by Pam Howes
Dora swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘That’s the style I wore for my wedding a few years ago. It does look lovely on.’
Sandra smiled. ‘Then I’ll go for that one. It must be a lucky dress if you chose it. You still look dead happy, sort of glowing.’
Dora did her best to look dead happy. ‘Do I? Well there you go then.’ If only she knew. But Dora wasn’t about to burst the young girl’s bubble. Things might work out for her just fine, like they had with everyone else she knew. She hadn’t brought the sketch of Joanie’s dress along. It was the one thing she couldn’t face, seeing someone else in that style.
Dora took their measurements and Anne decided on a pale green satin for her princess-line dress. Her dark hair would complement a headdress with matching trim. Sandra’s dress was to be traditional white satin with a lace bodice and sleeves and a neat white veil. ‘Okay, two weeks and we’ll be ready for a first fitting.’ Dora gave them a card with the time and date. She took a two-pound deposit on each dress and led the way back downstairs. ‘What about the younger bridesmaids – I believe there are two?’ Dora asked.
‘Yes, our little cousins. We’ll need to bring them in after school, if that’s okay. I like the Bo Peep dress in the window and my aunty has seen it too and she loves it. So it will be two like that.’
‘Well if you bring them in as soon as you can, we’ll get them measured up, and then we can order the fabric.’ Dora smiled as they waved goodbye.
‘Lovely young ladies,’ Esther said. ‘I’ll make us a brew. Jackie’s doing a jigsaw puzzle with Sammy in the back.’
Dora frowned. ‘We didn’t bring a puzzle with us.’
Esther laughed. ‘He’s a sucker for a pretty face. They passed a toy shop and spotted it in the window. Teddy Bears’ Picnic. He’s a softie when it comes to Jackie. We both are.’
Dora shook her head. ‘What’s he like? You both spoil us something rotten.’
‘You’re like a daughter to us and Jackie’s the nearest we’ve got to a grandchild. Allow us a bit of indulgence now and again.’
Dora gave Esther a hug. ‘Thank you. I really don’t know what I’d do without you. I feel so blessed.’
On the way home, dragging a tired Jackie along with her, Dora wished she’d called Joe like Agnes had suggested. She was pretty sure she knew what her answer would be. It was a bit pointless to make him wait until the weekend. She’d do it tomorrow; invite him and Carol over for tea and tell him then. She’d still be able to work and keep the bit of independence she enjoyed and the money she earned would give them a better standard of living. They’d be able to buy a house sooner so that they’d be settled for when Joe decided to change his job. She’d love a house like Agnes and Alan’s on The Avenues in Fazakerley. Maybe Esther and Sammy would agree to her bringing more work home and then she could also see to her mam and have her over at the house during the day while Frank was at the docks. It would work out just fine for them all and the girls would both be so thrilled. But she’d make one firm concession: that Joe change his job and have nothing more to do with Ivy, as either a friend or a colleague. With that decision, Dora felt happier and more settled in her mind than she’d felt for a very long time.
20
During Monday afternoon tea break, Joe looked up as Ivy called out to him. Damn, he’d done his best to avoid her all day, bringing sarnies and a flask from home. But now his flask was empty and he was spitting feathers for a brew. He’d got Eric to bring the mugs across to the table while he’d nipped out for a quick pee. Last night, as he was tucking Carol into bed, he’d remembered that he’d promised to see Ivy on Sunday afternoon. She’d be giving him earache for forgetting now. He should have rung her to tell her he was busy with the kids and couldn’t meet her. He’d just been so happy to have Dora staying that meeting Ivy had gone clean out of his mind.
‘Here’s your mate,’ Eric whispered as Ivy marched across the canteen towards him.
‘I need a word,’ she said, lips pursed. ‘I’ll be over there at our usual table.’
‘Go on, you’ve been summonsed,’ Eric teased. ‘Look at the face on it, though. Wouldn’t like to be in your shoes, matey.’
Joe sighed and got to his feet. He carried his mug of tea to the table under the window that was in a more private position. He sat down opposite Ivy and lit a cigarette. ‘What’s up?’ he asked and blew a cloud of smoke into the air above his head.
‘Did you enjoy your day in New Brighton?’ she began, a sarcastic edge to her voice.
‘Er, yeah. How did you know I went there?’ He frowned and flicked ash into the ashtray.
‘Dora told me.’ Ivy folded her arms.
‘Really? Well, when did you see Dora?’
‘I didn’t. She told me you were all going when I phoned you yesterday morning.’
Joe shrugged. ‘Ah, right. She didn’t tell me you called.’
‘I needed to see you on Sunday, Joe. You were supposed to be meeting me at Sefton Park.’
‘Yeah, right, sorry about that. Going to New Brighton was a last-minute decision for Jackie’s birthday.’
‘Dora was at yours very early. Did she stay over on Saturday night?’
Joe sat back on his chair, his ciggie dangling from his lips. He took another long drag and stubbed the butt end out. ‘That’s got nothing to do with you. As it happens, yes, she did stay. But that’s our business.’
‘I thought you were getting divorced?’
‘Look what is this; the bloody Spanish inquisition? What me and my wife do is our own business.’
Ivy took a deep breath and continued. ‘Don’t be so bloody horrible, Joe. I do a lot for you, supporting you, babysitting, arranging a holiday and always being there when you need me. You could have at least let me know you had no intention of coming to the park. I waited all day for you to get in touch.’
Joe shook his head. ‘Well you knew you’d see me today. So, come on, I’m here now, what do you need to talk about?’
Ivy took a quick look around to make sure no one was watching. ‘I’ve got a problem.’
Joe nodded. ‘Right, so what’s it got to do with me?’
‘Everything. I’m expecting your baby, Joe!’
Joe’s eyes widened, his jaw dropped and he spluttered out his response. ‘What? You can’t be,’ he shouted, and then, remembering where he was, lowered his voice. ‘How the hell?’ He shook his head. ‘I haven’t been with you since before Christmas.’
Ivy raised an eyebrow. ‘That’s when it happened. I’m just over three months gone.’
‘Shit!’ Joe sat back on his chair, his heart racing. What on earth? ‘It can’t be mine,’ he muttered. ‘You’d have told me sooner if it was. And I was careful. You know I was.’
‘Not careful enough,’ Ivy whispered. ‘It is yours. I don’t sleep around.’
Joe held up his hands. She didn’t and it was unfair of him to imply it. ‘Okay, I’m sorry, I know you don’t. But what the hell are you gonna do?’
Ivy stared at him, her cheeks flushing bright pink. ‘What am I going to do? Don’t you mean, what are we going to do? This is your problem too, Joe.’
Joe shook his head. ‘I don’t want anything to do with it.’
‘Really?’ Ivy got to her feet. ‘Well whether you want to or not, you don’t have much choice.’
‘What do you mean? I can’t do anything about it. Dora and I, well, we’re probably getting back together. I can’t tell her this. It will send her over the edge again.’ He sat with his head in his hands as Ivy walked away without another word. He looked up as someone tapped him on the shoulder.
‘Come on, Joe, we’re late back. Be getting our wages docked if we don’t shape up,’ Eric said. ‘You okay? You look a bit on the pale side. Has that miserable bugger upset you or summat?’
Joe got to his feet. He felt sick, as though he would chuck his sarnies back up at any minute. He couldn’t go back on the factory floor just yet. ‘I feel a bit rough, Eric. Tell the foreman I�
��ll be up soon. I’m going to have to go to the carsey.’
Eric nodded and hurried away.
The canteen was empty now except for Ivy and Flo, who was busy clearing tables. Joe beckoned to Ivy, who re-joined him at the table. ‘Have you seen a doctor then?’
‘Not yet,’ Ivy muttered. ‘I’ve felt so ill and sickly too, but I’m so embarrassed, you know, with not being married and all that. I wanted to speak to you first. It’s taken me ages to pluck up the courage. But I’m absolutely sure, it’s been weeks. Remember, Joe, I’ve been pregnant before, so I know what’s what.’ She dabbed at her eyes with a hanky. ‘I just feel grateful that God has given me a second chance to be a mother.’ Ivy had been widowed during the war and lost her expected baby within weeks of her young husband’s death.
Joe stared at her. Since when did God feature in her life? She never went to church, to his knowledge. ‘It’s got nowt to bloody do with God,’ he snapped. ‘Don’t be giving me all that religious rubbish, making me feel guilty. You’ll have to do something about it.’
Ivy’s lips quivered. ‘I thought you’d be happy for me. That you’d want to stand by me. After everything I’ve done for you, helping you with Carol and always being there for you when you were having a bad day.’
‘How can I stand by you? What about Dora and my kids? They’re my family and they need me – and I need them,’ he finished.
‘You should have thought about that before you jumped into bed with me then,’ she snapped. ‘You used me and now you don’t want to know. What sort of a man does that?’
Joe could think of plenty, but that wouldn’t help, so he lit another cigarette and stared into space.
‘You’ll have to tell Dora,’ Ivy said quietly. ‘Because if you don’t, I will. I’m going to be showing soon and people will guess. She might not want you back once she knows about this.’ And from next week she’d make sure she was showing. It would mean holding her stockings up with garters rather than the girdle that controlled her very rounded stomach. But if it did the trick of making her look pregnant that was fine.
Joe gritted his teeth. ‘I don’t think there’s any might about it, do you?’ he growled. Bloody hell, just when he was getting his family back under one roof, she goes and ruins everything. He ran his hands through his hair as Flo called over for Ivy to come and help her. ‘Right, let me get my head together. Don’t say a word about this to anyone, especially Flo.’ He got to his feet. He’d need to go and tell his boss that he felt unwell and hopefully he’d let him leave early. He didn’t trust Ivy to keep this to herself. He had to see Dora as soon as possible and tell her before anyone else did.
Ivy stared after Joe as he slammed the canteen door shut on his way out. She let out a long breath and smiled. That was the first part of her plan over with. And when Dora found out, she would tell him where to go again. His divorce would be through in the next few weeks by Ivy’s calculations and then he’d be free to marry her, which she was certain he would do, when all the mess was sorted out.
Once he was hers, there’d be a convenient miscarriage after a few weeks. She could remember well enough how that felt, enough to act it out convincingly. It was a dramatic step to take, and Ivy felt a pang when she remembered how traumatic her miscarriage had been, but she could feel Joe slipping away from her, and she couldn’t bear the thought of him going back to Dora. The next thing to think about was to make sure Joe handed Carol over to her mother as soon as possible. She didn’t want to be lumbered with his kids. She’d play the sickly pregnant wife to the best of her abilities, incapable of doing anything for herself for a while, until she ‘lost’ the baby.
From the first day she’d set eyes on him, she’d been determined that one day he’d be hers. And they got on well enough when Dora wasn’t around. He made her laugh and feel good about herself. He was a good-looking man and she always felt proud to be seen with him. She was absolutely certain that once they were together, hopefully as husband and wife, she could make him happy.
Joe drove back to the Belle Vale estate before going to see Dora. Dolly would still be out picking up the kids from school, so he wasted a bit of time by getting changed out of his working clothes and into something smarter. He was hoping Dolly would hang onto Carol until he got back from Dora’s. He sat down on the sofa, his head in a whirl. Christ, he didn’t even know how to start telling Dora. One half of him hoped that with their new-found solidarity she might understand and would forgive him and they could help support Ivy and the baby, but the other half knew that was just a pipedream; she’d go absolutely crazy and want nothing more to do with him. He’d never felt so helpless in his life. Everything he wanted and was so close to having again was about to slip through his hands and this time he knew he would never get them back. He heard the sound of childish voices outside and then Dolly’s foghorn voice telling them not to run on the road. He looked through the window. She came to a halt when she spotted his car.
He went to the door as Dolly walked up the garden path, a puzzled expression on her face. ‘Can you hang onto Carol for me? I’ve finished a bit early and I’ve got an important errand to run.’
Dolly nodded. ‘Course I can. You okay, Joe? You look a bit peaky.’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. A bit tired from the busy weekend, you know, and then having to be up at sparrow fart this morning.’ He tried to make light of things, but he knew Dolly wasn’t easily fooled.
She looked at him through narrowed eyes. ‘Were things all right with you and Dora yesterday? I didn’t get chance to ask you this morning, but Carol said you held her mammy’s hand at the fair.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m hoping for some good news soon. Right, kids, come on. Let’s go inside and have a snack.’
‘Jam butties please,’ Carol shouted. ‘I love jam butties.’
Joe half-smiled as Dolly shepherded the kids indoors. She would be furious with him. Everything she’d warned him about Ivy was true. He couldn’t understand how he’d got her pregnant. He’d been careful; they’d used Durex and there’d been no leaks, he’d made sure of that. He walked to the car, his feet feeling like lead. He could do with a drink, but the pubs weren’t open yet and he’d got nothing in.
He drove slowly across Liverpool and down to Wright Street. It was still too early for Dora to be home from work. He could have met her at the shop, he supposed, but he couldn’t face her just yet. Parking the car outside her house, he grabbed his jacket from the passenger seat and decided to walk to the pier head to get a breath of fresh air.
Sitting down on a vacant bench, he lit a cigarette. A passenger ship was about to set sail to far-off lands and a small crowd of people were gathered on the quayside to wave off their friends and relatives. He wished he was on board, about to vanish for ever to the other side of the Atlantic. He felt like crying. Life was so bloody unfair. All he wanted was the best for his little family and he’d been working towards it for weeks now, winning Dora’s love back slowly but surely. What sort of a God would favour Ivy over Dora? Not his sort and that was for certain.
He sat for a while with a ciggie and watched the tug boats tooting and pulling the big liner out to sea, the three red funnels belching steam up to the blue sky, seagulls swooping and diving into the water as fish and titbits were churned up to the surface in the foaming water. He finished his ciggie, stubbed the end out under his heel and set off back to Dora’s house, his head down, watching where he was walking. He didn’t see Dora on the opposite side of Scotland Road until he heard his name being called.
She ran towards him, pulling Jackie along with her. ‘Hiya, Joe, I didn’t expect to see you until later in the week,’ she greeted him, with a beaming smile. ‘What a lovely surprise. Is Carol okay? Where is she?’
‘She’s fine,’ he said, swinging Jackie up into his arms. ‘She’s at Dolly’s having her tea. I got off work early. I, er, wanted to come and talk to you.’
‘Oh, okay. I was going to call you tomorrow and invite you and Carol to tea. Well, you can st
ill come anyway.’ She laughed and slipped her arm through his. ‘I’ve made a decision. Shall I tell you now?’
His heart almost stopped beating as he looked into her sparkling blue eyes. She was going to say yes. And bastard that he was, he was about to turn her world upside down, again.
21
Dora hurried back to her house. Joe had asked her to take Jackie down to Sadie’s for half an hour as they needed to be on their own. He wouldn’t elaborate further than that. She felt a bit guilty as Sadie was looking harassed, trying to see to the new baby and giving the kids their tea. She told Dora that Stan was working overtime and was being dropped off later by Frank. Sadie sat Jackie next to Belinda and dished her up a plate of blind scouse.
‘Thank you so much. I’ll be as quick as I can.’ No doubt when he dropped Stan off, Frank would pop in with a quick update on Mam, Dora thought as she dashed back inside to find Joe pacing up and down the front room carpet and puffing frantically on a cigarette. He looked a bit pale. Maybe he was feeling nervous and, like her, had been thinking things over as the day wore on. He probably didn’t want to wait until next Saturday for her answer. ‘Would you like a cuppa?’ she asked, taking off her jacket and dropping it over the arm of the sofa.
Joe shook his head. ‘Not right now, love. Sit down, and please hear me out before you say anything.’ He threw the remains of his ciggie into the fireplace and joined her on the sofa. He took her hands in his. ‘I’ve got something to tell you, and I’m afraid it’s not very nice. And at the moment I absolutely hate myself for having to do this.’
She frowned as he continued. ‘I love you and the girls more than anything; you know that, don’t you? I want nothing more than for us to be together again. But something has happened today that might change the way you feel about me and the future, for all of us.’
