"It is a big deal. You shouldn't be sore at all, you should have completely healed by now and if you haven’t, then something is wrong. Wait for me in my room and I'll take a look at it. I've got to get something out of the medicine cabinet for Luca real quick."
"It's not necessary. Really, I'm fine." We both know I'm lying.
"Really?” He flicks my ribs calling me out. I suck in a deep breath. "That's what I thought. Now would you please wait for me in my room?"
"Fine." I say it with a heavy inconvenienced sigh.
There's a faint unpleasant smell lingering around his room from all the green goo he had smeared over most of his body last night and I go back to the bathroom in search of a smelly good candle. Finding one I take it back to his room only to realize I have nothing to light it with. I wrestle with my conscience for a moment on the rights and wrongs of searching his room when I spot a zippo on his dresser.
"Hope you don't mind," I say when I turn to find Will standing in the doorway. "But your room smells."
"Is that so?"
"Yep."
"Well then, it's a good thing you found that candle." His fingers brush against mine as he takes it from me placing it on the dresser. He stands in front of me. "Finished stalling?"
"I'm not stalling," I say. He raises one eyebrow. "Okay, maybe I am a little bit." I take a breath then voice my fears. "What if it's still hurting because I can't self-heal anymore? What if Blondie somehow really did do something—again—to my symbol at The Iron Knife and now it’s deteriorating so I go back to just being an ordinary girl who’s completely helpless to do anything at all to get Jared back?"
"You worry too much, you know that." He grips me by the shoulders pushing me back towards he bed. The back of my knees hit the mattress and I fall to my butt. He kneels down in front of me. "The more likely explanation is that the bones weren't aligned properly when you started to heal after the accident. Now lift up your shirt and let me have a look."
The way he says lift up your shirt sends heat rushing to my face. His mouth hints at a smile because of course he's noticed. Diverting my eyes from his I do as he asked.
"Do you want the good news or the bad news?"
"Um, good news." It comes out sounding like an unsure question.
"Good news-your symbols not defective. Bad news - your ribs didn't mend correctly and I'm going to have to re-break them. If I had known earlier I could have manipulated them without much pain, but now, it's going to hurt like hell."
"Don't sugarcoat it," I say with a wary grin.
"Wouldn't think of it," he says grinning back. "Now lay down."
"Lay down?" I repeat like a moron.
He smiles at my momentary lack of sense. "I need you to lay down so I can heal you properly. After I re-break your ribs of course."
"Of course." I lay back embarrassed with the way I'm behaving. For the millionth time I wish Jared were here not only because I want him back so much it hurts, but also because if he were here whatever stupid confused feelings I seem to be having towards Will could finally be squished out of existence.
"I'll try to be quick and gentle, but I can't make any promises."
"That's not really making me feel any better. Can't you lie?"
"Alright. This won't hurt a bit."
A scream from the very bottom of my soul rips its way out right before the room sways and goes dark.
***
I'm in the hallway again standing in front of Jared's cell door. The sliding peep window is open and I push up onto the tips of my toes to see inside. In the small confines of the room, Jared paces back and forth, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
I pound on the door with a closed fist. It makes no sound.
"Jared," I quietly yell.
"I won't do it. They can't make me do it." He pulls at the ends of his hair, leaving it standing up at odd angles. "Lies. It's all lies."
"What's all lies? Jared, what do they want you to do?"
He stops mid-step, the muscles in his biceps twitching. He takes a deep breath then charges the door, slamming the palms of his hands against it. Instinctively, I jump back. Tortured green eyes stare through the opening and for half a second I think he sees me, but then his eyes shift side to side and I know he doesn't. For whatever reason I'm invisible to him.
Tears burn my eyes, threatening to spill over. I force them back, refusing to let them fall.
"I won't do it," Jared mumbles. He slams his fists against the door, the sound of it echoing down the hall. "You hear me you sick bastard? You're a liar and I won't do it!" He shoves away from the door then kicks at the cot. Bolted to the floor it doesn't move.
"Nice to see you Hanna," Blondie's voice whispers in my ear.
I turn so fast; I nearly trip over my own feet as my back slams against the door to Jared's cell without a sound. Across the hall Blondie leans against the wall carelessly, an expression of amusement on his face.
He sees me.
How is he seeing me?
My heart jumps into my throat. "H-how ..." I stammer.
A knowing grin lights up his face. "I've always seen you."
"But I thought...The last time I was here I thought for sure you and Rain couldn't see me. I thought no one could." A small voice in the back of my mind yells at me for taking the time to question Blondie when I should be running as far from him as I can.
"They can't. I can. We have a connection, you and I." The thought of any kind of connection to Blondie makes my skin crawl.
Detaching from the wall, he moves closer. I move away. He takes a step; I take a step, until we're moving in circles.
"I'm not connected to you, I'm connected to Jared so why is it you see me and he doesn't?"
"You seem to forget I'm an angel, albeit fallen, but an angel all the same and there's very little that gets past me." The blue of his eyes sparkle under the florescent lights above us. He's having fun. "Did you really think I didn't know you linked yourself to Jared?”
"What did you do?" I don't know why I'm asking since the answer is obvious.
"Oh, just a little bit of this and a little bit of that. It's a lot more fun this way don't you think?" He smiles, sure of himself. "Don't you remember what I told you in the factory?"
"No." I'm lying. I remember every single word. He promised to make me suffer while he turns Jared against me. Is this how he's planning on doing it, by hijacking my connection to Jared so Jared can't see me and I'm forced to watch Blondie torture him without ever being able to do anything about it, or able to even remember being here once I wake?
"No? Hmm, maybe I should remind you." Blondie fake lunges and I jerk backwards, slamming into the wall. He throws his head back in laughter.
Swallowing my pride along with my fear, I steel myself. This only amuses him further. I step away from the wall and we resume circling each other. "What are you doing to Jared?"
"Only what I promised. And I must say I really am enjoying watching you suffer because of it. It's going to be so much fun watching him turn against you."
"He'll never turn against me and he'll never do what you want him to. Never."
Blondie moves so fast I don't have time to react before he has me pinned to the wall. "Oh, but he will." He leans in brushing his lips against the side of my ear. "He's nearly there. Everybody breaks Hanna. Even you." The icy blue of his eyes disappears into darkness. Caught in his stare I can't look away. He trails a finger along the side of my neck. My pulse jumps, his smile grows. Grabbing my wrist, he digs his nails into the soft flesh of my wrist straight through the symbol. Blood wells to the surface, running into the open palm of my hand. "Time to watch and see."
He presses his nails in further and I drop to my knees. Maintaining eye contact he crouches before me. Bringing the symbol to his lips, he whispers over it. Dropping my wrist, my arm falls uselessly into my lap, my body unable to move so long as his black eyes hold me hostage. He licks my blood from his finger. Inwardly I cringe, my mind screamin
g to break free, screaming to know what he's doing to me.
One side of his mouth curves upward. "Just a little something to help you remember when the time’s right. It won't be any fun if you don't remember," he says answering my unspoken question.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
"Wake up." Blondie's voice echoes all around me as the room spins and spins in dizzying circles. The walls melt, sections being ripped away into a void of darkness with the sound of wind rushing in my ears.
I don't want to wake up. I'm not ready.
"Luca, help me hold her down!"
The sound of Will shouting is close enough to hear; yet far enough away I can still hold onto this place a little longer. I have to find Jared. I have to find away to let him know I'm fighting for him and I won't ever stop until I do. Even when I wake up and forget where I've been, I won't stop.
I take a step. The floor pitches and I fall to my knees. The walls are almost gone now, the edges of the floor vanishing into the darkness with it.
"Holy shit. Look at her wrist. Have you ever seen it glow like that? Do you think it means she's waking up? I hear Luca say, his voice ringing out from somewhere in the void.
"Jared!" I scream his name until my throat hurts and my lungs ache.
Suddenly, Blondie is standing right in front of me, his body blocking the door to Jared's cell located directly behind him. "Now, now Hanna, we've been over this. You know he can't hear you. Or see you."
I look up at Blondie from my position on the floor with the intent to hurl myself at him when a sudden pressure weighs down my legs along with the sensation of fingers digging into my upper arms. The veil between here and there is thinning, leaving me caught between both places with my consciousness torn between a world where Blondie's taunting me and a world where Will's shouting for me to wake up.
"Luca, are you holding her down?"
"Dude, I'm doing my best, but she's thrashing like crazy."
"Hanna, you need to stop. You need to open your eyes and look at me. Right now, Hanna. Open your eyes and look at me damn it!"
"Ow. Her knee just clipped me in the chin. I don't think shouting is helping. Try something else."
"Your friends are calling," Blondie singsongs. "Better wake up now." Blondie squats down in front of me. He trails a finger down the side of my face. Hooking his finger under my chin he jerks my head upward hard, causing a burst of pain to shoot down the back of my neck. "Don't worry Hanna, we'll get to play again. When the time is right," He lets go of my chin to grip ahold of my wrist. The feel of his thumb over the symbol sears my skin. "You'll remember all the fun we've already had."
"Hanna, please. You have to stop screaming. You have to stop thrashing. You have to open your eyes. You have to wake up. You have to come back to me. Please Hanna, come back to me."
It's like Will is whispering into my ear and the more he speaks the more I'm pulled away from Jared and the closer I get to waking up. I'm not ready to wake up. I haven't found a way to communicate with Jared yet and he needs to know...
"I think I saw her eyes flutter. Whatever you're saying Will it's working. Keep talking."
"Hanna, if there's any part of you that can hear me, then listen when I say I need you to come back. We all do. Please Hanna, just follow my voice. Let it guide you back."
At the sensation of lips pressed against the side of my neck the rest of the floor beneath me crumbles away. Suspended in an abyss of darkness with nothing left above or below, Blondie waves a goodbye before he too is sucked away. Without warning I fall faster and faster with nothing to hold onto but my conviction to find Jared no matter what.
"She's waking up." The pressure holding my legs down lessens. "I'm going to call Eric. He's going to want to know right away."
At the sound of a door closing my eyes open to the color dark blue.
A hole rips open in the center of my chest. I can't explain it, but I feel like I've just lost something important and it's as though a piece of me has been violently torn away.
"Thank God." Before I can even take a breath lips are pressed against mine for a quick relief filled kiss. I start to cry.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." Will looks down at me with haunted eyes. It's a look that reflects exactly how I'm feeling and for a moment rational thinking escapes my mind and I'm fueled by the desire to feel anything else. Anything at all. And for just a second I give into the confused feeling swirling around inside of me. I want to feel close to someone. I want to feel not alone.
I grab ahold of his shirt. He stares at me a moment then kisses me hard. Stupidly I kiss him back for all the wrong reasons.
A soft moan sounds deep within his throat as he deepens the kiss. I know I should stop because it's not right, because he's not Jared, yet there's some part of me that doesn't want to. There's some irrational part of me that wants to kiss him, wrong or not.
But then tears begin to roll once again down the sides of my face and I know I can't do this. I'm not this person. I may have some confused feelings regarding Will, but I don't when it comes to Jared. I know exactly how I feel about Jared and I can't do this to him.
I push Will away then curl myself into a ball. My tears are flowing freely now and I can't bring myself to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry. I never should have done that. It was a mistake."
"No, I'm sorry Hanna. I took advantage and I shouldn't have."
At hearing his apology I cry harder, slipping into a haze of self-loathing. Jared's missing having been taken away by some psychotic bleach blonde nutcase and instead of being out there looking for him, I kiss Will. What does that say about me?
Nothing good is what it says. But I can swear right here and right now that it won't ever happen again. I'm making my choice and I choose Jared. No matter how Will confuses me, I will always choose Jared. Always.
Ignoring the awkward, heavy silence hanging over us I open my mouth ready to tell Will that nothing can ever happen between he and I and that he needs to move on when Kat bursts into the room.
"Hanna?" She throws herself into my arms hugging me tightly. "When Luca said you were awake I couldn't get here fast enough. I've been so worried." She pulls away wiping at her eyes. "I've got to call Adam. Has anyone called Adam?" She asks Will.
"I don't know," he answers.
"Adam is going to be so happy you're awake," Kat assures me as she pats at her pockets. "Crap, I must have left my phone in the car. I'll be right back." She hugs me quickly one more time before darting out the door.
"Why would Adam be happy I'm awake? How long have I been asleep?" Will looks at me as if he's having a hard time finding the right words and that's when I notice the IV attached to my hand. "Will, what the hell is going on? How long have I been asleep?"
"A month." The words leaving his mouth are whispered, nearly indecipherable, and at first I think I've misheard him because surely he couldn't have said what I think he said.
"Did you say a month?" He nods slowly, his gaze stuck to whatever he's staring at on he floor, which is probably a good thing because I'm about to flip the freak out. Running my hands over my hair, which has been braided, I look down at myself. I'm no longer wearing the skinny jeans and Dr. Pepper t-shirt I remember putting on after my shower. Someone's changed me into loose fitting pajamas I don't recognize.
I rip the IV from my hand, tossing it to the side. "This can't be happening. It's insane. A month. A freaking month? Why? What happened to me? The last thing I remember is you healing my ribs. There was pain. A lot of pain and then nothing." I stare at him hard waiting for answers. "Did...Did you do this to me?" I jump from the bed not wanting to be anywhere near him. My legs are like Jell-O and I have to hold my hand against the wall to not fall.
"God no, Hanna. How could you even think that?" He takes a step toward me. I take a shaky step further away. "I would never do anything like this to you." He reaches out for me.
"Don't touch me!" I know I'm probably being irrational. I know Will would never hurt me. At least I thi
nk I know, and yet I can't come up with another explanation for what happened to me. Unsteady on my feet I stumble back into his dresser knocking over a bottle of cologne sitting near the edge.
"Hanna, I swear I would never ever hurt you. You know that right? I promise I didn't do this to you. All I did was heal your ribs. You passed out from the pain and when you did the symbol on your wrist started glowing. And then you wouldn't wake up." Hands held up, he takes a small step. I dart to the side grabbing the first thing I see.
Holding his guitar like a weapon poised to bludgeon him with; I back myself up against the wall. "Don't come any closer."
"Hanna, please. I'm not going to hurt you. Put the guitar down and we'll figure this out together." The pleading look in Will’s eyes threatens to shatter me. How could he look at me like that if he were the one who'd comatosed me? The guitar lowers a fraction.
"A month? How could I have been asleep for a whole month? How? I don't understand."
Will takes the guitar from my hands slowly then leans it against the wall. "It's okay. We'll figure it out."
"Oh my God, a month. It's been a month." Will backs up a step at my outburst. "What's the date?" I ask, my freak out moving well into the land of full-blown hysteria.
"June 17th."
"June 17th? Please tell me you've found him. Please tell me you've found Jared." I grab ahold of Will's shoulders, shaking him like a rag doll. "Tell me you found him."
Will removes my hands, pulling them down to my sides, holding them still. "Not yet."
"Not yet!" The panic swirling in me is about to explode. "What do you mean not yet? His birthday is in one week. Do you get that? He'll be eighteen seven days from now. We have to find him. Like right now."
"Don't you think I know that? We've done everything imaginable to find him. Every night we're out looking for him and every night we return empty handed. We've even tried capturing some of the Fallen, torturing them for days at a time and either they don't know anything or they're very committed to not talking. We've tried every thing Hanna. The only option we have left is you and your link to Jared and I don't know if we should use it. Not after..."
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