Squealing, I pulled on my boots, ready to drag Jax outside for a good ol’ fashioned snowball fight. Or in our case a snow pebble fight.
“Can you believe it’s snowing?” I asked Jax when I stepped into the kitchen.
Jax stood over the sink with a mug in his hand, staring out the window as the snow drifted to the ground. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. I could see him every day for the rest of my life and it still wouldn’t be enough to get over how stunning he was.
Spellbound, I watched as his sexy lips parted and he touched them to the mug. The long-sleeve royal blue shirt fit him snugly showing off every single muscle of his taut body. From his chest where a light smattering of dark hair peaked from the V-neck, to the snug jeans, every inch of him screamed that he was all man. And he was all mine.
I placed myself behind him, my hand traveling up his chest, lining every single crevice of his well-defined abs.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Maybe we can pick up Caroline and go to the park like we used to. We could do snow angels. I know there’s not much snow, but—”
Jax placed his hands over mine, moving them off of him. “I’m not a child, Nicole.”
“I know that. That doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”
Without a word, he placed his mug in the sink. He stared at it for a moment before he spoke.
“I made a mistake. We shouldn’t have . . . I shouldn’t have . . . ” He looked at me with that same stupid ‘I’m older therefore I know better than you’ expression he’d worn yesterday. “It was my fault. I was a little drunk. I should’ve stopped it.”
I placed my hand on my hips. The man was giving me whiplash with all the push-pull thing he had going on. It was pissing me off. “We’ve talked about this, Jax. I thought we’d agreed that we’re meant to be together.”
“I had a weak moment. I’m sorry. I’m the adult and take responsibility for my actions.”
“We’re,” I waved my hand between us, “both adults here. Why are you treating me like kid?”
“Because you are. You’re young. You don’t understand.”
“You’re young too!”
“I have adult responsibilities.”
“So do I!”
“It’s not the same. I have a career to think about. My research is important. I can’t give it up.”
His career? His career! My eyes narrowed as I studied him. He blinked, diverting his eyes for a moment as I caught the obvious lie in his eyes. He could do his research anywhere. He was pushing me away again and not because of his job.
“I’ll help you,” I said. “I can assist you in your lab. You said I was good. You can show me how I can help.”
He shook his head. “I have to leave the university, Nicole.”
“Why?”
I took in the slight clenching of his jaw and I immediately knew why.
“It’s Gianna, right? I thought the situation with her was over.”
He shook his head. “It’s not her. The department head asked that I put in my resignation. If I leave quietly, I can take my grant funding with me. I’ve already had several offers from other universities.”
“You can fight this. None of this was your fault. Gianna lied about you.”
“Don’t you understand? It doesn’t matter. I can’t be here if you’re here. It was a mistake coming here in the first place.”
Good grief, this man was stubborn! Why was he still holding back from me?
“Jax, last night we—”
“Last night was a mistake,” he snapped.
I sucked in a breath. I felt like I’d been slapped.
He paused, looking at me as if he wanted to take the words back the moment they’d left his mouth. Stopping himself, he turned his head away from me. He leaned against the counter, gripping it so hard his knuckles were white.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He’d muttered the words so softly I almost missed them.
“Then don’t leave. Stay. Or let me go with you if you have to leave.”
Taking a deep breath, he lifted his head, inch-by-inch, as if he were fighting himself to look at me. When his sapphire eyes finally met mine, they were blank. “It’s time I moved on. My plan has gone further than I’d anticipated.”
“Plan?”
“I used you. It was petty, I admit,” he said in a voice that was not his own. “But remember you were the one who threw yourself at me, and I warned you to stay away.”
He pushed himself off the counter and headed to the living room.
“You used me? What are you talking about?” One minute we were lying in each other’s arms then next he was back to talking nonsense. It had to be crazy talk because there was no way on Earth I could believe that Jax would do something so cruel.
I snatched the mug from the sink and sniffed it. It was just coffee. Nothing else.
I marched into the living room after him. For some strange reason, I thought about Greg and wished he was here to see me. And then it hit me as to why. For once in my life, I was fighting for the love and respect I deserved, and it was invigorating.
“Why are you lying to me?” I demanded an answer.
He cleared his throat. “You didn’t really think that I fell in love with you, did you? I admit I had a crush when I first met you. But boyhood crushes come and go. You were an entertaining fling this semester. Spending hours in the lab can be boring sometimes. I didn’t anticipate that it would go this far, especially with Travis in the picture.”
“Are you insane?” I was yelling now. He wasn’t making any sense. “I’m not with Travis. He’s—”
“I hate to be the one to break the pink little bubble you live in, thinking that we could ever have a long lasting relationship. Last night was just a one-nighter. Thank you for that, by the way. I needed to let go of some stress.”
Taken aback by his hurtful words, I felt myself slipping back to my old self, and I wanted to plead with him to give our love a chance.
“You’re lying. I know you are,” I croaked.
He looked up at the obviously hurt expression on my face. Slowly, he lifted his hand, reaching for my cheek. He stopped himself. Jaws clenched, he quickly moved to the sofa, grabbed my purse, and then threw open the front door.
Dangling the purse on his finger, he said in his professorial voice, “If you don’t mind, Ms. Ashford, I have a lot of packing to do today.”
I blinked, hardly able to see. My heart screamed this was all an act. And even if it was, I didn’t deserve the jackass way he was treating me. I’d given him truth and honesty. I deserved that too.
Surprised by the anger rising within me, I snatched the purse out of his hand. “Now who’s the one acting juvenile?”
There was a flicker in his eyes, so subtle that I’d almost missed it. It was almost as if he was proud of me. “Drive carefully. The roads are slick.”
“Stop being an idiot! We can fight the university together, or I can move with you. I know I have what it takes to make it at any university you move to.”
His face softened. “Yes, you are talented. Don’t ever forget that.”
“Jax.” I reached out to touch his cheek. I knew he still loved me.
He stiffened at my touch. “And there are other talented women, not girls. I’m sure I’ll find another to assist me.”
His words were pure pain. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Fine! If that’s the way you want it, then I’m outta here, asshole!”
I spun around and dashed to my car. The thin ice over the sidewalk was slick. I yelped, arms flailing as my foot slipped. My back whacked the pavement.
I gazed at the overcast sky. Why, oh why does this always happen to me?
“Nicole! Are you all right?” Jax was immediately by my side.
“Don’t touch me!” I jerked away from him. I managed to get back on my own feet without him and ran to my car.
He was the one who said I was smart. He was the one who told me I should believe i
n myself. Well, here I am, believing in myself . . . without him!
The moment the car came to life, I slapped my foot on the pedal. The wheels spun, unable to grip the road. I wiped my tears angrily. I wasn’t going to cry over him. I was moving on.
“Come on!” I whacked my hand against the steering wheel.
The car finally lurched forward, and I sped down the street, passing Rainbow’s house with all its glittering lights. I couldn’t be in this town anymore. Everywhere I looked reminded me of the Jax I knew, the Jax that grew up without me, the Jax that died the day I disappeared.
I loved Jax. God did I love him. With each mile I drove away from him, my heart ripped into tiny pieces. It took every ounce of strength I had not to turn the car around and plead with him to give our relationship a chance. I needed to be strong. I needed to stand up for myself.
I turned on the radio and laughed as Helen Reddy’s voice filtered out from an oldies station. If only my parents could see me now. They’d be so shocked. They wouldn’t recognize me. I didn’t recognize me. Where had all this strength and confidence in myself come from?
In the back of my mind, I heard Charlie and Rainbow’s voices whispering that they knew all along that I’d had it in me.
I turned the volume up and threw my head back, singing along. I felt a rush of freedom in knowing that I was doing the right thing for me. As much as I loved Jax and wanted to keep fighting for our love, I wanted to fight for me more.
But even as the words to “I Am Woman” sang out of my mouth, a tear escaped and slowly slid down my cheek.
Chapter Fourteen
It started with one tear, followed by another, then another, until they streamed down my face and I was gasping for air. My breaths came out in short, gasping puffs of white from the cold that fogged up the inside of the car.
All my life I’d felt empty inside. I’d searched for something to fill that empty space. Somehow, someway I’d found my way to Jax. He was the one who had shown me that I was someone important. Jax and Caroline gave me the family I’d never had. Even with Greg in my life, I’d always felt there was something missing. I’d fought time and won. Jax and Caroline were back in my life for a fleeting moment, only to have them slip away again. I’d made the decision to stop fighting. I’d chosen the path away from Jax, and it was tearing me apart.
Shivering, I wiped the fog from the window, trying to see out. The car gave way on the slippery road and headed into the opposite lane. Quickly, I jerked to correct it. Thank goodness there were no other cars around.
As I sped down the street, the hole in my heart grew larger. All I wanted to do was escape the immense pain. But with each mile I drove, I couldn’t get away from the memories that flitted through my mind, and all of them centered on Jax. His sexy grin, his teasing blue eyes, his kisses, his words of love and encouragement, the night we kissed at Club Vortex, that little zing that flowed through my skin every time we touched, how I felt so impossibly loved when we were together.
I sobbed, vowing to hold on to those memories no matter how much it hurt. I’d never regret loving him. He’d helped me find the confidence to believe in myself. I was able to do things I’d never before imagined I could do. I’d always love him for that.
Even as my brain was telling me to keep on driving forward, my heart argued to drive back. It wasn’t over between us. I could feel it. There was something more. I’d vowed to fight for us, for our love no matter what. So why was I driving away from him and not to him?
My hands shook as I approached the bridge. This time it wasn’t because of the cold. A chorus of voices, Madame Zarina’s, Rainbow’s, and Charlie’s echoed in my mind as if giving me the answer.
One path could lead to your greatest happiness while the other could lead to a life of loss and regret.
Actions are much louder than words and hold more truth.
Jax is meant to be here too. I know why he came back.
Why?
For the same reason, you were meant to go back in time. To find his heart.
You found a way to travel back in time to find him.
That was an accident. It just happened.
Are you sure about that?
My lashes fluttered as the pieces of the puzzle slowly shifted into place. Just when I was on the verge of understanding, the car suddenly jerked, taking me into a skid. Without thinking, I slammed on the brakes, making the car spin faster. The trees, the road, the guardrail were all a blur as everything spun out of control.
My heart slammed against my chest as I gripped the steering wheel, trying to turn the car away from the direction it was headed. As the car broke through the orange cones toward the gap left by the missing guardrail, I saw their smiling faces: Jax, Caroline, Greg, Rainbow, and Charlie’s everyone I loved dearly who believed in me, cared for me as if I were a daughter, a sister, a best friend, the love of his life.
Then I was in a free fall, and before I could cry out, there was a loud splash as the car slammed into the river. With the momentum, I whipped forward, hitting my head against the steering wheel and then back against my seat. Black dots filled my vision. A heavy weight pressed down on my chest as I felt myself lose consciousness.
Something cold and wet slapped against my boots. I couldn’t faint. I had to wake up.
I struggled to open my eyes. Through blurred vision, I watched in horror as a rush of water poured into the car.
My fingers shook as I tried to take off the seat belt. I could barely move. Within seconds, the cold water crept up to my chest.
Then I felt it. It was a familiar feeling, the same one I’d had before I’d met Jax. It was as if I was coming full circle. Exhausted, I let the numbness overtake me, numbing the voices in my head, numbing the pain in my chest, and then I closed my eyes and let the darkness swallow me whole.
* * *
“Nicole!”
Through the foggy darkness, a voice was calling out my name. I was dreaming again. This time I knew who it was. It was Jax.
I laid back, floating in the fog. It was useless to search for him. After all, it was just a dream.
“Nicole!” There was a sound of shattering glass followed by the touch of strong hands tugging me.
This dream was different from the others. I could actually feel arms wrapped around me, warmth permeating through my icy clothes, and smell his sweet breath.
“Wake up, Nicole. Please wake up.”
Warm fingers slapped gently against my cheeks as cold rain splattered on my face. A shot of pain rushed through my head.
The severe headache was a new addition to my freaky-deaky dreams.
“My head,” I groaned.
“Oh my god, Nicole. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
Jax sounded so close. It wasn’t a dream. I was back home. I was back in 1984!
My eyes fluttered open to Jax’s worried blue eyes. Water rolled down his cheeks.
“What year is it?” I whispered.
He wrinkled his brow, confused. “2002.”
I closed my eyes. I was wrong.
“I want to go back,” I croaked.
“You’re not making sense, Nicole.”
There was a sound of sirens in the distance.
“I was hoping I was back in 1984, back with you,” I mumbled. I felt myself drifting back into the darkness. My head felt like it was about to explode.
“Nicole!” He shook me. “Don’t fall asleep. Help is coming. Look at me. Please look at me.”
Struggling to fight the wave of exhaustion, I opened my eyes and looked into his. What I saw left me breathless. His face was filled with so much love, it radiated out of him, making him even more heart-achingly handsome.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” his voice cracked as tears rolled down his wind bitten cheeks. “I didn’t want you to leave. I love you.”
“But you told me—”
“I lied. I couldn’t think of another way to make you leave. I made a mistake. I was wrong. I can’t be withou
t you. The second you drove off, I was in my car chasing after you.”
“For a smart guy, you can be an idiot.”
“Yes, I am. I’m so sorry for lying. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
A stabbing pain shot through my head, and I winced.
“You’re hurt,” he said.
“My head’s pounding.” I struggled to stand. “Look, I know you just feel guilty about the lie. I get it. I’ll be out of your hair as soon as I can arrange a tow truck to . . . whoa!”
The bridge appeared to sway under my feet, and I became dizzy. He caught me before I could fall.
“Lay down. The ambulance will be here soon.”
“Go away, Jax. You don’t want me.” Even as the words left my mouth, the world tilted beneath me, and the last thing I heard was Jax screaming my name as he reached for me.
Chapter Fifteen
There was a clucking sound and something pecking at my toes. Sleepily, I opened my eyes. Early morning light filtered into my dim bedroom. Penny, wearing a tiny pink sweater Rainbow had knitted for her, waddled across the edge of the bed. She stopped as if sensing I was awake and clucked louder.
“Shh. He’s still sleeping.”
Jax stirred, his arms tightening around me. Carefully lifting my hand so that I didn’t wake him, I gently ran my fingers over the stubble on his strong jawline, relishing the feel of it.
He hadn’t left my side since we’d gotten back from the hospital yesterday. Fortunately, all that I had was a big bump on my head. The doctor had wanted to keep me overnight for observation to make sure I didn’t have a concussion. I refused. Jax had been adamant about bringing me home and watching over me. I wanted to say no and push him away for being such a jerk. Instead, I took the mature road and just gave him the cold shoulder.
Penny’s beady eyes narrowed as she looked from me to Jax.
“Yeah, I know. I should kick him out, but I can’t help it.” I snuggled deeper into his warm chest, thinking about how quickly things had changed within the last twenty-four hours.
Your Gravity: Part Three Page 8
