Sterling narrowed his eyes. “This isn’t about me. It’s about the revolution. Like it or not, leaders need to look powerful and organized. The reality is that we don’t have that much control over anything.”
“I did what I did for good reason. I wanted to start us off on the right foot. Perhaps that was foolish, but you proved that.”
Meke shook her head, wishing that she could say something, anything. It just seemed wrong that Sterling said she was both right and wrong to do what she did. Meke’s back stiffened. It didn’t matter. She had done what others couldn’t have done. She filled that circle.
Sterling’s face fell back into weariness. “You have to believe that I’m doing the right thing here. Once I understood how wrong Prosperon is, I’ve just wanted to make this place a better place to live in.”
Suddenly, she thought that perhaps she was seeing the true Sterling—old and weary—instead of the one that everyone else saw. Even Stars got tired sometimes.
Sterling waved his hand. “You can go now. Just be careful.” Meke had the feeling that the last word wasn’t an affectionate benediction, but a warning.
Meke didn’t need another bid goodbye.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
MEKE GLANCED about, everyone hunched over their handhelds, absorbed by the moving images. Only a few of them noticed her walking by. A small Fiver woman smiled and waved at her. Meke smiled back more out of surprise than out of genuineness. The woman was one of the ones who sat and looked upon her with disapproval when she had returned from the mission.
Why did she smile at her now? The sudden kindness made Meke want to retreat. Instead of backing away, Meke walked on, focusing on her destination: her room.
Smiles, even back pats greeted her at every turn. The idling crowd of Squares, Fivers and even a few Equis looked upon her with wide-eyed surprise that bordered on awe. Most people didn’t touch her, content to congratulate her from afar. The few bold ones who touched her flinched almost imperceptibly before contact. Meke felt it rather than saw it. She saw a few lips forming the words, good job.
As she turned the corner into her hallway, she gulped the air. It felt fresher and cleaner, even though she knew it was the same air that she breathed a moment ago. As she left the crowds behind, she noticed a figure leaning against her door. Before Meke could think, she smiled.
Trove glanced up and scanned the air behind her. After studying her for a moment, he straightened. “Are you all right?”
Meke cocked her head. “Of course I am.”
Momentary confusion flooded Meke. Why wouldn’t she be all right? Then she recalled the scene earlier. Even Arya had seemed worried, leaving her alone with Sterling.
Thoughts of fear and Sterling dropped away as soon as Trove gathered her in his arms in a tight hug. His arms pressed against her ribs, hampering her breathing. Meke didn’t care; she nestled herself deeper inside of the hug. Thoughts of the world just a few steps away fell away. For now, Meke focused on the easy rise and fall of Trove’s chest.
His arms released her all too quickly. Meke stood, dazed, for a moment. Goosebumps rose on her arms as she felt cold now. “I’m sorry. I was just relieved—” Trove looked away, shaking his head. “Anyway, what happened in there?”
Meke sighed, rubbing her arms to get some warmth back into her body. “C’mon, let’s talk in my room.”
As she reached for the knob, Trove’s hand stopped her. His hand seemed so large on hers. The hand disappeared as fast as it had appeared. “Better not.” Trove shuffled his feet, suddenly seeming unsure of himself. Now Trove had his arms crossed and looked everywhere except at her eyes.
Realization swept over Meke. She remembered her old words all too clearly: I refuse to ruin my reputation for you. The words’ harshness made her wince. She almost reached out to him and said, “Don’t worry, I don’t care.”
But that would do a lot more than inviting him into her room. She had to think about this first. Still, they needed privacy for this conversation. “Come in. I’ll leave the door open.”
Trove glanced around before he nodded. Meke took care to leave the door ajar. She tried not to remember the last time that they had been in this room. That hadn’t ended well. This time would be different. Trove had done her a big favor today. She wasn’t going to ruin this.
Trove tried to cross his arms, but thought better of it. His arms hovered away from his sides, as if he would grab something at any moment. Tooth leapt off the bed, roused from his afternoon nap, and rubbed himself on Trove’s shins. Trove looked down but remained motionless.
“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” Meke blurted out. “Sterling just scolded me for embarrassing him in public.”
Trove abandoned his stiff pose and started to pace the room. Tooth followed, tail swaying like a flag in low wind. “Embarrassing him? Did he say anything about trust?”
Meke reviewed her hazy memories and shook her head. “Well, maybe embarrassing isn’t the right word. Disobeying him in public. That’s what he said. He wasn’t happy about it.”
Trove chuckled as he walked. “I’d say not. It’s strange though.”
“What’s strange?”
Trove’s head jerked up. “Ah, well. Sterling’s a bit touchy about trust. He was betrayed when he ran away from the Ministry. He considers trust the most important currency that anyone can have. And he just let you go.”
“I don’t think he trusted me in the first place.”
“Sure he did. He sent you out, didn’t he?”
“Barely.”
“But he still did.”
Meke glowered at the floor. As for the question of why Sterling hadn’t punished her. The answer had become clear on her way here. “Oh, I know why Sterling didn’t do anything worse to me.” Trove raised his eyebrows. “It’d look bad.”
“Why would it look bad?”
Meke sighed, wishing that she didn’t have to put the words out there. It felt humiliating—talking about how valuable she was. “I’m too important. I’m the face Prosperon knows. I’m the one who started this.”
Trove halted mid-stride and nodded. “That’s true.” His pose relaxed a bit as he leaned against the wall. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. Perhaps that’ll make up for what I did.”
“You didn’t do anything. I did.”
Trove bowed his head. “No, I did betray him a little. Not fully, but I’ll have to make it up to him.”
“The test.” Meke remembered the test that had sent him fleeing into The States. The test that had turned him mercenary. The test that bound him to a fate he didn’t want.
Trove leaned his head on the wall. “Yes. I won’t let it come true.” Trove pushed himself off the wall. “Well, since that’s settled, I should get going.”
“Where are you going?” Meke hated herself for these words. Trove crouched and rubbed Tooth’s head. Tooth pushed himself against Trove’s large hand. “Meke, I didn’t—” He stood up. He was close enough that Meke had to tilt back her head to look at his face. “I didn’t come here to force my affections upon you. I just wanted to see if you were all right. I hope that you’re happy now that you’re important.”
Meke flinched, but before she could protest, he had left. She stared at the spot that he had been just a moment ago. He really thought that of her. He thought that all she wanted was to feel important. To overcome her Zeroness. To feel big. Still, he had used the word affection. He may still like her a little, despite everything. Meke clutched her hand at her mouth, suddenly having to focus on her breathing. Had her mind changed in the last week?
Meke stared at Tooth’s sleeping form. Tooth had leapt onto the bed as soon as Trove left and returned to his feline slumber. Only now did she truly entertain the idea of being with Trove, whatever that meant. A Zero with a Fiver. People would look askance at them. Whispers and rumors would swirl around them. Not all of them flattering, either. Meke squeezed her fist, making it ache. Loosening her grip, Meke smiled.
There was no escaping talk, but there was escape to her unhappiness.
Meke imagined her life without Trove in it, but full of smiling faces and back-pats. The memories of her walk back pushed against her conscience. She hadn’t been happy with the men and women’s accolades. She had still felt the same. Just Meke the Zero. But not with Trove. She never felt like a Zero with him.
Meke blinked at this simple realization. It was so pure, so simple that she couldn’t believe that she had overlooked it all this time. She could only hope that she could repair the damage she had inflicted.
The uncertainty stretched the few dozen meters between their rooms into kilometers. She braced herself for the worst, but couldn’t help but to hope.
As she faced the door, she could feel Trove inside, hunched over his desk. Meke raised her hand, held her breath and knocked.
Trove’s head lifted and he opened the door. His forehead wrinkled as he saw her. “Meke, what are you doing here? Is everything all rig—” his words fell away as Meke pushed past him. He gave away too easily.
“What are you doing?” Trove managed to get out before Meke closed his door behind her. His jaw snapped shut as the door closed. “Whatever you think you’re doing, don’t. You don’t owe me anything. I did what I did today because it was the right thing to do. That’s all.”
Meke met his eyes and squared her shoulders. Before she could think about it too deeply, she started talking. “This has nothing to do with today. I just—” Meke ignored her stomach’s nasty churn, “—I just wanted to see if…we were still possible.”
“You’ve always been direct. This isn’t a good time to change,” he said, crossing his arms as punctuation.
Meke exhaled shortly. She had hoped he wouldn’t make her say it, but she would. Meke squeezed her eyes shut as she said it. “I like you, a lot. You’re the only one who makes me happy. I want to be with you.”
Even though Meke could still feel with her eyes shut, Troves’ features remained indecipherable shapes. His jaw and shoulders didn’t budge from their hardness. Meke’s heart sank. She had been too late.
“What about all of your talk of respect and importance? I’m still a Fiver and you’re still a Zero,” he said, his expression unchanged.
“That doesn’t matter anymore!”
Trove crossed his arms, but he had to uncross them to answer. “Really?” He shook his head. “I’m happy that you got what you wanted, but that doesn’t change anything.”
Meke felt panic brewing in her chest. This sudden onslaught of bitterness was a stark contrast to Trove’s kindness just moments before. Hurt seeped deep into her bones. He was rejecting her. Before her pain overtook her, a dim realization pushed the pain to a manageable distance. Rejection hurt. Maybe, just maybe he felt as hurt as she did.
“Are you saying these things because you don’t like me anymore? Or do you just want to hurt me?” Meke’s hands shook as she signed, but there was no helping that.
Trove sat back into his chair so hard that Meke felt the thump through the concrete floor. It was strange, seeing Trove, slumped down, his elbows on his knees. Trove remained in that position for so long, Meke started toward him, hoping to get a response. He looked up as she moved.
“Maybe.”
“What?”
“Maybe I just wanted to hurt you.“ He shook his head. Meke held her breath so long that she got dizzy before Trove spoke again.
“I don’t know. I’m still mad, but—”
Meke inhaled. “Did I ruin everything?”
Rubbing his forehead, Trove started chuckling, his shoulders easing back. He leaned back. “No, you haven’t. Maybe I would’ve.” Meke, too relieved for words, clasped her hands together. “Great, we’re both idiots. Perfect.” Trove’s smile settled into flatness. “Are you sure?” He shook his head. “You were right about one thing—just one—people will talk.”
Meke stumbled into a nearby chair. “I am.”
“Good. I hated having you so far away.” Trove stood up and hauled Meke into his arms. His hug, fiercer and longer this time, took Meke’s breath away. In turn, Meke held him as tight as she could, her fingers digging into the rough black fabric. They stayed like that as if time didn’t matter. He disentangled himself and smiled down at her.
“I’m glad we’re friends again,” he said.
Meke started to smile, but couldn’t finish as Trove was kissing her. Her reply long forgotten, Meke abandoned herself to the newfound happiness.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
THE RAISED edges of the twisted scar on Trove’s chest felt tangled and strange under Meke’s fingers. The skin puckered in a whitish mass of hardness.
“You get hurt pretty often for the best soldier around,” Meke said.
Without the long sleeves and the high neck of the uniform, Meke could see all of the ugly twisted scar tissue crisscrossing Trove’s arms, chest and even legs.
Trove rolled over on his back. “One of the hazards of not having the Elite Forces’ carbonized uniforms. My skin was as smooth as a baby’s when I was with them. Even I can’t fend off a few scratches.”
Meke laid her hand over a freshly applied bandage on Trove’s arm and sighed. “These are hardly scratches.”
The last two months had been a mixture of great happiness and gut-wrenching worry, a mixture that didn’t sit well with her. The march on the Ministry of Science and Technology had only been the beginning. Sterling planted dozens, if not more, spies and instigators within each city, calling for revolution. Many people of all ranks answered the call. Some didn’t. Prosperon splintered into two factions—the Equalists and the Rankers—both sides hacking at each other to win Prosperon.
The only relief Meke felt was that the revolution neared its end. The Equalists, with Sterling at the helm, had taken control of most of Prosperon, except for the Ministry of Science and Technology. A few pockets of Ranker resistance remained scattered throughout the nation.
“I just don’t see why they won’t let me go with you,” Meke said. “I could help.”
Trove propped himself up on his elbow, frowning at her. “You know it’s not safe out there. The Rankers would love to capture you for their own means.” He reached out and ran his thumb down her jaw. “You’re too important, after all.”
Even as she pushed his hand away, Meke couldn’t escape her smile. “It’s not my safety Sterling’s worried about, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“He’s sending you out there too often. I’d tell you when an ambush is nearby.”
There had already been too many ambushes. Too many lives lost to surprises.
“You know that I need to do this. It’s orders,” Trove said.
Meke blew her hair off her face. “I know, I know. Orders from the man himself.”
“Don’t say that. He’s a good man. You just pushed his sore spots.”
Meke glanced at the fresh bandage—stark white against Trove’s dark olive skin. “Why don’t you ask for a break? You’ve done your job.”
“You know why. I need to make up for what I did.”
Meke ran her tongue over her teeth, feeling their crookedness. Her idleness in the last few months had led to her thinking. A dangerous thing, her thinking.
“You know, I’m beginning to think that these tests are a bluff. They’re not real.”
“Meke. Not this again.”
The sight of Trove closing his eyes and the deep bluish-black rings under his eyes plucked something in Meke.
“Okay. Okay. No more.” Meke put her hand flat on his chest. Trove opened an eye. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards.
“You look like a different person when you smile,” Trove said.
“So do you,” Meke said, letting the twitch grow into a smile.
Despite her brave words a few months ago, Meke hadn’t wanted to let everyone know about her and Trove. They had limited themselves to surreptitious touches and brushes in the dining room and the hallways.
&nb
sp; Kisses had slowly developed into something more. Even though they had talked about it before they pushed things further, things felt too heavy and heady all at once. She never expected it to feel like this.
“Do I?” Trove grinned, showing the row of perfect white teeth. Trove pulled her onto him and held her face. “Well, I can think of a few ways to make sure that both of us are smiling.”
Meke chuckled as she bent her head down. The world outside the door faded away as they fell into each other.
◆ ◆ ◆
Trove stretched his uninjured arm as he looked over at Meke. “You know, you needn’t worry about my missions. This thing is nearly over.”
Still warm from making Trove smile, Meke smiled dreamily. “What?”
Trove sat up in the bed, taking care not to jostle his injured arm. “Lucio Donner is the last real holdout from the government, now. He, along with a contingent of Elite Forces, is holed up in the Ministry of Science and Technology. It’s just a matter of time before we get in.”
Meke swiped away stray blond strands from her face. The idea of this bloody affair ending soon made her relax. She only wished that she could be there to see it. The mysterious Lucio Donner’s face floated into her mind. This man had dictated much of her life, yet she had only seen him in the docs. It was always the same picture: a young, thin, pale man who barely filled his shirt. He looked harmless, like someone’s little brother.
“They’re making some demands,” Trove continued.
“Oh? What kind of demands?”
Trove shifted, making Meke sit up. “They’re asking for you.”
“What?”
“They refuse to surrender before you come and meet them.”
Meke sat straight up now, her hair tangled and dangling in her eyes. “Why would they do that?”
“I don’t know.”
Meke frowned. This made no sense. Why would they demand her presence? Not just her presence, but she had to meet them. Another, more unsettling, thought emerged. “When did they make this demand?”
Secret Value of Zero, The Page 19
