But of course, Sabrina wasn’t right. Or maybe just a little. I mean, Emma was still the only person I’ve said and meant the words “I love you” and when she said it back everything fit perfectly. And now I was about to marry Monica and she was dating that stupid Alex guy. And yes, I was jealous. How could I not be?
*
I stayed in my office after hours because I had no intention to go back home and see Monica and pretend everything was great.
At first I wanted to believe Emma was just trying to get back at me for what I did and that’s why she accepted to go to dinner with Alex, but now, after a few weeks since they started dating, it seemed pretty serious and instead of being happy for her, I was jealous as hell and annoyed that fact I couldn’t get rid of my mistakes.
And right now, I really couldn’t.
Maybe at first I could’ve told Monica I wasn’t looking for a relationship with her and she would’ve understood, but right now? Right now after I stupidly proposed to her, I couldn’t do anything to change it.
I was stupid to think that I’ll forget about my feelings for Emma. That they would just go away and we would be friends like before and that we would act like grown-ups do.
But now she was dating Alex, who was one of the most annoying people I’ve ever met, with his stupid smirk and arrogant self and I couldn’t do anything to get Emma back. Maybe she would take me back at first, but she’d really hate me afterwards. Monica would hate me. Rick would hate me too, cause it’s his sister we’re talking about.
And I hated I couldn’t talk to Rick like we used to, or Ben. When I talked to Ben everything was all polite and stuff. It’s like talking about the weather with your best friend! All I wanted to do now was tell him I have been wrong, I acted just like everyone else thought I’d act and now I can’t get out of this situation. Of course, Monica has her part too, cause she insisted on it and moved too fast, but how could I blame her? I was the one who slept with her when I was supposed to try and make things right with Emma. But on the other hand, Monica was trying to get over Ben. And she only got over me. Literally. And I was his friend!
My whole meditation and complaining about life was bothered by the sound of a new e-mail. Considering it was almost 9 PM, no one else but Emma could e-mail me.
I sighed, thinking I really didn’t want to know anything right now and finally I convinced myself to read it.
To: Matthew Nicholls
From: Katerine Daniels
Subject: Marriage? Are you nuts?
Matthew,
I know I’m a little late, Mr. Nicholls, but I have been quite a bit busy. I’m stunned to hear about your recent engagement and to be frank I’m bothered you didn’t even call to let me know! What about keeping in touch, Mr. Nicholls?
Emma told me a few weeks ago about it and I’ve been tossing and turning about it, thinking maybe it’s a joke and you couldn’t possibly be that stupid, Matt.
Because I have met you and I know you aren’t like that. So what happened to you? You know you can talk to me about it. I just thought you and Emma would end up together and since we’re talking about it, you’re an arse for marrying any other girl but Emma.
I cannot believe guys could be that stupid and not notice that The One was right in front of them.
Yours truly disappointed,
Katerine.
I read and re-read the e-mail a few times and thought about the fact that I didn’t talk to Katerine in a long while, but still Emma did. And Emma told her about me and Monica and as far as I can remember, Katerine never liked Monica. And Monica didn’t like her either.
At first I was really annoyed that Katerine would just e-mail me like that and question my decisions, but who was I to say something? I had no right.
So after reading the e-mail again, I decided to reply.
To: Katerine Daniels
From: Matt Nicholls
Subject: Thank you.
My dear Katerine,
So nice to hear from you. Indeed we should’ve kept in touch, but you haven’t quite said anything yourself, have you?
I’m glad to see you’re alright and your feelings for me didn’t change at all. It’s nice. Thank you. How is everything working out for you in London? Everything okay? What’s new?
And coming back to the reason why you e-mailed me (because you wouldn’t have e-mailed me otherwise) I did ask Monica to marry me and even though it doesn’t seem a good choice to many of you, somehow it is right for her. And me… I guess. I’m not sure.
Look, the truth is… It doesn’t matter.
I do miss you, Katerine. It was easier when you were here.
Completely fucked up,
Matthew.
It would’ve been nice to talk to someone about all my feelings, considering I really couldn’t tell Emma about my insecurities about marrying Monica because I still loved her, but I’m sure Katerine didn’t want to hear about it. Maybe she was disappointed because I decided to marry Monica and that’s it.
I waited for about 10 minutes before she replied and before reading it I noticed no one else was in the department. Somehow I wished Emma would’ve stayed as long as I did.
To: Matt Nicholls
From: Katerine Daniels
Subject: You’re right. I’m sorry.
Dear Matt,
I know I haven’t quite said anything lately and I’m sorry. It’s been a while and I miss you, too. My life is pretty much about work lately, considering my last boyfriend thought work was better than me.
And you know I’ll always care about you, right? And I really, really hoped you’ll be happy and the only way I imagined you happy was with Emma. That’s why I was so eager to end everything in Los Angeles and maybe you would have a chance. And I’m so deeply sad you’re not together now.
So what happened? You really seem like you could use a friend. I assume you’re not talking to Ben like you used to, right? Or Rick? I recall he fancied Monica.
As I previously said, Matt, you can talk to me. You seriously don’t seem too convinced you want to marry the bleach blonde Monica.
Yours worried,
Katerine.
I sighed and felt my heart sink after reading her last e-mail. When I was dating Katerine everything was easy and seemed to flow perfectly. And it was the moment I realized I wanted Emma, too. And after she left, Emma and I were perfect together. But I messed up.
So I wrote a long, full of complaining and regrets e-mail to Katerine and she replied shortly afterwards and this is how I ended up staying at the office until midnight. Her last e-mail was short and said “Get back with Emma. Now.”
It took me over a half an hour to write back.
To: Katerine Daniels
From: Matthew Nicholls
Subject: No.
I’ve made a mistake. I don’t deserve her and this is my punishment (I know it doesn’t quite sound like one). I have to marry Monica now. I should’ve talked to you earlier I guess.
I’m sorry.
Matt.
I turned off the computer, took my jacket and black hat and left.
*
I knew from the moment I woke up that I would hate this day. It was way too warm to be Christmas and opening my eyes and seeing the blue ceiling I remembered the day I had on Christmas in the very same room with Emma, five years ago.
Monica and I were supposed to go to this Christmas party with the people at work, and I knew for a fact that Emma would be there too, with her boy toy, Alex. I couldn’t be more eager for this day, and I had no intention to enjoy today.
The first part of the day went by quickly, Monica was so happy because I finally gave her the engagement ring I bought a few weeks ago, it was pretty cool I think, considering I had no idea what she might want, and now she was even more excited about this, if it was possible. She gave me an extraordinary watch and I loved it and appreciated her awesome taste in presents.
Around se
ven o’clock I started to get ready, obviously Monica was almost done, wearing a beautiful tight red dress which made every curve of her body really appealing to me in that moment, but I couldn’t touch or say anything to her because she was way too excited about looking perfect and everything.
“Babe, you are so hot!” I said looking at her and she smiled.
“Thank you, Matt,” she said as she moved a strand of hair from her eyes. “So, ready to go?”
I nodded and she slipped her hand into mine and I smiled, feeling a little bit of a comfort in her gesture even though I was so sure something will go wrong tonight. I just had that feeling. I tried to ignore it and listen to Monica’s excitement on the way to the office and try to fake a smile.
When we got there I noticed everything was nicely decorated, with a big Christmas tree that could easily resemble one of Hagrid’s from Hogwarts. Everyone seemed to enjoy this cozy atmosphere and Monica dragged me to practically everyone she knew from work and she was so subtle to show her engagement ring and make everyone wish us a happy life and those things that were already making me sick.
We were talking to Sabrina who looked at me with an eyebrow raised when Monica showed her the engagement ring and I just wanted to go kill myself when I turned my head and noticed Emma in the center of the room with her Mr. Arrogant, Alex. She noticed me to and gave me a shy smile and Alex looked at me and nodded and they came towards us.
“Monica, hey!” Emma said and hugged her and Monica smiled at her. “This is Alex, my boyfriend,” she said and I felt my insides crunching.
“You look beautiful, Emma,” I blurted out and she looked at me and genuinely smiled and for a moment I forgot I was holding Monica’s hand and she was there with Alex.
“Thank you, Nicholls, you don’t look so bad yourself,” she joked and I laughed.
“Nice to meet you, Monica,” Alex finally said with a smile. “Emma talks about you all the time.”
“Oh, really?” Monica said and I noticed something in her eyes, but I didn’t think about it right away. “That’s so nice.”
“Hey, we should stay together at the table,” Alex suggested and I looked at him in disbelief.
“Yes, that would be a great idea,” Monica agreed and I knew this was night was going to suck.
*
At first I didn’t talk much, but drank a lot. Monica seemed to be bothered by something, but fuck it, it was Christmas she wanted me to start guessing what bothers her on Christmas? Yeah, not happening.
After sitting next to Emma and Alex, I couldn’t hate him more. I really, physically hated him. Then a slow, romantic song started and Alex invited Emma to dance and she said yes. She gave me a smile as she got up from the table and placed her hand on my shoulder before she started dancing with Mr. Arrogant.
“What’s the matter with you, Matt?” Monica whispered at me.
“What do you mean? You’re not starting again, aren’t you?”
“How do you think I feel?” she asked and I sighed, taking another sip from my full glass with whisky, and shrugged. “I feel like crap, Matthew, because you seem not to… care about me at all. You haven’t been present here tonight. And…”
“And?”
“And you told her she was beautiful.”
“Emma?” I asked with a laugh.
“No, my mother. Of course Emma!”
“She is beautiful, Monica. She’s my friend.”
“You told me I was hot earlier,” she complained and ran a hand through her hair.
This is what it’s all about? I asked myself and I came to the conclusion that girls are just so complicated. Why the hell would Monica think about that? She showed her ring to anyone willing to look at it and posed with me as if we were this perfect couple.
“Well… Monica, why are you doing this now?” I asked and ran my hand through my hair. “It’s… the Christmas party, you really shouldn’t think about that.”
“Of course I shouldn’t. I’m sorry to ruin your night, honey,” she said sarcastically.
“Don’t do it. Why are you acting like that? It’s just… do you really have to analyze everything I say? And you just have to make me feel bad at a Christmas party because I told my best friend she’s beautiful? She freaking is! What do you want me to do now? Feel bad about it? Lie?”
“It’s not… I…”
“Just forget it, Monica,” I said as I got up and went to talk to other colleagues.
I sat on their table and started talking until I got lost thinking about how wrong it was for me to feel this way about Emma and make Monica feel like crap because I am a jerk. I turned my head around and noticed Emma and Alex still dancing in the center of the room, his hands around her and a big smile on her face. And right then, Bruno Mars’ song, When I was your man started playing and I guess I never understood those lyrics until now.
Every single chord of that song, every single word Bruno said I understood it completely. I never treated her like I should have, I never showed her just how much she meant to me and I should’ve been the one dancing with her and the one that she would smile to.
I knew I was with Monica now, but it didn’t feel the same. I looked at how perfect Emma was in her little black dress, her dark brown hair falling down her back, her long legs moving slowly on the rhythm of this freaking song.
And everything Bruno said it was right. I was too proud, too dumb to realize everything I had with her and I should’ve done everything for her. Yes, I should’ve bought her flowers every day, give her every minute of my time instead of acting like a dick, and yes she was dancing with another man right now, and, man, it hurt like hell.
I couldn’t take my eyes away from them and I wanted to do something, to go back in time and do everything I didn’t do, I wished I just didn’t screw this up…
At some point Emma met my eyes and we stared at each other for a few long seconds and I could bet she could feel everything I was feeling. I don’t know how I knew that, cause, let’s be honest, I was drunk as fuck considering I treated Monica that way and I was sitting at a table with some colleagues I had no business with, and I was taking Bruno Mars’ words way too literally.
All my life everything was about me, but when I finally understood all I wanted was to have Emma with me, it was too late. And yes, I was engaged to Monica, but I think it was stupid. I should just end it.
I got up and looked around the room for Monica, ready to admit that I was wrong and it was too late to make things right, but maybe I could. I walked around the crowded room aimlessly and then took another look at Emma and she gave me a little smile and I nodded before I went outside to talk to Monica. I found her on the hallway sitting on a chair with her head in her hands and she seemed so sad.
“We need to talk,” I said before the courage I had from the booze vanishes.
“Okay,” she said without looking at me.
“I think it’s all a mistake. Us. We shouldn’t be dating, cause I don’t think I feel the same way.”
I said it all too fast and I don’t think it sounded just like that, cause I was drunk, I couldn’t keep my balance and I was jealous as hell because Emma was dancing with Alex. But in my head, that’s what I was saying.
“Are you being serious right now?” Monica said and when she looked at me I noticed that her eyes were red and her makeup was now all over her face.
“Yes, I think we’ve both been through some big shit when we got together because my stupid best friend left and you loved him, but now… I’m drunk,” I said and started laughing, but Monica didn’t find it so funny. God, she’s so boring.
“I can’t believe you’re saying that!”
“But I am drunk!”
“God, you’re stupid!” she took a deep breath and got up from the chair and took a few steps away from me. “Look, I told you at first it’s been a mistake, Matt! And that it didn’t mean anything, but no, you insisted, and you were so great… Despite the fact
that you really are a selfish jerk, as I can see now. And I thought you were better than Ben, because he left me and I thought I’m not good enough and then you were there, Matt, being all awesome, and now what? You say you don’t feel the same?”
“I said I’m drunk!” I stated as I sat on the floor and ran a hand through my hair and then placed my black hat again on my head. This was good. I never noticed the walls were red. Maybe they weren’t. They were green and red, with little flowers which were jumping on a field. No, they’re playing soccer! Gosh, they’re so funny!
“Could you stop laughing and focus here?” Monica asked and I shook my head.
“The little flower scored!” I yelled and raised up my hands. “I wonder who their coach is? Maybe a little bee? A spelling bee, maybe?”
“I can’t do this, Matt!” Monica said and took off just when the big, bad insects defeated my flowers. What’s wrong with you? And I lost it! It could’ve been offside but how would I know? Monica was in the mood for drama!
I got up when I lost the match and hardly made it outside and the fresh breeze hit my face like a glass of cold water. I sat on the stairs, reminding the feeling of unhappiness I felt when Emma was with Alex. She was with him now. And I couldn’t do anything to change it. I took of my hat and started playing with it and somehow it felt pretty relaxing. And hell, this was funny.
Maybe you could kill him. Yes! And took a sample of his blood to… destroy the human race. And I’d become the leader, king Matt Nicholls. No, I’d change my name to something more interesting. Matt… Thor! Or… The Hulk Nicholls. Or something like that. Matt ‘the Avenger’ Nicholls. That would sound good. And Emma would be my Black Widow. She’d be Lois Lane. Mary Jane. No, no, Gwen Stacy. Gwen Stacy and I’d go for Spider-Man. The amazing one. I’d be The Gorgeously Awesome Spider-Matt.
Perfect Match Page 37
