The Good Father

by Diane Chamberlain

  “Just coffee for me,” I said. I’d given Bella cereal at home and I didn’t think I could eat a thing.

  “So, Travis is still working, huh?” Nando said as he put the lid on my cup.

  “Uh-huh.” I handed him a five. “We’re having fun, aren’t we, Bella?”

  “We’re going on a trip with Wonder Pets!” Bella said. I’d told her about some of the DVDs we had and she grew excited when I mentioned Wonder Pets!, so I hoped I could get my hands on it.

  “You are?” Nando pressed a few buttons on the register. “Where are you off to?”

  “Just to Beaufort for a couple of days,” I said.

  “Cool.” Nando handed me my change. “You have family there?”

  “No, it’s just a little getaway.” I looked down at Bella. “Do you want to use the potty before we go?” I asked.

  She shook her head. She’d gone just before we left the house, but it was always worth checking.

  “Okay, then.” I waved goodbye to Nando, and in a few minutes we were back in the car and on our way to my old house.

  * * *

  It never occurred to me that Michael would be home. It was the middle of the day and I didn’t even bother to peek in the garage windows as Bella and I walked along the path to the rear of the house. I opened the back door and there he was, standing in the middle of the kitchen, a cup of coffee halfway to his lips. I froze and Bella wrapped an arm around my leg. He looked from Bella to me, a puzzled frown on his face.

  “Hi, Michael.” I tried to sound casual and upbeat. “This is Bella.”

  He slowly lowered the coffee cup. “Hi, Bella.” He glanced at her briefly before returning his gaze to me. “What’s going on?” he asked.

  “I’m babysitting Bella and I wanted to get the portable DVD player for the car.”

  “It’s in the attic,” he said.

  “I know. That’s where I’m headed.” I took Bella’s hand and started to walk past him.

  “Can I play with the little kitchen again?” Bella asked.

  I stopped walking. Well, that cat was out of the bag. I looked across the room at Michael. “We came by yesterday to get some books and—”

  “You went in Carolyn’s room?”

  I nodded. “Bella, you can play with the kitchen while I run up to the attic for the DVD player.” I started up the stairs, letting out a long breath. I wasn’t looking forward to more of Michael’s questions.

  I heard Michael close behind us on the stairs. Bella peered over her shoulder as she climbed. “I don’t want the man to come with us,” she said.

  “No, he won’t,” I said. “This will be a trip just for girls.”

  “I mean now. I don’t want him to come to the little girl’s room.”

  Oh. “He won’t,” I said. At the top of the stairs I turned to Michael. “Could you wait here a minute, please? Let me get her settled and I’ll come out and tell you…what’s going on. Maybe you could get the portable DVD player for me?”

  He was slow to nod. “Okay,” he said.

  In Carolyn’s room, Bella headed straight for the stove and began playing with the wooden food again. I waited until she was thoroughly engrossed, then knelt down next to her. “I’m going to talk to Michael,” I said. “I’ll be right outside the door here.”

  “Okay.” She opened the oven door and squealed. “There’s all more food in here!” she said, reaching inside for the rubber pork chops and whatever else Carolyn had left behind.

  “Cook something yummy,” I said, standing up.

  Michael was already waiting for me in the hallway, the DVD player and a grocery bag of DVDs in his hands.

  “I don’t understand this,” he said quietly, nodding toward Carolyn’s room.”

  “She’s the daughter of someone I met in a coffee shop near my apartment,” I said. “I’m taking her to Beaufort, where her mother lives. She sort of… She was kind of dumped on me and I didn’t have a choice.”

  “What do you mean, she was dumped on you?”

  I sighed. He’d think I was crazy if I told him the truth. “Her father got work and had no one to watch her, so I…agreed to help out.”

  Michael looked at the floor for a moment, taking this in. “Good for you,” he said, when he raised his head again. He sounded so sincere and he touched my arm with his free hand. “She got you into Carolyn’s room,” he said. “She did something I couldn’t do. That’s a big step for you.”

  I gave a reluctant nod. I didn’t know why it was so hard for me to accept kindness from him. I felt a brick wall around myself, unable to really let him in. “Why are you home in the middle of the day?” I asked.

  “The game I’m working on… It’s just easier here. We’re testing it on a focus group and I’m on Skype with the artist and it’s quieter. Just…long story. It’s going well.”

  What could I say? I’m so happy your game is going well? Maybe I was just envious that he found it so easy to put Carolyn’s death aside and throw himself into his so-called work.

  “That’s good,” I said, reaching for the DVD player. Empty words. “Bella and I’d better hit the road.”

  “Are you just dropping her off and coming back? Maybe we could have dinner tonight or tomorrow night? I want to talk to you about something.”

  “I don’t know my plans,” I said. “I may stay in Beaufort a couple of days.” How long would it take me to find Robin? “I’ll call you, okay? Thanks for getting this.” I nodded toward the DVD player.

  He glanced into Carolyn’s room where Bella was chattering to herself. “I wanted to talk to you about this game,” he said. “The one I’ve been working on the past few months.” He looked uncomfortable. “I could use your input,” he said, “and the input of that online group you’re part of, if they’d be willing.”

  I frowned. “Harley’s Dad?” I asked. “I don’t understand.”

  “It’s a game about…about grieving, in a way,” he said. “Or really about honoring someone you’ve lost. That’s a better way of saying it, though that’s part of the problem I’m having where you could help. How to describe—”

  “You invented a game about grieving?” I was horrified.

  He nodded. “Right now, I’m calling it Losing Carolyn,” he said. “It’s like my other games in that it’s collaborative and the more people who play, the better it should work. It uses Kübler-Ross’s stages of grief, and—”

  “Michael.” I interrupted him with a shake of my head. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.” It seemed so wrong.

  “That’s why I’d like a chance to talk to you about—” He stopped talking as Bella came out of Carolyn’s room. She glanced at him, then looked at me. “How long do we have to stay here?” she asked.

  “We can go now,” I said, reaching for her hand.

  “Will you talk to me about this?” Michael asked.

  “When I get back,” I said. “But I can tell you right now, the last thing I’d ask the people in the Harley’s Dad group to do is play a game about their grief.”

  He actually smiled, but there was sadness in it. “You might change your mind if you’d give me a chance to describe it to you.”

  He took a step toward me and I knew he wanted to hug me. I leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be in touch,” I said, and then headed down the stairs with Bella.

  35

  Travis

  The sun woke me up. My first thought was I actually slept. Finally! My second thought—What time is it?—jerked me completely awake and I sat up on the mattress. I’d parked on a narrow road off the beaten track and I could tell by the way the sun poured through the woods next to my van that it was late. I’d wanted to be at JumpStart when it opened. I made my way up to the driver’s seat and reached into the cup holder where I’d put my watch. Eight-forty. Damn.

  My phone had rung as I’d drifted off to sleep the night before and I’d turned off the ringer. It had given me a sense of power over Roy and Savannah. I no long
er had what they wanted. Yeah, they could hurt me out of revenge, I supposed, but right now they couldn’t possibly know where I was and they thought Bella was in Beaufort. And yeah, I didn’t know exactly what I was going to do when I got Bella back, but I knew I was going to JumpStart and at least that was a plan.

  I stood in the woods at the side of the road to brush my teeth and take a leak. There wasn’t another soul around. I wasn’t sure exactly where I was; I’d pulled onto this road in the dark the night before, just glad I was far away from Roy and Savannah and closer—I hoped—to Bella. I ran my hands through my hair, then climbed back into the van, turned the key and started driving. I hadn’t gone more than two yards before I knew I had a flat.

  I sat there feeling paralyzed for a few minutes, remembering the flat I’d had a month or so ago in Carolina Beach when I drove over a nail. I’d used the spare and now I had none. This isolated parking place which had seemed like such a great idea a few minutes ago now seemed like a big mistake. I had no idea where I was and the eighteen bucks I had in my pocket wouldn’t buy me much in the way of road service.

  I got out of the van and looked at the tire. Flat as a pancake. If I drove on it, I’d wreck the wheel. I put the phone in my pocket and started walking. I didn’t think I’d driven that far off the main road the night before, but I’d been so tired I couldn’t really have said. I’d walked about ten minutes when I saw a car turn into a small dirt lot a short distance ahead of me. A little white clapboard chapel, not in the best shape, was tucked into the woods. Jedediah Baptist, the sign out front read. A man got out of the car and headed for the chapel’s side entrance and I started walking toward him. His hand was reaching for the doorknob when he noticed me, and he lowered it to his side.

  “Can I help you?” he asked. He was all duded up. Suit and tie. Clean-cut. Big, good-looking black guy, maybe forty-five or fifty. I imagined how I looked to him: skinny young white guy in dire need of a shower. Dirty clothes. Dirty hair. Homeless written all over me.

  “I’m parked down the road,” I said, pointing behind me, “and I’ve got a flat.”

  He frowned like he didn’t believe me. Like he thought I might be there to smack him over the head and rip off the church’s poor box. He looked down the road though he couldn’t possibly see my van from where we stood.

  “Have a spare?” he asked.

  I tried to smile as I shook my head. “I had a flat about a month ago and used it then. I ran over a nail on a construction site where I was working,” I added, hoping the fact that I’d had a job would raise his estimation of me a little.

  He tilted his head. “What are you doing out here on this road, son?” he asked.

  “I needed a place to sleep last night.”

  “Where are you headed?”

  “Anywhere I can find work,” I said.

  “What sort of work you do?”

  “Construction. Handyman. Plumbing.” I smiled again. “At this point, anything.”

  He shook his head and I sensed he was starting to relax about me. “Rough out there right now, is it?”

  “Yes, sir,” I said. “I was wondering if you could tell me the name of this road and if you know of a service station that has road service.” I pulled the phone out of my pocket.

  “Yeah, I know a place,” he said. “Come into my office.” He unlocked the door and I followed him through a short hallway and into a small room. The plaque on the door read Reverend Winn. He sat down behind a desk and began looking through an old-fashioned Rolodex. His fingers stopped at a particular card. He tapped it a couple of times, then looked up at me. “They’ll probably have to tow you in,” he said. “Or at least take the tire back to their shop.”

  “Right.” My hopes for today were rapidly sinking. Where was Bella now? I felt like hitting something and letting go with a string of cuss words. If a man of the cloth hadn’t been sitting in front of me, I would have. I wanted my daughter back!

  He wrote the phone number on a Post-it note. “You have money to pay for this, son?” he asked, before handing me the slip of paper.

  I hesitated. “I have eighteen bucks,” I said.

  He rubbed his chin and looked out the only window in the room. “You have any tools with you?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “I tell you what,” he said. “The door to our kitchen is warped. You take care of it and I’ll cover the work on your vehicle.”

  It was the best I could hope for. More than I could hope for, to be honest. “That’s generous of you,” I said. “Thank you.”

  He got to his feet. “When’s the last time you ate?” he asked. “Ladies’ luncheon was yesterday and the refrigerator is full.” He put a hand on my shoulder and led me into a small kitchen.

  I bet this guy was a good minister, I thought. I felt like telling him everything. Pouring the whole mess out. But of course I told him nothing. I would eat the leftovers from the church ladies’ luncheon and I’d fix the door while waiting for my tire to be plugged, and all the while I’d imagine Erin washing her hands of me, taking my confused four-year-old daughter someplace where I’d never be allowed to see her again.

  It was twelve-thirty by the time I was sitting in my van again, pulling my thoughts together. I had four decent tires, a full stomach, and in my pocket, a twenty-dollar bill the reverend had handed me before I left his chapel. If not for the fact that I was running way too late, I could call the flat a lucky break. But I was late. Most likely, Bella was in foster care and Erin was at her job at the pharmacy. Maybe someone in JumpStart would know where she worked. That was the best I could hope for.

  Before I started the car, I finally turned on the ringer on my phone and checked the messages. There were five of them, four from Roy and one from Savannah. I didn’t bother listening to them, but the phone rang again as I turned the key in the ignition, and when I saw Savannah’s number, I let out a sigh. They were going to keep hassling me as long as they thought I had their stash. I turned off the engine and flipped the phone open. “I don’t have the stuff,” I said.

  “Why didn’t you show?” she shouted as though she hadn’t heard me. “What is wrong with you? You are so dead, Travis. So totally screwed. If you try to unload the shit yourself, Roy’ll kill you.”

  “It’s gone,” I said tiredly, but she must have been passing the phone over to Roy because the next voice on the line was his.

  “You’re really pissing me off, man!” he said. “Where are you?”

  “Like I’d tell you. Look, I don’t have the stuff anymore, so just forget about it. Write this off as a loss, okay? That’s what I’m doing.”

  “What are you talking about? You don’t have the balls to do a deal on your own.”

  “I dumped it.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “I dumped it!” I shouted. “I don’t have it. So leave me alone.”

  “Do you have a clue what that stash is worth? Get it back or you’re dead. Your daughter, too.”

  “Leave her out of this.”

  “Same place, same time tonight,” he said. “You hear me?”

  I sighed, like he’d won. “A more public place,” I bargained, although it didn’t matter. I wasn’t showing up, but I’d keep them in the dark about that so with any luck, they’d leave me alone today and I could focus on getting Bella back. I wished that Bella and I could be a million miles away by tonight.

  “Public doesn’t cut it,” Roy said.

  “You want the stuff or not?” I said. “I’m not meeting you out in the middle of nowhere.”

  I heard Savannah say something in the background and it sounded like they were arguing back and forth for a minute. Finally, Roy was on the line again. “The lower level lot by the Sears at Crabtree Valley Mall,” he said. “You know where that is?”

  “I’ll find it.”

  “Last chance, fool,” he said, and he hung up.

  I closed the phone slowly, then turned on the engine and drove down the narrow road
, giving a little wave to the chapel that had been my home for the morning. I made a left on the main road. Glenwood. That would lead me right to Brier Creek. I almost smiled. You’re the fool, Roy, I thought to myself, but I kept checking my rearview mirror for the candy-apple-red Mustang. That was a habit that was going to die hard.

  * * *

  I pulled into the parking lot near the Target and the paranoia was back full force. I was as sure as I could possibly be that I hadn’t been followed. Definitely not by Roy’s car, anyway, but I parked close to the Target entrance instead of near JumpStart, anyway. Then I walked across the lot toward JumpStart, dodging between the parked cars like I could throw someone off my trail that way. I was winded by the time I got to the coffee shop, not so much from the exertion of the walk as from the tension. I must have been holding my breath half the way. I walked into the coffee shop and scanned it. No Erin. No Bella. I sank into the chair Erin usually sat in, unsure what to do.

  “Hey, Travis,” Nando called from behind the counter. “I hear you found work, dude. Good news, huh?”

  What was he talking about? I stood up and walked toward the counter. “Have you seen Erin?” I asked. “You know. The lady who—”

  “Yeah, she was in with Bella this morning.”

  Bella was still with her! I had to hold on to the edge of the counter to keep from jumping for joy. I had to keep my cool.

  “Erin’s been watching her for me,” I said. “I was hoping to catch them.”

  “Before they took off on their big road trip, huh?” Nando swiped a spot on the counter with a rag.

  “Road trip?” I sounded dense and thought I’d better try to recover. “Oh, you mean…” I didn’t know what to say. What did he mean?

  “Beaufort, right?” he asked. “You want coffee, man? You look like you need it.”

  Beaufort. Why would she go to Beaufort? I could think of only one reason. I remembered her looking at Robin’s picture and me giving my usual explanation. That’s her mom. She lives in Beaufort.