I put my arm around his shoulders, hugging him. “What happened to Sam wasn’t your fault. He wanted to find Jared on his own and he did. What happened after that, no one could have predicted. He doesn’t blame you.”
Will shrugs off my arm. “How could he not blame me? I’m betting the only reason he wanted to go on his own was because I told him I didn’t believe him.” Covering his face with his hands he growls against them. Peeking over with red-rimmed eyes, he tries so hard to not cry. “I told my best friend I didn’t believe him and he died Hanna. There’s nothing anyone could ever say to take that guilt away.”
Taking a deep breath I wipe away my own tears at watching Will fall apart. I’ve always been a sympathetic crier, and now is no different, especially when I can relate to how he feels. “I promise, Sam does not blame you and he doesn’t want you to blame yourself either. I know this because he told me to tell you that.”
“What do you mean he told you to tell me?” Will asks, confused. He wipes away a fallen tear from his cheek with the edge of his sleeve.
“When I was in the lake, I wasn’t just in the lake.” Will looks at me perplexed. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, and I know I sound crazy, but I swear part of me went somewhere else and wherever it is that I went, Sam was there. Before he sent me back he gave me a new symbol and he told me to tell you he doesn’t blame you and that what happened to him wasn’t your fault.”
“Can I see it?” Swallowing hard, Will holds out his hand. I give him my wrist. He sits in silence with my hand held loosely in his. No questions about Sam, no questions about The In-Between, just silent contemplating stares. After a while he touches it. Running his finger over the surface it shimmers with a slight iridescence that’s nowhere near as radiant as it used to be. Maybe it only glowed so bright before because the part that was Sam was acknowledging Will through me. But that parts gone now.
What little iridescence is left is probably only in reaction to the fact that Will is a Guardian in The Order. An elite group of super humans/witches or whatever it is they are, whose mission it is to keep the world safe from The Fallen. Possessed humans taken over by fallen angels trapped in purgatory who want nothing more then to escape the chains that hold them captive for their own nefarious reasons.
A tear splashes against the center of the symbol where it glows a pale sparkly blue. Will lets go of my wrist to wipe his eyes. “He’s really gone.” It’s no louder than a whisper, yet it’s strong enough to break my heart. It may have been me who relieved Sam’s memories and me who felt his feelings, but maybe in some strange way my connection to Sam was Will’s connection to him too. And now that that connection is gone, Sam’s really gone, and for Will, maybe that’s like losing his best friend all over again.
“Will,” I say gently as I take his hand.
“I’m fine,” he says. He’s not. He gives my hand a small squeeze, then stands pulling me up with him. “Come on, everyone is waiting for us back at the church and Blondie isn’t going to think Jared’s dead forever.”
Hand in hand, Will leads us to a path that’ll take us out of the woods. All of my thoughts become consumed by Jared, some of them happy bringing a smile to my face, and some of them not so happy leaving an unbearable ache in the center of my chest.
“Will.” I stop, forcing him to stop too since he’s still holding my hand. I’m half afraid to ask because I know how hard the subject of Zoe is for him, but with everything that she’s done: mind controlling Jared into almost killing me, mind controlling me into almost killing Will, and then mind controlling me into almost killing myself. I really don’t want to be anywhere she is. “It’s about Zoe.” His body goes rigid at the sound of her name. “Will she…”
“You don’t have to worry about Zoe.” Letting go of my hand he stares at the pale white scar on his palm. “She can’t hurt you now. She can’t hurt anyone.”
Except for you, I think to myself.
He trails a finger over the scar and I wonder if he’s thinking about how he subdued her with that purple ball of energy he manifested. I know I am.
“What if she wakes up?” I ask as gently as possible.
“She can’t.” His hand falls at his side. “Not until I release her. My blood made her sleep and only my blood can make her wake.”
“Oh.” I can’t even begin to image how he must feel. If Adam betrayed me the way Zoe betrayed him, I’d be a total basket case. “If you ever need someone to talk to or anything, I’m here for you, okay?”
“I know.”
We stare at each other somewhat awkwardly for half a second before he breaks eye contact. With a half smile to himself he turns to continue down the path leaving me to follow behind.
Talking about siblings makes me think of Adam. Suddenly I’m utterly homesick. Adam would never betray me the way Zoe did Will. Not ever. And I know it’s not really a betrayal on my part either, but I feel really bad about missing dinner with him last night even though I didn’t have a choice in the matter because figuring out who’s Sam’s brother was had to take precedence. But Adam didn’t know that. All he knew was that I blew him off with a note saying I’d be back later. Guilt at the thought of him coming home with a big bag of take out then having to eat it alone eats away at me.
“Will.” Ahead of me by a good ten feet he slows down so I can catch up. “When you were looking for me did you happen to come across my phone? I really need to call Adam and let him know I’m okay.”
“Yeah, um, about that.” Reaching into the inside pocket of his leather jacket he pulls out a very wet, very dead phone, dripping with lake water. “If it’s any consolation,” He takes his phone out of his back pocket. It looks worse than mine. “Mine’s met its untimely demise also.”
Great. Guess my phone call to Adam will have to wait a little longer.
“I can take you home first before we go to the church if you want?” Will offers when we reach his black Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle. It’s parked right beside Jared’s yellow Jeep at the edge of the woods.
I run my hand along the side of the Jeep wiping away a section of condensation. I can’t go home yet. Not until I see Jared first and I know he’s truly okay. Adam would understand if he knew what’s been going on.
I grab one of the helmets hanging from the handlebars of Will’s bike. “No. I need to see Jared first. Let’s go to the church.”
***
Will pulls in beside an enormous black SUV parked outside of the church. It must be Eric’s, a.k.a. Will’s older brother, a.k.a. Officer Jensen. Dismounting the bike, I try peering into the windows with no success. Is it even legal to have windows tinted this dark? I wonder what he’s trying to hide in there?
“You coming?” Will asks. He’s already half way up the hillside.
My heart starts to pound faster with each step I take. A huge part of me wants to see Jared so bad every bone in my body is literally aching for it. And then there’s another smaller irritating part of me that’s absolutely terrified, because he’s no longer just Jared. He’s so much more now and he has no idea. And when I tell him, his whole world is going to turn upside down. What if he hates me for it? I don’t think I can take it if he ends up hating me.
Nearing the back of the building I start to drag my feet a bit. My insides are a quivering mess of raw nerves, what ifs, and utter excitement.
I think I might throw up.
With a sweep of his arm, Will moves aside the vines covering the hidden door at the rear of the church. “I can tell him who he is if you want.”
“No, that’s okay. I should be the one to tell him,” I say even though my hands have become completely sweaty and gross and my heart is about to fly out of my chest with the rate in which it’s beating.
“You sure?” He asks. I nod. He opens the door. “After you.”
By the time we reach the sanctuary my hands are shaking so badly I have to put them in my pockets to keep them still. I’ve never been so nervous to see Jared in my whole life.
At first I don’t see him, but then our eyes meet and the whole world stands still. His hair is disheveled, his clothes caked in dirt, but his eyes—his eyes are so green and so, so alive. I forget all about being nervous.
Everything around us fades away as we walk towards each other. Time slows, every detail intensifying. All I want to do it touch him, feel his skin beneath mine and know that he’s really here, because in my minds eye, all I can see is blood pouring from his chest.
“Hey,” Jared says as he reaches me. It’s such a small inconsequential word. It’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. He could literally say anything and it would be music to my ears. Wiping a tear from my cheek he smiles before leaning down to kiss me. My hands twist around the fabric of his shirt drawing him in closer. I don’t ever want to let go.
Inevitably we pull apart.
Lost in the sight of him alive and breathing my fingers explore his face taking in everything from the warm smoothness of his skin, to the softness of his lips, to the shape of his jaw.
Everything about him is amazing.
Moving downward, my fingers trail from his face to the hole in his shirt just over his heart where Blondie stabbed him. There’s no scar and no signs of blood, but in my mind that’s all I see, bright red blood, covering his chest, covering my hands, draining his life away. Under normal circumstances he shouldn’t be standing here because people don’t survive the kind of wound he sustained. He shouldn’t have survived it. But here he stands. Living. Breathing. And with a beating heart pounding in his chest under my hand because I saved him. He was dying and I saved him.
I saved him.
Lifting up my chin with the tip of his finger, Jared’s eyes roam over my face. “I’m okay. Especially now that you’re here.” Biting his bottom lip he smiles, then kisses me again. Getting lost, I savor every moment of his lips against mine because after I tell him whom he really is, he may not want to kiss me anymore.
CHAPTER TWO
“Jared,” I say against his lips. “There’s something I have to tell you.” Taking his hand in mine I lead him toward the back of the sanctuary for privacy. My hands are shaking like I’ve just downed a pot of coffee and I know Jared can feel it, but I can’t seem to make them stop. With every step we take toward the conversation we’re about to have, the more nervous I become.
When I first found out about the prophecy and that it was my mission to find the boy mentioned in it, I never imagined it would turn out to be someone I know. If it were a stranger I could just blurt it out, be done with it, and go from there. But because it’s Jared, a boy I’ve known almost my whole life, my best friend, the boy I fell in love with, all my words are failing me. I can’t just blurt it out to him. I have to be delicate. I have to be comforting, because after this moment, nothing will ever be the same.
Together, we sit stirring up the dust layered on the pew. Jared wraps his hands around my shaking ones to hold them still. Watching me intently, knowing that I’m nervous, he waits for me to speak. I start the conversation over and over in my head trying to find the right thing to say.
The words never make it past my lips.
“Hanna, what is it? You’re shaking like a leaf and it’s starting to freak me out.”
I swallow hard trying to muster my courage. “I have to tell you something and what I have to say is going to change everything.”
“Ooookaaay.” He looks at me with a mix of foreboding curiosity.
“I know who Sam’s brother is,” I start. Something flickers in his eyes, but it’s gone before I can register what it means. I pause wondering exactly how much I should tell him. Should I tell him everything? How Sam found him, how he felt when he did, how he felt when he realized he’d never really get to meet him? Or should I just tell him that he’s Sam’s brother and leave it at that? Arguing with myself for a few minutes longer I decide to tell him everything. He deserves to know it all. If it were me, I’d want to know it all.
Taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself I begin and the whole time I talk, Jared’s eyes never leave the floor. When I’m finished he doesn’t say a word, which is understandable. After everything I just told him it's not surprising he'd need time to process. Or maybe he’s skipped processing and is in total denial. Or maybe he completely spaced out and never actually heard a word I said at all because I'm getting nothing from him. No reaction whatsoever. “Jared, did you hear me? You're Sam’s brother.”
“I know,” he says in a barely there whisper. It’s not an ‘I know’ as in ‘I just heard what you said’, but an ‘I know’ as in ‘I already know’. I was expecting him to deny it, to yell at me and call me a liar, not to quietly accept it.
“When did you know?” This is all so messed up. Here I’ve been all tied up in knots dreading how he might react, preparing myself for the worst even. Worried that he’ll hate me just for telling him and all this time he already knew. Why didn't he say anything?
Jared takes a deep breath keeping his eyes focused on the floor at his feet. “When we were down in the cellar. I knew it the moment I saw the picture of Emily holding her baby all wrapped up in the blue crocheted blanket with the little teddy bear stitched in the corner.” His eyes flick to mine, full of conflicting emotions before returning to the floor. “When I was little I used to carry it around with me everywhere I went. I think I was six or seven before my mom could convince me I was too old for a security blanket. I still have it tucked away in a box somewhere in the basement at home. I’m surprised you don’t remember it.”
I think back to when Jared and I were little kids. Me in my dresses and pigtails and him with a cape constantly tied around his neck. He was so adorable. He liked to pretend he was a super hero and I was the damsel in distress he had to save. “Wait, do you mean that ratty frayed looking thing that you used to pretend was your cape?”
A small smile tugs at his lips. “That’d be the one.”
“But how did you know the blanket in the photo was the same blanket you have? There could be lots of blankets like that in the world.”
He shrugs his shoulder. “I just…knew.” He studies my face. “Is that weird?”
“After everything I’ve seen and done, who’s to say what’s weird and what isn’t anymore.” Reaching into the front pocket of my hoodie my hands seek out the little silver box Jared found in the cellar containing the photo in question along with a note Emily wrote to her new born baby. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
With another shrug of his shoulders he lowers his eyes back to the floor. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to believe it, because if I did, then I’d have to accept that my whole life’s been a lie.”
Leaving the silver box in my pocket, I take his hand in mine. He glances over from the corner of his eye. “Your life has not been a lie Jared. Some of the details might have changed, but you’re still the same person you’ve always been. You’re still Jared Vaughn.”
“Yeah, but which Jared Vaughn am I? Am I the Jared who grew up thinking his parents were Karen and Bruce Vaughn? Am I the Jared who thought he was just like everyone else with two loving parents and a step dad who’s an ass? Am I the Jared who fell absolutely in love with his best friend from the very first moment he saw her? Am I the Jared, whose future is wide open with possibilities?
“Or am I the other Jared? The Jared, whose real parents are a Guardian and a Fallen? The Jared, who’s been chosen by some stupid prophecy to determine the fate of the world? The Jared, whose future has already been decided? The Jared, who’s not even human?” Giving into the war raging inside him he shakes his head in defeat. “Everything has changed for me now Hanna. Everything I thought I was, everything I thought I had, it’s all been taken away. The family I thought was mine isn’t. The life I thought was mine isn’t. It was all a lie and this whole time, all I’ve been doing is playing pretend.”
“That’s not true. So your birth parents aren’t who you thought they were. So what. It doesn’t change the fact that
they love you and they raised you as if you were their own. Nothing about who you are is a lie. Everything you’ve experienced in your life was real—is real—and all those things you mentioned, your family, your future, me, it’s all still yours. This prophecy doesn’t have to rule over you Jared, or change who you think you are. You can choose your own fate.”
“What if I don’t get to choose? What if my destiny’s already been written and there’s nothing I can do to change it?”
“I don’t believe that.” I pull the silver box out of my hoodie pocket placing it in his hands. “And neither did she.”
Jared sits still as stone as minutes pass by with the box never leaving his hands and his eyes never leaving the box.
Boots scuff against the floor drawing my attention away from Jared. Looking up I see Will making his way over to us. Turning back to Jared I say, “I’m going to go talk to Will for a moment. I’ll be right back, okay?” Having no idea if he even heard me I kiss his cheek before leaving him to his thoughts.
“How did he take it?” Will asks once we’re out of hearing distance.
“How do you think he took it? His whole world’s been torn apart,” I say, not telling him that Jared already knew.
“So, not well then,” Will says stating the obvious. “I can understand that. To find out you’re not the person you thought you were and then to have the fate of the world thrust upon your shoulders, that’s some pretty heavy crap to wrap your head around. I doubt I’d be able to handle it any better.” Will shifts his gaze from Jared to me. “We should give him some space. Besides, there’s something Eric and I want to talk to you about.”
Taking my arm, Will leads me over to where his older brother Eric/Officer Jensen is sitting. He’s wearing his police uniform, which makes me nervous, which is stupid given he’s one of the good guys. But still, I can’t stop thinking about the first two times we met (he was in uniform those times too) and how suspicious I was of him. Mostly because I knew he recognized the symbol on my wrist when he came with Detective Henderson to question me in the hospital after witnessing Sam’s death at The Iron Knife. And definitely because his black braided bracelet matched the one I found hanging in a tree outside my room after someone (Will though I didn’t know him at the time) broke into my house.
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