I really tried to have a civilized conversation with him that night, but it was so not my best day and luck was running away from me. When I wanted to seat next to him, feeling uncomfortable because Monica didn’t tell me he’ll be there, and being so aware that I couldn’t date someone as hot as he was, I almost stumbled across the chair next to me. During a conversation about the United States’ political situation I almost spilled the coffee on his white, tight shirt, which looked so good on his muscles. And then I hit the bottle of wine. It fell on the floor, fortunately, but I hated myself in that moment.
On my way home, my right heel broke, and I knew I will never see Morgan again.
Only that’s not what happened.
He was attracted to me in an inexplicable way, considering every time I was with him I stumbled over something, or did something really crazy. But I wasn’t complaining for the fact that he liked me. I liked his company.
He was smarter than I thought, he played basketball at college, and he could have a civilized conversation, and make some lame jokes, too. And that seemed really comforting, considering college was getting completely irritating now.
We became a couple after we gone out about 5 times. I mean we only been out a couple of times, the rest of them we hanged out with our group, but we talked and laughed a lot every time, creating our private world. And I looked way better than the first time every time we went out. Presentable, I may add. And slowly I started to avoid my usual “accidents” that happen around him.
So I couldn’t complain at all.
I had no reason to think about Matt now, because after all he was someone I’d spent a few weeks with, and it was useless to wonder about “what if?”
That wasn’t important. Now I lived in Los Angeles, studied at UCLA, and had amazing friends and the past was just that, past.
Chapter 8
Private Emotions
~*~ Emma West ~*~
I looked into his deep, blue eyes, feeling my heart skip a beat as he smiled, so confident, and sweet, wrapping his hands around me while his lips met mine. It was the best sensation in the world, feeling how his hands slowly caressed my back, and his mouth was on mine, being as close as we could be. I managed to get on top of him, and he smirked but I decided to ignore that, while I felt the hairs of the back of my neck stand up in the moment his hot lips touched my neck. I moaned and Matt kissed me yet again. I was holding him so tightly, as if I let go of him, I would lose him. And I didn’t want that. No. I wanted Matt. Badly.
“Gosh, Emma, I missed you so…” he whispered, looking at me.
“I know,” I cut him, smiling shyly, and biting my lip.
I have never thought I could feel something like this. It was so strong and I felt myself melting in his strong arms, as he kissed me once more. I don’t want this moment to end.
My breath increased as he deepened our kiss, and I forgot completely about anything else, the only thing I could feel were Matt’s lips on mine, knowing that’s the only thing I needed, as he gently let me on the bed.
“Hey!” I felt the bed moving next to me, and my heart was still beating faster than normal as I reached out my hand to find Matt… What?! “Emma, wake up!”
I slowly opened my eyes, then shut them again when noticed the annoying light.
“C’mon, Emma, I have something to tell you!” Oh, someone was jumping on my bed…
Then it all made sense. I opened my eyes and looked around the room.
Matt?! I just had a… dream about Matt? Kissing… Matt? No! That can’t be. I jumped out of bed, Gabrielle yelling at me while I got out the room, heading towards the bathroom. I turned on the water and I bended over the sink, running my hand through my hair.
I was still trembling like crazy and I hated myself for that.
How could I dream about Matt? I haven’t even been thinking about him lately. It’s been almost six months since I last saw him, so why should I think about him now? Or better said, dream about him?
C’mon, Emma, get a grip, it was a dream. Just that, a dream!
What I hated the most was the fact that I seemed to enjoy this. Kissing Matt, in my dream. Because was just a dream. Matt lives in Connecticut, and I’m in freaking Los Angeles! I mean, I love it here! I have Monica, and Gabrielle, and all our friends and… oh, Morgan! I can’t believe it!
After calming down, about 15 minutes later, I took a shower, and headed out to find Gabrielle with a magazine on her lap, looking at me with an angry face.
“Hey, I’m… sorry I acted like that, I…”
“Yeah, it doesn’t matter,” Gabrielle cut me off harshly. “Where is Monica?”
“I have no idea…” I started, just when the door opened, and a fresh Monica in sports outfit walked in.
“Gosh, I hate how Ben always lets me win!” she complained, throwing away her tennis racket. “He’s terrible, he doesn’t suck at it! Oh hey, Gaby!”
“Finally, you’re here!” she rolled her eyes. “Okay, so I have this huge news!”
“Bring it out,” I said, not truly curious about it. I can’t believe I dreamt about Matt!
“I have to tell you who I met yesterday in the club!” she said, showing the cover of the latest Okay! Magazine.
And there she was, in her strapless, blue dress, looking incredibly sexy and better than most celebrities nowadays. Next to...
“Shia LaBoeff?” Monica yelled. “Oh, I met him, too. He’s such sweetheart, right? Dude, you look good in that dress.”
“I know he’s amazing!” she yelled, bumping up and down around the house. “And I’m in a magazine! Can you believe it? Have you ever been on a magazine, Emma? Or you, Monica? No! Well, I am!”
“Oh, she’s such bitch” Monica giggled. “I’m happy for you, Gabrielle. Seriously.”
“So, after spending the night clubbing, he invited me to have…”
“Breakfast?” I interrupted her and Monica bumped her fist to mine and burst out laughing.
“You can definitely ruin a man’s mood!” Gabrielle complained. “No. I mean, we could’ve had breakfast, if you know what I mean…”
“Of course we know what you mean, we’re not 10!” Monica laughed.
“You two are just mean. But it doesn’t matter, I just need someone to brag to,” she smiled and sat next to us, looking at the magazine. “So, he asked me out! For real, like… on a date! Shia LaBoeff!”
“Yeah, I know, it’s awesome. He was terrific in Transformers!”
“I know, right?” she paused only to stare at her picture on Okay! Magazine. I was so happy for her. “By the way… There are only two weeks left for Christmas! Are you going home or staying?”
“No idea. I haven’t thought about it. I…”
If I went home, I would have the opportunity of seeing Matt again. Maybe I could just drop at his house and… ask him how he’s been or something. Yeah. That would be nice.
“I think I’ll go home, but I don’t know what to do…”
“About Curtis? Or do you have problems with your folks?” Monica asked, unwrapping the ribbon she had in her hair.
“No, my parents are all cool,” she sighed and looked at me. “It’s not just about Curtis… It’s about everyone! It all happened during Prom! I mean… Everyone knows about it! I’m not invisible like you are, Emma, people would remember these kind of things.”
I gasped and wanted to say something, but, of course, during these months I got used to Gabrielle’s ironies and her stupid comments.
“What?” she asked confused. “Oh! I’m sorry, Emma. I have a big mouth, you know that, right?” she asked, wrapping her arms around me. “You’re not invisible now, you’re like a social butterfly, you know? But in high school everyone is just mean and they will remember 20 years from now…”
“You are mean, Gabrielle, and I bet no one even remembers what happened!”
“No kidding?” she asked, glaring at me. “Okay, check this out!” s
he hissed, placing the laptop in my lap.
“And what should I…”
Before finishing my sentence, I saw what she meant. There was a special page for her, called “God exists, Gabrielle Gomez got what she deserved!” and the page had loads of likes. This is crazy, it can’t be possible!
“So do you still think they won’t remember?” she asked, her voice shaking.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, feeling incredibly guilty for talking like I did on Prom.
“Yeah, it’s okay. Not your fault,” she said, trying to smile. “Anyway, I have to go. Just let me know if you decide to go home.”
I nodded and when Gabrielle left, there was a really weird tension in the air. I looked at the page and hated myself for what I said on my Prom night.
“At least she met Shia, right?” Monica finally said, slowly her lips turning into a smile.
*
I couldn’t stop thinking about my dream with Matt. I felt awful about it, because I was the one who made it this way. I stopped talking to him, knowing the distance would be too difficult to deal with. And I missed him in a way I couldn’t describe.
Yes, I usually say he doesn’t matter anymore, that I am happy here, and, thank goodness, I am, but those weeks with Matt were just perfect. And the night we spent together… Well, I don’t particularly intent to go there now.
While Monica went to the grocery store, she accepted to go again this week by herself, although I should’ve helped her out, and left me alone with my thoughts. And thinking was not a good option right now.
I sat on the couch taking my laptop in my lap, and tried to avoid Facebook. I knew if I reached Facebook, I would totally check Matt’s profile. And I would surely send him a message. And that wasn’t good.
I left the laptop on the coffee table, and I just lied on the couch, thinking about the reason why Matt was so present in my mind.
A few months had passed since I last seen him. Yet, I dreamt about him. And it felt amazing. And wrong. Yes, wrong, because now I had a boyfriend I actually liked. And it wasn’t fair to him. Or to Matt, because I was the one who told him to back off. I knew it would be easier to hate myself for ending it then than allowing Matt to hurt me. I knew he would.
But then again, who was I to assume everything about him? Yes, I’ve met Matt and hung out with him for a few weeks, and it had been perfect. He was great, smart, friendly and hot. Deathly hot. And I was afraid I wasn’t enough for him. That he’d get bored to have a long distance relationship with me, and then leave me. But what if he didn’t? What if he actually got to like me for real and I blew everything because I was afraid?
C’mon, Emma… What’s done, it’s done. You can’t actually do anything about it!, my conscience scolded me.
Maybe he doesn’t even think about me. He surely got over me as soon as I left town, or maybe after I’d sent him that e-mail.
“What are you thinking about?” Monica asked, sitting next to me.
“I didn’t hear you come back,” I avoided her question while running my hand through my hair.
“Yeah, you know I’m Cat Woman,” Monica smirked, and got up and went to the kitchen. “I bought ice-cream! I don’t know why, I was in the mood and it seems we need it now!” she said, coming back with a bowl. “Spit it out, what’s bothering you, roomie?”
“You’re so curious, right?” I asked, taking a spoon, and tasting the ice cream. “This is really good!” I complimented her.
“Thank you. And for your own information, Miss West, actually yes. It’s eating me, so spit it out!” she demanded, making herself comfortable on the couch.
“No, it’s nothing actually.”
“You’ve been like this for like… two days or something! And I gave you space and everything. Are you jealous of Gabrielle? You’re like this since she told us about her Shia affair,” Monica smiled.
“Yes, surely I’m jealous of my best friend. Besides you,” I added, when I saw her face frowning. She slightly relaxed, and I smiled to myself. “No, has nothing to do with her. I’m just… tired, you know? And I’ve had this…”
Just when I actually wanted to tell her about my dream, her cellphone rang and she cursed while reaching through her purse.
“It’s Ben, sorry,” she said with an apologetic look. “Yes, babe? What? Yes, okay, fine. I’ll spend the day with Emma, no worries,” she smiled, turning to look at me with an evil look in her blue eyes. “Yes, see you tonight. Yes, love you too,” the smile remained on her lips long after she hung up. “So, where were we?” she looked at me, expectantly.
“No, you know… I… It’s all really confusing and I miss home,” I lied, hoping she would buy that.
“Hmm…” she gazed at me, searching for signs to make sure I am not lying. “Then you should go home with Gabrielle. I will go to Canada with Ben. There. I said it!”
“Canada?” I asked, surprised. I knew mom wanted me home, actually. I haven’t called this week, so I didn’t know their opinion about it. “That’s awesome, why didn’t you tell me before?” I hoped she actually will stay focus on this subject and forget my weird moods.
“Oh, I wanted to make sure you will go home, and try not to feel bad because I’m leaving you here alone. But if you go home, I will feel better about it.”
“You’re awesome, Monica Martin, you know it, right?”
“Yeah, of course,” she smirked then hugged me. “You’re pretty awesome yourself, Em.”
I nodded and sighed relieved. Monica started talking about Canada, and I knew that just wasn’t the right moment to tell her about Matt. I felt that if I didn’t talk about him, it will disappear. That would be less true if I don’t talk about it.
It was better to deal with this on my own. Monica and Gabrielle would unquestionably make such a fuss about it! Actually, this is what I was doing. But it was my fuss, so it’s accepted.
Just stop thinking about Matt already!
*
Monica, Gabrielle and I talked to Craig, Marshall and Jane to hang out at Destiny’s. Was Jane’s day off, but of course, we all gathered there, so Becca could hang out with us, too.
I spent the rest of my day listening to Monica talk about her trip in Canada and how she “really” wanted to see Vancouver, and maybe she will have the chance to meet Jensen Ackles, since he was shooting Supernatural there. Yeah, she was going to Canada with her super-hot boyfriend.
It took me almost an hour to get ready, because Monica just didn’t seem to like any of my dresses so she lent me a really short, yellow dress and made me wear Jimmy Choo’s. Thanks God we were driving there! Also she helped me with my makeup, and she did it professionally, also with my hair, and she decided to curl it, so it took her about 15 minutes. Yeah, I would’ve spent the whole day, and it still wouldn’t look like that. But Monica was like a makeup artist. She was really good at this.
When she finally said she’s ready, got out of the bedroom rocking a pair of leather shorts and a black top, with high heeled shoes. Her golden hair was down her back, making every Victoria Secret’s model jealous.
“You really don’t look good at all!” I remarked sarcastically.
“You kinda suck, too, my friend!” she laughed. “I think Morgan will have a lot to think of when he’ll see you with that dress. If we still got time, uh, the things I’d do to you!” she bit her lower lip, and then laughed. “Dude, you’re no fun!” she complained. “Let’s go, Emma. Move!”
She took my hand, and we laughed till we reached her car, she always hated to drive but I didn’t trust myself on heels, so I didn’t even ask her if she wanted me to drive. We stopped a few times, because first she was thirsty, although we did head to a restaurant, next because her legs hurt due to her shoes, so she had to take them off… It was a pleasure to drive with Monica!
Then when we finally arrived, I had to wait for her to put her shoes back, to apply lipstick on her lips, although she didn’t need it and after that she
lent it to me, while she arranged her already perfect hair. Then her favorite song came on the radio and she said she has to listen to it until it ends, so I had to stay here, listening to her sing-yell to Britney Spears’ Scream and Shout.
“It’s Monica, bitch!” she sang, happily. “Come on, Emma, why are you still here?” she scolded me. “I have to wait forever for you!” Monica complained, and I rolled my eyes before grabbing her arm and walking with her through the doors.
Gabrielle was already there, laughing with Jane, while Marshall and Morgan debated something. I noticed Morgan was really concentrated on something, and he looked incredibly hot. I hugged Gabrielle, who didn’t seem happy, but said she didn’t want to talk about it. I sat next to Morgan, and he took my hand in his and I smiled, while he continued his discussion with Marshall and Jane.
“Seriously, what’s the matter with you?” Monica asked Gabrielle while checking the menu. “I am so hungry!”
“Where is Ben?” Gabrielle was as good as I was at changing subjects.
“I have no idea!” Monica sighed. “He said he’ll meet me here. After ditching me today. Men,” she shrugged and took a sip of her diet Coke. Gabrielle smiled to herself then caught my eye and I shook my head and she smiled even wider.
“Hey, guys,” Craig said, sitting next to Monica. “So why is the lady of my life feeling lonely?”
“Jared, c’mon,” she laughed, placing her hand on his arm and laughing. “I was dying of loneliness. It is so hard to watch you swing around here, without even looking at me…” she sighed, then laughed again.
She and Craig were actually hilarious. But he doesn’t make too many jokes when Ben is around. I guess the answer is pretty obvious. Ben is a pretty intimidating, with his dark look…
“If I were Ben, I would never leave you,” he smirked, putting his hand on Monica’s shoulders, and she laughed. I leaned my head on Morgan’s shoulder, and he wrapped his right arm around me and kissed my forehead. He was nice.
Perfect Match Page 6
