CHAPTER 35
Submerged in the events of her chaotic life, Rozene got up from the bench in the park, and walked to the waterfall nearby. It was almost dawn. She had sat stoic for a while, replaying Larry’s words over and over in her head. The soft light in the park enhanced the beautiful environment, but the beauty eluded her. She had to be dreaming, but would she ever wake up?
Larry’s confession was so unexpected, it had crushed her soul. All she felt was pain; pain that was rapidly sucking the life out of her. Tears flowed down her face like a river. She didn’t even bother to wipe them. What was the point? No matter how many times she blinked, they kept coming, insisting on remaining an endless stream. Maybe one day they’ll stop.
Pulling the belt of her coat tighter around her waist, in a pointless attempt to ward off the bitter wind, she made her way back to her car.
After cruising around for hours, she had decided to sit for a while in the park and watch anything that would take her mind off the nightmare she was facing.
Despair knotted her insides.
Betrayal.
Breach of trust.
Lies.
A broken sob ripped from her lips. I cannot go on like this.
Betrayal.
Breach of trust.
Lies.
Cheating.
Deceit.
Lies. Too many lies.
She couldn’t stop the string of endless dark thoughts that spewed out of her mind. She needed reprieve from the misery of thinking.
Wiping her eyes with her fingers, she inhaled then exhaled in an attempt to clear her heavy head. She had packed enough clothes that should last a week. At least, she hoped she did, because Larry and his sorry self, kept taking the clothes out of her case as soon as she dropped them in. No amount of “I’m sorry” that he’d pushed out of his lying lips was going to make her stay under the same roof with him.
What a sham? Had me fooled. He will be getting the divorce he wanted. Rozene blew her nose in a wad of tissue that was sitting on the passenger seat, and then began to rub her chest. She needed something, anything to relieve the terrible pain and the gnawing emptiness in her heart.
She grabbed her cell phone from the passenger seat. Forty missed calls, plus voicemails displayed. She cut her eyes at the phone. No doubt trying to cover himself. She dropped the phone in the cup holder, deciding it was too early to call her mom. She would just drive there.
An hour later, Rozene was lying under the bedcovers in her room at her parents’ home.
“Mom, I’m broken. I can’t even feel my heart, all I feel is pain,” she lamented, using the bedcovers to wipe her eyes. “My whole life is falling apart again … and I feel powerless to stop the downward spiral.”
Her mother dabbed her own eyes. “Rozie, I know it’s hard. But remember, God is still with you in this season. He is your present help in times of trouble. ‘He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber.’ God will work this out for your good.”
“Mom, who am I? What have I become? I slapped my husband. I wanted to fight him, Mom. I wanted to hurt him to make him feel the pain he was putting me through.”
“Baby, I understand. It will get better. You’ve been through so much. Rest.”
“You expect me to look away, Mom. I can’t just look away. There is no reason for Larry to commit adultery. My heart is crushed, Mom. This breach of trust is killing me.”
“Oh, baby, I know. Loving someone is never as simple as we want it to be. God will take care of you.” Her mother pulled her into her arms, praying as Rozene wept uncontrollably.
CHAPTER 36
It had been three weeks since Rozene’s earth-shattering discovery. Three weeks of agony. Three weeks of drifting and floating throughout various moments in her life. The good times. The not-so-good times. And, this terrifying time.
What happened to us?
Months ago, with the help of the Lord, she’d forgiven and released herself from her own dreadful sin and had gotten back into Larry’s good graces. Back then, her life was so different from her now shadowy half existence. Back then, joy resounded in her heart.
Joy! It seemed so far away. She had already taken a long trek down the road of guilt and shame. Now, she was reliving that walk because of Larry’s mirrored sin. And, she was tired. All her energy vaporized as she tried to fathom the events that had occurred in her life since she had committed adultery. She could no longer run. No longer hide. That was never her style. But everything had occurred in several short spurs, leaving her gasping for breath.
She needed a safe place. A place to breathe and get her thoughts together, so she could get back to the task of daily living.
Then, it hit her. Move back home.
And that she did, almost a week ago. It was Larry’s turn to move out. But that was all in her mind … hers alone. Confirmed, when Larry quietly told her he would not move out.
So, the war raged on.
Since then, she’d been sleeping in Madison’s room and giving Larry mostly the silent treatment or responding to him in monosyllables, whenever he dared to speak. Not that that mattered to him. He was bent on communicating, and making himself available to get back in her good graces. Well, she had no intention of taking him up on any of his offers. However, it was getting tiring, trying to avoid him. Plus, too much energy to do all that bashing; and the task of landing him ugly looks was almost short-circuiting her brain. Mercy! Didn’t know it took so much work to be ugly.
Nevertheless, she was keeping focused. She intended to keep all her appointments. All she needed to do was stay clear of Larry’s puppy dog eyes, and his constant, ‘I’m sorry. Please forgive me’.
Three days ago in one of their heated exchanges, he didn’t miss a beat to remind her of her own words - “God Almighty, the Creator of the universe has forgiven me. I have forgiven myself and, I would have forgiven you, Larry. I’m not saying it would have been easy but I would have forgiven you.”
He’d better be glad she was filled with the Holy Spirit. And call on the Holy Spirit was what she did that day, for backhanding him was the first thought that crossed her mind.
Truth be told though, that did hit a nerve, and it had caused her to pause. Forgiveness was something she had always encouraged. Something she believed in. But it was so much easier to say, when her heart, mind, soul, and body were not involved. Now, it was weighing heavily on her conscience. For after all, she did commit the same sin as he did. Albeit, stupidly so. To this day, she wondered how she found herself in that position with Chandler. ‘The Chandler’, according to Larry.
Nevertheless, today her hopes were up. She had to trust the Lord to work out her situation. Don had been anxious to meet with her, no doubt concerned about the ministry, even though she’d reassured him all was well.
She took a last glance in the mirror, grabbed her portfolio from the bed, and then exited the room. I am called to serve a higher purpose, she declared as she descended the staircase. The Spirit of the Lord is with me.
Rozene smiled at Armela at the bottom of the stairs. “Good morning!”
“Good morning, Mrs. Kanate.” She smiled warmly at Rozene. “I have set up breakfast with your favorites in the library as instructed by Mr. Kanate. Mr. Don is waiting outside the library.”
Larry. Larry. There you go again. Anyway, with her stomach feeling a little queasy, she didn’t know how much she could eat. She forced a smile. “Thanks, Armela. All is going well?”
“Yes, ma’am! All is well.”
“How is your beautiful granddaughter doing?”
A brilliant smile popped on Armela’s face. “Aisha is doing well. Back in college, and loving it. I miss her though.”
“Totally understand. When Mason and Madison left for college, I didn’t know how I would have managed. But I did, leaning on Jesus.”
“Oh, yes. Leaning on Jesus.” Armela agreed smiling. “Please let me know if you need anything else.”
“I wi
ll. Thanks, Armela.”
“You’re welcome, ma’am,” Armela said, before walking away.
A few minutes later, Don exclaimed, “Wow!” when he laid eyes on her yellow sleeveless blouse and flirty, white, knee-length skirt. “Happy Monday! You look like the sunshine. I’m about to do my victory dance right now.”
He had come to the meeting with a bit of trepidation in his heart. Last week, she’d told him what had happened between her and Larry. Since then, he’d been praying almost nonstop for them, while hoping that her ministry wouldn’t crumble.
She hugged him, grinning. “This is what God’s strength looks like. I’m surprised I can even smile.”
“Thank you, Jesus!” Don couldn’t help exclaiming, and if time permitted, he would have danced around.
“Yes, only God.” Rozene motioned with her hand towards the library and they walked in, and immediately moved towards the table spread with breakfast goodies. They piled wedges of French toast, scrambled eggs, and strips of bacon on their plates.
“How have you been?” Don asked, after blessing the food.
Rozene finished chewing on her bacon. “Much, much better, mentally that is. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to go back to such a low place, but life happens.”
Don shook his head with understanding. “God will keep you as you go through this situation. I’m praying for both of you.” He encouraged. “You are stronger than you think. Your roots are strong in the Lord so I know you will get beyond this. I have that confidence in God.” He swallowed a forkful of scrambled eggs.
“Thanks, Don.” Rozene nursed her mug of cocoa. “To be honest, if I operate based on my feelings, I would have filed for a divorce.” She eyed Don as he watched her carefully. “Seriously, I would.”
“You and I know it is never good to operate based on feelings.” He sipped orange juice, watching her over the rim of the glass, before telling her, “Please, don’t call the undertakers.”
Rozene couldn’t help but chuckle. “Oh, Don! You’re the best. I won’t. I’m still declaring my best days are ahead of me. Hoping that my creativity will flourish in the midst of this crisis.”
“Amen. Our God is a way maker.”
“Amen,” Rozene agreed, biting into her toast.
They were both quiet for a moment, before Rozene spoke. “What do you have for me?”
Don took his time opening his portfolio that was resting on the chair beside him. “Rozene, there’s ...” His countenance pensive, Don tapped his pen several times on the table top.
Rozene eyed him curiously. “What is it?”
“I’m sorry about, Chandler,” he said quietly. “I feel partly to be blamed for what happened. Felt I didn’t protect you enough.”
Rozene opened her mouth, and then paused. It was the first time Don had ever mentioned Chandler. Even though she knew he was aware of their past affair.
“I had no idea that he had deliberately set out to seduce you. I bragged about you and he discovered your TV program. Then, one day he heard me say that you should be writing more about the hard stuff so he set out to seduce you.”
“Don, please don’t blame yourself. It had nothing to do with you. Trust me, no matter what Chandler set out to do, I still had to say yes. Right?”
“I’m sorry nonetheless.”
She sighed. “That’s all over Don. Thank God.”
“We completed the marriage series. You can view the video whenever -”
“How is he, Don?”
“He took it hard, you know. Real hard,” he emphasized. “He’s now working in Chicago. Our relationship is strained but I still try to keep in touch.”
“Sorry about that, we’ll continue to pray for him.”
“Yes, let’s do that.” Don smiled at her. “Okay, let’s go over your major appointments.”
Almost two hours later, Rozene waved goodbye to Don, and then hopped into her car and drove away. Shortly thereafter, her cell phone rang and she glanced at the screen. A frown curved her lips. It was Larry. She deliberated whether or not to answer, and then decided not to. Why bother to upset myself? But it began to ring again.
“Yes,” she answered.
A long sigh of relief escaped Larry. “Babes, you had me worried,” he said in a doting voice.
“Do you need something, Larry?” She couldn’t keep the annoyance out of her voice.
“Babes, can we talk, later?”
“Honestly, Larry, I’m all talked out. If that’s it -”
“At least give me a chance to explain, please.”
She remained silent. A chance to explain. What would that fix?
“Please. I know I lied to you and I’m sorry. I -”
“Larry, I need time.”
“I understand, Roz. Just give me a chance to talk with you. Please.”
Still nothing from her, she was busy shutting down her mother’s voice in her head - ‘You are doing the same thing that you had begged for him not to do to you. It took some time, but he extended forgiveness to you. You should do the same to him.’
“Please,” Larry begged.
She sighed deeply, acknowledging her mother’s words. “I’ll let you know.”
“Thanks. Are you home? Do you want to do lunch?”
“Not today. I’m driving. Meeting Mom for lunch.”
“Babes, you know, I don’t like when you’re driving and using the phone.”
“I know. I’m hanging up then.”
“Okay.”
She had just disconnected the call, when suddenly a sharp pain hit her abdomen. “Ohhh!” she puffed out, but the pain would not go away. “Ohhh!” Her body swayed, nausea creeping up her throat. She pulled off the road, and rested her head against the steering wheel. She reached for her cell phone in the cup holder, and called her mom. “Mom, I’m not feeling well. Not sure I’ll make lunch.”
CHAPTER 37
Anxiety drove Larry hard these days. This Saturday morning was no different. His gut ached as he watched Rozene from the kitchen window. She was reading in the gazebo. He observed her and her slight baby bump, every opportunity he got. His only desire - to touch her heart, again.
Nothing had prepared him for the news of her pregnancy when he’d come home from work that day. Clearly, she was unprepared too, for tears kept springing from her eyes. Thankfully, she seemed more contented now, and he’d tried his best not to add to her stress level.
Her pregnancy was welcomed news all around. Their parents and siblings were overjoyed, and no one seemed surprised except him and Rozene. The children, especially Madison, could not stop screaming with joy. Of course, Mason had to be himself, “Mom, I told you not to bring more babies in here.”
The only drawback was that Rozene was still treating him like an outcast. She was ‘raking him over the coals’ but he refused to give up. Maybe … maybe today would be the day for his breakthrough.
It had been almost four weeks since they had learned of her pregnancy. He’d been praying almost nonstop, asking the Lord for a breakthrough to talk with her. She continued to put up resistance where he was concerned. Being in his presence was a chore for her, so talking was not even near the table.
He wanted to be a part of his child’s life, and he surmised he’d already missed over three months. “Lord, I feel so desperate,” he prayed aloud. “Help me not to do anything foolish to stress her out. But, Lord, please provide an open door for me to reach her.”
A frustrated sigh escaped his lips as she stopped reading for a moment to rub her belly. His fingers curled with longing. That was his job, had been his job in the past and he wanted in. If only she would allow him. He was sure she’d heard him when he’d asked the gender of the baby. But, no, she would rather pretend to be deaf, telling him she was going to lie down.
He peered at her again and it took all of his strength not to call out to her. He closed his eyes and prayed silently for wisdom. When he opened his eyes again, he heard the door leading to the patio slam shut, and then he caugh
t a glimpse of Rozene moving towards the kitchen nook.
“Babes,” he called out.
No response.
He followed her. Mercy, she is moving fast. She was not in sight.
“Babes,” he called out again, when he saw her.
“Morning,” she murmured, but kept on moving.
He ignored the don’t-speak-to-me sign on her back. “You doing all right?”
“I’m fine.” She spoke while ascending the stairs, way too quickly in his mind.
“Careful. How’s the baby?”
She shoved behind her ears, strands of her hair that had gotten loose during her flight. “Baby is fine.”
“Roz, can you slow down for a minute?”
She didn’t answer but kept walking along the circular landing.
Oh, boy, the resistance is strong. He raced up the stairs, and caught up with her as she entered the passageway to access the bedrooms. “Roz, I’m just making sure you’re okay. And the baby.”
She didn’t speak but she stopped and faced him, her guard up. “We’re okay. Okay.” She gave him her I’m-not-in-the-mood look but he refused to be deterred.
He attempted a smile, one she didn’t return. “You don’t seem particularly happy to see me.”
“I’m happy to see you,” she responded drily, irritation etched in her voice.
“That’s good.” He touched her shoulder and she jerked away from him.
Tears burned his eyes and before he could stop them, they ran down his face as his heart shifted.
She watched as he pulled himself together.
“Roz, I was wrong for not telling you about my infidelity. I tried to tell you several times while we were at Abella but you kept shutting me down.”
Her eyes were angry and determined. “You should have tried harder. Send a letter. A text. An email. Write it on your forehead.” She turned to walk away and he held on to her arm. She landed him a scorching look, causing him to release her arm quickly.
Mirrored Hearts: Sealed by Fire (Encounters of the Heart Book 2) Page 25
