(Enter Mrs. Douglas.)
MRS. D.: Good morning, Jeff.
JEFF: Mawnin’, Mrs. Douglas. (Hints at table with evident pride.)
MRS. D.: What’s this?
JEFF: De — de luncheon, Mrs. Douglas.
MRS. D.: YOU surely don’t expect us to eat flowers.
JEFF: No’m — No’m — You kin if you wants to, but I don’t advise you to. Dey’s not good to eat, ‘ceptin’ maybe cauliflower or bakin’ flour.
MRS. D.: And is there nothing else in the ice house?
JEFF: Oh, yassum — Yessam — Dey’s lots! Dey’s — ah — three or four pieces of bread and one of ‘em still pretty good. An — an — half a jug o’ milk, an — an — a egg an — a apple — All that!
MRS. D.: I reckon we’re mighty poor, Jeff.
JEFF: Don’t talk that way, Mrs. Douglas! Dat ain’t no way to talk. Times’ll mend — but dis here coat won’t.
MRS. D.: Yes, it is well to be hopeful, but I trust the horrible war is almost over. Since the Judge died we’ve been pretty poor, and Charley, though he has escaped so far, is still there.
JEFF: But you got a daughter.
MRS. D.: Poor Lindy! Having to give up all and become a school teacher. She practically supports us now, Jeff.
JEFF: Ah expect dey’ll be a heap o’ offers for her when de young men gits home from de wah.
MRS. D.: Jeff — You mustn’t talk that way.
JEFF: Yassum — Excuse me. (Goes to window.) Dere’s Miss Lindy now.
(Exit Jeff.)
(Enter Lindy and Cecilia.)
LINDY: Hello, Mother. (Removes shawl and hat.)
CECILIA: Good morning, Mrs. Douglas.
MRS. D.: Good morning, Celia.
CECILIA: I met Lindy on the way back from her schoolhouse, surrounded by a most adoring crowd of little nuisances. I rescued her, and here we are.
MRS. D.: Did you have a good day, Lindy?
LINDY: Fine, Mother. I think it will be all right now that that Tompkins boy has decided to behave. Mrs. Tompkins sent a note with him this morning authorizing me to punish him to the fullest extent of the law, and when I punish! — I tell you, Mother, I’m growing strong.
MRS D.: Oh, if Charley were only here to take the burden of supporting us off your shoulders.
CECILIA: I reckon he will soon. Our army is getting weaker and weaker. They’re going to make a stand at Appomattox, so Eddie Randolph wrote his mother.
LINDY: We haven’t seen Charley for two years.
MRS. D.: I miss him, oh, how I miss him!
LINDY: We can only wait for him. I’ll be back, Celia.
(Exit Lindy.)
CECILIA: YOU are not the only one who misses him.
MRS. D.: Celia, I thought so! So you are engaged?
CECILIA: He has asked me to marry him. He wrote me and said that his first duty was to you. He spoke also of Captain Holworthy. He was awarded a medal at the battle of Petersburg.
MRS. D.: Holworthy? Jim Holworthy?
CECILIA: Yes, I reckon he’s changed some. He wasn’t very popular when he left here, but somehow he joined the army, and he has proved himself.
MRS. D.: But does Charley like him after what happened that time three years ago in this very house, when he was captured through this Holworthy’s cowardice?
CECILIA: Charley bears no resentment. Holworthy has saved his life since then. I’m sure I’m willing to accept him as all right if he comes home.
MRS. D.: Perhaps you’re right.
CECILIA: And Mrs. Douglas, Charley wrote something else about him — a curious thing — The day Holworthy saved his life — it was in a skirmish — he was wounded slightly, and Charley, in “nbuttoning his collar to give him air, saw a locket spring open that he was wearing around his neck. Before he closed it he noticed the picture inside. Holworthy saw that Charley knew, and blushed, saying it was a hobby of his. But Charley knew that Captain Holworthy was carrying Lindy’s picture. I’ve often wondered if she has forgiven him.
LINDY: (From the doorway.) Yes, she has forgiven him.
(Enter Lindy.)
CECILIA: Lindy, I didn’t know —
LINDY: I was standing here. It makes no difference — I am interested in Captain Holworthy because I started his — his change.
He’s — he’s rather a protégé of mine.
(Enter Jeff.)
CECILIA: I must go now. Mother is waiting for me — waiting luncheon.
MRS. D.: Will you stay and dine? (Jeff coughs.) We have not much to offer, but (Jeff coughs) — Jeff, will you be quiet! — but we would be so glad to have you.
CECILIA: NO thank you, Mrs. Douglas. I think I’ll be moving along. Good morning.
MRS. D. AND LINDY: Good morning, Celia.
MRS. D.: Jeff, never do that again. Don’t you know we are always glad to have anyone share whatever we have?
JEFF: Yassum, but we ain’t got but one share. You can’t share a share.
MRS. D.: That’s true, but —
JEFF: Dey’s plenty o’ chairs — You don’t have to chair de shares —
I mean chair de chairs — No, I mean share de shares — Mrs.
Douglas, luncheon is ready.
LINDY: The children?
MRS. D.: At the Taylors for luncheon.
LINDY: Oh, I almost forgot — Teacher — “that’s me” — was presented with two oranges today. I’ll get them.
(Exit Lindy.)
JEFF: (Goes to window.) Lawd o’ massy! It’s Mistah Charley!
(Enter Captain Charles Douglas.)
CHARLEY: Jeff!
MRS. D.: My boy!
CHARLEY: Mother!
JEFF: Large as life and twice as natural!
CHARLEY: Home at last, Mother. Where’s Lindy?
(Enter Lindy with plate of oranges. She sees Charley and drops plate which Jeff catches.)
LINDY: Charley!
CHARLEY: Lindy! Home again. It seems great.
LINDY: And the war?
CHARLEY: Is over. Lee surrendered at Appomattox twelve hours ago. We did all we could — We were all gone — It was too much for us.
MRS. D.: My poor boy!
CHARLEY: I’m lucky to be alive and have a home to come back to, and a place for food. (Looks at table.)
MRS. D-: Sit down. You must be famished.
CHARLEY: Ah, milk! (Drinks and sputters.)
MRS. D.: Why, what’s the matter?
CHARLEY: Nothing. But I’ve learned something.
LINDY: What?
CHARLEY: There are some things worse than prison fare.
MRS. D.: (Drinks and sputters.)
LINDY: (Holds up glass.) Jeff, what’s the matter with this milk?
JEFF: (Examines it carefully.) Nothin’.
CHARLEY: Nothing?
MRS. D.: Nothing?
LINDY: Taste it!
JEFF: (Tastes it.) Oh, I recollect — I was enockomizing. Dey’s water — a little bit — in dis milk — Jes’ a bit.
CHARLEY: I should say there was. Mother, are we in need of economizing like this?
MRS. D.: Lindy teaches school.
CHARLEY: By all that is holy! I’ll get some work tonight. Mother, can you let me see exactly how we stand?
MRS. D.: Yes, I have the accounts in the parlor.
(Exit Mrs. Douglas, Captain Douglas and Jeff.)
(Enter Jim.)
JIM: Good morning, Miss Lindy.
LINDY: Mr. — Captain Holworthy! Good morning.
JIM: It’s — it’s four years since I saw you last.
LINDY: Four years.
JIM: I was different then — I reckon we all were.
LINDY: Yes, I reckon we all were.
JIM: I’ve always thought that you rather set me right somehow.
LINDY: YOU do me great honor, Captain Holworthy.
JIM: I haven’t forgotten it, either.
LINDY: YOU haven’t?
JIM: NO, I’ve — I’ve thought of it a lot more than you know. I realized lon
g ago what I was.
LINDY: Well, you’ve come back different.
JIM: Yes, I reckon so. Do you remember the day when — when your brother was captured — what I said to you earlier in the day?
LINDY: Yes — yes, I think I do.
JIM: Well I — I can’t explain but — it’s you that I owe everything I’ve become — and that’s not much, for the last soldier of a lost cause doesn’t bring back much except an empty scabbard.
LINDY: And medals.
JIM: Medals.
LINDY: That little iron cross — Where did you get that?
JIM: Well, General Lee is the only one that can tell. HE — he gives them away instead of cigars; he was out of cigars the day I called.
LINDY: I see you’re more modest than you used to be.
JIM: It isn’t much of a virtue when you have nothing to be vain about. My vanity wants satisfaction in another way now.
LINDY: Yes?
JIM: Yes. I could be proud — very proud if — Miss Lindy, you know what I want to say. You’ve been with me always. You made me go south. You have made me what I am. Whenever I received promotion it was because you inspired me. And — and — will you keep inspiring me?
LINDY: YOU ask me to be your wife?
JIM: Yes.
LINDY: Ji — Captain Holworthy, the man I marry must have my whole respect. I have lived in a war time and have had death and bravery brought very near to me. Bravery and moral courage are to me necessary to respect and love. I — I — Do you remember that morning you told me you had a strain somewhere in your nature of cowardice?
JIM: I remember.
LINDY: Tell me then, if you have completely conquered that?
JIM: And if I have.
LINDY: If you have, I — I will marry you.
JIM: Miss Lindy — Lindy, I am telling you the truth, though God only knows it hurts me to do it — I haven’t conquered it. When it’s something impulsive or where I don’t have to reason, I’ve done many dangerous things, but when I think, I hesitate and give up. I got these trinkets for things like the first. This for a flag I took at Chickamauga, and this for saving Bragg from being shot at Shiloh; but I remember once when Lee asked for volunteers for secret service I didn’t step out with the rest. And when I was in Libby prison before I was exchanged, three fellows who were with me had a chance to escape. They offered me an equal chance — It was an even chance — death or escape, and I didn’t take it. I reckon it’s a yellow streak in me somewhere. I would like to try once more.
LINDY: I see. But your chance of trying is over now.
JIM: I reckon.
LINDY: Well, goodbye Jim.
JIM: Goodbye Miss Lindy. You are right — I shouldn’t have hoped for you. It was all a kind of a dream. (Starts to go.)
LINDY: You may have a chance yet to prove it.
JIM: NO, I reckon not.
(Exit Jim.)
(Enter Jeff.)
JEFF: On celebration o’ Mistah Charley’s return kin ah get out de best tableclof? He’s got a bit o’ money and he’s goin’ to buy a good dinner.
LINDY: Yes Jeff, anything.
(Exit Lindy.)
JEFF: NOW whah was dat? In — in de oie linen chest what hain’t been used fo’ yeahs. Lemme see. (Goes to chest and opens it.) Why I — I feels sumpin! (Pulls out roll of money.) Jumpin’ Jerusalem it’s money! Stacks of it! Northern money. Now dat’s one hundred and one hundred is — Gee, I ain’t no mathematician. Now lemme see — How did that money get thar? That chest ain’t been used since Mistah Charley was captured out o’ it three years ago. Why, don’t I recollect he had some army money wit him? But it won’t do to tell him it was dat — He’d send it away to General Lee. I’ll — I’ll — diplomatize — dat is, if I’m as good a liah as ah used to be. (Steps heard outside. Starts sweeping.)
(Enter Mrs. Douglas and Charley.)
JEFF: Mrs. Douglas, dere’s a mattah ah wants to broach to you.
MRS. D.: What is it, Jeff?
JEFF: (Hesitates and jumbles.) On de later desease — demise of youh inflected husband he sum-mumoned me to his bedside jes aftah he died, and thrust into mah hands a small sum o’ money which he said to give you after de triffic encountah which was den ragin’ triumphantly and spasmodically — de very words he used — was done. De circumstances is now justified. Behold!
(Produces money.)
CHARLEY: (Takes it.) Why, what’s this?
MRS. D.: Why, I didn’t know Arthur had any money when he died.
CHARLEY: Mother, it’s twelve thousand dollars good money!
MRS. D.: If Jeff is telling the truth —
CHARLEY: Jeff?
JEFF: Mrs. Douglas, ma mouf is as clean from lyin’ as is de grass from de snow — in de wintah time.
CHARLEY: It sounds true. Mother, we’re rich! It’s yours!
MRS. D.: It’s too good to be true.
CHARLEY: And I’m off.
MRS. D.: Where?
CHARLEY: TO see Cecilia.
(Exit Charley.’)
JEFF: (Aside.) No sah, dere ain’t nothin’ like a little judicious lyin’!
(Enter Lieutenant Percy Altwater.)
PERCY: Mrs. Douglas, good morning. I fancy you are surprised to see me.
MRS. D.: I remember you perfectly, Mr. Hotwater.
PERCY: Altwater, my dear lady — Altwater.
MRS. D.: Excuse me.
PERCY: Certainly. Do you know, I hesitate to tell you why I returned. Do you know, I fancy Cupid has been at work and brought me back, fair as a — a — What am I fair as?
MRS. D.: A dancing elephant.
PERCY: Yes, a dancing elephant — er — oh, that doesn’t sound just right, does it?
MRS. D.: Doesn’t it, Mr. Warmwater?
PERCY: Altwater — Altwater.
MRS. D.: Excuse me.
PERCY: And as I was saying, I made the acquaintance of a most fascinating young lady at your house, Miss Virginia the tailor — I suppose they meant dressmaker. But even if the poor girl is a dressmaker, I would wave aside caste and er — marry her.
MRS. D.: Very condescending of you, Mr. Breakwater.
PERCY: Altwater — Altwater. I think so myself.
MRS. D.: But she isn’t a dressmaker. That’s just her name.
PERCY: Miss Virginia Dressmaker — That’s a very odd name.
MRS. D.: NO no! — Miss Virginia Taylor.
PERCY: Oh!
(Enter Virginia.)
VIRGINIA: Good morning, Mrs. Douglas.
MRS D.: Here is a friend of yours, Virginia.
VIRGINIA: Mr. Sweetwater!
PERCY: Miss Dressmaker!
(Exit Mrs. Douglas.)
VIRGINIA: I am delighted to see you again.
PERCY: Did you get my letter?
VIRGINIA: Yes, and the coat-of-arms.
PERCY: Rather a pretty crest, isn’t it? I picked it up at a stationer’s in Richmond.
VIRGINIA: Horrors!
PERCY: I’m sorry. You’ll forgive me?
VIRGINIA: Yes. Who would not forgive the lost soldier of a last cause.
PERCY: Yes, but I’m not lost.
VIRGINIA: A slip of the tongue — I mean, the last soldier of a lost cause.
PERCY: Just so. It’s rather sad.
VIRGINIA: Sad? It’s all pathetic.
PERCY: Allopathic?
VIRGINIA: All pathetic.
PERCY: Miss Virginia, I’ve something to say to you.
VIRGINIA: It’s coming! — Isn’t it perfectly thirteenth century!
Complete Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald UK (Illustrated) Page 370
