by Lila Felix
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Because no matter what’s going to happen, you’ll either run away or your father will step in again. I’m thirty years old, Alma, and I can’t wait forever for you to grow up.”
My jaw dropped. “Excuse me, but I’m an adult.”
“Are you? Because you ran off the other night – again. You still won’t tell me why you left the first time. But I’m certain it was because of your father. You act like I can’t provide for you or care for you when you know I can.”
“It’s not just about that, Austin.” I kicked my chair back when I stood up. “Maybe you don’t think I’m grown up, but I’m adult enough to tell you you’re a jerk.”
“Why? Because I don’t want my heart broken again.” He continued to remain seated. “I’m not sure how many sleepless nights you had, but I had a lot.”
Before I could tell him the truth, I heard Mr. Chambers yelling from his room. I rushed to help him – and to get away from Austin. I couldn’t look at his face for another moment.
Mr. Chambers was sitting on the side of his bed. “Alma, you’ll have to get Austin because I need to use the bathroom.” He still sounded tired.
“I can help you.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You’re a young lady and I think of you as my daughter. Please get Austin.”
Normally, I would have argued with my patient. I could understand their modesty and wanting privacy, but with him, I knew he wouldn’t let it up. “Okay, I’ll get him.” I gave him a smile. “Just stay there and don’t move.” I quickly went into the kitchen and told Austin that his dad needed him and why.
Without saying a word to me, he went straight into the bedroom and helped his father to the bathroom. When they came out together, I took over and Austin left us. He didn’t even make eye contact with me this time.
I helped Mr. Chambers get dressed. He actually did very well. I checked over his wounds, and they seemed to be healing. I told him how lucky he was because it could have been worse.
Today I tried some new exercises with him. He responded well and I was pleased. I made him some lunch and let him relax for the rest of the day.
I was tired and ready to head home, but I knew if I didn’t stop and talk to Papa, I’d be in trouble. My mood wasn’t ready for any more yelling. I stopped to say hello to Hearts and went out toward the cattle side of the ranch. It took several minutes to walk over, but I found him and a couple of other ranch hands fixing part of a fence.
Papa was the one I modeled my work ethic after. He never stopped, and neither do I. Mama was the same way. I loved my parents and the way they raised me. They were tough on me and made sure I kept my nose clean. At the same time, I wished they would have given me some leeway. Especially when it came to Austin. I knew the age difference would always be an issue for Papa, but they both knew Austin. Papa had worked this ranch since Austin was a little boy.
“Alma.” Papa waved me over to him. He walked away from the group. “Why didn’t you come home?”
“I was working. Mr. Chambers fell and I needed to monitor him.”
“Where was Austin?”
I rolled my eyes. “I guess he was asleep in his room unless some aliens stole him away for the night.”
“Stop it, smart mouth child.” He pointed at me. “I worry about you because you have no husband to care for you and protect you.”
“I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.” My voice began to grow louder and louder. “Why can’t you understand I don’t need a man to protect me? I can take care of myself.”
Before he could say another word to me, I do what I do best… I ran.
Chapter Eight
Austin
I waited in the barn like a coward for Alma to drive up before I got in my truck and headed out. Dad needed someone there before I went too far, but at the same time, there were errands to be taken care of.
The post office was my first stop since the mail lady decided years ago that everyone would be better off having a P.O. Box for their mail. It also meant she didn’t have to leave the post office and drive to our house anymore either.
“Austin, how’s your father?” I knew that voice like my own, maybe better. I’d taken countless commands from it and feared it for a long time.
I turned to see Alma’s father, Mr. Villanueva, standing next to me, dressed like he was going to a rodeo instead of this dinky post office. He tipped his hat at me when I met his eyes, black and endless like Alma’s.
“We’re taking it day by day. Seems like he takes four steps forward and six backward. But we’re praying hard and Alma’s trying to work her miracles.”
A hint of a smile threatened the corner of his mouth at the mention of Alma.
“She’s been known to work miracles.”
“Yes, sir.”
I pretended to check my box for more mail, determined not to choke on the tension that hung in the air between us.
“Well, see you.”
I nodded back to him but he’d already walked past me and out the door.
Those were the most words Alma’s dad and I had spoken in six years.
The junk mail got thrown in the trash then I sat in my truck filing through the rest, careful to tuck the medical bills under the seat so Dad wouldn’t see them. I’m almost finished paying off the first round. He didn’t need to be stressed by any of it. He needed to focus on getting healthy.
With my errands done at the feed store and after picking up some vaccinations from the vet, I headed over to Vera’s for lunch. The truck hadn’t been in park for more than two minutes when someone began knocking on the driver’s side window.
It was Tara.
Once upon a time, she was my friend too.
I rolled down the window. “Hey, stranger. Hear you’re gettin’ hitched soon.”
“I am. I’ve been addressing invites all morning. You grabbing a burger?”
“Yes, ma’am. You want to join me or will your ball and chain throw a fit?”
“Heck no. He’s so chill about everything. Let’s go. Your treat.”
I nodded and jumped out of my truck while Tara went in and got us a table. The place was your typical diner complete with red and white checkered tablecloths.
“I already ordered. Get over it.”
Tara hadn’t changed, that was for sure. She’d always been honest and not afraid to speak her mind.
Sometimes she spoke everyone else’s mind as well.
“Tell me about this Michael,” I said as the waitress put our drinks on the table.
Tara blushed a little and swished her straw around in her drink. “He’s actually not my typical guy, which is why I think I love him. I’m prone to date jerks. Always have. Michael’s the opposite of that, and I didn’t know how much I wanted that in a spouse until I met him. It’s crazy.”
I smiled at her. She was overjoyed and very much in love. Anyone could tell. “Your dad will come around. Your mom too. They just have to see how well he treats you. And how fast y’all give them grandkids. Instant anger ender.”
We laughed but I sobered before her. There was a chance my dad might not ever have grandkids.
The mention of grandchildren started Tara on a tangent that lasted through my burger and fries and half of her milkshake.
The girl could talk.
“I’ve got a question for you.” The sentence took me off guard. I’d been passively listening to her go on and on about her wedding dress and flowers and groomsmen, I’d actually spaced out.
“Shoot.”
She stirred her straw around in her milkshake. “She’s not sixteen anymore. And even though she probably doesn’t realize it, her parents will still love her no matter who she marries as long as she is happy and that man is good to her.”
Tara was right, of course. Alma wasn’t sixteen anymore.
“I can’t force her to make the choice, Tara. I’ve given her an ultimatum before and look how it turned out. If I do that, she’s going to run
the other way again. I know she’s not that young girl anymore, but I’m not twenty-three anymore either. I’m not stupid enough to have my heart smashed all over again.”
She sighed and took another long pull of her milkshake, following it up with a comment about how she wasn’t going to be able to fit into her wedding dress.
“Are you still in love with her?” She blurted out just as the waitress was putting the check on our table. Her face said it all, she would have a new story to tell someone tonight.
I hesitated out of fear. I knew that on one hand, she would tell Alma what my answer was – that was the bad thing. But on the other, she would tell Alma what my answer was – that was also a good thing.
“Never fell out of love with her.” I shrugged and avoided eye contact.
Expecting a snarky comeback but not getting one, I looked at Tara. “You gonna tell her I said that?”
She shook her head. “No. But you’d better. One of these days she’s gonna quit comparing every man her dad sets her up with against you and settle for someone who could never love her like you do. Then she’ll be miserable and I’ll blame you. And worse, deep down, she’ll blame you too.”
It wasn’t true. Alma would blame herself.
But still, I’d be living at my farm just as miserable.
I would blame myself, above all.
I would always wonder what if.
“What do you want me to do, Tara? Walk up to her and confess my undying affection? I’m not that kind of guy.”
She laughed. “Well, you’d better do something – and quick.”
Chapter Nine
Alma
I was sitting on the back porch rubbing Hewitt’s belly. This dog could easily win the best dog of the world award. I have spent the past two days avoiding Austin as much as possible. Along with my father. However, he was harder to get away from, especially when he brought, yet another, male to the house to win over my affection.
It didn’t happen.
“How’s Dad?”
I glanced behind me to see Austin lowering himself next to me on the step.
“He’s napping. I think I worked him a bit hard today.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Better. He’s always been strong so it’s working in his favor now.” I kept my focus on the hound dog.
“What did you do last night?”
Part of me wanted to lie and tell him my night had been outstanding, but I opted for the truth. “Papa and Mama brought home another suitor.”
“I guess you had a good night.” His tone sounded sad.
“If you mean did I have a good night staring at some strange guy’s unibrow and listening to Papa talk about his future grandchildren, then it was a blast.” I sarcastically state.
Austin chuckled. “It does sound like a grand time.”
“What about you?” I turned to him. “You have a hot date?”
“Nope. Well, unless you count myself sitting in front of a computer working on spreadsheets, then yes I did.”
This time I laughed. “I’m jealous of your hot date. It sounds better than mine.”
“What are you planning on doing with Dad this afternoon?”
I shook my head. “I’ve been working him a lot the past couple days. I’m going to let him rest and catch up on his TV.”
“He still watches Days of Our Lives. Even though he’d never admit it.” Austin teases. “Well, I need to get to work.”
“What are you doing?” I jumped up with him. “Something I can help with?” I wasn’t sure why I volunteered. Maybe because I wanted to spend time with him. I shouldn’t want to as much as I do, but here I was acting as if I was sixteen again.
“I’m painting the shed.”
“No, I don’t want to paint.” I turned up my nose. “I think I’m going to run a few errands and come back this evening to check on your dad.”
“Have fun.” He smirked and headed off toward the back of the field.
I could watch him in those jeans all day long.
I didn’t go home at all. I spent my day in the mall, purchasing clothes, I really didn’t need but wanted desperately, and new shoes. Also, items I didn’t need but needed.
I pulled into my usual spot in the driveway and walked into the house. I have no memories of knocking on this door as a child. I would always just run in and out as if I owned the place. When I walked into Mr. Chambers’ room, he was fast asleep with Dateline on the TV. I covered him up and started making my way back outside.
“I should have texted you. He crashed right after dinner.”
Austin was leaning against his truck.
“I told you I’ve worked him hard these past couple of days.”
“You did.” He stepped up to me. I tried to keep my breathing under control, but it was difficult. He looked delicious in his tight Johnny Cash t-shirt and jeans. He traded his cowboy hat in for a baseball cap. “What are your plans for tonight?”
“Nothing.” I choked out not realizing my throat had closed up from his hotness.
“Care to join an old cowboy out for a late night drive?”
“Old? Cowboy?”
“Me, silly girl.” He smirked.
“Sure.”
He held out his arm toward the passenger side of the truck. He opened the door for me, as he’d always done before. When he got into the driver’s seat, he took off toward the back of the property. We didn’t speak until he stopped in the wide open space.
“What are we doing?” I asked as he opened the door for me.
“Come on.”
He dropped his tailgate and in the back, there were several pillows and blankets.
“What’s this?” I watched him hop up into the bed of the truck, and he held out his hand to me.
“This is what people do. Star gaze.”
“Really?”
“Okay, no. However, it’s a clear night and I want to hang out with you.” He confessed.
My body moved before I could take a second thought. I gripped his hand tightly and he easily pulled me up. Together we rearranged the pillows and blankets until it wouldn’t be uncomfortable for us.
I laid down first and sighed against the softness. Austin was close to me when he laid down. He was right, there were a million and one stars and not a cloud in the sky tonight. I remembered we did this several times when we were secretly dating.
“There’s the Big Dipper.” He pointed out.
“The Little Dipper.” I pointed. We laid in silence staring up at the night sky.
“When was the last time you took time for yourself?” he softly asked.
“This afternoon. I went shopping.”
“Shoes?”
The giggle escaped me before I could stop it. “Maybe.”
“Maybe? Oh the Alma I remember would want to bale hay in heels.”
This time I laughed louder. “No not in heels. Just elevated boots.” I corrected him.
“They were nice… boots.” He winked.
“I couldn’t help it. You’re very tall.” I nudged his shoulder.
“You know what they say about tall men.” He smiled.
“You can reach the top shelf.”
Together we laughed so loudly it almost echoed. Once we settled down we watched the movement above us. It was almost hypnotic.
And then I felt it.
I felt the love we had between each other.
It rushed memories of our past to the forefront of my mind. He was brushing the back of his hand on the back of mine. It was a simple touch, and it sent the butterflies inside of me aflutter. My hand didn’t move, enjoying the touch.
Soon he took mine in his, and it fit like two puzzle pieces. We were a perfect fit.
“I miss you.”
Three words. Not much unlike how could I sent me over the edge.
“You don’t have to say anything, but I thought you should know.”
Should I confess I missed him too? Or say nothing?
Chapter
Ten
Austin
I didn’t realize how good her hand would feel in mine again. Holding hands with Alma was the beginning, and yet I’d loved this woman since I knew what love was.
Love was Alma. There was no other way around it.
“I tried to get over you.” She blurted and then hid her face in the crook of her opposite elbow. She had never hidden from me before. Alma and I shared every detail of our lives, nothing spared, no secrets between us.
I had let the night settle between us but not for long. This was a conversation that needed to be had.
“How did you try?”
She didn’t budge. I pulled our interlocked hands to my mouth and kissed hers, thinking I’d lost her to sleep.
“I can’t think straight when you do that. All the memories come flooding back and it drowns me.”
That didn’t sound good.
“You want me to let go?” My fingers spread and I pulled my hand, but she clasped it tighter. Her fingers were small between mine. Her skin so soft in opposition to my rough ranch hands.
“No. Don’t let go of me.”
We both sighed and then laughed at ourselves. I turned to face her. She’d made her nest on the other side of the truck bed like she always did, pillows all around her and blankets that were like the mote to her castle.
“How, Alma? How did you try to get over me?”
I had to hear this. It would be beyond painful to hear about her with anyone other than me, but if this was starting over, it had to be done in complete honesty.
After a few minutes, she turned to face me. Her brown hair was splayed over the blankets. I couldn’t help myself. I broke our hand holding to run the lengths through my fingers.
“I dated a bunch in college. Blind dates, speed dating, online dating. You name it. I went out with almost every guy who asked me out, thinking that if I kept on trying, surely I would find someone to trump you.”
A lump settled in my stomach at the thought of her dating men like most people sample flavors at the Baskin Robbins.
“You were sixteen and I was your first, well, your first everything. You didn’t have much to trump.”
