All of that popped out of my mind like a soap bubble. If it wasn't for Christie, I would try to convince myself none of it had actually happened.
But it had happened, as well as all the horror I endured during my pregnancy at The Meadows. I couldn't erase it from my mind like some words scribbled in pencil. The events, the pain and suffering, the tears and the laughter, the heartbreak and the relief, all mingled together to form a potpourri of memories I would drag with me forever and ever.
These depressing thoughts drifted from my mind as the early rays of sunlight found the openings in my window drapes and began to brighten the room with new warmth and hope. I heard Christie stir in her crib. A few moments later she was whispering her baby gibberish to herself as she lifted the curtain of sleep from her eyes and began a new day of discovery. Just thinking about the wonder and astonishment that would be revealed in her face when she was dressed and brought to my wedding made me smile in anticipation.
I rose from my bed and went to her. She looked up, surprised because she sensed how early it was. I took her in my arms and kissed her and brought her to the window, where I opened the curtains wide so we could look out on what was beginning to be a glorious late-spring day. She was as fascinated as I was by the way the darkness and the shadows retreated from the rising sun. Small clouds, like puffs of smoke, seemed to emerge from the blue sky behind and around them. Everywhere birds were coming to life, rising from their nests and branches to greet the warm morning and begin their efforts to find food.
"Isn't it a beautiful morning, Christie? A beautiful day for Momma to gap-lathed," I said. The sun shone through the window, casting diamond strands of light on her hair. She turned to me inquisitively, as if she really understood what I was saying. Then she focused her blue eyes on the scene still unfolding below us, and her little lips folded into an angelic smile, making her look like a cherub. I kissed her cheeks and decided since we were already up, we might as well get started.
Sissy arrived to help with the baby, and then Mrs. Boston brought me a breakfast tray. The first thing Mrs. Boston did was whisper to me about Mother.
"I got up in the middle of the night," she told me, "as is my habit these days, and I caught sight of this light on. So I went to see what it was, and that's when I saw her. It was easily four o'clock in the morning!"
"What was she doing?" I asked, amazed.
"She was already up and fixing herself at her vanity mirror. I didn't let her see me looking in on her. Maybe she just got confused about the time, with all the excitement and everything," Mrs. Boston added, shaking her head. But nothing Mother did at this point really surprised me.
A little while later Trisha arrived to help me prepare myself. Sissy dressed Christie and took her away so we wouldn't be distracted.
"Nervous?" Trisha asked.
"You mean because my fingers are trembling and I don't dare put the lipstick to my lips?" I replied, laughing. She helped me brush and style my hair. Mother looked in on us just before she was about to go down to begin greeting the guests. I had to confess she looked very, very beautiful.
She wore a strapless off-white satin gown with a lace bodice lined with pearls. Over her shoulders she wore a sheer shawl, and around her neck she wore her thickest diamond necklace. Matching teardrop earrings dangled from her lobes. On her left wrist she had her thick gold bracelet studded with emeralds and diamonds and rubies, a bracelet she once bragged was worth half as much as the hotel.
"You look beautiful, Mother," I said.
"Yes, Mrs. Cutler. You do," Trisha chorused.
"Thank you, girls. I just came by to wish you good luck and to see if there is anything you need, Dawn. After this I will be very busy," she said.
"No, we're fine, Mother. Thank you for your good wishes," I said.
She flashed a smile and left, eager to take her position as queen of the hotel.
Jimmy surprised me with his adherence to tradition and refused to see me or let me see him until we saw each other in the chapel. "We've had enough bad luck to last a lifetime," he had told me. "I'm not doing anything to bring about any more."
I was shaking so much when Trisha and I took our positions to wait for the start of the music that I was positive I would trip and fall on my journey to the altar. Philip brought Randolph in only moments before the music began. Both of them wore tuxedos. Philip's fit perfectly, and he looked very handsome, but Randolph's illustrated just how much weight he had actually lost. The jacket seemed to float around him, and his pants looked rather baggy. Philip had managed to get him to have his hair trimmed and his face cleanly shaven. He did smile and look excited, but moments later he was fidgeting again and appearing very distracted. I noticed how he kept whispering in Philip's ear.
"Is he all right?" I asked.
"Yes, yes, don't worry," Philip said. "He'll do his small part okay," he assured me. "You never looked more beautiful, Dawn," Philip said. "Can I give you a good luck kiss now, before the rush?" he asked.
"Yes, Philip."
His eyes brightened, and he leaned forward to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my cheek to him. Disappointed, he planted a quick kiss there and pulled back.
"Good luck," he whispered.
"Thank you, Philip."
"I'd better get with the bridegroom. He looks like he's going to pass out any moment."
Randolph appeared to panic for a moment after Philip left, but I took his hand, and he smiled at me.
"It's a big day, big day," he said. "The hotel's just buzzing with activity. Mother's always been best when she's under pressure," he assured me, patting my hand.
Trisha and I exchanged worried glances, but thankfully, before any more could be said, the music started, and we began our march.
Jimmy looked so handsome waiting for me at the altar. As I drew closer and closer to him his eyes brightened. No one will ever love me as much as Jimmy does, as much as Jimmy always did, I thought. I'm so lucky to have him.
I was so terrified of doing something clumsy, I barely glanced from side to side, but I did catch glimpses of some of the guests. I recognized the faces of many of the dignitaries from the area and their wives, people I had met at different formal occasions. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Updike and Mr. and Mrs. Dorfman seated together, the men smiling, the women studying everything intently. Some looked very disapprovingly at me, I thought. They made me feel like an intruder, like a poor girl who had put on a rich girl's clothes and assumed a rich girl's identity and life.
I saw my mother flashing her smile at everyone, her jewelry sparkling on her soft-looking neck and perfect skin. Mr. Alcott was standing beside her and gazing warmly at me. He looked very dapper in his stylish tuxedo with a carnation in the lapel. Across the aisle Sissy held Christie in her arms. She looked darling in her white dress with the crinoline insert. Her golden hair was brushed softly and looked radiant. She stared intently, drinking in everything, fascinated with the scene taking place before her. Her eyes brightened with wonder the moment she saw me.
Here and there I caught sight of some of the hotel's department heads and their wives. Their smiles seemed more sincere.
I took my place beside Jimmy. His hand slipped around mine, giving me support. The minister began with a short prayer, giving thanks for this wonderful occasion. My heart began to thump like a drum. I was sure everyone in the chapel could hear it beating in my chest every time the minister paused and there was a moment of silence.
Finally he began, but just before he asked, "Who gives this woman to this man," Randolph leaned forward to whisper in my ear.
"I don't see Grandmother Cutler," he said. "Something must be detaining her. I'll be right back."
"What? No, Randolph." I turned to stop him, but he was already charging down the aisle. A murmur of amazement rippled through the congregation, and Mother looked as if she would faint. Bronson put his arm around her waist. The minister waited a moment and then looked at Mother. She said something to Bronson, and to my surprise and shock
he stepped forward, nodding at the minister, who then said, "Who gives this woman to this man?"
"I do," Bronson Alcott replied. Once again there was a ripple of surprise in the audience, but the minister continued with the ceremony. Almost reluctantly, I thought, Philip gave Jimmy the ring to slip on my finger.
I looked into Jimmy's eyes when he was asked to repeat his words, but I was distracted by Philip because I saw Philip's lips move, too. He was mouthing the oath: "To have and to hold, in sickness and in health . . ." It was as if he thought he was marrying me through Jimmy. He, too, mouthed, "I do." I was so shaken by it that for a moment I lost my wits and didn't hear the minister ask me to repeat my vows. But I got hold of myself, slipped his ring on his finger, and concentrated on Jimmy's eyes as I said the words that would link us together forever and ever, "Till death do us part."
We kissed, and there was applause as we hurried down the aisle together. It was over. I was Mrs. James Gary Longchamp.
The cocktail party and reception was set up in the hotel lobby. Mother, Jimmy and I stood in a reception line as the guests entered. It was Mother's idea that Mr. Updike stand beside Jimmy and myself so we could be introduced to some of the important guests that I hadn't met yet. It saddened me a bit because I knew it was something Randolph should really do but was incapable of doing. In fact, I didn't see him anywhere. When I asked Philip if he knew how he was, he said he would see.
Once the guests passed through the line they could go to either side of the lobby, where two bars were set up for drinks. Waiters and waitresses were dressed in the new uniforms Mother had designed especially for the occasion. The waiters wore bright red vests, white shirts and red bow ties with red slacks, and the waitresses wore white vests, red blouses with white bow ties and white skirts. They threaded through the crowd, offering guests hot and cold hors d'oeuvres: fried and boiled shrimp, egg rolls, won tons, caviar and pate. Some waiters carried trays of champagne.
In the far corner was the five-piece cocktail band. Once everyone had passed through our reception line, Jimmy and I and Trisha got ourselves some food and drink. Christie was down by the band with Sissy, clapping her hands and swaying to the music. It was a very lively cocktail party. Everyone seemed to be enjoying it immensely. Philip returned from looking for Randolph and told me he was all right, just doing some small things in his office.
"He's a bit confused, but nothing more," he explained.
"Isn't he coming out?" I asked.
"Sure. Soon," Philip said, and he mingled with some of the younger guests he knew.
Just before the announcement was made for everyone to proceed to the ballroom for the dinner and the dancing, Bronson Alcott came up to me and pulled me aside.
"I hope you aren't angry about what I did during the ceremony," he said. "Your mother was in a panic and begged me to do something when Randolph wandered off at the most inappropriate time."
"It's all right," I said. "I understand and appreciate it." He smiled widely.
"Might I give the bride a congratulatory kiss?" he asked. I nodded, and he kissed me rather softly and lovingly on my cheek, squeezing my hand as he did so. "The very best of luck to you," he said. "You two make a very handsome couple."
"Thank you," I said, and I watched him stroll over to Mother, who was obviously having the time of her life greeting people who were showering her with lavish compliments. She had already gathered a small herd of male admirers about her and was holding court.
A little bit later the band stopped playing and the bandleader went to his microphone to announce that he had been asked to tell everyone to proceed to the ballroom. As people entered they had to pass through a giant arch covered with red and yellow roses that spelled GOOD LUCK DAWN AND JAMES. On the other side of the arch, the maitre d' awaited at a desk upon which he had everyone's name and assigned table. The entire ballroom had been decorated in a wedding motif. Enormous white, green, blue and yellow styrofoam cutouts of bells and flowers, chapels and angels were hung on the walls. At the far end were gigantic cutouts of a bride and a groom at an altar.
All of the tables had real flower centerpieces. Beside them were bottles of champagne set in silver ice buckets. The guests received small mementos of the wedding: gold-trimmed matchbooks with "Dawn and James" printed on them in a gold heart and the date underneath, real leather bookmarks with our names embossed and figures of a bride and groom at the top and small makeup mirrors for the women with DAWN AND JAMES AT CUTLER'S COVE printed on the back.
While the guests were parading in I asked Mother if she shouldn't go see about Randolph.
"What for?" she said, grimacing as if I had shoved a tablespoon of cod-liver oil into her mouth. "He's so depressing," she added, "and he has already embarrassed all of us to no end."
"But . . ."
Before I could say anything more she saw someone turn her way and wave. She released a peal of laughter herself and hurried away.
"I'm going to see about Randolph, Jimmy. It will take these people a few minutes to get seated anyway," I said.
"Okay. I'll―wait right here." He kissed me on the cheek, and I rushed out to Randolph's office.
I found him seated at his desk, scribbling over a pad. He didn't look up when I knocked.
"Randolph?" I said, approaching him. "Are you all right?"
He lifted his eyes toward me and then looked at the pad. I could see he had just been doodling. Suddenly a single tear broke free of his left eyelid and began to trickle down his cheek. His lips trembled, and his chin quivered.
"She's gone," he said. "Mother's gone."
"Oh, Randolph," I said, both happy and sad that he was finally willing to face up to it. "Yes, she is."
He shook his head and looked at Grandmother Cutler's picture on his desk.
"I never really had a chance to say good-bye," he said. "We were always so busy . . . ." He looked back at me and shook his head. "We never really said the things that we should have said to each other. At least, I didn't say the things I should have said to her. She was always protecting me, looking after me."
"Randolph, I'm sorry," I said. "I know you have been avoiding the reality for so long, but maybe this is good. Maybe you can achieve things again, become what she would have wanted you to become."
"I don't know," he said. "I don't know if I can. I feel so lost."
"You will get better with time, Randolph. I know you will."
He smiled at me gratefully.
"How pretty you look," he said.
"Thank you, Randolph. You know it's my wedding day," I said softly. "The ceremony and the cocktail party are over. Now we're all going into the ballroom for dinner. Don't you want to come and celebrate with us? It's time for us all to enter together," I emphasized.
He nodded. "Yes," he said, looking around. "I'll be there," he said. "In a moment. I just want to get myself together." He lifted his heavy, dark eyes toward me again. "Good luck to you," he said, as if he would never see me again.
"Don't be long, Randolph. Please," I said. He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand and nodded.
"I won't," he promised. "Thank you," he said.
Mother was waiting impatiently beside Jimmy when I returned.
"It's time for us to enter," she said. "Where were you?" "I went to see Randolph. He's snapping out of it, facing the truth," I told her.
"Well, good for him. It's about time," she said sharply.
"He needs you, needs someone to help him," I said.
"Oh, Dawn, why bring up all this dreary business at a time like this?" she moaned. "It's your wedding day, for goodness sakes! Enjoy it!"
"He said he would enter with us," I told her, and I looked back for him.
Just then we heard the band inside stop, and then a drumroll begin. The master of ceremonies took the microphone and announced us.
"Ladies and gentlemen, your hosts, the Cutlers, and the bride and groom, Mr. and Mrs. James Gary Longchamp." "Where is he?" I cried.
"We can't
wait any longer. He's probably forgotten what you told him by now anyway," Mother said, starting toward the door. "Dawn," she snapped when I hesitated.
"I guess we'd better go in," Jimmy said.
I nodded and put my arm through his. I looked back one more time before we went under the arch, but Randolph was nowhere to be seen. Mother, undaunted, passed through first, bathing in the applause. The guests were all standing. Jimmy and I walked in after her, smiling and waving to people. The three of us went directly to the dais.
Seated with us were Mr. and Mrs. Updike, Mr. and Mrs. Dorfman, Philip and Bronson Alcott, who was placed on Mother's right. Randolph's empty chair was on her left. Sissy and Christie were on the far right end with Tricia beside them. Jimmy and I took our seats in the center, and everyone sat down. Almost as soon as we did, Mr. Alcott stood up.
The first thing the waiters and waitresses had done was to be sure everyone had his or her glass filled with champagne. Mr. Alcott lifted his.
"It's appropriate at this time," he began, "for someone to have the honor to offer a toast to the bride and groom. I am truly honored to be the one selected."
He turned toward us.
"The people of Cutler's Cove joyfully welcome Mr. and Mrs. James Gary Longchamp to our community and wish them health, happiness and success. May you two have a long and wonderful marriage and be blessed from this day forward. To James and Dawn," he cried, and the crowd of guests repeated, "To James and Dawn."
Immediately someone began to tap his glass, and the entire place reverberated with a chorus of tinkles. We knew that meant they wanted to see us kiss. We did so quickly, because Jimmy was quite shy about it. There was laughter and applause, and then the music and the meal began.
There was fresh melon and salad and a cup of soup. The main dish was filet mignon with baked potatoes and stir-fried vegetables. Mother had had the baker design bread in the shape of wedding bells. The courses were well spaced so that people could get up and enjoy the dancing while they feasted.
Jimmy and I got up and danced twice, and then Philip requested a dance. I looked at Jimmy. His eyes narrowed, but he nodded gently, and I accepted.
Cutler 3 - Twilight's Child Page 9
