“What do you mean?” I asked, my mind now cast awhirl.
“You are to go with Lord Hartford,” she said quietly.
“But,” I stammered, my thoughts a jumble, wondering if this was all perhaps still some kind of dream.
“Now do not act so foolish, child,” Aunt Agnes hissed. “Have I not prepared you for marriage all these years? It is obvious, is it not? You are to be Lord Hartford’s bride.”
“I don’t understand,” I ventured, my heart quickening.
“It is the express wish of both our families that our fortunes are to be united,” she replied. “And now is the time. You do understand what happens between a man and a woman, don’t you?”
She seemed especially vexed as she asked this final question of me, as if perhaps I had already done something wrong. I did not understand quite what she meant, but at the same time I knew I must answer in the affirmative or else she might scold me further.
“Yes, Aunt,” I replied, solemnly. “I do.”
“Good,” she replied, nodding to herself. “Lorna has packed your things. You will leave here at dawn.”
And with that she took up her candle and left my room, slamming the door shut behind her.
Now fully wide awake, I lay there in the darkness, unable to comprehend what life might be like outside these walls. But one question in particular kept returning to my befuddled and churning mind: what did happen between a man and a woman?
When Lorna quietly entered my room at first light, she found me already awake, for I had barely slept a wink.
“Oh, Amelia!” she said, feigning happiness and normalcy. “You’re already awake! I have drawn your bath.”
I could tell that beneath Lorna’s happy act, she was sad, and trying hard not to bring up the day’s events. But I wanted to talk to her so much; after all, she was my closest – nay only – friend.
“I am to go away, Lorna,” I began.
“Yes, dear Amelia,” she replied, turning to me now, her face growing sad. “We always knew this day would come. I will miss you very much. But there is a whole world out there and you must see it.”
“Will there be parties like in my books?” I asked.
And at this, Lorna’s expression brightened. “Yes, Amelia! There will be parties, you shall have clothes and carriage rides. You shall go to the opera. You shall see London. You shall have many adventures ... And do you know what, Miss?”
At this, she stood up and put her hands proudly on her hips.
“Perhaps it is time that I leave here too. This house is no place for a pair of young girls like us now, is it!”
I laughed, beginning to feel cheerful and excited.
After I had bathed and dressed, I walked down the stairs with Amelia to find Aunt Agnes and Lord Hartford – my husband-to-be, I realised all over again – waiting for me at the foot of the stairs.
As I approached them, I found my mind dwelling upon that strange word, husband, and all that it contained; such mysteries and curiosities, which I supposed I too would soon finally be privy to.
And just for a moment, Lord Hartford’s eye caught my own, as if he could look right into my head and read my innermost thoughts, and I quickly turned away, blushing.
“I shall attend to my horse,” I heard him say to my aunt, “and leave you both to say your goodbyes.”
Once he had left the hall, I turned to my aunt. She may not have been the most warm or forthcoming of women, but you must understand, reader, that she was all that I had in the way of family, and so despite her severity I still felt something of a tenderness for her.
“Farewell, Aunt,” I said. “You have looked after me well all these years.”
“I did my duty,” she replied, with her usual coldness. But still I persisted – eager to let her now that I held a place for her in my heart, despite her strictness and cruel nature.
“I shall come and visit you!” I offered.
“No, child,” she hissed, her eyes growing smaller, her pale face flashing with distain. “You are to have your new life now. You must leave an old woman in peace.”
And so with that curious final goodbye, I left Aunt Agnes in the dark of the hall and walked slowly out to the carriage, listening to the crunch of the gravel beneath my boots, feeling the early morning sun beat down against my pale skin, and feeling my heart soar as I dared to let myself finally think about the world outside Sandwell Hall.
Just then I heard a noise behind me – fast footsteps upon the gravel, coming this way. I turned around and there was Lorna, racing towards me.
She grabbed me and hugged me tight to her bosom. “Miss Amelia,” she said as she stroked my hair and planted a heartfelt kiss upon my forehead. “Don’t forget me.” And with that, she thrust something into my hand.
“My charm bracelet!” I exclaimed.
“Yes, it is time for you have it now.”
I looked the beautiful silver charm bracelet, that Lorna had kept hidden away for me all these years, safe from Aunt Agnes.
I put it safely in my pocket, then hugged Lorna, with just as much love as she had hugged me. “Dearest Lorna, you have been my only friend. Of course I shall never forget you.”
But even as I was speaking, I could make out the shadowy figure of the footman, dressed head to toe in black, looming behind me, holding open the door to the carriage for me; for it was time for me to leave.
I planted a final farewell kiss on Lorna’s soft cheek, and then, with my heart positively pounding in my chest, I turned and stepped into the carriage, and took my seat opposite Lord Hartford.
Daring a timid glance towards him, I saw that his gaze upon me was rather stern, and I worried for a moment that I had simply replaced one cold guardian for another. But then, the carriage pulled away, and I looked out of the window, and finally truly realised: I am actually leaving the house!
And the further the carriage took us from the house, the more I gasped in delight, having never seen the full beauty and splendour of the countryside that surrounded it.
“My, it is so vast!” I exclaimed, turning once more to venture a glance in Lord Hartford’s direction.
He looked back at me with a gentle smile, and said, “Of course. All this will be new to you. Please enjoy the sights; you will not need to practice your conversation with me just yet.”
I looked at him and tentatively smiled back, thinking that perhaps he was not such a stern guardian after all. Maybe my husband was to be kind, after all.
And so with that I returned to the window, watching everything go by, my heart now filled with wonder and excitement. And even though I had been longing for this day all my life – to finally leave the grounds of the house and see beyond its bounds – perhaps it was the sleepless night, or perhaps it was the gentle rolling motion of the carriage, because before I knew it, I found myself drifting off to sleep.
The journey seemed to last forever. We took two overnight rest stops – sleeping in separate rooms in country inns along the way. And it seemed that the early trace of kindness Lord Hartford had shown me was quickly vanishing, for he took his meals alone, and barely paid me any attention, keeping mostly to his room.
With some sadness, I wondered whether this new arrangement between us would continue once we arrived at the house, but I contented myself with thoughts of what my new home might be like – and hoped that I might be afforded a little more freedom than I had been allowed under the watchful gaze of Aunt Agnes at Sandwell Hall.
Finally, on the morning of the third day, Lord Hartford said to me, “We shall be arriving soon.”
I felt myself blushing as I replied, “Forgive my ignorance, Sir, but where exactly are we to live?”
“Your new home is Hartford Hall,” he replied. “It is considered the finest estate in all of Northumberland. The house is built in the same style as your old home. But you shall find it has rather more life. I hope that you will be happy there. You may find it overwhelming at first, but I trust you will get used to it in
good time.”
A little while later, the carriage made a turn, sure enough taking us into the grounds of a large estate. I gasped as I looked out of the window: at the large house, and the beautiful green lawns ...
“Oh, it’s wonderful!” I exclaimed, truthfully. For it already looked so much happier and brighter than my home back at Sandwell.
“I’m glad it gives you pleasure,” he replied. “For you are to be its mistress.”
Lord Hartford was indeed correct when he suggested that I might feel overwhelmed at first. There just seemed to be so many people at Hartford Hall, milling around everywhere I looked. I felt dizzy from being around such crowds. A whole line of servants were waiting outside the house to greet me as we arrived, and yet more seemed to be to-ing and fro-ing from the house; more people than I had ever seen at one time before. And so many of them men, too – footmen, butlers, gardeners.
Once inside the house, I saw just what Lord Hartford meant about it containing more ‘life’. The house itself was somewhat larger than Sandwell, but so much brighter, too. There were paintings on the walls, and flowers everywhere, whereas all the decoration at Sandwell had been minimal and somewhat dark in nature. But here lamps blazed in every corner of the hallways, and pretty bouquets bloomed here and there. Although the effect was beautiful, the sheer combination of people and brightness – so much for a girl like myself to take in – made me feel lightheaded and shaky, almost as if I might faint.
But luckily, just then a young woman, perhaps a few years older than myself, curtsied in front of me and said, “Miss Amelia, my name is Emily. I am to be your maid. Here, let me take you to your room. For you must be tired after such a long journey.”
In my state of wonderment and exhaustion, I could do no more than nod, grateful to be taken away from the bustling throng of people.
We climbed the stairs, and she led me along a large upper corridor. I looked at all the paintings hanging on the walls and thought about Lord Hartford’s many ancestors: all the many people who had lived in this house over the years, of which I too would now number.
I was taken to a room and I positively gasped at its beauty. It was bright and clean, decorated in feminine pinks and whites, the whole effect of the furnishings and soft fabrics so pretty and elegant to look at, like something from a picture book. I could hardly believe it.
“This is to be your chamber until the wedding tomorrow,” Emily explained. “And then of course you shall join Lord Hartford in the main suite.”
“Thank you, Emily,” I managed, still somewhat overwhelmed.
With another curtsey, she left me alone in this bright pretty room, closing the door gently behind me. And as I slipped between the beautiful linen sheets, I realized that this was to be my very last night as a girl.
For tomorrow I would become a woman. I did not know exactly what my duties were to be in the bridal chamber, only that we were to lie together, and that men were made different from women.
Oh, how much I still had to learn ...
“Do you, Amelia Elizabeth Olivia Frances Sandwell, take James Maximilian Beckwith Hartford to be your lawfully wedded husband?” The priest’s words echoed around the small chapel, his stern gaze now moving from me to Lord Hartford.
I too looked across at my new husband, dressed so smartly in his black morning suit, his dark hair shining with pomade, his strong, distinguished features fixed in a serious expression.
“I do, I said, quietly.
And with those simple final words we were married.
It wasn’t quite the way I had imagined it from the books I had read back at Sandwell. I had always thought that I would be married in front of hundreds of people. But instead Lord Hartford’s old butler, Potter, and his wife who worked as a cook in the house, were our only witnesses. I imagined a huge imposing church, too. But instead we were in the simple chapel, nestled within the grounds of the house. And I had imagined myself in a fashionable white wedding dress, just as Queen Victoria wore, but instead found myself in a simple navy blue dress, in some ways more fitted to a funeral than a marriage ceremony.
Was this to be my life? I wondered. All my hopes and dreams appeared to be crumbling into dust.
And the wedding breakfast too felt as sombre as a funeral, for we ate alone and in silence in the vast dining room.
Almost as soon as Lord Hartford finished the final mouthful of his meal – although we were now married, he still felt a total stranger so that I could not call him James, even though this I had learned was his name – he stood up and announced, “I have business to attend to. But I expect you to be waiting for me in our suite tonight. Emily will help you prepare.”
With that he was gone, leaving me alone to finish my wedding breakfast in silence, my poor head whirling with anxiety.
That evening, kind Emily took me to the suite of rooms that I was now to call my home. There were two bedrooms, each furnished with their very own bathroom, and both connected by the living room.
My new room was furnished in a somewhat similar fashion to the last one – still elegant and feminine, but now the pale pinks and whites had been replaced by more grown-up colours; a palate of various blues, from delicate powder blue silk to sumptuous midnight blue velvet.
Emily opened a large closet on the farthest wall, then turned to me with a smile, letting me gaze in upon what looked like hundreds of beautiful dresses.
“This is your trousseau, Madam,” she explained. “Lord Hartford wished for you to have everything you will need to be his wife.”
I moved towards the closet, staring in wonder at the many sumptuous garments it contained, my head positively spinning. I reached out to touch them, then stopped myself.
“Go on,” Emily urged with a gentle smile. “They are all yours. You may handle them as much as you wish.”
So I began to look through the racks – oh, such beautiful fabrics, silks and satins, this closet seemed to contain all the colours of the rainbow! They were just as pretty and elegant as anything I had laid eyes upon in books, even the pictures in fairy stories that had delighted me so as a child. Maybe all my hopes and dreams weren’t to turn to dust after all, I thought to myself happily.
I gasped, the delight overcoming me, and Emily placed a hand gently on my shoulder. “Oh, Madam. You are so lucky! He is such a kind man, anyone would wish for him to be her husband.”
I looked at her in puzzlement. Because the man I had seen was so cold, so untouchable. However could he be kind, I wondered to myself.
And I wanted to ask Emily if it was really true, but she must have mistaken the look on my face, for all of a sudden she quickly stepped away from the wardrobe, turning her head to the floor. “Forgive me, madam. I forgot my place.”
At this sudden turn of events, I realised I could no longer ask her the questions I longed to now, and I felt a little sadness creep in, because for a moment I really thought I had another friend here in this house. But it was at that moment that I realised that she was simply another servant.
“I will leave you now,” she said quietly. “The negligees are in this drawer here. You shall wish to change into one of those for when Master arrives.”
With that, Emily made her leave of me, shutting the door gently behind her, leaving me alone in the sumptuous chamber. A wave of tiredness washed over me. I was truly exhausted. Just a few short days ago, I had been at Sandwell Hall, in the only home I’d ever known, spending my days as normal in the childhood schoolroom, no idea that my life was about to change completely and utterly.
I lay down upon the bed, and without even pulling the covers over me I fell into a deep and dreamless slumber.
When I awoke again I realised I must have been asleep for several hours or more. From the window, I could see that the sky outside was growing dim, the moon beginning to shine out from behind a nestle of clouds.
My lord would be returning soon, I thought, and so I must prepare myself for him.
I walked over to the beautiful oak c
hest beside the closet that held the remaining part of my trousseau. The chest was filled to the brim with beautiful delicate items, so different to the touch from the cotton pinafore I had worn every day back home at Sandwell Hall.
I removed a silk nightdress of the very palest pink, cut into a low V at the chest, with delicate straps on the shoulders, so soft and cool to the touch. First I simply held it up to myself, noting that it reached right down to my ankles. It was embroidered at the hem and at the bosom with beautiful pale pink rosebuds. Oh, it was so grown-up, so elegant, and I knew it was my duty to wear it tonight, for my husband on his wedding night.
In one corner of my room was a dressing screen, and as I ventured towards it, I realised that behind it stood an enormous gilt-edged floor-length mirror. As soon as I caught sight of it, I gasped. For what I saw there startled me.
You must understand, dear reader, that I had never seen my entire body like this before. Aunt Agnes had a curious dislike for mirrors, and as such there were hardly any in the entirety of Sandwell Hall. All I had ever used was a simple small hand mirror, so that I could check that my face was clean before dinner.
But this ... This was truly different. This was the whole of me at once, from top to toe – something I had never seen before.
So this was how others saw me, I thought to myself as I took in my full reflection. My hair was tied in a simple braid, which I undid, watching with childish delight as the dark brown glossy waves tumbled down around my pale slender shoulders. My hair really was beautiful after all, just as I had suspected. You see, I had once told Aunt that I was pleased to have such long and shining locks, curling gently to my waist. But she had quickly admonished me, explaining that such vanity was a sin, and the very next morning, Lorna had been instructed to cut my hair to above my shoulders. And since that day, I had kept it tied in a simple braid, letting it grow back without ever mentioning the fact, for fear that my aunt would have it cut again.
Awakened by a Lord: Victorian Nights Page 2
