“God, I’m so sorry, Cheyenne.”
“It’s okay. Sorry, I wasn’t telling you that to pull a pity card or whatever. You shared something about yourself, so I felt like I should share something about me.” I smile, trying really hard to forge some good friendships here. I feel like my friendships with Roxy and Ashley are solid, but I need to put some work in with some of the other ladies.
“Thanks. But don’t ever worry about me thinking you’re fishing for sympathy. I’ve known a lot of women like that and you’re certainly not one of them. I’d be able to tell, they smell like . . .”
“They have a smell?” I cackle, trying not to double over.
Alexa playfully shoves me, “No, but I was trying so damn hard to make a good joke. I was doing well until I paused, wasn’t I?”
I laugh again, “Yeah, you weren’t doing too bad.”
“Goodness, I know we’ve only been out for a bit, but I’m so glad we took time to come here today. It’s really shown me you’re a sweetheart, and you’ve got a great sense of humor.”
“Same here. But, I’ll have you know, I’m nowhere close to being finished. I plan to leave this store with at least five new sets, and no one can stop me.”
“Well, damn, girl. Get to shopping then, Miss High Maintenance and everything. Go get your sexy shit, and I’ll find some for me too. I’m sure Bull’s credit card won’t mind one bit.”
“Nope, not when he sees you in them.”
Chapter Seven
Family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often, it's the place where we find the deepest heartache.
~ Iyanla Vanzant
Frost
“How are things going in Montana?” Reed asks, pulling a cigarette out from his back pocket.
“Elena said you quit,” I quip, knowing what he’s probably done.
“Yeah, and I did. What Elena doesn’t know won’t hurt her. I need somethin’, Kristie. Doin’ this shit ain’t easy and you sure as fuck know it.”
I’m no judge, jury, or executioner, so I’ll keep his secret. Shit, let’s be honest. Smoking is much better than using pills or drinking excessively. Reed’s vice could be much worse. I get back to the question Reed asked.
“Things are good. There’s lots of change going on but it’s expansion, so that can’t be a bad thing. Means the club is growing, and quite honestly, I think it’s keeping Zane busy.” Zane is a damn good Prez, but word on the street is when his dad died, he was a lost man. I wasn’t around back then, but if you ask me, people need to grieve in whatever way is best for them. It’s not our job to criticize how they cope with anything.
“Yeah? Zane doing okay?” He takes a drag of his cigarette, looking out onto the parking lot.
“He is. As good as he’s been in a long time.” I admit, speaking the truth.
A smirk pulls at Reed’s lips, “Bet that has something to do with Neo’s birth.”
Neo, Zane’s son.
I nod, “Yeah, he loves that boy so much. Anyone can see it.”
“Kids give us a different sort of purpose in life. I don’t know how to explain it, but they kind of give us the strength to keep going on, even when we realize life is a fucking joke sometimes. Shit, if it weren’t for the kids I don’t know if I’d still be here.”
“Life is hard, but we all need to push through it. We’ve all got someone who depends on us. You know?” I ask, looking to him.
He nods in agreement. “That’s for sure. Hell, it’s what I’m trying to get in all these kids heads. Torment and Ryder, especially. They’re the most stubborn, bullheaded boys I’ve ever had to deal with. I’m thinkin’ about takin’ them downstairs to teach them a lesson.”
Downstairs.
The dungeon.
The place where Reed keeps the man who hurt the Skulls Renegade in ways that could only be mustered up in the darkest of nightmares. Max, the man who was a member of the Skulls. But in all reality, he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. If I were Reed, I would’ve killed him by now, but he wouldn’t ever. It would be too merciful for Max.
He’s killed, raped, lied, murdered, and deceived to the fullest extent. If I was the one he’d hurt, I might keep him chained up in the basement too. I imagine whenever he has a bad day, he’ll go take it out on the bastard downstairs.
“This feels like an episode of Scared Straight in the making,” I joke, waiting for his reaction.
He chuckles lightly, leaning against the railing. “I guess it is, but damn if it doesn’t make them turn their shit around real quick, I don’t know what will.”
“From what I know, you and Kyle should be experts at telling these boys how to straighten up. You two were horrors when you were kids.”
He furrows his brow, “How do you know that?”
“Do you really think I didn’t look up who Elena was getting involved with all those years ago?”
Reed takes another drag of his cigarette before he busts into laughter. “Damn, and I thought you liked me.”
“Um, no. It was my job to throw you in a cell and make sure you never saw the light of day. Luckily for you, Elena found out how you were helping the women and saved your ass.”
“Damn, I’m so glad I locked her down for life.” He sounds like a teenager, drunk in love right now.
“You should be thanking me for telling her to leave that dickbag,” I mutter.
“Did I ever tell you we ran into him after we were together?”
“What? No! Spill!”
“Let’s just say when he saw her in the restaurant, I could tell he was regretting fuckin’ up his relationship with her.”
Now I’m the one stifling a chuckle, “I fucking love this.”
Reed’s phone buzzes on the banister and he glances down. The way his brows furrow tells me something is wrong. “I need to tend to some fuckers causing trouble by Bubba’s,” he grumbles, so I jerk my head to the right, silently telling him to go ahead.
Bubba’s was a bar the Skulls Renegade MC had years ago. They rebuilt it after a fire destroyed most of it, and the surrounding cabins. It was built in the same location, but the cabins they have around the restaurant are additional income for the club now. I think they learned their lesson on keeping what’s important to you close.
Elena comes out from her front door, flies down the steps and heads in my direction. God, I want to stay, but it’s getting dark now. And the darker it gets, the more I hate riding in it. It’s the old granny bitch within me. Fuck, I hate ridin’ in the dark, and I sure as hell hate driving in it.
Glancing down to the watch on my wrist, I see it’s time I’d better get on the road. Elena groans, “Don’t tell me it’s time.”
Instead of answering, I wrap my arms around my best friend and hold her in the tightest embrace I can muster up. “We both hate this part, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
She slumps against me, “Yeah, but man does waiting suck.”
“I know it does. Just give it time. Okay?” I mutter, holding on like I don’t want to let go. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I want to let go. Whenever life gets tough, Elena is the one I call. She’s the only one who really understands me and I hate that I need to leave, but at the end of the day I can only blame myself.
I’m the one who made this decision.
I chose to go to the Reapers as opposed to the Skulls.
Why?
I can’t stop asking myself that in moments like this.
Ripping myself away from Elena, I head toward my bike and start to slide on my helmet. “I’ll see you again soon.” I promise her, meaning it like I do every damn time.
“Love you, travel safe.” She tells me with tears in her eyes.
“Right back ‘atcha.” I reply, securing my helmet, I prop the kickstand up and start my beast, charging off before I can change my mind.
Chapter Eight
“Everyone must choose one of two paths: the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret.”
~ Jim Rohn
Crina
“Crina . . . you can’t keep drowning your sorrows in hopeless romantic movies with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.” Bea comments, trying her best to be a soothing, supportive friend when I need her the most.
I’m half-way into a bite of this red velvet creation and decide to finish it before I speak. “Yeah, well I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to do. I fucked everything up, Bea. I screwed up so bad and now he’ll never give me the time of day. He fucking hates me, and I . . . I hated him, but now I don’t. Now I think I might be falling for him or something. God, I’m such an idiot.” My words come out easily at first, but eventually, they turn to sobs. My chest heaves while emotion takes over my body and the waterworks start up yet again.
“I know this isn’t any of my business, but what did you do that was so bad? You never told me, and I want to be able to help you, but I can only do that if you tell me everything.”
She’s sitting across from me on the other end of the couch, staring at me with concern in her eyes. I know she wants to help, that she isn’t just saying this to get some sort of one up on me or whatever, but damn . . . I don’t want to tell her. It’s not because I’m ashamed for being a sexual woman, but because I regret it. There is so much guilt plaguing my mind right now and I’m not sure if it’ll ever stop.
For a moment, I debate on whether giving her the nitty, gritty details is a good thing. It could backfire, but she could give me some sort of advice that I hadn’t even thought twice about. Maybe she’ll have an idea that could help me get back in his good graces. I have no idea. I have no fucking clue, but one thing I do know for sure is how I can’t keep living with this aching in my chest.
“I hurt him, Bea. I really fucking hurt him,” I shut my eyes, terrified my friend might look at me differently. “I slept with his father before we were together, and I didn’t tell him before . . . we started our thing. He found out after the fact, but, I should’ve told him. Maybe things would’ve turned out differently.” I open my eyes at the last bit and spot Bea’s eyes narrowing in on me. She leans back further against the couch, looks up to the ceiling for a moment like she’s caught in thought, and then looks back to me.
“Let me get this straight . . . he’s pissed at you because before you were dating, or whatever the fuck it is between you both . . . you and his father fucked?”
I nod, “Yep.”
She rolls her eyes, “I think it’s bullshit. You two weren’t together. He can’t be pissed at you. Honestly, what you should do is march your ass over there and tell him what’s what, and why you’re such a damn catch.”
I crane my neck at her, cocking a brow. “I fucked his dad. He can be upset about that.”
She shrugs her shoulders, “You don’t even wanna know how many of my boyfriend’s dads I’ve fucked.”
Obviously, I’ve come to the wrong person about this. “I should’ve told him.”
“I mean, yeah, probably . . . but he shouldn’t have been such an ass to you. You two weren’t dating at the time, so it’s irrelevant.” Bea is one of those friends any woman would be lucky to have. She’s always in your corner, no matter if you’re in the wrong or not. That being said, I’m fucking lucky to have her. Actually, fuck that. What I am is blessed.
I tug the deep Irish green blanket closer to me, hoping it’ll provide me the comfort I’m looking for right now. “The point is, I fucked up, and I need to fix it.”
She rolls her eyes, “I really don’t think you need to be the one crawling back to Chaz, but whatever, do what you want.”
“I’m Crina Lazar. I’m not the type of woman who crawls back, begging for mercy from any man. But, I will admit when I’ve messed up, unlike any other Lazar, but don’t even let me get into that conversation. Otherwise we’ll be here for days.” I let out a loose chuckle at the end, getting a giggle from Bea.
“Yeah, plus you max out at one emergency for the day. Chaz took up your bestie emergency quota.”
“Well, nice to know I had a quota to begin with.” I scoff, smiling.
“Yep. So, back to the important shit. You think you fucked up with Chaz, so what’re you gonna do about it?”
Bea asks me an amazing question. One I need an answer to as soon as possible, and there’s really only one thing I can think about doing. I only hope it won’t hurt me more in the long run.
“I need to go. I’ll be back in a couple hours,” I say, standing I toss the blanket on the couch and head toward the front door.
“What? You don’t have a car! Where are you going?!” Bea hollers at me as I shut the door.
I go to the elevator and press the button, waiting for it to get here. It opens almost immediately and before I know it, I’m downstairs, tapping away on my phone for an Uber to pick me up. Luckily, there’s one about two minutes away, so I wait outside of the building.
Once it arrives, I slide into the back and wait for twenty agonizing minutes until we’re driving down the long, gravel lane. I give the man instructions to pull in front of Chaz’s trailer and drop me off. Whether Chaz likes it or not, he’s going to be stuck with me, because I’m not keeping this Uber here.
I get out and the Uber goes on his way before I walk up the few short steps to Chaz’s trailer and knock on the door. I wait, expecting him to come to the door relatively quickly. A couple minutes pass by before I knock again, and nothing.
“You looking for Chaz?” I hear Dixon’s voice from behind me and turn around.
“Yeah. Is he still asleep?” It’s well past four, so I hope not.
“Nah, he left for Montana yesterday. Takin’ a break for a couple days, while he clears his head.”
“Oh . . .” I murmur.
The fact he isn’t here doesn’t feel good. Honestly, it makes the sickening feeling in my stomach come back, and man, it’s so much worse now.
“I know you’ll need a ride back later, but c’mon into the club with me. I wanna hear about this book you’re writing. Plus, Indra’s here and I don’t think you two have gotten much time to chat. Right now is perfect.”
I slump against the wooden railing, “Dixon . . . I don’t know if he’s going to forgive me for this.”
“I know it feels like he won’t right now, but he’s quite the hothead. Give him a few days and he’ll come around. Crina, shit, I don’t know if I should tell you this . . . but I’ve never been the type to let a woman swim in her sorrows. But if he asks, I never said shit. Alright?”
I nod in confirmation.
“Chaz told me he claimed you in the bedroom, said you were his. He might not have done it in front of the club yet, said you’re his ol’ lady, but you are. It’s clear as fuckin’ day you are, and if there’s one thing I know about him, it’s that he never goes back on his word. Rest assured, you two might be having issues right now, but he didn’t mean what he said. He was pissed and we both know it. He’ll come back around and you two will get back together. Don’t sweat it. Now, come on. Let’s stop worrying about this shit.”
Chapter Nine
It’s a very short life. There’s no reason not to go after what sets your soul on fire
~ Kromad
Chaz
Man, it feels so nice to be home. To have the frost hit my face as I ride. I mean, it’s shit ass weather out here and I should’ve thought about that before. But it’s too late now. I’ll just have to deal with it. I’d tell any rider to never do this, that it’s careless and dumb . . . but I couldn’t stop from heading north. Not even if I wanted too. I’m still damn pissed, and I’m only a few minutes away.
I managed to cross the Montana border with no problem, though Wyoming gave me quite an issue for a mile or so because the road wasn’t tended well. It hasn’t snowed in a day or so from the looks of it, considering there’s a good amount of salt on the ground. If I’m lucky, they would’ve plowed and salted the backroad that leads to the club, as well as the lane itself.
I make a left and my tires begin to go too far. Before I know it, I’m sliding
on the road. The bike pins me down and my body is scraping against the pavement. It all happens in slow motion. Pain radiates up my right leg, especially near my knee. Somehow, I’ve slid into the ditch and my bike is on top of me. It’s held by both sides of the ditch since the bike is wider than the opening and I army crawl out from under it. While the snow is freezing, I’m thankful I didn’t get pinned down here. Once I’m out, I put some weight on my knee, surprised by the fact I’m not seriously injured. Though, one glance at my knee and I spot blood coming through my jeans. Shit.
This is just my luck.
I get on the side of the road and stick my hand in my pocket to pull out my cell, but when I do, the only thing that remains is shattered chunks of it. Motherfucker!
I take a deep breath and look off into the distance. I can’t even see the club from here. It’s probably another mile or so away. I could walk it, but damn I don’t want to. Glancing down to the ditch, there’s no way I’m going to pull that out myself. I’m gonna need some fucking help.
I stand here for a moment and huff, knowing I don’t have another option. Walking it is. While I’m pissed, the only person I can blame is myself. If I was thinking clearly when I left, I would’ve taken one of the cars at the club up here, but again, I wasn’t thinking with my head. So, with that I take my helmet off and throw it on the ground. I can grab it later when I get some of the guys to help me get my bike.
God. I’m still reeling from what Clem told me. What Crina admitted. Why wouldn’t she tell me before we got serious, huh? Why would she keep something like that from me? It was damn stupid and the reason we’re done. She’s shown me I can’t trust her now. There isn’t anything she can do to repair it, if she’ll even try. Who the fuck knows at this point?
Frost (Reapers MC Book 15) Page 4
