“That’s probably wise,” Trove said, “I don’t think about it too much myself. Although you may want to say goodbye to Gladys.”
“Why? It’s an easy mission.”
Trove paused. “I wouldn’t treat any mission lightly. It’s a real thing. Just say goodbye.”
Trove stood up, and stretched. Meke tilted her head back. Strange that Trove would mention Gladys, as he had scared her away, intentionally or unintentionally. “Off to say your goodbyes as well?” Meke asked.
Trove smiled. “No, I’m off for the supplies.”
With that word, Trove strode off into the hallways. Meke tracked him as he wove through the underground labyrinth. Meke also left, happy to leave the overheated room. The thought of not being proud of something that you had no control over stuck to her as she walked back to her room.
◆ ◆ ◆
Meke waited until Gladys knocked to open the door. Meke had tried to persuade Gladys to stop knocking. It was an exercise in futility: Meke couldn’t hear the knock and she could see Gladys standing outside. Gladys would always agree, her eyes skeptical. Then she would forget and knock.
Clothes wadded in her hand, Meke opened the door to Gladys’ anxious face. “You’re leaving tomorrow!” Gladys sighed.
Tooth emerged from the closet’s depths to bump his head against Gladys’ shins. She bent down and stroked his fur.
Meke nodded, throat constricting, and returned to packing, fetching random articles of clothing from under her bed. Gladys stood at the bed, folding Meke’s clothes. She was much better at it than Meke. Her folds were neat and precise where Meke’s folds were crooked and sloppy. The wordless void made every motion, every breath slow and laborious. With a folded shirt crumpled in her hand, Gladys grasped Meke in a tight hug.
Meke stiffened and when she realized Gladys’ intentions, she relaxed. As she released Meke, Gladys shook her head. “I can’t understand why you fight. Why don’t you just stay here? It’s safer.”
Meke sighed and rubbed her face. “I need to do this. I need to show everyone that they’re wrong about me.”
“Wrong about you?”
“I hate how they look at me.” Meke raised her hands, her Zeroes glimmering in the light. “They look at me like I’m nothing.”
“But, why fighting?”
Meke shrugged. “I feel powerful, not helpless.”
“Who would ever think you helpless?”
Meke smiled to herself. “I wasn’t always handy with a crossbow,” Meke said.
Gladys shook her head. “Even before that, you were never helpless.”
Meke snorted. That statement didn’t even come close to the truth. She had been helpless all these years. She had been helpless when they took her away from her mother. Worse than helpless, she had gone along in ignorance.
Gladys looked down at her hands. “I don’t like it either. The way people look at me. But I can’t do anything like fight.”
“Why not?” Meke asked.
“My husband.”
This was the first time Meke had heard of this person. “You husband? I didn’t know you were married. Where is he?”
“I’m not. He’s dead.”
“I don’t understand.”
Gladys rubbed her hands, mouth tight. “If I think about fighting, I think about him. I just can’t.”
“What do you think?”
“I think about how he died. Soldiers came and did things to him, things that I think about every night…” her eyes squeezed shut.
Meke knew she should leave Gladys be, but she still didn’t understand and she needed to understand. “Why did they hurt him?”
Gladys exhaled, her whole body quivering. “I wanted a baby more than anything. They told me that I couldn’t. Bad blood.” She wiped her red nose. “Me and Nabal tried anyway. They found out. I managed to get away but not until after—” she shuddered.
“After what?”
Gladys clutched her stomach. “They did something to me so I could never have children.”
Meke closed her eyes, but she still felt Gladys wiping away her tears. With numb hands, Meke stroked Gladys’ back. Meke thought about Gladys and the children at the nursery. If anyone in this world deserved children, it was Gladys. For a flashing moment, Meke was furious.
“I thought that it was Trove who scared you away from my training sessions.”
Gladys laughed, her smile dim. “No, he never scared me. He has been nothing but decent to me.” Gladys looked at Meke with watery eyes. “Please forgive me for running away.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
“You’re still my friend, right?”
Friend. Meke thought about this word. A friend was a person who cared for you, even loved you. In some ways, a friend was even better than family—a friend gave love freely. A family also gave love, partly because of the blood ties. The realization struck Meke that she hadn’t had a friend since Amelia and Tino. Meke was friendly with a few people, but friends with none. Maybe she would’ve considered Arya a friend once, but now she wasn’t sure. This woman in front of Meke wanted to be her friend. Meke couldn’t deny her that, but she wondered if she could be a good friend, being so out of practice.
Meke smiled at Gladys. “Of course you’re my friend.”
With an angry swipe, Gladys wiped away her tears. She straightened her back. “Let’s finish your packing,” Gladys said.
With ruthless efficiency, Gladys filled Meke’s bag with neatly folded uniforms and socks. She even inspected Meke’s weapons, checking the blades, strings and bolts.
“Well, that’s it,” Gladys said, sliding the zipper up Meke’s bag.
Gladys enveloped Meke in a tight hug. Even though Gladys’ head only reached Meke’s nose, Meke felt totally enclosed in Gladys’ warmth. Meke slumped into the hug. Gladys’ chest rose and fell, lulling Meke into mindless comfort. Meke shivered when Gladys let go.
When Gladys was at the door, Meke waved. “Just so you know. These people who look at you that way are fools. You do far more than they do.”
Gladys shook her head. “No, I just raise plants and take care of children. Everyone else is so much smarter than me.”
“You create life. That’s a wonderful thing,” Meke said.
Gladys sniffed and snuck in another hug. After releasing Meke, Gladys turned and left.
After she closed the door, Meke slumped over her bag and covered her eyes. Tooth jumped onto the bed, curling up on top of the bag. Meke stroked his fur, bits of black-brown fur sticking to her hands.
Prosperon refused Gladys children. Meke could conceive of it all too well. Prosperon encouraged Fivers and Stars to have children, even offering money for third or fourth children that turned out to be Fivers or Stars. For reasons that even the top Stars couldn’t understand, the supply of Fivers and Stars was dwindling. Even when they managed to produce stellar children, many of the Fivers and Star parents screamed at or ignored their children, preferring their work or parties. Once they had produced the child, their work was complete. Now Meke grew weary at the weight of the wrongness around her, so she closed her eyes and tried not to think of Gladys never having children.
Tooth started to purr furiously. “What will I do with you?” Meke asked Tooth. His yellow eyes narrowed as he meowed. Then he nipped her fingers. “Perhaps you should come with us, but you will need to pull your weight.”
He was getting too used to the life of a pampered pet.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE SKY was black, tinged with blue, when they left the following morning. Bleary-eyed with sleep, they all rode in silence in the truck.
When Meke saw the mountains in the distance, her mouth went dry. Only a few months ago, she had left these peaks; now she returned willingly.
Daniel and John had taken pains to sit as far away as possible from her. Their eyes would flicker to her and then dart away if Meke met their gaze. They had put almost no effort into learning the rhythm of speaking to Meke as
the others had. Meke tried not to notice their stiffness whenever she glanced at them.
When they got to the base of the mountains, they disembarked and anchored packs onto their backs. The air was warm with a few frigid undercurrents.
Levin nudged her. “You came through here before, right?” His lips formed the words carefully. He had learned how to pace it just right—not too slow, not too fast. Out of necessity, Meke had relearned how to lip-read with mixed success.
She shook her head and grabbed a handheld. It felt strange, a Zero having a handheld.
No, we came out north of here, she typed.
It looked and felt different here with reddish soil, sparse trees and dry air. It felt desolate and empty, but the desolation made it beautiful. Dust rose as Meke scuffed her feet in the dirt. Meke shifted the straps of the pack, looking around. The desolation made her feel like a target.
Theria and Trang sat on the ground, sharpening their weapons, paying little attention to their surroundings. John and Daniel milled around, idly watching the horizon. Trove had told her to monitor the surroundings at all times. All she felt were rocks and the occasional bush.
Levin nudged her again. “Relax, everything will be just fine,” he mouthed. “It’s an easy mission. In and out.”
Maybe it was just a mission for Levin, but it wasn’t just a mission for her. Meke didn’t want to screw it up.
“Is the newbie nervous?” Trang addressed Levin, but Meke could see her speak.
Levin chuckled and slapped Meke on the back so hard that it stung. “Just a bag of nerves.” He grinned, his crooked teeth on full display. “I almost peed my pants on my first mission.”
Trang grimaced. Fivers typically thought Equis crude and crass. Levin didn’t do anything to dissuade that impression. Instead, he winked at Trang, who looked away. Trang bent down to pet Tooth. Tooth had become a spoiled cat under Meke’s tutelage. Meke scowled at the purring cat. Before Trang left, she gave Meke a reassuring look.
“Do you sense anything?” Trove said after he walked up to Meke. His dark eyes roamed the surroundings.
Meke shook her head. Only the wind and the other team members had moved since they had arrived. Everyone except Trove looked nonchalant and relaxed.
It occurred to Meke that this was why Trove was such a good soldier. His body hummed with readiness. His eyes never lazed or lingered. Raw strength and reflexes could only take one so far. Meke supposed that Trove’s preparedness and attentiveness made the difference between good and great.
◆ ◆ ◆
They trudged through the forest as the air grew thinner. The nights were cold, and nobody felt like talking before bedtime.
Trove and Meke sat on a ledge, a small lamp between them. Meke didn’t need the lamp, but Trove did. They always kept watch together since nobody else volunteered to be Meke’s partner. Trove leaned back, the light illuminating the bluish marks under his eyes.
“So, what do you think?” Trove asked.
Meke glanced at him. “About what?”
“The mission.”
Meke looked over the horizon. Her eyes only saw black and blacker, but she could feel the wispy evergreens tangling with the craggy boulders. “It’s a little scary,” she said.
Even though this mission was supposed to be easy, Meke couldn’t help but feel like the whole thing weighted her down. If she failed, she failed far more than just herself.
“What if I fail?” she said, keeping her eyes fixed outward.
Trove regarded her, his face still. “That’s not the right kind of thinking. If you’re thinking about failing, you’re not thinking about succeeding.”
“But I’m a Zero.” These words almost hurt her hands as she signed them. No matter how often she told herself that she was something more, that a rank didn’t mean anything, her rank reminded her of what she couldn’t do.
“That doesn’t have anything to do with anything. Everyone gets afraid of failing.”
“You aren’t.”
“Sure, I am. I just don’t show it.”
Meke wrinkled her nose. “What could you possibly have to be afraid about?”
“More than you think.” Meke waited for more. Finally, Trove sighed, sending a warm breeze by Meke’s ear. “I could let everyone down.”
“What? How would you do that?”
Trove crossed his arms but had to uncross them to respond. “Because everyone expects me to be the best, to save them.”
“Like Arya did when you saved me?” Meke said, remembering Arya’s face when Trove had told her that he couldn’t carry her any further.
“Yes. Like that.”
To her surprise, Meke understood Trove all too well. Maybe the pressures came from different directions, but both of them felt the push all the same. Sterling and Arya wanted Meke to be an experiment all over again. Others wanted Trove to save them all.
“Why don’t you just stop?”
“Stop what?”
“Stop being a soldier.”
“I can’t. It’s the test.”
“The test?” Now Meke remembered the insubordination test. “What does the test have to do with anything?”
Trove chuckled. “Everything. I can’t stop being a soldier, or I’d disobey Sterling and prove the test true. This country,” he gestured toward the horizon, “has told me what to do my entire life. I don’t want it to tell me who I am. I won’t be disloyal. I’ll wait until this whole mess is over and walk away.”
The blue-white light deepened the shadows in Trove’s face. He looked not just exhausted, but wrung out. “I suppose I can understand that a little,” she said.
Trove grimaced. “Yes, I suppose you would.”
They sat there, motionless, watching the first rays creep past the horizon. “Thank you, I feel better,” Meke said.
Trove smiled and reached out and tucked a strand of flyaway hair behind Meke’s ear. Meke stiffened at this intimate touch. Hastily, Trove pulled away and turned his eyes back to the forest. Meke fought the urge to press her hand to her ear, which still tingled from his touch.
Her eyes returned to the horizon and she forced her mind away from the man next to her. Tomorrow’s events hovered in Meke’s mind. Tomorrow, they would arrive within a kilometer of the institution. The thought of seeing the other patients safe made her wish that she had been able to do that for Amelia and Tino. She just wished that she had known how to use a crossbow back then. Maybe that would have changed things.
A cold breeze swept across her face, cooling her flushed cheeks. Meke’s pleasure with the fresh breeze was cut short when an acrid smell reached her nostrils.
Smoke. Burning.
She gasped. The scent of burning chemicals was faint. But the smell still stung her nose. No natural fire produced this smell. If she could smell it, then she could see it. She strained her sense, searching for the source. She found it at the very edge of her sense. She thought she could feel a wreckage, but she couldn’t be sure since it was so far away. It—whatever it was—lay in the direction of the institution.
She grasped Trove’s arm so tightly that her fingernails dug into his jacket. “There’s something burning near the institution. Something must have happened.” Meke said, trying not to allow panic overtake her.
Trove needed no more explanation. He leapt to his feet and sprinted to the other soldiers. He roused Theria and Levin and went to gather their things. Theria and Levin pulled Daniel and John out of their slumber and gathered their things. Meke gathered all of their things. Luckily for her, she had packed her gear last night, so all she had to do was zip up her jacket and pull on her pack.
Trove waved her over. “Can you see anyone near the rubble? I can smell something burning now.”
“Not near us, but I can’t see the rubble well. It’s too far away.”
Trove cursed. He waved the other soldiers over and explained the situation to them. Everyone’s eyes widened as Trove explained what Meke had told him. Daniel shifted his feet, shaking
his head. With a brief glance at Meke, he approached Trove. After a few murmured words that ended with Daniel sending her a sharp look, Meke sighed. Daniel probably didn’t believe that she could see the rubble.
Without another word, they started to trot.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THE STRAIN of keeping her vision clear and open while they trekked through the thick forest made her head ache. As they got closer to the institution, the piles of smoking, reeking rubble became clearer and denser in her mind. The bare outline of a building’s foundation emerged, surrounded by shattered walls and glass.
Theria almost collided with Meke when Meke stopped.
“Is someone coming?” Trove asked, his hand on his sword. Everyone scanned the thick forest, their hands on their weapons.
Meke shook her head. “The rubble. I think…” Meke swallowed. “I think it’s the institution. It’s gone.”
Trove blinked, his face devoid of any emotion. “Are you sure?” he asked.
Meke nodded. His mouth repeated what Meke had told him. Meke felt everyone shift uneasily on their feet. Their mission had ended before it had started. Daniel and John fidgeted, glancing at Meke with a mix of disbelief and fear. Meke rubbed her forehead. Her mind ached too much for self-consciousness.
Trove rubbed his eyes and then stared in the institution’s direction. “Is there anyone there?”
Meke closed her eyes and strained to stretch her mind to the edge of its ability. All she could feel were lumps of smoldering metal, rock and concrete. The sheer size and breadth of the rubble made it impossible for her to make out any bodies, if there were any. Meke shook her head slowly. “I can’t be sure. There’s too many things. I don’t think there’s anyone there. I don’t feel anything moving.”
John, with a sliding glance at Meke, whispered something into Trove’s ears. Trove nodded, but held up his hand. Meke could see what he said as clearly as if she could hear. “I believe her. We’re going not to check on her, but to see what happened.”
Secret Value of Zero, The Page 12
