by Laura Hilton
And to wish, and hope, and dream, and pray….
***
As Harley drove the car through the battlefield, Joshua wished that he and Annie could lose their Englisch escorts and somehow obtain a horse and buggy to transport them, instead. Driving slowly through the fields with Annie close by his side, feeling the fresh breeze in their faces, would be so much more romantic than sitting in the stuffy backseat of a car and gazing out at the scenery through closed windows.
Harley never stopped the vehicle for them to get out, since the other buildings around the battlefield weren’t open to the public that day. And the car maneuvered more quickly than a horse and buggy would have, meaning that their date was approaching its end much too rapidly.
There went any dreams Joshua had entertained of giving Annie a hug on the front porch of one of the cabins to thank her for giving him the opportunity to see it. To thank her for risking her job security—not that she had any, really—to take him there. And to thank her for spending time with him, despite the fact that he’d effectively ruined his reputation with the one girl he’d wanted to impress, both by coming across as a player and by acting irritated toward her about the pranks, in which she’d played not even a minor part.
He heaved a sigh as they drove away from the battlegrounds and back onto the highway toward Springfield. Back to Seymour. And back to the world where it seemed Annie was promised to Luke, not Joshua.
“Did you want to see anything else in town?” Harley glanced at his reflection in the rearview mirror.
Joshua shook his head. He didn’t know anything about Springfield, so he had no idea what was there to see. Plus, he figured Harley and Belle had given up enough of their day catering to him and Annie.
But Annie nodded and glanced at Joshua. “Jah, if you don’t mind. I’d love to go to the Bass Pro Shop. They have a museum there, and—”
“I think it’s closed for remodeling.” Belle looked back at them. “But there are some interesting things in the actual store. We could take you there for a little while. Pretty soon, though, I have to go to work, from two to ten.” She looked at Harley. “We could have lunch there.”
He nodded. “Sounds good.”
Joshua settled back in his seat. He had no idea what a Bass Pro Shop might be. Well, he was familiar with the terms, of course, but not in that combination. If Annie wanted to go there, he figured it might be good.
She gave a contented sigh and smiled at him. Smiled at him. A happy, I’m-glad-we’re-having-this-time-together type of smile. His heart stuttered, and he couldn’t help but turn slightly to study her as he wondered what, exactly, her look had meant.
Had she intended her declaration of “I like you, too” to be interpreted in the same way as he had wanted her to decipher his? He hoped so, especially since she’d repeated it. Maybe she really did want to spend more time with him, to get to know him better. Maybe even to court. And, maybe, she would one day be willing to leave her family in Seymour and move to Pennsylvania as his frau.
His gaze dropped to her lips. Were they as soft as they looked? Ach, he wanted to kiss her. Desperately.
Whoa, Joshua. He pulled back on the mental reins of his hopeful musings. “I like you, too” was a far cry from a promise. And it was certainly miles and miles from a lifetime commitment. But someday, maybe, if the good Lord willed it….
He looked away, then immediately wished he hadn’t. They were back in the city, and the traffic seemed even worse than it had been that morning, if that were possible. Fortunately, it wasn’t long before they reached the shop Annie had mentioned. The parking lot was so crowded that they had to park a distance away, almost to the road. Not that Joshua minded; he was used to walking. But anyplace with this many Englischers in it at once put him on edge.
He didn’t care if he’d be perceived as unmanly; he wanted to hold Annie’s hand for security. To make sure that she wouldn’t get lost somewhere in the throng. How on earth would he ever find her in there if they were to get separated? He got out of the car and surveyed the humongous building, his stomach churning.
He’d never find her. And then, he’d face the mind-boggling task of facing her daed and admitting that he’d lost Annie. In the city. Someplace they weren’t even supposed to be.
And then, to kneel and confess this major transgression—that would be a nightmare. Bile rose in his throat. Lord, forgive me. Help me not to lose Annie. Protect us from temptation and the evil one….
He reached out and took Annie’s hand, entwining his fingers with hers. “I’m not letting go, so don’t even ask.”
Chapter 13
Was it sinful for Annie to take such pleasure in the feel of Joshua’s palm pressed against hers? To relish the work-toughened roughness of his fingers? To bask in his attention, probably the way every other girl in the district did whenever he invited her home? Probably a greater sin was that this physical contact fueled her daydreams. And his gaze, lingering on her mouth, made her anticipate exceeding that stolen moment with the rim of his tea mug with actual kisses. Someday.
She didn’t resist when he pulled her even closer to his side as they walked through the doors with a throng of other shoppers into the big retail store. Nor did she care what was on sale. Sure, she liked fishing with her friends, but only for the social aspect. As far as she was concerned, those fish could live to swim another day. Nein, she wasn’t here for the gear. Right now, her top priority was the koffee shop—not their koffee, but their tea. If only the local McDonald’s had chai tea on their menu, too.
Joshua looked around, his eyes wide. “This place is…overwhelming. Who needs all this stuff to go fishing?”
“Oh, they have more than just fishing gear. You can buy supplies for hunting, camping, and other outdoor stuff. They also have wildlife replicas: bears, moose, elk, reindeer, and other animals. They also have aquariums filled with turtles, fish, and maybe even some otters.” She snapped her mouth shut, realizing she was rambling, and that his eyes were getting even bigger with information overload. “My favorite thing here, though, is the tea,” she added. The koffee shop was right inside the door, so she pulled Joshua in that direction and got into line.
Annie had been dreaming of chai ever since Joshua had first mentioned the idea of going to the battlefield. At least that part of her dream was coming true with little effort.
The part about Joshua wanting to court her…well, that remained to be seen. But a girl could hope. And his behavior this morning was certainly fueling her hopes. She imagined Aaron moving in with his frau and her parents, and Joshua and her getting married and living in the haus, with Mamm and Daed moving into the dawdi-haus they’d build next door. Joshua would eventually take over Daed’s machine repair business and beekeeping.
It would be a dream come true.
When they reached the counter, Annie placed her order and then turned to Joshua. He stared up at the menu, his face awash with a mix of confusion and panic. Then, his hand gripped hers more tightly. “Um, I’ll have what she ordered.”
“Chai?” Annie confirmed. “Have you had it before? It’s tea, with milk and spices, and—”
“Tea’s fine. I like tea.” Doubt flashed across his face. “I’ve never had it with milk. And I’ve never heard it called ‘chai.’”
“Two chais?” The woman behind the counter raised her eyebrows.
“It’s gut,” Annie assured him, then nodded to the cashier. “Two, yes. Please.” She turned back to Joshua as he paid for the drinks. “Okay. We wait over there.”
“How many times have you been here before?”
“Only once. We stopped here, at the koffee shop, and then visited the museum next door.”
“The one that’s closed?”
Annie smiled. “That’d be the one.” They got into another line.
He angled his head. “‘We’?”
Annie’s face heated. She didn’t want to admit she’d been here with Luke. “Ach, just some friends. During my rumschpringe.”<
br />
Joshua shook his head and leaned closer to her. “This Englisch world is confusing,” he whispered. His breath tickled the hair on her neck, and she shivered.
When they picked up their chais, Joshua took a sip of his and wrinkled his nose, but he continued to drink it without comment.
Annie felt more than a little uncomfortable, wandering around this fancy store. She was glad Joshua stayed so close to her, still holding her free hand.
Even if things between them went back to normal once they returned home—whatever “normal” was—at least they’d had this moment. This day.
***
In Joshua’s eyes, the day with Annie ended way too soon. Before he knew it, he stood with her beside the low-water bridge, waving as Harley and Belle drove away. They were back in the world where they belonged, but also in the world where he couldn’t hold her hand, couldn’t whisper in her ear, and couldn’t court her, unless the man who claimed she was promised to him somehow got out of the picture.
If only Luke would go back to the Englisch world.
Joshua immediately repented of that thought. He shouldn’t wish Luke away from the fold. Luke needed to confess, needed to stay, for his own salvation. And he needed to find a new girl, so that Joshua could have Annie. Pure selfishness on Joshua’s part, he knew, but he couldn’t help it.
Joshua certainly had things of his own to repent of, starting with misleading the church leaders in Seymour and leading them to believe he planned to stay, when he had absolutely no intentions of doing so. Guilt gnawed at his conscience. Still, he couldn’t go around announcing his agenda. That would end everything. He’d be sent home early, without any further chance of winning Annie’s heart. Dishonest or not, he had to hold his peace. For now.
They started walking toward the Beiler farm.
“I had fun today, Josh.” Annie grinned as she mimicked what the Englischers had called him.
When he smiled back at her, a faint blush colored her cheeks, and she averted her eyes shyly.
“Jah. Me, too.” If only he could think of something to invite her to do with him next weekend. Or even tomorrow. Something. Anything. “Uh, you want to go to Jacob’s work frolic this coming weekend? You could help with the painting and stuff. I’m not sure what all they’ll need doing.”
She nodded. “I’d love to. Danki for inviting me.”
He sucked in a breath. “I’ll give you a ride.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Speaking of that, are you planning on buying your own horse and buggy? Or just borrowing Daed’s for a while longer?”
Ouch. That was something else he hadn’t thought of. There was no point in buying his own horse and buggy if he wouldn’t be staying in Seymour. And someone was sure to suspect him, sooner or later. After all, Matthew and Jacob, both of whom had come with him from Lancaster, had purchased their own this past summer. Joshua had gone along to the horse auction to help them pick good ones.
“Ach. I don’t know yet. Eventually, I suppose.” Evasive. But honest.
“Nein hurry, jah? Becky’s haus is close enough for us to walk. It’s just down the road a mile or so.” Annie pointed to the right.
“Jah. So, we’ll walk, then.” Joshua smiled at her. When he heard the clip-clop of a horse coming up the hard-packed dirt road, he wondered if they should separate so that they wouldn’t be seen together. He wasn’t ashamed of being associated with Annie, but he didn’t want to cause problems for her. And if she was ashamed to be seen with him, she could ask him to hide or to go on ahead of her.
But she didn’t. Maybe whoever was driving the buggy wouldn’t recognize them. Well, Annie was pretty unmistakable, dressed in her typical brown dress. Not too many other women dressed in brown around here. They preferred as much variety as possible in their wardrobes.
He doubted the driver would recognize him. In fact, he or she might think he was Luke.
Then again, it could be Luke in the buggy.
Joshua glanced over his shoulder to see. He raised his hand and narrowed his eyes to see whom he was waving to.
Luke.
Go figure.
Joshua stayed by Annie’s side. Seeming not at all curious, she hadn’t looked back to see who was going by. Perhaps she wasn’t concerned, since they were almost home, or because she wasn’t worried about Luke finding out.
Joshua was tempted to take her hand, but he didn’t, not wanting to damage her reputation any. Instead, he leaned in closer to her. “Think maybe you’d like to go for a walk sometime?”
***
Joshua’s question caught Annie off guard. “You mean to Becky’s, right?” she asked. “Next week? I already agreed, ain’t so?”
Joshua scratched behind his ear. “Um…well, actually, I was thinking along the lines of tomorrow. It’s not a church Sunday. Or, I could take you on a buggy ride.”
Annie’s shoe caught in a rut in the ground, and she stumbled slightly. Joshua’s hand immediately grasped her elbow, steadying her. She felt the sparks all the way to her toes.
He released her as soon as she’d gotten her footing again, but she tripped over something else, a tree root. Not on purpose. “Careful, there.” Chuckling, he grabbed her by the elbow once more. He probably thought she’d tripped just so he’d hold on to her. She really needed to watch where she was walking instead of looking off expectantly toward the future, bright with the promise of love.
Perhaps “promise” was a bit presumptuous. After all, this was the man who’d taken almost every single girl in the district home from a singing or a frolic at least once. And going for one walk with him would hardly constitute courtship. It would merely make her like all the other girls.
She straightened her back, found her resolve, and told her head to shake from right to left. “I really appreciate the offer, Joshua, but I’m thinking nein.”
He retracted his hand again and slackened his pace, allowing the distance between them to grow. But he didn’t say a thing. Not one word. He simply gave a single nod of his head, confirming that he’d heard her and accepted her refusal, and that was the end of it.
She thought he could have at least tried to insist. After all, they’d spent a wonderful day together, acting like a courting couple during their rumschpringe. Couldn’t he have asked her to reconsider?
She wished that he would. Because she hadn’t planned on making “Nein” her final answer. And her heart sank with the realization that his quiet acceptance might very well be the death of her dream.
Chapter 14
Nein? After their enjoyable outing? Joshua was disappointed, hurt, and, most of all, confused. He’d assumed she would agree to take a walk with him, at the very least. Give their friendship a chance to grow into something more. But it appeared not.
Still, he wasn’t prepared to give up just yet. There had to be more than one way to win Annie’s heart. Maybe the simple act of sharing dinner at the same table, night after night, would earn him some favor. And he could offer to take her home from the next singing, if she didn’t have a ride. If she refused, he wouldn’t ask anyone else, for how else was he to topple his reputation as a player?
Besides, she’d already agreed to go with him to the work frolic at Jacob’s. Surely, that was something to give him hope.
When they reached the end of the Beilers’ driveway, Joshua sighed at the sight of Luke’s buggy, parked in front of the haus. Beyond it was Luke, sitting on the front porch, like he belonged, nursing a glass of what appeared to be pink lemonade. It looked refreshing, despite the bright-pink color. Joshua wanted to make a beeline for the shop, the barn, or anyplace else that wouldn’t require him to walk by Luke. Yet he’d seen Isaac through the front window, sitting in a chair reading a newspaper. Probably the Budget. Being so new to the family, Joshua felt he should go inside, present himself, and see if there was anything Isaac wanted him to do.
What would happen, now that Luke would know for sure that Joshua had moved in with Annie’s family? After boldly claiming that he woul
d steal her away, he feared that nothing good could come of this.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Annie’s shoulders slump. It shouldn’t have, but it made him glad, because it reinforced his hope that she’d severed ties with Luke, that she was no longer his.
Luke stood up, his dark brown eyes narrowed in an angry glare at Joshua. He drained his glass of lemonade, set it on the porch rail, and took a step forward, never taking his eyes off of him. His mouth opened, and he drew in a sharp breath, as if he were about to yell.
“What are you doing here, Luke?” Annie demanded, her hands on her hips.
Luke shifted his gaze to her. “I came to see you. I told you, we need to talk.”
