by Gail Haris
The next morning as I’m walking to my car, I hear footsteps from behind me. I turn around to find Carter. He stops a few feet away and stands there, towering over me with his hands in his blue jean pockets. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” I raise my hand to shield my eyes from the sun.
“I just wanted to apologize again for us getting off on the wrong foot. I mean, I did walk through fire for you, but for what I said. Also…” He looks down at his shoes and then back up to me. “And for last night. I didn’t mean to see you.”
“It’s fine. I’m pretty sure Lolly arranged for the window incident. And I appreciate you rescuing me from the apartment fire, obviously.” I shift my weight from foot to foot. He seems to still be waiting for me to say something. So, I add, “I accept your apology.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
“Have a great day at work.”
“You too.”
With a nod and a single wave, he turns around and heads to Lolly’s house.
“Vasquez! We need you now!” I rush to the sound of the urgency in Teagan’s voice. Several nurses crowd around the bed. The white sheets are already turning red. A teen in a football uniform is convulsing on the exam table and his eyes are glassy. I quickly shut down my emotions so I could focus on helping this poor boy. Doctor Jones rushed in and began calling out commands. She examines him and determined he must’ve taken some kind of drug. I hook him up to the machines as quickly as I can. His heart rate begins to drop, and I shout, “No!”
Doctor Jones calls out, “Let’s numb the patient’s throat and get the lubricated tube. More vital alarms sound all around us. No, no, no. You’re too young. Hands and wires are everywhere on him. Sweat gathers around my brow as I assist Doctor Jones and we begin to try and pump the patient’s stomach. Then, the worst sound in the world registers in my ear.
Flatline.
I refuse to let go. I try pumping against his chest. And again. Nothing. He’s gone. A set of hands pulls me away. I hang my head and step out into the hallway. Tears silently stream down my face as I walk away from the body of a boy who was far too young to die. I open the room to the janitor’s closet and slide down to the floor and do the only thing within my power right now…I bury my face between my knees and cry.
I couldn’t save him.
After my shift, I stop at the store and grab a bottle of wine. When I get to Lolly’s house, I don’t even go inside. It might be rude of me, but I need a moment. I walk straight to the backyard and plop down on a little hill in her backyard that drops down to the edge of her yard where’s there’s a wooden fence blocking off the property line. I open my wine, eager to block out today. Thankfully I wasn’t the one who had to tell the boy’s parents, but that didn’t make hearing the mother’s cries any easier.
“Hey.”
I turn around to find Carter standing a few feet away from me. I look back at the fence before me. “You know, when I first arrived at this house, I wondered why there wasn’t a fence on that side of the house. Makes sense now.”
“Yup. Makes mowing a hell of a lot easier on me.”
I make a noncommittal sound and take another drink from my bottle. He remains standing there watching me, so I cut my eyes to him. “If you think if you stand there long enough that I’m going to offer you any, you’re out of luck. I need every last drop tonight.”
“Wine isn’t my thing anyway. I’m a whiskey-on-the-rocks man.”
When I don’t answer or acknowledge him, he takes a few cautious steps toward me. “I’m going to venture a guess it was a rough day at the hospital?” I still don’t answer or look at him. “You want to talk about it?”
“No.”
With that, I hear his feet retreat. Good. I don’t need someone to watch me cry and get drunk. Unless you’ve been through it, you don’t get it. People don’t understand what it’s like to watch the life leave someone. To hear cries of pain and see the fear in their eyes as you try to help them. It’s not just knowing how to treat a patient, sometimes it’s treating them under pressure and having to make those split-second decisions that could determine whether they live or die. There are no ‘oops’ or mistakes at my job. Then there’s the times where you know you did everything you could, but it still wasn’t enough. Those are the nights you go home and spend all night wondering what if? What if I’d reacted faster? What if I’d done this instead? What if I’d only recognized the signs a second earlier? Would it have made a difference? Some jobs those differences aren’t that big of a deal, but in my line a work, it’s the difference that will impact that person and their families for the rest of their life.
Heavy footfalls alert me that Carter has returned. “Stand up.”
I look up and he’s holding a bottle of whiskey in one hand, a short glass in the other, and a thick blanket under his arm. I stand up and he lets the blanket drop to the ground. He kneels down, places the bottle on the ground, and then goes about spreading out the blanket. His long legs stretch out as he goes about pouring the whiskey into the glass. He looks over at me and then nods toward the spot next to him on the blanket. I slide my shoes off and sit criss-cross next to him. I’m surprised when he holds the glass out to me. Without a word, I take it and down the small amount in the glass.
Carter gives me a small smile that tugs at the corner of this mouth. He takes a long drink from the bottle. I hold my glass out and he fills it a little more than before. We sit there for over an hour without speaking a word. My mind is finally numb and I’m positive I’ll be able to sleep with no problems.
“Thanks. I needed this. You get it, and that means a lot.”
“Ah, I’m sure any guy would willingly sit here with you.”
I release a humorless chuckle. “You’d be surprised.” He studies me a moment. Screw it. I’m tipsy and suddenly feeling chatty. “My last ex was a complete moron, and possibly a little racist. Go figure. Anyway, he…” I suck in a breath. “He didn’t get this life. My job. My passion for helping, and he would dismiss the hard days. Then again, he dismissed my feelings, so why would a stranger’s life matter? Anyway, I’m rambling. I’m single, and I plan to remain that way.”
He doesn’t speak, so I swallow and stand up, Carter stands as well. I slide my shoes back on as he gathers the blanket. I hold out the glass, and instead of taking it, he fills it up. With a wink, he walks back to his house.
I drink my whiskey as I walk back to the house. Lolly is waiting in the kitchen when I walk in the back door. She eyes my whiskey glass in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other, my car keys dangling from my scrubs pants. I hiccup and she just shakes her head.
“There’s leftovers in the fridge.” Before she leaves the room, she says, “It’s not good to drink alone.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know. I’m glad you let Carter sit with you.”
I narrow my eyes and she shuffles away. That’s a sneaky little lady. I like her.
I think I like Carter too. He was an ass in the beginning, but I love that he sat with me. He didn’t pressure me to talk. More than that, he didn’t dismiss that I had a horrible day. It’s like he got me. Maybe he does get it with his job. No telling what he’s seen or had to do. His presence gave me some much-needed comfort that I don’t think he realizes he was giving. I hope on all my bad days I have someone to drink whiskey with underneath the stars. It was nice. I bet it would be even better on a good day.
I dispose of the whiskey glass in the sink, but carry my wine bottle to the bedroom. When I open the bedroom door, I feel a light breeze. Lolly has left my window open again. Sitting the wine bottle on the nightstand, I unfasten my key chain and set it there as well. I walk over to the window, prepared to close it when I see Carter standing in his bedroom. The lights are still on, so I can easily see him moving about the room. The window is still open. He has to know it’s open, and I can see him. Did he think I wouldn’t be going to bed soon? Or did he want me to see him? He’s still dressed
as he irons what looks like a shirt. I take a step back and pretend like I don’t notice him as I slide my shoes off. Taking a deep breath, I don’t look back at the window as I slide my scrubs top above my head. I pull the clip from my hair and allow it to fall in waves down my back. He’s watching me. I know he is. I can feel those hard eyes burning against my back. I slide my pants down, purposefully bending over a little so he gets a good view of my cheeky lace panties. My ass isn’t small, it’s round and my thighs are thick. I want to turn around and see his reaction, but I don’t. I reach behind me and unhook my bra, then I drop my arms, letting the material slide down and then fall to the floor. With more confidence than I have, I walk with my head held high and switch off the lights. My room falls into darkness. Walking in the shadows, I slide under the covers, leaving my window open.
Is it an invitation for him to come over? Is it because I want him to know I’m open to him? I don’t know why I just did what I did. All I know is that my mind is blissfully numb, so I don’t want to read too deep into my actions. If he did come over, I wouldn’t turn him away. If he doesn’t come? That’s okay too. Either way, there’s a nice cool breeze and fresh air filling my room, and for a few moments, I was able to find a little peace after having a horrible day.
Carter
My hands roam over the globe of her ass. It’s hands down the most gorgeous ass I’ve ever seen. The red lace against her tan skin is one of the most sinfully delicious sights I’ve ever seen. I need to maintain some control, or I’m going to lose it and come before I even get a chance to see the rest of her. Natalia. Her name is like a song. It’s perfect for her. She’s so fucking beautiful. Everything about her calls to me. Those sweet brown eyes that make me want to hold her but are also damn fierce. She’s compassionate and damn strong. I want to consume her like she’s done me. Ever since I pulled her out of that house and made a complete ass of myself, I’ve been thinking about her more and more. Doesn’t help things with the little strip tease she pulled last night.
Speaking of…naughty little minx. I take a little nip at her hip and she giggles. I place a few open-mouthed kisses along her side, and the sound of her sweet moans is not helping me maintain control. Oh, Natalia.
RRRRR.
I sit up in the bed. What the hell? I look around my empty room and then down at the tent I’m pitching.
RRRRR.
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I cringe as the sound of a lawnmower continues to roar in my ears. Ah, I left my window open. No wonder it sounds…
Oh no, no, no. I jump out the window and run across the lawn to Lolly’s front yard. “Hey! Hey!” I jump in front of the riding lawnmower that Natalia is driving.
She shrieks and stops it before it can run me over. Natalia pulls the earpods from her ear and stares at me. “What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to figure out what you’re doing? Get off my lawnmower before you wreck it and the yard!”
“Wreck it? I know how to drive! I’m trying to be helpful! Asshole.”
“Look…I appreciate the thought. But nobody ride’s Big Green but me. This is my mower, and only I sit in the driver seat.” She continues to stare at me wide-eyed. “Get off the mower, please. I’ll put her back in the garage.”
“You can’t be serious. It’s a lawnmower, not a classic muscle car.”
“Big Green is not just a lawnmower. She’s mine. I don’t get in your stuff.”
“You have a problem with sharing, Carter?”
I place my hands on my hips and walk around to the side of the mower. I lean into her. “I have a big problem with sharing. I. Don’t. Share.”
Putting my hands under her arms, I lift her off the mower and place her feet gently on the ground. I hop on my mower. Before I can turn the engine on, the divorced neighbor, Miss Wilton, across the street calls out.
“Carter! Hello! If you have time, you are welcome to mow my lawn. I’ll bake you my famous apple pie!” I groan. She bites her bottom lip as I give her a hello wave. “And please don’t bother with pants or a shirt.”
I drop my hand and look down. I’m only in my black briefs. “Fuck.”
Natalia crosses her arms and quirks a brow at me. “Idiot.” With that she walks off.
When I go next door, Natalia has already left for work. Lolly wastes no time getting on to me for yelling at Natalia.
“I wasn’t yelling.”
“You were making an ass of yourself. Was it such a big deal she was trying to help? She wanted to do something nice for you.”
“Me? Why?”
“You were nice to her last night.”
“Well, the yard is my job. I don’t need any help. Plus, she doesn’t need to feel obligated. I also don’t want her getting any wrong ideas about us. She’s new and doesn’t know that I’m a confirmed bachelor.”
Lolly rolls her eyes and places her hands on her hips. “Believe me, I don’t think any woman in their right mind is going to chase after a man who still has his Lolly making his breakfast.” She reaches behind her and slams the plate of eggs in front of me.
The chair scratches along the wood as she slides it out and sits next to me. “Carter.” Her voice has turned gentle. “I know you like to mow and keep up the yard because that’s something you and Pops did. Big Green was your thing with him. She wasn’t going to tear up your lawnmower, son.” She takes a moment and then continues, “And Natalia is far from anything like Payton. It’s okay to connect with her. You loved Payton, but sweetheart, you never connected. You never understood each other. You’ve barely known Natalia, but there’s chemistry there. And I can tell, you both have an understanding about each other. She might be the only woman who could put up with you. Don’t push her away. At least allow her to be your friend.”
“I don’t think I can be her friend.”
“Because of your attraction to her?”
I shake my head. “I’m not the same, Lolly. That part of me—it’s not there anymore. I don’t connect. I only feel pain or numb. It’s been two years.”
“You have to open back up. You’ve shut yourself up and trapped all of that hurt in there. Open up. Let it out and let the good back in.”
I lift my fork to take a bite of eggs, but I’ve lost my appetite. With a nod to Lolly, I stand and walk out of the house. She doesn’t understand. Why would I want to expose myself to the betrayal again? My brother, who was my best friend, obviously slept with my fiancée. Friends and lovers, I’m over it. There are only three things I can count on and that I love: my job, my team, and my Lolly.
It was a quiet day at the station, which I’m grateful for. My mind could use a rest. My body too. I’m getting wound too tight over Natalia, and once my shift is over, I decide I have to change my mindset and get back to the old me. I’m walking toward my house when I hear music coming from Lolly’s. It sounds almost like a party. What the fuck now?
I enter the house to find only Lolly and Natalia in the kitchen dancing. There’s a speaker with what must be Natalia’s phone connected to it because Lolly sure doesn’t have a smart phone.
“Eh, Lolly! Whoo!” Natalia calls out as she sashays around my grandmother who is shaking her breasts. That’s a sight I will never recover from. The only reason I’m not pouring bleach into my eyes right at this very moment is because watching Natalia’s hips swaying is worth the torture.
“Oh, Carter! Come dance!” Lolly calls out. Natalia immediately stops dancing. She quickly turns around and starts rearranging some bowls on the counter. “Natalia, don’t stop dancing just because he showed up.”
He showed up? Am I interrupting something? Am I suddenly the downer to their party? Not welcome in my own grandmother’s house, I guess.
“Yes, Natalia. Don’t stop dancing on my account? I was enjoying it, actually.”
She turns around and gives me a glare. “I didn’t stop because of you. Don’t flatter yourself. I stopped because I need to finish supper.”
“Ah. You stopped so you could finish supp
er…for me? So, you did stop on my account?”
Natalia grips the counter and then laughs. It’s not a ha-ha, funny laugh, though. It’s one of those laughs that causes little warning bells to go off inside my head. It’s the laugh I use when somebody has really screwed up and I’m about to knock them a good one. She turns around, slowly, and takes a step toward me.
Yup, I’m in trouble.
Lolly steps in between us. “Natalia! I have something to show you. I almost forgot.” She winks at me before she hurries toward her desk in the adjoining living room. As soon as she opens the drawer and I see what’s laying on top I rush toward her.
“No, no, no.” I reach for the calendar.
Lolly quickly grabs two more and tosses them to Natalia. I look in the drawer and it’s full of calendars.
“Lolly! How many of these did you buy?”
“It was for a good cause. And I’m proud of my grandson.”
I pinch my lips together and refuse to make eye contact with Natalia as she flips through the Fireman’s Calendar that features yours truly.
“Well, trick or treat, Mr. October.” Natalia smirks. I look over, and despite her trying to appear nonchalant, I don’t miss the red creeping along her chest. Or the way she’s eyeing my photo a little longer.
“Like what you see?”
“I see that Macy is the credited photographer. She did a good job making you look halfway decent.”
In the photo I’m shirtless, of course. There’s really nothing she hasn’t already seen, so I decide to tell her just that. “You’ve already seen more of me than that. Far less decent, wouldn’t you say?”
And I’ve seen more of her. I give her a knowing smirk. Her eyes widen a bit, and then she slams the calendar closed. “Dinner’s ready.”
I’m excited but annoyed at the same time to see she’s as affected by me as I am her. Hopefully she finds a new place soon before I do something really stupid.
