by Alex Rosa
I don’t have any shame in feeding into him. “I need you, right now and forever.”
He doesn’t hesitate, pressing himself inside me in unison with his lips slamming into mine. He fills me to the brink. I lift my hips to his and arch my back.
Our heavy breaths and groans move in blissful sync as he quickens his rhythm against my hips, hitting in me that achingly sweet spot, making my knees tremble. His frantic need and dwindling patience are evident with each swing of his hips into mine. I hook my legs around him, digging my nails into his lower back, pulling him harder into me, loving how consumed I feel. His lips drink me in, his body around me, his hips smacking into mine over and over, driving out my fears, fueling my rising need, and igniting that carnal climb as he goes faster and faster.
He buries his face into the crook of my neck, nipping at the skin. His breaths are shallow, and all I can do is groan every time his hips make contact with mine.
I can feel it: that tidal wave that’s gathering between my legs as he hits that spot inside me that no one else has.
My fingers dig harder into his flesh, dragging up his broad back, loving the slickness that’s appeared on his skin and the sound of his groans in my ear.
The wave builds, and I can’t fight it much longer. “I love you” comes out in a sigh before I bite into his shoulder, releasing a moan that rumbles through me as my body clenches tight around him.
His relentless rhythm drives my orgasm on and on, until I can only see stars. His body trembles as he rolls through his own release, and I love that every muscle in his body tenses against me as he says my name over and over again and tells me he loves me, too.
His body collapses against me, and all I want to do is bring him closer.
My legs, hooked around his hips, hug him close. He shifts his body so he can press a possessive kiss against my mouth, then to my nose, and to each cheek before he says, “I don’t want to move. Can I just fall asleep right here inside you?”
I giggle, and he laughs. I comb my fingers through his hair and curve them around his jaw, pulling his face to mine for another kiss, loving his ridiculousness, his annoying charm, and those bright green eyes that own me.
He places one last adorable kiss against the tip of my nose before he pulls out and rolls over onto the bed next to me. He brings me close like you would your favorite stuffed animal. A smile peeks through my lips as I find my place curled around his body, placing my head in the crook of his neck, fitting like perfect puzzle pieces.
His eyelids are heavy, fluttering as they fight prolonged blinks, and I know he’s had an incredibly long few days.
I lay my palm against his chest, feeling the rise and fall between each of his breaths, knowing I’m going to lose him to sleep at any moment.
A tight squeeze of his arm around me and one last affectionate kiss against my forehead tell me I’m right.
I tap my fingers against his chest, lightly back and forth, counting the seconds between each exhale. Everything feels so calm, even though I know a storm is coming.
His body fidgets slightly as if he’s fighting against sleep.
I lift up my chin, knowing he needs the rest, and press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “G’night, Caiden,” I whisper.
When his breaths are long and deep, I know he’s fallen asleep to the light brushes of my fingertips sliding back and forth, acting like a metronome to his thoughts.
He whispers two barely-there words that I’m sure he doesn’t mean to say out loud, but I wonder if the things you say right before you fall asleep hold the truth you can’t say out loud?
“Don’t go,” he exhales before falling into a deep hum of sleep, my fingertips matching the rhythm of his breaths.
If only it were that easy, I think, though I know he probably only meant it in response to my goodnight.
It’s sometimes terrifying how in tune a person can be with your biggest fears without even knowing it, even if it’s by accident.
Chapter Seventeen
I toss my still-vibrating phone into my apron pocket, eyeing the clock on the wall. Janet has been relentless this morning, but I guess she’s unleashing her war games in order to get hold of me since I unceremoniously hung up on her last night. I wouldn’t put it past her to enlist the powers of Google to find the number to the diner soon.
It’s eleven a.m. here, which means it’s nine a.m. for her. Even that’s a little early for her to make calls. She’s never been a morning person, but maybe she didn’t sleep much last night, like me.
I keep trying to focus on better things, but it’s proving more difficult than I’d like.
I walk out of the back office, and CeeCee’s standing at the counter pinching the bridge of her nose, apparently still trying to wrap her head around the life breakdown I gave her of my morning.
“So, what do you mean you snuck out?” CeeCee harps as I pace the back area of the diner. “That’s your house. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a girl sneaking out of her own house, let alone sneaking out to go to a job she isn’t actually scheduled for. I thought you and Caiden were doing amazing?”
My hands fly up to my face, rubbing my eyes until I see stars. “We are! We’re doing more than amazing.” Almost too amazing. Is that a thing? I sigh. “I just… need some space.”
CeeCee’s eyebrows angle upward. “What? Five years wasn’t enough space for you?”
I cringe. My eyes water. I deserve that. “It’s more than that. It’s… complicated.”
She huffs, and when I look up, she’s walking away. She doesn’t care to deal with me anymore.
“CeeCee!”
“No.”
No? I trail after her as she speed walks back into the office. My heart hurts. I don’t want to feel like this on all ends. I keep wondering when I’ll stop feeling so much stress from all angles, but nothing seems to be letting up. When do I get to breathe?
When I enter the back office, she moves around me to shut the door.
“You’re making me sick,” she says, shaking her head. “Like, physically sick. I keep puking.”
“I’m making you puke?” I ask, confused.
“Yeah, this nauseous back-and-forth.” She pauses, clicking her tongue and rolling her eyes. “Okay, maybe Brandon’s the reason, too. He’s driving me crazy. Too much stress. This is just making it worse. No one I know can seem to keep it together.” She places both palms on the desk as she releases a long exhale. “When will we figure out this whole life thing, Hails? It only seems to get harder.”
I remember I’m not the only one going through a lot right now.
“It’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?” I lean back on the desk space next to her, slouching as I release my own exasperated sigh, letting my mind trail itself to an epiphany. “Ya know, I think it’s why I write. So I can try and connect to this reality I’m supposed to navigate. Turns out, I don’t know shit.”
CeeCee laughs, hard. The high-pitched squeal, a mixture of sweet midwestern girl and glee, reminds me of simpler times when all we were worried about was whether we’d get kissed under the bleachers after football games.
Damn, I miss those days.
Rumbling hums through the diner, and my stomach bottoms out.
I peer to my right to see CeeCee eying me like a hawk.
We both know what that sound means without looking at the clock. Must be lunchtime.
I consider running, but running now would give too much away and show what little backbone I actually have.
We both rise from the desk and move swiftly to the breakfast bar as the rumbling comes to a stop.
I swing my vision to the window, and it’s crazy how I involuntarily melt at the sight of Caiden hopping out of Brandon’s truck.
Caiden will have this effect on me until the end of time.
His shirt still looks rumpled from the evening it spent on my bedroom floor, and his hair is still tousled from my fingers running through it constantly last night. Little did he know it
was awe and worry that made me so fidgety.
I thought when I left this town all those years ago, that agony was the worst I’d ever feel, but right now, it’s giving it a run for its money. I want it all. I want the career. I want Caiden. I want Los Angeles, but I also want PineCrest.
Staring at Caiden, I’m pleading with the cosmos for a happy medium because letting go seems so ridiculous, but my brain can’t fathom a solution.
“You know you gotta talk to him, right? Like, this isn’t a decision you get to make on your own.”
I frown at CeeCee, wishing what she said made sense. If only this situation was fair.
The jingling bells of the double doors sound as Caiden, Brandon, and Cameron stroll inside. Caiden is like a magnet polarized to my existence. We make eye contact as he shoots me his crooked smile and beelines for me as the boys take a seat at a booth.
“Hey Hails,” he says, gravelly and wonderful. “Is everything okay?”
Huh? I shake my head. I realize I’m frowning.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I stutter, leaning over the counter and pleased that he returns the gesture, putting us almost nose to nose.
As much as I fear everything, the need to be near him is one I can’t ignore. Even among the chaos, he always seems like the answer. It’s another tumbling guilty thought, and I so want to feel the opposite when it comes to being madly in love with him.
Instead of pulling away like my brain tells me I should, I press a kiss to his lips. I can tell he finds it surprising by the slight flinch, but he’s quick to catch up by gifting me a few lapping strokes of his lips against mine. It puts my guilt at bay, and I want to tell him everything. My worries and fears, my hopes and dreams, but the words don’t leave my lips when he pulls away.
He’s all dimples and a dopey smile but seems to remember himself as he furrows his brows curiously, as if to question how he got so sidetracked.
“Well, you had me worried for a sec. You did kinda leave me hanging this morning. I was surprised when I didn’t wake up to you next to me. The note was cute, but did you have to leave so early for the diner?”
I swallow the truth that wants to come out and shrug. “Sorry, I forgot I had to open, and you looked too cute to wake up.”
He squints.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing. Just had to double check. I missed you, that’s all.”
I smile. “I’ll make it up to you somehow.”
He clicks his tongue smugly, and I want to pretend a little longer that we’re perfect. I want to imagine that I could make it up to him with a night in, a home-cooked meal, and something sexy on underneath my clothes. It’s such a simple fantasy that it’s bizarre that it’d be so hard to achieve.
“Promise?”
My stomach bottoms out. “I’ll try my best.”
He nods. “I’m gonna head to the table, but just a heads-up, the gang’s getting drinks tonight at O’Sullivans.”
“When does the gang not go to O’Sullivans nowadays?”
“How else would we deal with the women in this town?” He winks.
I grab a dishtowel off the counter and toss it at him as I restrain my laughter. “Get out of here before you make more of an ass of yourself.”
Caiden grabs for the string of my apron, pulling me into a surprise kiss. His humid breath tangles around mine, and so do his chuckles.
“Whatever, you love me and you know it,” he says as he pulls away.
I can barely stand and thank the heavens for the counter that’s holding me up. “Unfortunately.”
It’s the most honest thing I’ve said all morning. He shoots me a wink before heading back to the table with our friends. Brandon lets out a low whistle as Caiden takes a seat in the booth, and I’m sure I’m as red as a tomato.
I take a moment longer to fantasize about Caiden and the simplistically wonderful life we could have, letting it trail from sexy rendezvous from the diner to the fire station, and then back to my house where we’d make a life together, maybe someday having a family of our own. It sure does sound like a novel in my head. I wonder if people actually get happily ever afters. If I don’t, will CeeCee and Brandon? Or what about my mom? Was she happy? Did she choose right every time? How did she know?
“Ya know, at least your mother had some manners.”
I blink a few times before I realize the voice comes from my reality and not some cruel joke within my daydream.
“Excuse me?” I ask as I make eye contact with a woman I’ve never seen before. Her straight, shoulder-length brown hair that curves around her petite face and her pastel polo shirt and slacks don’t fit PineCrest, but more a summer in the Hamptons, and even though I don’t know her, there’s something uncomfortably familiar about her.
“We’ve never met, but I had hoped your mother might have taught you all the qualities we loved her for. Her kindness and compassion, and her lack of drama,” the woman sneers.
“Excuse me?” I babble again, my heart managing to plunge itself into my stomach and water to gather at the corner of my eyes. How could this stranger nick my Achilles’ heel in a matter of seconds? What right does a stranger have to sling such words about my mom? I’m an open wound, and she’s pouring salt on it.
“My name is Eva Palmer. Kristen Palmer’s mother. We own a few stores around town. You would know that, but you’ve been gone a long time.”
The blush that filled my cheeks drains as I lock my stare with Caiden’s ex-girlfriend’s mom. I can’t seem to move my lips. I was ready to unleash my anger, but I’ve lost any sense of self.
“I’ve heard things here and there, how you damage people with your selfishness. I mean, it wasn’t explained to me that way. But I connected the dots from what Kristen’s told me about Caiden’s past relationship, and how you left your mother alone. My daughter told me what has unfolded since you arrived. Was it your plan to do it all over again? Come and destroy lives for your own entertainment?”
“Ma’am, I’m sorry for what happened between your daughter and Caiden, but I—”
“No, spare me. I don’t understand why someone who thought they were better than this town would come back, and instead of focusing on mourning her mother’s death, would break up a perfectly happy couple. This town is rattled by your appearance. Isn’t it obvious? I’m just trying to figure out why you’re still here. Is it for some self-fulfilling prophecy to make a buck on another book? These are people’s lives you’re messing with, Hailey. Not characters in one of your smutty novels.”
A tremble slithers up my back, and I want to defend myself, but I don’t have it in me. She’s nailed all my fears in one decadent speech. And as a mother, she has every right to stand up for her daughter. Who am I? My mother’s dead. I question my own reasons for being here.
“It’s not like that ma’am,” I mumble with my chin down. “I’m sorry for the stress I’ve caused your family. That wasn’t my intention.”
“At least your mother taught you how to apologize.”
She’s so eerily calm, it’s terrifying. I shuffle back a step, worried I’m about to fall over. My spine has disappeared, and my joints feel nonexistent.
It isn’t until I hear the sounds of heavy boots on linoleum that I manage to lift my chin.
Caiden’s red in the face as he rushes to intervene. I can’t tell if it’s in embarrassment or the need to save me.
“—Eva, what do you think you’re doing?” erupts from a very pissed off Caiden.
The woman slowly turns as if she expected this very thing. Her smile is slight and carefree. She shrugs and lifts a well-manicured hand to Caiden’s forearm.
“Caiden, my dear. It’s nothing. Just putting in my two cents, that’s all. It’s my right as a mother, you know?” She pauses, licking her thin, frosted pink lips, as if debating what to do next. “Kristen misses you. We all miss you, but honestly, I thought you had a little more class than how this situation played out. When you’ve managed to knock some sense back into yourself
, don’t hesitate to stop by the house.” She doesn’t bat an eye my way and instead gently squeezes his arm before walking away without a goodbye or an apology. “We miss our normal life. The one with you in it. This town could use a bit of normal,” she hums as the door closes behind her.
I’m empty of everything. Instead of feeling a rapid heartbeat within my ribcage, I feel hollow, my skin drained of color and my lungs empty of oxygen. I think for the first time I actually might know what numb feels like.
When shockingly warm hands reach for my ice-cold cheek, I flinch.
“Hailey…”
My glazed-over eyes swing to Caiden’s, and I only want one thing. “I have to go.”
He shakes his head and reaches for my hand, but I take a step back away from the counter. His eyes dart all over my body, looking for answers that I don’t have. “Don’t be like that, Hails. I’m sorry she did that. She didn’t have the right—”
“Yes she did, Caid. I… I… need a moment.”
“Let me take you home. Let’s talk this out.”
A sad twitch occurs at the corner of my mouth. It’s a sweet thing to say, but there’s nothing to talk about. I pull the knot on my apron free and take it off, placing it on the counter.
Everyone is staring: CeeCee from the kitchen, Brandon and Cameron at the booth looking uncharacteristically stunned, and all the patrons who look wide-eyed and ready to tell the juiciest gossip to their neighbor.
