “You’re the best.”
“Only for you doll,” She gives me a kiss on the cheek and we laugh as we leave my dorm.
Erin goes on about how she went on a date with a guy named Brad but ended up leaving thirty minutes in because he was a bore. I laughed as she talked and wondered when she’ll find someone who’ll make her happy. As she continued to talk about her infamous hook-ups, Adam and Connor appeared out of nowhere.
I feel my muscles clench and twist with desire at the sight of him. I just want him to take me in his arms. His gorgeous eyes are on me and unexpectedly I forget how to breathe, “Adam.” As I say his name, I feel my face grow hot.
I watch his eyes looking up and down my body and I am shaking all over. I hope he doesn’t see how pathetic I look at just the sight of him. “Hi Soph, nice to see you again,” He says winking at me. Everything about him makes me melt. It’s getting easier to be around him. I try not to sound too nervous.
“Good to see you too.” Adam comes closer to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders. I put my arm around his waist and smile.
Erin steps next to me, “Adam? Hey! I don’t know if you remember me from Science class but I’m Erin.”She puts out her hand to him.
Adam takes her hand. “Yeah I remember you. What happened? You were talking to me one day and then completely ignored me,” he asked laughing.
I look away from the both of them but see Erin’s scowl on her face. “Oh you know how it is!” She eyes Connor and starts smiling. In all the years we’ve been friends, I’ve never seen her smile that way to anyone. “So what’s your name?”
I look over at Connor and smile reassuringly when I see him blushing. I remember how painfully shy he is around girls, but never me.
“Connor,” he quietly responds. He looks at me and I give him an encouraging smile.
Erin moves away from me and walks over to Connor. “Well it’s so nice to meet you Connor.” She says in a flirtatious way. She turns around, winks at me then looks between them. “Are you guy’s hungry?”
I cautiously look up at Adam and wonder what he wants to do. It’ll be nice to spend time with both him and Connor but I don’t want him to feel obligated to go. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
Adam smiles and pulls me to his chest a little tighter. “It sounds like fun.” He looks over at Connor and smirks. “Connor you down?” My heart is beating fast and doing flips. The sharp pain I used to feel is going away and now the ache of wanting him to be mine lurks its ugly head. I look over at Erin and can see the thrill on her face of playing matchmaker.
I see Connor’s lips start curving in that mischievous way, “Oh yeah I’m down.” He gives me a wink and I can’t help but laugh. I miss him and his laughter so much.
“Perfect!” Erin claps her hands together. “I’ll drive. Connor you can sit up front with me.” Erin loops her arm through Connor’s. “You’re cute you know.” I see Connor’s body shoot straight up. I don’t know why he’s like this.
I watch as Connor and Erin walk in front of us. I notice that Adam’s arm is still around me. I slide my arm around his waist and hear his breath hitch. I feel alive and awake. It’s as though I slept for millions of years and his touch was all I needed to wake up. I want to be able to give him my heart and trust that he won’t break it but I hold back just a little because I’m not sure what will happen between us. I’m trying hard not to shake as I bite my lower lip and think about what could be. Adam kisses the side of my head and pulls me in more. “Stop thinking,” He quietly says, “Let’s just have fun tonight.”
“How do you know I’m thinking?” I ask suspiciously.
“I know you Soph.” He squeezes my shoulders and I relax.
Erin and Connor get in the car and when we get there I’m about to let go of Adam when he opens the door for me. It’s been a while since someone did this for me. “Thank you,” I say to Adam.
“You’re welcome Soph.”
As we all get in and start driving, I look out the window as my mind runs wild. I see all the Christmas lights throughout the trees and buildings. The night sky is full of stars and it’s beautiful out. The burning sensation goes through me as Adam takes my hand again and caresses it gently. The spark that ignites with each touch sends me in a frenzy. I look over at him and see a smile on his face. I feel vulnerable with him, but in a good way. I want to share with him my heart and soul. His gestures show me that we’re ok but I sense a part of him is holding back like I am. I want to hear the words from him. I need to hear him tell me what he feels for me. I try to think about a good time we can talk about what I’m feeling and hope he feels the same way.
“So Adam I hear you’ve been friends with my BFF since forever.” Erin looks in the rearview mirror smiling. I want to strangle her. My body tenses and this is exactly what I wanted to avoid tonight.
Adam pulls his free hand through his hair, “I’m sure Soph told you we’ve known each other since we were in diapers,” he takes a deep breath in and looks at me, “But you know guys can be assholes sometimes and things happened.” He glances down at me and smiles.
“Did Soph tell you she sucker punched him in the face and he ended up getting a nice bruise right under his eye,” Connor starts to say, “Sophia thought she was invincible and went crazy on us,” he laughs.
Erin’s hand flies up to her mouth to hold her laugh. “Whoa what, Sophia you never told me that!” I sink low in my seat and shake my head. I can’t look at anyone!
Connor starts to explain, “Yep. Soph came over to the house smashed, starts screaming at us and then boom right in the face. Adam drops to his knees and she probably would have killed him if I didn’t pull the Hulk there off him.”
I’m dreaming. This is not happening. I want to just disappear. Adam’s laughing right along with Connor as if that night didn’t matter. How could they laugh about what happened? Does this mean they forgive me and we can be friends again? I mentally hit myself because I sound like an idiot.
“Sophia Burns! Why didn’t you ever tell me what happened?” Erin chuckles. I wince and try to let go of Adam’s hand but he squeezes it tighter. I turn my head toward him and try to figure out what he’s thinking. His beautiful face is happy and I softly laugh to myself. This is what I’ve been missing out on-happiness.
We finally get to Takka’s and I can breathe again. Erin and Connor get out of the car and start walking inside. I sink down in my seat not ready to leave the back seat of the car. “Hey,” Adam starts to say, “Don’t worry about it Soph. It’s ok.”
I wince again. How can everything be ok? “I don’t get why you don’t hate me.” A part of me prepares to hear the awful truth but I need to know.
Adam puts his finger under my chin and holds my face so I am looking into his eyes. The way he looks at me makes me feel happy. After looking at one another for a few moments, Adam lightly kisses my forehead, “Let’s go inside.”
Before I can answer, he gets out of the car and walks over to my side to open my door. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He grabs my hand and shuts the door. He takes my hand as his fingers entwine with mine. I love holding his hand and I don’t want him to let go. When we reach the restaurant, he holds the door for me and guides me in while placing his hand on my back. When we get inside, Connor and Erin are already in a booth waiting for us.
“Took you long enough,” Erin remarks and throws a hot towel at me.
We all laugh and sit down. Adam puts his arm around me and pulls me in closer. He places his hand on my knee and instantly my body tightens with excitement. Thoughts of his hands all over me rush through my mind. I start biting my lower li
p while looking at the menu with him. I close my eyes and slow down my breathing. This is bad.
Our server comes to the table to greet us before taking our orders. We all order the sashimi platter that comes with salmon, tuna, surf clams, and white tuna. I can’t wait to eat! We all start talking about random things and agree that Winter break needs to come sooner. It feels good to be with my friends and not feel captive in my own room waiting for Kyle. All throughout dinner, Adam doesn’t let go of my hand and keeps asking me if I’m ok. It’s sweet how he’s still looking out for me even after all these years apart. I keep taking in deep breaths as his touch makes me weak and I feel my body tighten. I picture us together again and we’re happy. I don’t feel alone anymore as I look at my friends.
We finish dinner and head back to campus. I feel my phone vibrate and take it out.
Erin: Hey don’t make it obvious but when we get back just take Adam out of the car. Connor wants to sit here and talk ;)
Me: LOL k!
I put my phone back in my pocket and look over at Adam. He’s looking back at me with question and I shake my head letting him know not to worry. When we get back to campus I start yawning and stretching my arms over my head, “Oh wow I am so tired. Adam can you walk me back to my room?”
“Yeah no problem,” He says slowly. I don’t think he gets it at first so I nudge him on the arm and look at Erin and Connor. A light bulb comes on and he smiles.
“Alright guys I’m going to go and get sleep, busy day tomorrow.” I lean over and give Erin a kiss on her cheek and give her a wink. “Bye Connor.” I touch his shoulder and give him a squeeze.
He touches my hand and smirks at me, “See ya Soph.”
Adam and I get out of the car and start walking over to my room. It’s cold out and I start to shiver. “Hey wear this,” Adam takes off his jacket and puts it on me. It smells like my Adam-fresh with a hint of mint.
I pull his jacket tighter so it covers me better. “Thanks Adam.” We walk in silence; it feels peaceful at this hour, not many people walking around. There’s so much I want to ask and talk to him about but tonight is already perfect. I don’t want to create unnecessary drama and ruin the night. When we get to the building, I pull out my ID card. I want to ask him to come up with me but chicken out. “Thanks for walking me back. I get scared in the dark.” I look down at my feet afraid to look at him.
He rubs my arms and smiles. “It’s my pleasure. I like being around you Soph.”
“I like being around you too. Good night Adam.” I begin to turn toward my door when suddenly he spins me around as he wraps his arms around me. “Night Soph.” We stay in this perfect moment like this for what seems to be forever and it still isn’t long enough. He gives me a kiss on the forehead before letting me go. I tell him I’ll text him in the morning before saying good bye one last time.
I get back to my room and change into my shorts and a tank top. I get in bed and try to fall asleep but my body misses him already.
Chapter 6
I suddenly wake up from another nightmare. This time I dream about Kyle. He’s hitting me over and over again. I can’t breathe. He puts his hands around my neck and squeezes. There’s sweat all over. I look around the room and notice it’s just me. It’s almost four in the morning. Great, I can’t get anymore sleep. I start stretching and put on my hoodie and sneakers. I need fresh air. I walk outside and sit down on a bench near the building.
The bench is old and made of stone. I sit down and feel the cold against my body. I put my hands down on the bench and look up to the sky, “Mom? Are you there?” I start to say, “I don’t know what to do Mom. I’m so scared. You said you’ll always be there when I need you well I need you now. Please show me a sign.” I close my eyes and feel the quietness of the night. There’s nothing but silence. I start crying again when all of a sudden I feel arms around my shoulders. I open my eyes and look up. Adam.
“Hey what are you doing out here?”
“Oh hi, I couldn’t sleep. I like to come out and talk to my mom. Want to sit down with me?”
Adam takes a seat next to me and rests his hand on my knee. We sit there together, neither of us saying anything. I like sitting here with him. It’s peaceful out. I look up and see him looking back at me. We share a smile. It’s one of those smiles that let you know everything will be ok.
I head back to my room after spending most of the morning with Adam. We didn’t say too much but didn’t have to. I take a shower and get ready for my eight a.m. English class. I’m never a girl who puts on a ton of make up or wears flashy clothes but for some reason today I want to dress up and look nice. I consider myself a pretty girl. I’m 5’5, blonde hair, blue eyes, a soft complexion, I don’t have big boobs but where I lack in that area, I make up with my perky derriere.
I blow-dry my hair and start putting soft curls in. My long blonde hair is easy to curl and I love how it shapes my face. I put on some pink and purple eye shadow, black eye liner and bronzer. My skin is naturally pale and I can never go tanning because I will turn red like a lobster. Satisfied with my hair and makeup I go to my closet and start rummaging through my clothes. I have nothing to wear, I think to myself. Finally I find a pair of black skinny jeans, a white fitted tank top and a black blazer. I take one final look at myself in the mirror; pickup my purse and books and head to class.
It’s a short walk to class and for some reason I have the biggest smile on my face. I make it to class with still five minutes to spare and take a seat. I’m getting my papers out and trying to prepare myself for my oral presentation when Adam comes to sit right next to me, “Morning beautiful.”
I laugh, “Good morning. Thanks again for last night.”
He takes a sip of his coffee and I wish it were me his lips touched, “You’re very welcome but no need pretty girl.”
I can feel his eyes looking at me, staring. There’s a hurt expression on his face as if he wants to tell me something but instead holds back. I don’t know why he keeps looking at me like that. I’m not complaining by all means but it makes me nervous and shy. My whole body feels like Jell-O. I don’t know why he has such a powerful effect on me but it’s making me feel like a little girl again.
“You look beautiful today but I’m sure that’s never a problem for you.”
“Adam stop!” I lightly slap his arm and things are starting to feel comfortable again. “I’m not beautiful.”
“I’d say so. You’ve been beautiful since you were in diapers Soph.”
“Adam you’re making me blush stop.” I look back in his eyes and inside I’m crying for him to come back to me.
“So what about having breakfast with me today?” Adam suggests.
Surprised at his question I do want to make it seem I’m too eager. “We’ll see.” Adam stares at me again, “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”
He takes another sip and smiles, “Because you’re my pretty girl.” That was his nickname for me when we were younger. It always made me feel special.
“Adam stop, you’re embarrassing me.”
“Trust me this isn’t anything. Just have breakfast with me.” The grin on Adam’s face is priceless, I roll my eyes and nod my head yes.
“Alright see you after class,” he said and makes his way to the back of the room to sit with Connor. I look over and give Connor a wave. I turn back around and smile. I love having both of my favorite guys back in my life. They’re the missing pieces in my life and I slowly start to feel complete.
I take out my phone and start to text the one person who I know will help me figure this shit out:
Me: Sarah! 911!
Sarah: What happened? You ok?
Me: Ya! But Adam asked me to go out to breakfast with him! Should I go??
Sarah: Oh you two! I always knew you guys would find your way back to each other.
Me: You are NOT funny!
Sarah: Sweetie just go meet him and have fun!
Me: IDK…
Sarah: If you do
n’t then you’ll never know.
Dr. Mason arrives to class and looks at all of us.
Me: g2g update you later!
Dr. Mason is the one of the oldest professors on campus. He’s a small man of about 5’3 with wrinkles all over. I can’t believe he is still teaching but he’s definitely an inspiration with his brilliance and dedication to the teaching world, “Alright class let’s get started, shall we? Miss Burns please come up front and present us your piece.”
I slowly get up from my desk and start walking to the front of the class. I feel nervous and anxious to present my piece especially with who is in front of me.
The task was to write something from the depths of our souls. We needed to release our deepest secret. I had a hard time with this assignment because I wasn’t sure how deep I wanted to go but, in some ways, I wanted him to know how I still feel. I love my creative writing class, it is the only time I am able to express myself and my counselor thought it was a good class for me to take and it is an easy A. I want to be a writer, but business came so easy to me as well.
