by Bailey Dark
My emotions are all over the place. I cry for Kane, feeling as if a part of me is being ripped out. I growl in anger at Drogaem, wanting to smash him to bits. I worry, letting hopelessness enter my mind for just a moment. Then I rally myself, just trying to make it through another moment, not knowing where he is. I cannot take things day by day anymore. I cannot even take them hour by hour. My life consists of tiny moments, seconds passing like molasses.
Whatever he's doing to Kane, I can't even begin to attempt to connect to that place that he and I are intertwined within ourselves. The only thing I've been able to feel is pain. This morning I took a walk around the castle, trying to clear my mind, hoping that maybe the gardens will appear again to me, but they never do. There isn't a place in the castle that I can get away from the sound of Kane's torture, and when it quiets, finally, I am exhausted.
My exhaustion is pointless, though. I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, and all of my thoughts are on Kane. I begin to wonder if I can save anyone if he is gone. I make my way back to my room and lock myself inside. I stand by the window and stare out, my eyes unfocused and my mind trying not to picture what's happening to him.
From behind me, my door flies open, and two guards march forward, dragging Kane under the arms. I gasp, but don't move, not wanting Drogaem's Huntsmen to do anything to me. They don't even look at me though, they throw Kane in onto the hard stone floor and slam the door behind them. I don't waste a second. I run forward and pull Kane over onto his back, my eyes shifting over the scrapes and cuts, the blood dried on his flesh, and even fewer remnants of his wings than before.
I pull the energy immediately to the forefront of my body and begin to heal him as fast as I can. I'm still not able to recover everything, but I'm getting stronger, and I can tell. The deep cuts and scrapes, the bruises, they go away when I run my glowing hands across him. I can see his body relaxing as the pain dissipates, and I'm thankful that my powers are beginning to work with me instead of against me. I'm not sure this will last, but at this moment I can't be more grateful for it.
I sit beside him for hours, using as much energy as I possibly can muster to pour my magic over his wounds. Eventually, though, I run out, my body too tired. Kane lets out a long deep breath and sits up, rolling his shoulders. Usually, he doesn't let me go that far, but after days of torture, he let go and let me take control. It may be the first time in our relationship that he's done that.
"Thank you," Kane says, giving me a nod.
I know it takes a lot for him to thank me, not because he's not grateful, but because of who he is. I take it with grace and give him a smile as I lean back against the bed. He scoots across the floor toward me and reaches his arm up and around my shoulders, pulling me close. "What has happened while I've been away?"
I shake my head. "Nothing really. I wasn't allowed to see you, and Drogaem never came around me. That first night, when I knew the torture was over, I tried to come to you, but Gregore, he stopped me."
Kane growls deep in his chest. "That traitor. Then again, I guess everyone can be considered a traitor at this point. Everyone except for you and a handful of servants."
I know it makes him angry, but part of me understands why people ran. I don't understand Gregore and why he turned against Kane, but everyone has their reasons. I suspect fear is behind a lot of it. Mentioning his name makes me think of what he said to me that night. I've been mulling it over in my mind for days. I lean my head back against Kane's arm and turn my eyes toward him. "When he stopped me, he said a lot of things, a lot of cruel things, of course, but he said one thing that I haven't been able to get out of my mind. He told me that I had the blood of a God in my veins. What did he mean by that?"
Kane's eyes shift up and glaze over as he stares off into the distance. His muscles tense, and my heart drops, realizing that he's known this all along. I'm not telling him something shocking to him. I twist to the side, pulling away from his arm. "Kane? You know what this means?"
Kane licks his lips and squares his shoulders, reminiscent of the stubborn man I had first met. He doesn't look at me when he speaks. "The thing about Lux is that she's not just a powerful being. She was a goddess. Her powers came from a higher place."
I rub my face, trying to grasp what he's telling me. "When did you find this out?"
He clears his throat nervously. "I've known it all along. I knew it before I met you. The truth is, Briar, I made a deal with your father because I wanted Lux's descendent. I needed Lux's descendent."
A lump forms in my throat, and my eyes burn as I force back the tears. I'm hurt, having fallen for Kane this whole time, thinking that he was truly looking for a wife. "Is that the only reason that you wanted me?"
His eyes shift down, and he holds his hands clutched in his lap. "It was. I never imagined that…"
He stops speaking as I turn my head away, pressing my lips together, trying not to cry. I take in a deep breath and remind myself of where I was when I first came to the underworld to marry him. I never had any intention of falling in love with him. I realize this is the moment. If we're going to work through this together, then I need to be honest with him like he was just honest with me.
I catch his eyes, pausing for a moment to settle the nerves wildly dancing in my chest. "Then I have something to confess to you as well. From the moment I came here, I wanted to kill you. In fact, I promised that I would kill you. When it didn't happen right away, it didn't deter me. I was planning on it through our entire journey to Drogaem's tomb, but every time I had the chance, I lost my courage. Willem knew, and he wanted me to kill you as well."
His face doesn't change, though I know that deep down that hurt him. He isn't angry, but he isn't emotional at all, either. There's an awkward air around us, and I turn back, this time further away from him, leaning my back against the bed. My truth stings him just as his truth does to me. Since the moment we became destined for each other, we've gone through trials and tribulations that I never saw coming. We haven't had time to develop the kind of relationship that allows us to understand how to work through things.
So, we remain silent, allowing the distance to push us apart. I don't know what to say to him, and it's obvious he doesn't know what to say to me either. I do know that this newfound distance is painful, even more so than the secrets we just revealed.
Chapter 12
Briar
Drogaem is quiet, rarely summoning Kane, and barely paying any notice to me.
Some days I feel forced to be in my chambers while others I don't even feel an inkling of control from Drogaem. I know that's not a good sign. I know that he's planning, conniving, and making way for whatever take-over he has decided upon. I try to find out information, but he is sneaky, keeping himself hidden and secrets close to the chest.
When I wake, I decide to sit out on my balcony, eating some fruit that I found in the kitchen of the castle. Without servants and without Drogaem forcing me to eat meals with him, I have to make do with whatever I can find. Luckily there's enough food to feed Drogaem's entire army, so the only thing I really need to worry about is not being seen.
Kane and I are still distant, though we always find refuge with each other after Drogaem takes his frustration out on Kane's body. He doesn't let Kane get too strong, which is frustrating. And Kane doesn't allow me to fully use my powers on him anymore because he doesn't want Drogaem to see how well I'm healing him. I understand, but it's hard to stop.
During the day, I daydream, and at night after I train, I dream. My dreams are becoming easier to understand. I feel more comfortable when I travel in the dream world, sharing a body with Lux. I see things that I didn't understand before, the emotions associated with Lux and Drogaem, ones that almost run parallel to the way I feel for Kane. In some ways, I'm starting to come to terms with my double life. I don't only feel Lux in my dreams, I feel her when I'm awake as well. It's as if I have two souls in one body. One of them had been a goddess, in love with the wrong man. The other is a mortal in love wi
th an immortal, a rather impossible relationship.
While my days are easier without Drogaem breathing down my neck, the hours' drag on, and I know they're only counting down until we reach the battle we've been waiting for. But I'm tired. I'm tired of this isolation that has become my normal. I'm tired of being isolated from Kane as well. The Castle is vast, and it's easy to get away from others, to avoid the hard conversations. Kane isn't the only one that's doing it though, I find myself fearful that I'll find out more hurtful information, so I hold myself back from speaking to him.
I took freedom for granted for far too long, and now I know that the only way I'm going to get it back is by surviving the fierce fight that we have ahead of us. This fight is one that I'm not even sure that I'll survive. I know that if I don't, neither will Kane.
Sometimes I feel brave and ready thinking about the battle to come, planning my strategy, fueling the powers inside of me, and imagining a victorious end to these dark days. But other times, when I ponder the reality of facing Drogaem head-on, I remember the last time that he and I fought. I shudder every time at the thought. The way his hand struck me, the way he enjoys it when flesh is torn. The way he held me captive in the tombs and continues to whenever he feels the need. There's a disgust that bubbles in my chest, knowing that he's part of me right now. That I cannot unlatch him from me at this point. I wonder if my powers will ever be strong enough to do so.
Kane keeps telling me that I need to keep my faith. That I need to stay hopeful because, without that hope, I will never survive this. I will snuff out the flame that burns inside of me before it has a chance to do what it's meant to do. Lux sacrificed so much to keep that hope alive in herself, and sometimes I think her soul is still helping me keep that flame going. Maybe that's the warm feeling I get when I dream of her.
It's very easy to start to see things in a cynical view, but I have to stop myself every time. If I get too deep, if I allow the darkness and the drudgery of this place to steal my human emotions, everyone is doomed, not just me.
I finish the rest of my breakfast and stand up, stretching my arms over my head. I plan to train some more, by myself, of course, as I don't know where Kane is at the moment. It's okay though, I find that without his distraction and the tension between us, I can focus better on my powers.
As I turn to walk back into my room, something flashes in the distance. I stop and narrow my eyes, finding a line of Drogaem's Huntsmen marching around the castle and out of sight. My brow scrunches, and I try to remember what's in that direction. I trace my footsteps through the castle, recalling every view of every window I've stopped at along the way. When I reach the balcony in my mind, the breath catches in my chest.
I don't even put shoes on. I turn and race across my room, throwing my door open and sprint down the hallway. I turn right and left, taking my usual course past the steps to the catacombs, and around to the main balcony that leads to the gardens. I trot down the steps and stop, looking out toward the dark woods where I met with Willem, and where our letters are exchanged in the cloak of shadows.
Standing within the training field, there are hundreds of soldiers, all dressed in Drogaem's colors. They are poised in ranks, holding shields and armor, their faces covered in silver Helms molded into the shapes of long-snouted beasts. I watch as they stand at attention, General Gregore marching at the head.
Gregore looks over in my direction, and I quickly put my head down, scurrying back up the steps and into the castle. My heart beats wildly in my chest, and I lean against the wall, knowing full well that a training field full of Drogaem’s soldiers cannot mean anything good.
"Willem," I whisper. "I have to tell the rebels."
They are the only ones who can help those that I know Drogaem will be sending his troops to murder. The war is beginning, and Drogaem has made the first move. He is preparing his army, and if they are being readied, that means the portals to the human world are most likely already set and open. The time is coming near, and I know deep down there's a chance I won't make it to the other side.
Chapter 13
Briar
I didn't hear anything from Drogaem all night, and in the morning, he still hadn't summoned Kane or me. Going through the day, I'm nervous. I manage to tell Kane what I saw in the few moments our paths cross in the night. His response was little, as he hobbles off into the castle. Our disconnect is growing stronger, and it's driving me crazy. I force myself to think about one thing and one thing only, and that's getting a letter to Willem. He has to know what's going on. They have to be prepared.
The day goes by like it has for the last week or so, quiet, and still. It's too still for me. I sit down at the desk in my room and begin to write a letter to Willem, giving as much information as I can. I don't know a lot, and without the courtiers circling like vultures as they used too, there are no whispers to be heard in the castle. From outside the window, I hear Drogaem's voice, and I carefully peek over the edge, seeing him below. There's a disgusting smile on his face as he speaks to Gregore. I can't hear what they're saying, but he's in much too good of a mood to be up to anything other than dark plans.
The skies will darken even further soon, and I will be able to move in the cloak of the shadows. As soon as I know that Drogaem enters back into the castle, I will prepare myself to leave. I didn't tell Kane I was writing to Willem, only that I saw the soldiers gathering in the training fields. He has little to say about my communication with the rebels, and I know it's because he doesn't want to get his hopes up. With the information I told him about Willem wanting me to kill him, I'm sure that he puts little faith in their camaraderie or alliance during this time.
As I write the words on the paper, I don't blame him, I am not fully sure that the rebels will show to defend anyone during this time. While they have attempted to help us in the past, knowing a few of them, I am aware that they tend to be self-serving at times. Nonetheless, I will reach out to them and keep the hope.
I finish the letter and read it back to myself.
Willem,
I write with haste. I wish I could've gotten this letter to you sooner, but I must move within the shadows. Things are beginning to intensify. Drogaem has paid little attention to neither Kane nor me over the last week or so. I knew Drogaem was up to something, but until yesterday I didn't know what.
In the training fields, he has gathered his army, led by General Gregore. I know that he had his Huntsmen putting out and setting up the portals to the human realm not too long ago. You may already know, but many of the guards have been terrorizing the city and the souls that live within. I believe that Drogaem is beginning the first phase of his plan to take over. He has no good intentions for anyone.
We are nearing the time, the moment we will need to decide where we stand within this battle. I'm reaching out to you in hopes that you feel the same as Kane and I do. Regardless of who rules, or who is aligned in the end, we need to save as many as we can. We will work here to stop Drogaem, but I plead with you, protect those that cannot protect themselves. Stop the Huntsman from entering the portals. Though I know you think very poorly of the human race, it will get pretty quiet down here in a few centuries if no humans are left to die and come below.
I will check if I can for a reply, but with the soldiers all around and Drogaem on the watch, this may be my last letter to you. If you want my attempt to use my powers to mean anything, we need our Kingdoms to be in one piece when this all ends.
Good luck,
Briar
My hands shake as I fold the letter. I stick it in the front pocket I sewed into the waistband of my skirt. I don't take the time to put the seal on it, as Willem knows I will be writing whenever I can. I lean toward the window, finding that the soldiers I could see circling around the castle were no longer there. Down below, Drogaem is gone.
I stand, patting the letter within the folds of my skirt and stare out as the crimson sky darkens to a blood red. There is a nervousness clenching in my stomach, the c
alm before the storm. I can feel we are on the edge of something big. I lift my cape from the back of my chair and tie it over my shoulders. I make notice of the dagger pressing against my thigh as I head toward the door and crack it just a bit to peek out. As usual, I see no one, and I don't hear Drogaem either. I know I should wait longer, but time is of the essence.
I flip my hood up and hurry along the edge of the walls, staying within the shadows. Barely any torches are lit the further I get toward the balcony as no one really comes in this part of the castle anymore. It's good for me, less chance of being caught by one of the guards. I make it a point to nonchalantly walk out onto the balcony, acting as if I'm just going out to get some air. If someone's out there, I don't want to look suspicious.
As I begin to take the steps, though, I realize all of the guardsmen have retreated to their quarters, and the fields are empty. I glance back and throw my hood back up, hurrying across the garden and field to the edge of the woods. This time I step within the darkness, letting the trees shield me as much as possible as I move toward the stump.
When I reach the slab of wood, I glance around, hoping that someone's watching me from the rebels. I take the letter from the top of my skirt and shove it into the crack of the stump before quickly retreating. It is not the time to hover, and the further I can get away from that letter, the more likely it is that no one other than the rebels will find it.
I continue inside the edge of the woods, my eyes shifting around, a tightness in my chest that I can't quite put my finger on. I try to tell myself that it's just me being paranoid, but as I reach the edge, leading down into the gardens, a hand reaches in and grips me by the arm, yanking me out of the woods. I stumble to the side, tripping and falling. My arm scrapes against the stones and gravel until I come to a stop, looking up at Gregore standing in full armor.
