“Larry -”
Then something inside his heart broke. “How could you?” he hollered, giving her his full attention. “Betray me. You of all people. I-I gave you everything. And, if you had asked for Mars, I would have spent my days and nights finding a way to give it to you. Now, all I have are images of you and that man.”
“Larry, I’m deeply -”
“You killed me! You killed everything in me! Emotionally! Physically! Spiritually!” His hands clenched into fists as he glared at her. “I’ve never, never, felt so hurt in all my life. You, you,” he choked out, “you broke my heart.” Acidic tears spilled from his eyes. “You broke my heart.” He clutched the wall for strength.
She rushed to him, and touched his shoulder.
“Don’t you touch me,” he growled, shaking off her hand.
Her heart broke as she watched him struggle to regain his composure. “I’m sorry,” she murmured quietly, wishing she could hold him.
It took him a while but Larry reclaimed some semblance of mental order. He wished she would just leave … leave him in peace so that he could crawl under his bedcovers and nurse the hole in his heart.
“Lar -”
“I’m done talking.”
“I know I hurt you but -”
“Hurt? You have no idea,” he spat out. “You destroyed our marriage. I was looking forward to roaming the world with you. I was looking forward to us ministering together. Yes, Rozene, I was looking forward to us. You don’t get it, do you?” He stared out the window again.
She moved closer to him. “I want to make us better but you’re not giving me a chance.”
He all but hissed his teeth. “You make it sound so simple. You are not the one having to deal with nasty images of you and that man. You are not the one wearing a crazy, fake smile when anyone ask, ‘How’s your wife?’ So, please spare me.”
“I’m not trivializing my behavior but you need to stop visualizing what Chandler and I did.”
“I cannot just shut down the images. You are my wife,” he charged.
“I’m your wife. And I want to make things better.” She clutched her heart. “Lord knows I do.”
“Lord knows I do,” he mimicked.
“Yes. He does,” Rozene stated softly, but firmly. “God Almighty, the creator of the universe has forgiven me. I have forgiven myself and,” she gulped, “I would have forgiven you, Larry. I’m not saying it would have been easy but I would have forgiven you.”
The honesty of her words slammed into his chest. That caused him to pause, and for a moment he stared at her, remembering his own sinful behavior with Gabrielle. Sadness threatened to overwhelm him, and he said quietly, “The envelope on the desk is yours. Please read and sign the documents, and return them as soon as possible.”
Rozene’s head swung towards the desk then swiveled back to Larry. Her mouth gaped, “I’m NOT signing those documents.”
“I’ve been more than generous, and if you want more, please feel free to dictate your terms.”
She advanced upon him, her eyes flashing defiantly. “I’m not signing.”
He eyeballed her. “What more do you want from me, Rozene? The terms of our divorce are in your favor, and I said, if you want more, by all means take it.”
She shook her head slowly back and forth, and then moved closer, angling her head to look up at him. This time her body was almost touching his. “I’m not signing. I don’t want things. I want …” She paused, her voice tapering off softly, “you.”
Her words stunned them both momentarily into silence. Uneasy stillness hung in the air like a fog.
If indeed her words were meant to solicit compassion from him, she scored a perfect ten … even his body acknowledged it. He backed slightly away from her, fighting for control.
She turned her head away so he wouldn’t see the tears forming in her eyes. “I-I want you,” she whispered, as if the confession had frightened her.
Again, the room was deafeningly quiet as she waited for his response. When none came, she moved closer to him. He could feel her breath on his chin as she told him, “I want you.”
He was sure his body stirred.
Despite his anger, his resistance had crumbled. He wanted her. No. He was desperate for her. His eyes traced her face before settling on her lips. He drew in a harsh breath and in his mind, he had backed away from her but in reality, he had backed her up against the wall with his arms wrapped tightly around her. He groaned when her lips parted, for he had all but lost control.
She capitalized on his signal. “I want you,” she said softly, for she knew he needed to hear her say it.
Her stare was intoxicating, and the urge to touch her was overwhelming. The memory of what it was like to be truly loved hit Larry like a thunderbolt as he gazed at the flicker of hope and simmering heat in her eyes. Eyes he had lost himself in on many occasions. Before he could stop himself, he touched her hair, smoothing it away from her face. Not long after, he was touching her face, feeling her soft skin beneath his hands.
She purred, turning her face into his hand and kissing it.
“Hmmm,” came from his mouth and echoed in the room.
His pulse accelerating, Larry crushed his lips to hers, and she kissed him back, as if he held her very existence in the palms of his hands.
His back now against the wall, Larry paused to catch a quick breath, when an inner voice started scolding him. Stop it! Stop it! His body was enamored but his mind was clearly not. They were taking advantage of each other, when they had serious issues to work out. But one look at Rozene settled everything. I need her.
Trying to compensate for his earlier roughness, he gently kissed along her jaw and cheek. “Roz,” he murmured her name, raining soft kisses up and down her throat.
Then, he restrained himself and lifted her.
She heard him muttering something indecipherable, but heard “bedroom” somewhere in the mix. When he started kissing her again, she realized they were still in the study, near the door.
A low groan rose from the back of her throat as tiny tremors shook their bodies. Her entire body feverish, she gripped and clawed at his biceps.
Suddenly, Rozene felt as if Larry’s lips were angry against hers, like he was reprimanding her for something. When he finally released her lips, she sagged against him, tears burning her eyes. She dared not look at him, afraid to confirm her suspicion.
His hand tilted her chin to meet his eyes. “Did he make you feel like this?”
Her eyes widened when she realized what he’d asked. “Wha-what?” she stuttered, staring up at him.
He didn’t respond. Instead, he kissed her greedily, swallowing up her protest, and then her whimpers as she writhed with pleasure, clinging to him.
“Did he make you feel this good?” he murmured, while dropping feathery kisses along her shoulder.
Her chest heaving, she fought back the urge to scream. “You’re being crazy,” she said, pushing away his head.
“Did he do this to you?” In one smooth movement, he pinned her wrists above her head and began grinding her against the wall.
She puffed out his name in surprise and delight, instinctively wrapping a leg around his hip to keep him in place and obtain more of the sweetness that was building. It felt so good.
Rozene’s sweet voice calling out his name was like music to his ears. He had always loved the way she said his name with oh, so much passion. The way her body responded to his touch always catapulted him to a state of euphoria, like he had done something epic. Not that it mattered now, but he allowed himself to enjoy the ride.
As wave after wave of sensations rocked her body, Rozene closed her eyes, remembering he liked having her like this, soft against him. “Please,” she begged, having dragged her lips from his to take much needed gulps of air. It was then that she noticed he’d gone still. She gazed into his eyes, and that gave her reason to pause completely.
“Did you say that to him too?” he asked against
her lips. He drank in her soft gasps.
“Let me go,” she choked out, pushing his taut chest with her hands. He stepped slightly away from her and she eased away from him.
“Please don’t do this,” she told him. “I know you need me -”
“Sleeping with you is not an option,” he told her firmly, halting her in her tracks.
She averted her eyes. “Then tell me wha-what you want.” A sob escaped her and she paused, “and I-I’ll do it.”
“Nothing,” he responded. “Nothing at all.”
“I told you I’m sorry a million times. My moment of weakness -”
He held up his hand. “Moment of weakness? That was a habit. Just sign the papers. Please.”
The sharpness in his voice pierced her heart, and a broken sob emanated from her throat. “Larry, please. I love you.” She looked away from him feeling strangely vulnerable.
“The tongue without the heart is of no significance, Rozene.”
“I’m sorry,” she choked out.
“Sorry?” His tone was filled with incredulity. “I bet you are, now. He looked at her for a moment before walking out of the study. It would take the faith of Job for me to go back into our marriage. Yet, a cry came from the depths of his heart - Increase my faith, Lord.
CHAPTER 27
Chandler clutched the windowsill like a lifeline as his stomach plunged to his feet. That was not the way he saw the evening going. By now, his lips should have been hot on Rozene’s and she would be pleading for more of him. She was pleading all right, but not exactly in the way he thought she would.
Peering blindly through his living room window, he tried desperately to compose himself. Yet, he couldn’t. It was hard enough for him to think she didn’t want to be with him, but to actually hear her say it...
No. He didn’t want to hear anymore of her speeches about finding someone else. And about the good Lord providing a wife for him. Yada. Yada. Yada. Enough. She was a cosmic killjoy, sucking away the very breath that he needed to stay alive.
He had begged her on bended knees to be with him, but she remained resolute. She gave him no wriggle room. She wanted her husband. She chose him … over me. And just like that, she had stripped away his confidence, and unraveled his universe with two words - ‘It’s over!’ Her voice echoing in his sanctuary, in the very place where everything was supposed to be safe and secure for him.
Not realizing he had closed his eyes, Chandler opened them and squared his shoulder. Maybe if I begged one last time ... just one last time. He needed to fight for what he believed in, right? Frustrated by his own lack of self-control, he swiftly brushed away the single tear that had rushed down his cheek with the back of his hand.
As the pampered child of overprotective, even though absent parents, he had wanted for little in his life. Yet, for the second time in his life, what he desired - what he longed for and consistently dreamed about - was seemingly impossible to attain. She did not give him a single thread of hope. Yet, he had to hope.
His love for her had changed him. With Rozene it was not about sex, he actually loved her. He didn’t realize how difficult it was to love someone when the love was not reciprocated. Now, he fully understood why some of the women he’d dated hated him when he didn’t respond in like terms to their confessions of love in the relationship that they had orchestrated in their minds.
Not that he was into breaking women’s heart on a whim. Before he engaged in relationships with them, he’d always been upfront about what he needed. No strings attached. No emotional baggage to complicate the situation. Nothing permanent. Only sex … and definitely, no hassle. Yes, he had been upfront.
In any case, women might grumble about him being a Casanova, but that had never deterred any of them from hopping into his bed. And if they agreed to his terms, he would hop right in with them.
Rozene gazed at Chandler’s back as she stood behind him. She knew she had ‘knocked the wind out of his sail’. But, she had to. He was head strong and determined, but so was she. She wanted to be left alone. However, she hoped she hadn’t pushed him too far over the edge, causing him to do something outlandish. Lord knows, he seemed desperate enough.
She stepped back. She didn’t like how he was making her feel. More than ever, the only thing she wanted was to be left alone so she could pull her marriage back together again. She sent up silent prayers as she moved further away from him and sat at the edge of the sofa.
Chandler turned to face Rozene, his demeanor resolute. He had tasted heaven, and no way was he giving it up, not without a fight. He moved to sit next to her.
I can take him down. Rozene adopted a ready-to-charge posture, in case Chandler made any surprise moves.
“Give me your hand,” he said.
Her bravado flew right out the window. Her heart was beating so hard she thought he could hear it. “Why do you -”
“What do you think I’m going to do? Break it.” He dropped his gaze to the floor. “I need, I need a little of your strength to share something with you.”
Seriously? Rozene wanted to beat her head against something. Anything.
“I won’t hurt you, if that’s your concern.” His voice broke. “I-I …”
Rozene gazed at him, wishing she was not in her current position. Nevertheless, she extended her hand to him, and he placed it on his knee and covered it with his own.
“I love you,” he told her earnestly. He held up a hand as she began to protest. “I didn’t know I was capable of loving anyone. The last time I thought I was in love was around sixteen years ago. Her name was Alana.” He smiled to himself. “She made my days worth living, and lived we did. Every minute we spent together, I fell deeper in love with her. I was almost twenty-two years old but I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.” He let out a hollow laugh. “Of course, I proposed. Why wouldn’t I? Everyone thought we would get married anyway.”
He shifted a bit to settle back against the sofa. “We planned a lavish wedding; over-the-top, in my estimation. My parents wanted a grand occasion, so they threw us the ‘wedding of the century’ as mom dubbed it.”
Chandler sat up, to make sure Rozene was paying attention.
She was. Left that poor girl at the altar, didn’t you?
Chandler sighed at her expression. “You think you know me, huh? I did not leave her at the altar, Ro. She left me at the altar,” he said, casting an accusatory glance her way. “She did not show up and neither did the best man.”
Rozene felt a tug on her heart strings. “That must have been hard for you to deal with. I’m sorry that happened to you. When you extend your love to someone, there is never any assurance that it will be reciprocated.”
“Sorry?” He looked at her with slight disdain. “But you’re doing the same thing. You throw back the love I have for you in my face.”
“Chandler, I’m married, and I have a family. What I felt for you was lust. That’s not love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes exactly what love is - It is patient and kind and -”
“Whatever, Ro.” Anger rushed through him. “You can pretend all day long but you cannot deny that what you feel for me is real.”
Her eyes narrowed defensively as she decided to be frank with him. “I’m not saying that I didn’t feel some sort of … passion for you but that’s not love. Yes, passion is a part of love; but love takes time. It’s intimate and -”
Chandler chuckled loudly. “After all that whooping you do when we’re together - you say that’s not love. You had fooled me. You don’t look like the type to fake it,” he said sarcastically. “Just so you know, all my moans and groans were for real.”
“Why do you have to take it to that level?” Displeasure laced each word.
“What level? I’m speaking the truth.”
She watched him keenly. He’d never been angry with her but now he was. “Look, Chandler, I’m not here to fight with you. I’m sorry that I led you to believe that I was in love with you. I have never been in this
situation before -”
“Situation?” He thundered incredulously. “Situation? Is that how you plan to remember our relationship?” He watched as guilt spread across her face. “Yes, I said relationship. We had a relationship.” His gaze ripped into her. “While you are busy putting our situation in File 13, this is how I’ll remember it - I loved you but you used me. Yes, Ro. You used me. It took me years to build up the courage to love someone, to trust someone. I thought we were going somewhere with our relationship. You led me on and made me love you. I trusted you, and in a few seconds, you’ve crushed my heart, like it was nothing. ”
The painful memory he would carry because of their situation gave her more than a few anxious moments. She studied him, torn between wanting to comfort him and wanting to slap him. She angled her head and met his gaze with a challenge of her own. “Chandler, aren’t you tired of playing the blame game?”
She stood up and looked down at him. “From day one, you knew I was married. I never told you, ever, not one time, that I intended to leave my husband.” She held his gaze and her eyes began to fill with tears. “Chandler, please try to understand. I cannot give you what you want.”
Frustration mounting, Chandler stood abruptly, folding his arms across his chest, hostility in his gaze. “Say what you want, but you and I both know that our relationship evolved into something beautiful.” Cold laughter rolled from his mouth. “Silly of me to even think that thought. How dare me? What would possess me to think that Mrs. Mighty Prayer Warrior would want to stay in my chamber forever? You sure had me fooled. You had one intention - to satisfy your needs and get back to your ready-made family and holy living. Didn’t you read where the good book said, “Do not commit adultery?” His jaw tightened as the words erupted from his mouth.
Instinctively, Rozene stepped back, speechless for a moment. He might as well have slapped her. She allowed her tears to fall as a pang of guilt hit her in the stomach. “I’m sorry. I had no intention of hurting you. But, I can’t love you the way -”
Mirrored Hearts: Sealed by Fire (Encounters of the Heart Book 2) Page 19
