by Maya Hughes
I could barely move. His arms were so tight across my chest there was almost no movement. A gentle rocking and deep thrusts of his already embedded thickness. It was like he didn’t want an inch to separate us. I dug my fingers into the sinewy muscles of his arms. His grinding strokes came at a punishing pace. I’d never had anyone take me like this before.
It was all new, like everything else with Heath. My legs shook as the grinding sent me over the edge. He tightened his grip even more. My orgasm crested even higher at the complete and total possession of my body.
His cock expanded inside me, triggering another orgasm as he pumped into me. My thighs were coated with our combined essence. We both groaned at the separation when he slid free from me and held me tight against him. My shaky legs barely held me up.
My back was pressed against his hard chest. I wrapped my hands around his arms still barred across me. Tugging against them, he loosened his hold, so I could spin in his arms.
I pressed my hands against his back and rested my head against his chest, listening to his racing heartbeat. We stood there with the insistent tink of the rain off the glass, rolling thunder. The glass enveloped us in its warm embrace.
His arms tightened around me, and his fingers trailed through my hair, playing with the last vestiges of the purple that clung to my strands. “He’s gone.” His voice cracked.
I squeezed my eyes shut against his skin and wrapped my arms even tighter around him. “I’m so sorry.” Words escaped me. Tears glittered and clung to his eyelashes.
“Let’s get you home.” I took his hand, and we both got dressed in our soaked clothes. By the time we left the greenhouse, the rain had quieted to a gentle spray. The rolling thunder was farther off, and the lightning had stopped. His movements were stilted and robotic, like leaving the cocoon of the greenhouse had been too much for him. My heart ached for his pain.
With our fingers threaded together, we walked to his house. It was quiet and dark.
“I think Declan might still be at the hospital. Or maybe he’s at Mak’s.” His words were far away and hollow.
“Let’s get you out of these clothes and into bed.” Not even a smirk or a smile. I was at a loss. The devastation hung so heavy that it sucked all the air out of the room. I had only met Preston briefly, but I couldn’t imagine what Heath was going through. The guys on the team all seemed so close from the few interactions I’d had with them.
We climbed the stairs together, every creak and groan of the wood beneath our feet highlighted by the silence. Declan’s door was open, and his room was empty. I turned on the shower and put it as warm as I thought Heath could take it. Slowly I peeled the wet clothes off his body, exposing every inch of him in a way that felt so much more intimate than any of the other times we’d been naked together. I shoved his sopping wet clothes into the plastic laundry basket. There was a small closet behind the door.
Opening it, I was relieved to find a stack of neatly folded towels. I grabbed a couple and a cloth. He stood outside of the curtain with a thousand-yard stare. Drawing back the curtain, I turned it on and tested the temperature. The clink of the shower rings on the rod broke through the droning patter of the water. I gestured for him to get inside.
His hand shot out. “Don’t go.” It wrapped around my wrist as I turned to put the towels down on the counter.
“I won’t.” My words seemed to placate him, and he stepped inside, drawing the curtain back to keep the water from splashing out.
I hadn’t been sure the best thing to do, but I nodded and slowly stripped out of my clothes. His eyes followed my every move, and somehow I felt more naked than I had back in the greenhouse. We were both an exposed nerve, raw and aching in so many ways. He stood under the spray completely still and jumped when I ran my hand over his shoulder. Closing his eyes, he leaned against the tile wall and placed his hand over mine.
The water cascaded over us, washing away some of the soaked-through-to-the-bones feeling. He tilted his head to the side and opened his eyes. Staring into mine, he dragged my hand from his shoulder to his chest. The strong thump of his heart pounded under my hand.
“I couldn’t stay away.” His voice was laced with regret.
I shook my head. My throat tightened, and I hated this helplessness. I hated that I couldn’t fix this and make him feel better. That the world might not make sense right now, but there was something…someone he could hold on to. There had been so many times in my life so early on that things had spiraled out of control. Turned my world upside down and there hadn’t been anyone there to show me I wasn’t alone.
Sometimes the only thing you needed to do for someone was show them that the crashing waves wouldn’t last forever and that there would be a time when the pain wasn’t so keen and sharp that it brought you to your knees. That there were people who would give up anything to smooth the ragged edges of your heart. I pressed my hand into him. He covered the back of my hand with his.
“Turn around.” His words caught me off guard, coming out rough yet calm. I slowly turned.
The spray of the water sent a shiver down my spine, and his hands skimmed across my shoulders. A squeak as a bottle top opened, and then his fingers were in my hair. His touch delved deep to my hair, scraping along scalp. Goose bumps rose on my arms as he worked the shampoo into a gentle lather. I closed my eyes and sank into the moment. This was something I wanted to brand on my brain and never forget. Something so small, but it was something he needed to do. I wasn’t going to tell him that my hair would be an epic frizzy poof ball if I didn’t use my special curly hair shampoo, or that he’d better be prepared for the tangled mess in the morning. If he needed to take care of me right then, I’d give that to him because I needed to. More than anything I’d ever needed before, I couldn’t stop myself, even if I wanted to from giving him that comfort.
A strong spray of water rolled through my hair and crested down my back. Once all the soap was gone, his lips brushed against my shoulder. The slow, gentle way he ran the soap over my body and every second he showed me how much he cared brought tears to my eyes. We didn’t make it out of the shower until we were both pruney.
I turned off the water as we were both asleep on our feet. The events of the day—and I’d only experienced them through him—had wiped us both. The mirror was steamed over with streaks of water trailing down the glass. He stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist before holding one out for me. His arms enveloped me as he blanketed me in the towel and got one for my hair.
Running his fingers through it, he spun me around and folded me into his arms. He rocked me like there was a song playing I couldn’t hear. It hit me how much this was like that first night we’d had stared into his eyes and some of the light had returned. The edges were still tinged with pain, but I didn’t nearly double over with it when I looked into them like I had before. He took my hand, and we walked back to his room with the towels wrapped around us.
Declan’s door was closed. He must have come in while we were in the shower. Heath closed his door and sat on the bed, pulling me closer so I stood between his open legs. Slipping his arms around my waist, he rested his head against my stomach.
Running my fingers through his damp, golden locks, I stared into his eyes.
“He was too good to go.” His words skirted across my skin. “Why is it that horrible people seem to live forever and come back to haunt us, but the best of us get taken away too soon?”
“I don’t know.” I ran my hands along his back. His muscles strained like he was trying to keep it together.
“I’m letting everyone down. I let him down.” His voice cracked.
I leaned back until his arms loosened. Crouching down in front of him, I grabbed his hands and held them in mine. “No one would ever say that. We’re all only doing the best we can. That’s all anyone can ask. Do the best you can and be true to who you are. That’s all you need to be. Let’s get some sleep.”
He nodded, and I turned off the light. We cr
awled into bed together and wound tightly around one another. His head rested on my stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair. It slowly dried as his eyelashes fluttered, and his breathing evened out. His arms that had been wrapped tightly around my hips loosened a little as he drifted away into sleep.
I had no idea what tomorrow would bring, but this was a turning point for us. A turning point for me. I’d been fighting this thing between us for so long for a goal I didn’t even know if I wanted anymore. It wouldn’t end at the end of the semester, it could be something that followed me for the rest of my career. Was that even what I wanted to be doing? Give him up for something I didn’t even love? Not like I loved him.
A tingle shot through my fingers, and I wanted to write somewhere, on something, but I wasn’t going to move. Instead, I traced the words I hadn’t yet been able to say across Heath’s corded back, hoping they would give him even more comfort and strength when I couldn’t stand beside him.
28
Heath
Standing in front of the mirror in my room, I adjusted my unknotted tie around my neck, the long black fabric in stark contrast to the white shirt underneath. Suits weren’t exactly something I was comfortable in. There were a few times back in high school when we’d had to wear them for board of director’s types of events to celebrate our wins. Colm, Mr. GQ, would have to round me, Ford, and Declan up and tie our ties for us. Emmett had run in those circles, so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for him. Declan and I had worn them a couple times for events with the president of the university. Preston had always been there to make sure we weren’t late watching our hundredth YouTube video to get the knots right. He’d always been there like a mother hen, trying to keep us all in line.
I glanced behind me and drew in a shuddering breath as her warm touch ran across my shoulders. Our gazes locked in the mirror, and she stepped in beside me in her black knee-length dress, only we weren’t going out for a nice meal; we were going to say goodbye to my friend way too early. It had all been arranged in less than a week. Her hands ran along my lapels and up to my tie. Working quickly and efficiently, she twisted the fabric and looped it up and over itself, and gently pushed the knot up higher and fixed my collar.
All I could do was stare down at her as the soft and gentle curls of her hair draped along the side of her face. The days were melding together, but she was my constant. She’d been there since the day I’d found out, only leaving to go to classes. We’d slept wrapped up in each other every night, making slow, gentle love where I poured out my heart into her hands and only expected the quiet comfort of her arms in return.
I could hear his voice saying I needed to protect her. This wasn’t protecting her, but sometimes the hurt was so deep and so raw you were clinging to the side of a lifeboat even if you knew it might bring you both down. Where we went from here, I had no idea. Not falling asleep with her hair tickling the side of my face or her leg hitched over the top of mine as she snuggled in tight felt like I might as well ask the sun not to shine. She hadn’t said anything about it yet, but the conversation was one we couldn’t avoid.
My phone buzzed.
Mom: I’ll be there as quickly as I can for the service. I’m stuck in traffic. I love you, sweetie.
Mom had wanted me to come home, but I’d decided to stay on campus. Better to be around the guys and with Kara. There wasn’t anything she could do. There wasn’t anything anyone could do.
Things had been put together quickly. Imogen had worked overtime, handling everything Preston’s parents couldn’t. There wouldn’t be a burial, only a celebration of life on campus. It was the best way to ensure everyone in the campus could be there, and no one wanted to do this twice.
Imogen’d been the picture of strength and resolve, and I had no idea how she was doing it because I could barely walk straight. We’d tried to help out however we could, but she assured everyone that everything was taken care of.
Kara threaded her fingers through mine. We turned around at Declan and Mak’s grim reflection in the mirror. They stood in the doorway with the same dour expressions. Mak had her hair up in a bun and wore a dress similar to Kara’s. The past few days had been weird. You don’t notice how much people talking filled the silence until no one was talking. Until everyone was staring back at you with the same shell-shocked expression and no idea how to form words that made sense in the new world you’d been ushered into.
The looks on our faces were reflected in every face we saw as we walked closer to the center of campus. I held the umbrella over my and Kara’s heads as we stepped into the hall they usually used for graduation and other big events. Some people in regular clothes heading to their normal classes glanced at us as we passed.
Preston’s parents sat in the front row. Imogen was crouched down beside them, holding on to Preston’s mom’s hands. An older couple sat beside them. The woman looked like Imo—they must have been her parents. People filed in behind us, and she popped up the second she saw us. Striding down the aisle, she smoothed out the front of her dress.
“I’m so glad you guys are here.” Imo’s small smile was eclipsed by the tears glittering in her eyes. “You can sit anywhere, and there will be a chance for you to say something if you’d like.”
We nodded silently and filed into a row of seats behind his parents. The hardwood creaked as we worked our way down, taking over the entire space. Our team would be here to support them.
Imo walked back down the aisle and up onto the stage. Outright sobbing came from the back of the auditorium. I fisted my hands as the tears built in my eyes. Blinking them back, I glanced over at Kara. She gave me a watery smile. When would there ever be enough tears?
A gentle hand squeezed my shoulder. I glanced back and covered my mom’s fingers with mine. They were both here with me. The two most important women in my life.
Kara ran her hand over the back of my other hand. Her fingers traced a pattern, and slowly the tension ebbed out of my muscles. There were hockey jerseys lining the edge of the stage. Large floral wreaths on both sides and one with Preston’s picture in the center. It wasn’t a long event. Declan got up and spoke. I couldn’t do it. It was like my feet were frozen to the ground. Preston’s parents got up and thanked everyone for coming, for being so supportive of our team and giving him some of the greatest years of his life on the ice. His dad wrapped his arms around Mrs. Elliott, and they collapsed into their seats.
Our coaches spoke about Preston’s determination, overcoming adversity to become our captain, and the way he united the team. It was Becca’s turn, and her hands trembled as she tried to read the prepared words she’d brought up onstage with her. Imo stood next to her with her hands on her shoulders. Preston’s parents were a wreck, so she’d gone up with her.
Two sentences in, Becca’s voice wobbled. Imo whispered something against the side of her face, and Becca cleared her throat and tried again. The papers shook in her hand, and Imo held her close and slid the papers away. Becca clung to her with her arms wrapped around her waist.
“There aren’t many people in this world who always look for a way to help, but that was Pres in a nutshell. He would do whatever he could to make sure the people around him succeeded and were protected, even if that left nothing for himself.” Imo’s voice cracked, and she dropped her arms from around Becca before bolting out the back of the stage.
Preston’s mom shot up and chased after her, with Becca only a few steps ahead. Tears streaked down everyone’s cheeks. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place. Coach got up and said Preston’s number would be retired and the season would be dedicated to him.
Everyone poured out of the hall in a daze. Mom wrapped her arms tightly around me and squeezed me so hard. I hugged her back, while still holding onto Kara’s hand.
Breaking her hold on me, Mom glanced down at our intertwined fingers.
“Looks like you’ve been keeping a secret.” She pulled Kara to her.
It had been a secret. One we were still
in danger of having discovered, but Kara was the only thing that kept me tethered through the fog and haze of despair.
“Kara, this is my mom, Theresa. Mom, this is Kara.”
They exchanged their hellos, and I looked back at the jerseys lining the stage as we filed out. One second Preston was here and I’d been ready for him to kick my ass, and then he was gone. No more friendly hungover games together. No more…anything.
There was a reception afterward, but we were drained. Only out of the house for an hour, and I couldn’t think of anything other than crawling back into bed with Kara. Declan and I would be gone for a game tomorrow. No fucking clue how we were going to pull that off. The coaches had put it to us for a vote, and everyone chose to play. We needed to go out there and do this for him. We needed to get back into our routine, so it didn’t feel like we were members of the walking dead.
Some pizza and The Breakfast Club was what we’d decided on. Mom promised to make us even more food than she already had. Old comforts to get us through a time like this. We walked under the budding trees that lined the path that crisscrossed the main campus quad. I tightened my hold on Kara and peered over at her, kissing the top of her head.
“I knew there was a reason you wanted to transfer him.” A snide voice came from beside us as we hit the path cutting across campus.
Kara’s hand tightened on mine, but she didn’t let go.
“Now is not the time, Jason.” The hard edge to her voice snapped me out of the haze. I hadn’t ever heard her use a tone like that before.
“It seems awfully inappropriate for you to be holding hands with one of your students.”
I whipped around. “Why don’t you mind your own business?”
“I’d say it’s probably university business with what’s going on here.” He raised his voice, and my hackles were up.
