Truth
If there’s one thing Josh doesn’t know about me, anyone knows about me, is that I’ve never been with a guy - emotionally, mentally, or physically. And these overwhelming emotions that I am so new to, make me feel nervous at everything we do. One thing I can’t understand is the feeling of wanting to be with him almost twenty-four seven and it’s scary.
Everyone knows of our relationship since day one. Julia, Darcy, and Marcy have since then always looked at me with a mean hateful glare - if only looks could kill. I was new to the drama, but it didn’t bother me since I know I can defend myself if things ever got ugly.
The tweeners feel pretty jealous that I’m taken and haven’t gotten a taste of the ‘new’ girl. But still kept their distance. Julian never glances my way. In fact, if him and I are ever in the same room he squirms away. Glad my lesson has paid off for him and whatever Brass and Old John had done to him.
I don’t know when would be the next time I get out of this place. But I’ve been in here for over a month already with no sun and no driving. Yes, it was comforting, but how can someone just stay here for...so long? Trapped and hidden from vicious nails and teeth…
We’ve continued on to training on balance. I was teaching the girls yoga and meditation. Sadly, we didn’t have any meditative music so silence would have to do, for now. I don’t think they’re used to being quiet as someone ends up farting in the background while we were doing the tree. And laughter erupted in the ballet room. Even me.
“Okay ladies. Whoever did that, I’m glad you did so you wouldn’t feel bloated and no one will say a word about it. But can we please keep quiet?! Balance and silence are two important things you need in your life right now. One, you won’t fall over like a klutz, and two, the silence makes your ears stronger listening to your surroundings. So please, let’s get serious.”
I can see Gwen’s face turn into a cherry. Poor Gwen. I resumed the tree and they did too. We began to hear a loud commotion upstairs, and I sighed in frustration. “Okay you know what, we’ve been here half an hour, and I think we’ll take leave till after tomorrow. See you guys later.”
They packed up quick - some mats we found in the science lab - and Naomi gave me a high five as she made her way out. The drama queens left laughing and giggling.
They’re going to say something about Gwen. I know it. Gwen is the last one to leave, and as she walked to the doors slowly, she walked back to me where I was packing up the radio. “Sorry about...earlier,” she blushed.
“It’s okay Gwen. I’m sure none of them will say anything to anyone. I don’t even think they noticed who it was. But if it happens again, just ask if you need to go to the bathroom or just leave and then come back. It doesn’t matter. I don’t bite,” I smiled at the last line.
Then she burst out crying right there.
“Oh hey don’t cry. If anyone says anything I’m sure your Christopher will still love you.” I hugged her against me tightly. “If it makes you feel any better, it’s happened to me before.” Yup, it did, but when I was a child.
Josh turned around the corner, and was about to knock until my eyes told him not too while I hugged Gwen for comfort. I waved my hand to him from her back to shoo him away, and he obliged kindly and respectfully. I’m beginning to grow deeply fond of him. He understands. “It’s not that,” she sniffled letting me go and wiping her nose with the back of her long sleeve. It’s a bit chilly in here since I’ve been wearing long sleeves too. October is here already.
Then she looked at me with such a sad desperate look upon her face, her tears only continued to fall. “I’m pregnant.”
Oh shit...
We headed back upstairs, Josh and I - Gwen went ahead of us after her and I had a small talk. No one should know about Gwen’s pregnancy. Not Brass nor Old John. Who knows what they’ll do. It’s already placed as a rule. And if word got out...I don’t want to know.
Josh didn’t mention anything, but I’m sure he overheard while he waited for me. The mean girls didn’t take their eyes off of us. So in order to piss them off more I gave Josh a long kiss on the lips and savored every second. This is so not me. But the protectiveness I feel over him is strong.
They finally looked away with more hate than I’ve ever felt before.
“What’s up with all the commotion in here? And what’s up with the guns?” I asked the boys with Brass and Old John. They were laying guns on the table and lounge area.
Old John was the one to answer. “We do something called the Marsh once a month. It’s a time of month where we go out there and start shootin’ like a bunch of hillbillies with no common sense.”
My eyebrows shot up. You kidding me? They kill people who were once human for fun? “What?!” my voice raised two octaves. “Are you telling me once a month you go kill people, who were once human, for a thrill?”
Brass spoke this time. “Really it’s to cut down on the majority of them around here. We have too many of them always come around this area like they know we’re here. Having them around here is dangerous. And not everyone wants to do it. Not the girls, but mostly the boys. It’s also a way to let off steam.”
“I see. Well, if it’s beneficial in a way. I don’t see it a problem I guess. Plus, they need to be killed since we’re at the top of the food chain.”
“Josh,” Old John told him as he handed him a hunting knife.
Josh took it without thinking.
I took his elbow and pushed him to the side. I whispered, “You sure you want to go out there?”
“I have to. I want to.”
“You want to?” my voice questioning.
He nodded his head. “It makes a difference and serves a purpose.” He smiled.
I bit on my bottom lip, contemplating on whether I should go or not…
I strapped up with my own shotgun and pistol, as well as my hunting knife. I handed Josh my mini revolver, and a couple of extra bullets with it. “Safety,” I told him. I certainly wasn’t letting him go alone. Much less, let him out of my sight.
He took it without saying no.
He’s not much for guns, and prefers knives. But it’s better off giving my heart some peace. “I’d rather you stayed here,” he spoke, caressing the side of my face. “It’s dangerous out there.”
I scoffed and chuckled. “Please. I made it this far. Plus, I could say the same for you.”
Josh and I only found privacy downstairs in the training room. I was on a mat with him as music played softly in the background and the lights were dimmed. I surrendered to his teasing kisses, giggling after each one. He was being silly too by tickling me. “Gosh I love hearing your giggles and laugh,” he spoke seductively as he nipped the side of my neck.
I burst into laughter feeling hot already. I wonder for how many times he’s been in this situation. He was the first person I’d been with romantically. His hand skimmed down my body, and I savored every touch with a sweet, blushing smile. “And your hot body,” he whispered softly as his lips caught my giggling ones.
“Is that all you care about dear Josh? Is my body?”
“No,” he denied, disgruntled while kissing me. “Everything there is about you I care for,” he continued to whisper. His hand went under my shirt and he began skimming my stomach. I let him. His hand began traveling up slowly, gently tickling me in the process while his other hand touched my hair in soft caresses.
He backed his face away from mine and looked me in the eyes. Oh boy, he looks so serious. He rested his head against mine and continued to stare at me that way. “Don’t have the brawl with Brass.”
Here we go again. “Josh, we’ve been over this many times. If there’s one thing my father taught me it’s to not be a quitter.”
He sighed deeply, and pushed his hair back with his one hand in frustration. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. That’s all. Brass does it for a thrill. He’ll try to find anyone who can match his fights.”
“It’s the least of my worries.”
/>
“You don’t know Brass. He might have this controlled stature or an air of confidence, but he’s a crazy bastard once he’s wild and carefree.”
“How would you know? Have you seen him fight before? I’m sure I’ve seen crazier.”
“Look Lily.” Gah, I love it when he says the nickname he gave me. “Just stay with me. I don’t want to lose you. You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me before all of this shit happened. Even after.”
“Josh,” I groaned exasperated, and circled my arms around his neck. “I’ll be okay,” I told him looking him in the eye.
He took a while to answer.
“Before you came, there was this guy here since day one with Brass and Old John. Brass wanted to brawl with him and the guy didn’t back down. He was made of muscle, more than Brass and myself and yet Brass managed to knock him down and bust his nose into his brain.
“When he fell to the ground the guy never woke up again. Brass had no remorse whatsoever, and I didn’t understand why he didn’t have any regrets. Once the man was down on the ground all he did was walk away and not look back. Turns out Brass had a grudge against him, and wanted him gone. It was a freestyle fight. No gloves, no tape, just raw bloody knuckles.”
Josh’s eyes weren’t looking at me when he told the tale. Wow, Brass is cruel to the point where he killed the guy out of a grudge...Are we living with a murderer? The house of the murderer? Hollywood is something in California.
“Well, then if Brass has a grudge against me, which I have no idea what for, then him and I will solve it with a fight.”
“He obviously doesn’t have a grudge against you. I think it’s more. I think he wants something in return. I’m just not sure what it is. No one does.”
“Well, whatever it is I’m sure I can do it,” I smiled at him. “Moving on to better things, you owe me a kissing session.” I laid him down on his back and got on top of him. He placed his hands on the sides of my thighs.
“Is that how far we’ll go all the time? Just kissing? Don’t you crave something more sometimes?” To be honest, he sounded disappointed. “I want more with you.” His face turning serious once again.
My face blanched. I feared this day would come, and here it was. I sighed deeply. “I’m not ready to go that far yet.” I got off of him feeling my mood suddenly sour and walked away from him to around the room.
“Why?” he complained. “Don’t you feel the same way?”
Should I tell him? I don’t want to sound so inexperienced at twenty-one. No, I shouldn’t. He’ll laugh at me. “I’m just not ready,” is all I told him. Now I’m feeling worthless. I went to him, sat cross legged in front of him, grabbed his hand in mine, and said, “Josh, maybe I’m not fit for you.” His face went white and my face went red as a tomato. I had an urge to suddenly cry.
“Let me finish before you say anything. You’re having urges that I can’t fulfill right now. And in order for you to fulfill them I think it’s best we just leave how we are right now.”
He didn’t say anything, and looked away from my face. Was I saying something wrong? Oh my God. Why does it feel so hard to let go of him? My tears began to gather in the corners of my eyes. “I’m sorry. I just don’t think I’m for you,” I whispered with a cracking voice.
When he wouldn’t look at me and when he wouldn’t say anything, that’s when I took my cue and made haste to leave the room, find some way to let off steam from these overwhelming, confusing, sad, scary emotions.
Funny how the world works, I thought. My thick heel boots clicked on the grounds in late October while walking to a secluded building just across the club a couple of buildings down to the left. One moment everything is fine, and the next it’s in turmoil! I hitched up the sniper rifle strap on my shoulder, and made way in climbing a ladder at the back of a fancy restaurant right beside a local cinema. I hate heights, so I made myself not look down. Weird the dead haven’t noticed me. Yet. Somehow, it feels good to come out for fresh air that I haven’t tasted in a long while, even if it’s polluted.
Reaching the top of the building, I peeked my head over slowly to see if there were any of them on the roof, and there was three of them. Jeez, they’re so dry, grey, and dead - obviously. It seems the blood had dried and their skin hung off their bones. Their faces appeared to have been mutated from the virus, and their clothes were so dirty. Jeez, the stench is unbearable. They need a shower, I thought.
Well, time to kill or be killed.
I took out my hunting knife from the waistband of my belt, and like a crouching panther, made my way to the first one with her back to me. Grabbing her by the throat from behind, I sliced her throat like a silent murderer, careful not to get her blood on my skin or even on my clothes. I made my way to the other two just as they noticed my presence. Their arms were straight out, wanting me, and yet they moved at a lazy pace. I jumped on my feet and did a round kick in the air kicking them both in the face. Using my hunting knife, I stabbed one in the stomach, sliced it through its guts, and slit its throat by forming a side v. As the other one got closer to me, I brought my boot against its chest and pushed it back hard. It fell to the ground. While it tried to get up, I walked to it with a hunter’s grace, grabbed it by its neck and twisted it till it snapped, and laid limp on the ground. Now if only I had hand sanitizer…
I pushed closed the door to the roof, and found a heavy cement rock to keep it closed since the knob was broken.
I made my way to the edge of the roof towards where the entrance of the club was. I’ll just keep a lookout for a while and shoot some walking dead heads. Bent down on my knees, I brought the sniper rifle off my shoulder, and took the scope out of my jacket pocket.
Setting up the scope by screwing it on, I checked the distance meter and judged how far to adjust my aim. Right when the dial hit the spot for my eyesight, I opened its chamber by pulling the knob open, and began to fill it up with bullets.
It held just six. I loaded by closing it shut and putting the first bullet in the chamber. I laid down on the ground and positioned the rifle atop the low edge to give it a good balance. It was perfect.
A couple of walkers were roaming the streets below. I focused my eye on a target’s head, and shot. Bullseye. Its brains splattered into the air.
I reloaded a bullet into the chamber, aimed at a new target, and pulled the trigger.
For the first time, I missed, hitting right below its throat.
The stress and tension is getting to me. Who ever thought having a first boyfriend would be easy when you’re a virgin and it’s the end of the world.
I took a moment to breathe and concentrated. Again, I look through the scope, aim at my designated target, and pull the trigger. Shot succeeded.
I reloaded by putting another bullet in the chamber, and continued to shoot without missing.
After my first six bullets were done, I took some more out of my pocket, and reloaded the rifle. I continued my killing spree.
Apparently, I’m beginning to grow fond of my guns. Ever since I began to train with them, I fell in love. I never bought one for my own. I feared anyone could find it and use it against me when I’d barely could use it, but now...I can use any weapon any day, and as sickening as it sounds, I’m enjoying it.
Oh the world we live in is fucked up.
One of the dead began to walk in the direction of the club just as Josh came out. It ran to him from a distance when it saw him. Making sure I got him under my eye I pull the damn trigger, and it’s dead with half its brains splattered all over the pavement near Josh’s feet.
Three more noticed him coming out and ran towards him. I kept an eye on them, in each direction they were coming at him, and started at the first in the middle from across the street. I pulled the trigger. Focusing on the second one to the left in my direction, I shoot. Keeping the right for last, my finger itched pulling the trigger early and I missed.
FUCK! my thoughts wanted to scream out loud. No need to get jittery righ
t now Lillian.
I aim again, focusing as I let out a deep breath, concentrated my good eye, and pulled the trigger.
All three were finally extra dead.
He followed where the shots were coming from, spotted me on the roof, and then ran across the street to me. I reloaded my sniper as I waited for him to come up. By the fourth bullet he’s already walking to me. Once I had the sniper reloaded he laid down on the ground, and casually said, “Hey.”
“Hey,” I replied not looking at him, but concentrating at another dead head.
Pulling the trigger, I miss. I’m now nervous having him around.
I still reloaded and tried again.
I missed again.
I sighed deeply.
“Am I bothering you?” he asked in a worried tone - I can sense him being offended.
“Oh no. You’re good. Just my aim is being lousy,” I told him honestly. It’s not that I don’t want him near me. It’s just he makes me nervous and my skills betray me. My thoughts are even curious over what exactly brought him here when our discussion was done underground in the training room.
“Lillian…you have it all wrong.”
“What part? My shooting?” I ask, as the sniper bullet went past the dead head and hit a glass window of an expensive jewelry shop. Suddenly, I wanted to throw down the sniper and give up. Instead, I just stopped shooting and set it down beside me, concentrating on what he wanted to say.
“No. Everything...I may want more, but that doesn’t mean you shut me out or offer me to someone else. It doesn’t work that way in relationships. When I say I’m your boyfriend, I mean it. When I say you're worth more than a thousand stars in the sky, I mean it. Damn it Lillian...I don’t want anyone else. I want you. Why do you always act so...nervous around me? Why do you push me away? Let me be closer to you. I want to. I want you to trust me.”
It took me awhile to answer him. “Josh. It’s not that…”
“I’m sorry if I forced anything upon you. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t see it that way when I asked if you ever wanted something more.”
The World At End (Book 1) (Left Alive for the Dead Series) Page 8
