by Dena Christy
“Nick? Why won’t you look at me?” she whispered as she again reached for his hand.
“Why would you want to go back to Valhalla?” he rasped out as he looked back over at her. “Why can’t you believe that I would never hurt you? After everything you still want to leave.”
Hadria swallowed hard, trying to keep the lump from forming in her throat. It didn’t work, and her eyes burned as a lone tear trickled down her cheek.
“I’m so sorry, Nick. Sorry for everything,” she said quietly. She opened her mouth to tell him that nothing was definite, that she would stay if that’s what he wanted. Before she could say a word he turned his face away.
“Just go,” he gritted out. “I’m tired of doing this.”
“Nick,” Hadria said urgently, but he refused to look at her. She swallowed past the lump growing in her throat as she stood. She could understand why he would finally lose patience with her. As she walked out the door she tried to hold herself together. She would have laughed if she didn’t hurt so much. She’d finally realized how much she loved and trusted Nick at the exact moment he’d given up on her.
***
Hadria walked into her apartment, dropped her purse on the floor beside the door and looked around. It seemed so long since she’d been here, and for the first time in a long time she took a really good look. For someone who’d lived on earth for centuries she hadn’t managed to accumulate very much stuff. It was almost like she’d never intend to stay here for the long haul.
She walked down the hall to her bedroom. Again the same thing, very few photographs, very few mementos, her bedroom was about as personal as that of one featured on the glossy cover of a high end decorating magazine. She walked to the dresser, and extracted the amulet Odin had given her when she left Valhalla so long ago. It had always felt warm to her, the jewel in the centre of a simple silver circle burning with magic. It now seemed cold, the jewel dull and the silver tarnished.
“Valhalla has never seemed so far away from you, has it?”
Hadria jumped at the deep rumbling voice coming from beside her. She looked over and saw Odin standing beside her. He always seemed to loom wherever he went, with electric fire burning in his single blue eye, but she wondered why he seemed diminished, his intensity muted.
“Odin, I’m lost. My powers are fading and I don’t know what to do.” She looked down at her hands as the bed gave a little beside her as Odin sat down.
“Everything is fading. The powers of the gods, and the power of Asgard. It would seem that humans don’t believe in us like they used to. Eventually it will all be gone, but then that’s how life works, nothing stays the same.”
“So there is no point in going back to Valhalla,” Hadria said as her shoulders slumped. Odin reached out and squeezed her hand.
“You can always come home child. But you should remember that Valhalla is a place you go when you die, not when you live. And you have a life here, people who love you.”
“What should I do, Odin? I need guidance.”
“I can’t tell you, child. Only your heart can tell you what to do.” And with that he was gone. Odin had always been a man of few words, and what words he did dole out were cryptic at best.
He was right about one thing. Valhalla was a place where the dead went to rest, and was not the place for someone who wanted to live. That’s why she was so restless when Christianity came. Her life had lacked purpose, until the Order had given it back to her.
She stood and dropped her amulet back in it’s box. Valhalla was her past and she needed to embrace her future. The Order was part of it. She wanted Nick to be a part of it too. She loved him, and even if he didn’t want her in return after all that had happened, she would tell him anyway. Show him that she trusted him completely.
She didn’t know how long she sat at the edge of the bed, just staring into space, thinking of how she was going to tell Nick her feelings. She came to awareness sharply when she heard a pounding on her front door.
She left her room and went to answer the door, surprised when she opened the door and saw Samara and Eric on the other side.
“I tried to get her to stay home, but you know that there isn’t anything I can do to dissuade her when she has a bug up her ass,” Eric muttered apologetically as he and Samara walked into her living room.
“What’s going on? Is everything alright with the babies?” Hadria asked, concern edging her voice when she looked at an obviously agitated Samara.
“The babies are fine. I just had an enlightening conversation with Cadric. So you are going to Valhalla. Abandoning me and your grandchildren? Don’t you think it’s time you stopped running. So what if you are under a curse. If you didn’t feed into it so much, maybe you’d see what is right in front of your face.” Samara turned to face her, and Hadria could see the pain and fear in her adopted daughter’s eyes. She had come along way since she’d met Eric, but Samara still had a lingering fear of abandonment.
“Sit down and we’ll talk about this,” Hadria said as she indicated the couch. Samara stared at her defiantly, and Hadria looked at Eric for assistance. He gently took his woman by the arm and led her over to the couch, sitting beside her while cradling her hand in his.
“Now before you go off on another tangent, I think I should explain why I thought about going back to Valhalla. It had nothing to do with leaving you. It’s about my weakening powers. I’ll be a less effective agent with the Order, and I didn’t know if I wanted to end my career at anything less than the top of my game.”
“Is there any way it can be reversed?” Eric said as he squeezed Samara’s hand. It warmed Hadria’s heart to see the love between those two, but it made her envious as well. She wanted with Nick what those two obviously shared.
“No, unfortunately. I’ve learned that there is more to it than my not being in Valhalla for years. I can go back, but it won’t help me get my powers back. Valhalla is where you go to die.”
“Don’t ever say you want to die. I know you went through a lot of shit with Alex and all the betrayals you’ve suffered over the years, but that’s no reason to curl up and die.” Samara jumped up from the couch and threw her arms around her, squeezing tight. “Can’t you see I still need you?”
“I know, and if you’d been listening, you’d notice that I spoke of Valhalla in the past tense. I’m staying here. I would still like to work for the Order, but my duties will have to change. No more dangerous missions for me, I’m afraid.”
Samara pulled back, a huge smile on her face. “And what about Nick? Are you finally going to tell him your feelings.”
Eric stood and put his arm around her daughter’s waist. “Why don’t we let Nick and Hadria sort things out for themselves. I’m sure they will muddle through without interference from us. And I think we’ve taken up enough of your mother’s time, don’t you? Our babies need rest, and in order for them to get it, their mama needs rest too.”
Eric turned Samara toward the door, ushering her to the exit. He turned to look back at Hadria and she mouthed “thank you” and he nodded and winked at her.
She closed and locked the door behind them, feeling for the first time in a long time a little spark of hope inside her. Her decision not to go back to Valhalla was the right one. Odin was right, the halls of Asgard was where warriors went when they died and she had a lot more living to do. She wanted to do that living with Nick, if he’d have her.
***
Nick opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling as he blew out a frustrated breath. He’d been in this damn hospital bed for four days and just wanted to go home. He had to wait for Lee to give him the all clear and then he was out of here. He hadn't seen Hadria since he woke up, and he needed to assure himself that she was all right. He had some vague recollection of her talking with Cadric and saying something about Valhalla, but he couldn't be sure. She had not come to see him, and his brother and Samara were tightlipped about her, only going so far as to say she was fine and that he would see
her soon. No mention had been made of her going to Valhalla, and hopefully she would not have done so until he had the chance to explain himself. He wanted to assure her that he had not betrayed the Order. And that he had not betrayed her.
Someone cleared their throat from the doorway, and Nick walked over to see Lee standing there. Nick lifted his hand to motion the other man inside the room.
“Please tell me that I can get the hell out of here,” Nick said as he sat up in bed. "I've had just about enough laying around as I can take. It would be a lot better for me if I was home than here."
"I'm sure you realize how close you came to dying, and I'm sure I don't need to tell you to take it easy. You’re free to go as soon as someone can come and pick you up. Eric brought over some clean clothes for you, as I'm sure you don't want to wear the bloody ones you were brought in with. They're in the cupboard over there," Lee said as he swept his arm out to indicate the credenza on the other side of the room. "You're going to have to come in later on but I'm sure you know that too. It's good to have you back in the land of the living, and I'll be glad once you're cleared to come back to work. Things have been pretty rough here since they brought all the wolves infected with the Dark Wolf formula."
Mention of the wolves got Nick thinking about Patrick, and he wondered if he's managed to survive the rescue. The last he’d seen of him was when he had his jaws around Rachel's throat, and he did not know how the agents with the Order would react to seeing a wolf trying to kill one of their members. Hopefully the agents sent to the warehouse were aware that Rachel had betrayed them, and that they had spared the life of the wolf who tried to kill her.
“There was a wolf there, his name was Patrick. He was in pretty rough shape when I saw him, and he looked like he didn't have too much longer to hold onto his sanity. How is he doing? Is he still alive?"
“They did bring in a wolf named Patrick, and in all honesty it's going to take a long time for him to recover from this, if he ever does. Cadric has ordered that all the wolves get the help they need so they can reintegrate back into their normal lives. I think it's going to take some time, since that formula really did a number on most of them. Even after they recover from their physical degeneration, their emotional needs will have to be addressed. I'm sure most of them will be carrying a lot of guilt over what they did while under the influence, and unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a quick fix to help them with that."
Nick nodded, and Lee turned and left the room. He got up and walked over to the credenza, opening the wooden door and pulling out the duffel bag inside. He threw the bag on the bed, his movements stiff, and he realized it would be a few more days yet before he felt back to normal. At least his physical injuries would heal with time, but he wondered if there would be any healing between him and Hadria. Only time would tell, and that was if she spoke with him again. Based on the fact that he hadn't seen her since that night in the warehouse, he had to wonder if perhaps she was done with him.
He quickly pulled on his clothes, and shoved the soiled hospital gown into the laundry hamper standing in the corner of room. He hoped whoever was going to take him home would get there soon, because he was dying to get out of this room. As if his thoughts had become deeds, he heard a sound from the doorway, only to see Hadria standing there.
"I asked Eric if he would mind if I took you home. There are some things we have to talk about, and I think it would be best if we did it now," she said with her face in tense lines. Nick tried to discern his chances for forgiveness, but her expression gave nothing away.
"Baby…" he started when she held her hand out.
"I don't want to do this here, so can we please just go." She turned on her heel left the room and Nick followed behind worry gnawing in his gut. This was it, she wasn't going to forgive him.
Dammit, he wasn't ready to let her go. He would do whatever it took to convince her that she could trust him, and that he loved her. There was nothing that would come between them now that he'd done whatCadric wanted, and if she didn't believe him then he would drag Cadric to her and get him to explain.
The ride home passed in tense, thick silence. Several times Nick wanted to break the silence, to talk to her, but he did know where to start. Besides, it would be better if he could talk to her face to face, so she could see his eyes and know that he was telling the truth.
She pulled the car up in front of Nick's house, and as he stared at it he felt like it had been forever since he’d last been there with her. They'd grown closer than he ever thought possible, and then he had to go and screw it all up. If only he’d gone against Cadric’s orders and told her the truth. He glanced over at her as she turned off the ignition, but her gaze remained firmly ahead. She got out of the car and walked up the front steps of his house. Nick followed behind her, his mind frantically searching for something to say that would help make it right. What could he possibly say to her that would make up for the hurt he inflicted upon her, however much he hadn’t intended to.
He walked into his kitchen and turned her to face him. He opened his mouth to speak but she put her finger to his lips to stop him.
“Please let me say what I need to say, before I lose my nerve,” she said with a shaky smile. “I’m sorry I didn't trust you. You were right when we had that fight, when you said that I was looking for an excuse to push you away. It's true. For a thousand years I've been terrified of being hurt, and after all that time I still hadn't learned that it's not something I could control. I have finally learned that in order to truly love someone, you have to trust them. If you don't open yourself up to the possibilities of being hurt, you can't leave yourself open to being loved. And I do love you Nick, more than I've ever loved anyone before."
Hadria took a step closer to Nick as he lifted his hands and cradled her face. He leaned forward and brought his lips to hers for a brief moment. He pulled back, and looked deeply into her eyes.
“I don’t know if I can ever describe how truly happy you’ve made me. I love you with everything I have inside me, and to know you love me back, it’s what I’ve hoped for from the moment I first met you. And I promise you that you will be first with me. And I won’t hold anything back. I will never make you regret giving your love and trust to me.”
Hadria smiled up at him, and cupped the side of his face. “I know you won’t. Now why don’t you shut up and kiss me.”
“Gladly,” Nick said as he pulled her to him and did just that.
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Coming Next in the Dark Wolf Series
Dark Wolf, Book 3 of the Dark Wolf Series
Read on for a sneak peek
“Do you know why I’m here?” she asked, her voice soft with confusion as she continued to stare at him.
“I do. Please come in the house and I’ll explain everything.” He reached out his hand, and she took hold of it, and the feeling of being called from a afar left her. She stepped inside the house.
He led her to the kitchen and she sat down at the small table on one side of the room.
“Are you hungry or thirsty? Can I get you something before we get started?” He stood beside her, with his hands in his pockets and looked as nervous as she felt. For some reason that helped her relax.
“Could I get a glass of water?” She was starving too, since she hadn’t eaten anything but the chips since she’d woken up in the room. She didn’t want to impose on his hospitality, but her stomach chose that moment to let out a loud rumble. He quirked an eyebrow, and the side of his mouth kicked up.
“I think I can do better than just a glass of water.” He turned away and went to the fridge and pulled out a few things. Silence reigned in the kitchen, but it seemed appropriate.
Kate had a feeling that whatever they had to talk about was too serious to discuss while he made her a sandwich.
He put her food in front of her, and it didn’t take her long to eat it all. Once she finished she looked at him expectantly.
“I’m not sure where I should start with all this. Most of it is going to be unbelievable.”
“Considering some of the shit I’ve seen in the past twenty-four hours, most of which I thought meant I was going crazy. Considering I followed a signal in my head that led me here, and you knew I was coming I’d say pretty much anything is going to seem believable to me.”
Kate looked over at the man sitting across from her, and could read the indecision on his face. She decided to help him along, since he seemed to be stuck.
“Let’s start with something easy. I’m Kate, and you are?” she asked as she held out her hand to him. He grasped it with a rueful smile on his face.
“I’m Rowan, and I’m very pleased to meet you, although I wonder if you will be as pleased to meet me once you hear what I have to say. I may as well drop the big bomb right now. I’m a werewolf and so are you.”
Kate sat there blinking for a moment, disbelief running through her. If he’d told this to her the day before yesterday, she probably would have maced him and gotten the hell out of here. If she had any pepper spray, she might have been tempted to do it even now. Then she remembered what she’d seen the parking lot last night, what she’d chalked up to a combination of stress, fear and her fevered imagination. She decided to quiz him, to see if what he was saying was true or if it was a hallucinogenic duet on their part.
“When you turn into a werewolf, do you look like the wolf man, like in the movies?” She looked him straight in the eyes, and although he didn’t appeared like a lunatic, she didn’t look like one either and she thought she should be labeled crazy with a capital c.
“No, when I change I turn into a wolf. I look like any other wolf, just bigger.”
