by Odette Stone
“What?” a voice called from the other room.
“We got another Hawaiian lover in the house.”
A huge guy with the bluest eyes I have ever seen popped his head around the corner. He grinned at me. “You realize that you married the wrong man.”
Despite my fears and my nerves, I laughed.
He pointed at himself. “I have a truly refined taste in pizza. Unlike Mr. Meat Lover over there.”
Jackson and I shared a look. He was watching the exchange with another one of his hard to read expressions.
Forbes leaned his arm on the counter between us and said in a sultry voice. “So, what do you say? Want to share a pizza?”
Chapter 15
The trucks were unloaded and furniture was set up in record time. I watched as a beer cooler was carried out to the deck and then we all moved outside. Beer was passed around. These men were huge. They all were so easy going but they had the same intensity as Jackson. There was a vibe that pulsed beneath the surface in this group that indicated a tight camaraderie. Even thought things were weird between Jackson and myself, I still gravitated to his side.
“Dude, you gonna give us a proper introduction?” Chris asked.
Jackson and I faced the other five men who had gathered in a half circle in front of us. These huge men were all openly studying me. All of them had that direct, fierce energy that I associated with Jackson.
Jackson lifted his beer can and went around the circle. “Chris, Alfie, Guinness, Forbes, and Typhoon. Don’t ask me what their real names are because besides Chris, I have no idea.”
They all laughed.
He looked down at me. Green eyes held my gaze. “This is my wife, Emily.”
I felt my face burn hot under his careful inspection. Jackson called me his wife. I felt like a two-bit actress on some set. None of this seemed real. I was waiting for someone to step on the scene and yell “cut.”
“Well,” Chris raised his beer to me. “Although I never thought I would see this punk ever get married, I must say that this is a welcome surprise. On behalf of the guys here, we’d like to welcome you to the family.”
The rest of the men lifted their beers and in unison said, “Hooyah.”
I blushed even harder as they all drank to that toast and then they were pulling Jackson into their group. Slapping his shoulders and doing the half-man hug that men seemed to do. I squeaked when Chris came over and picked me up into a huge bear hug.
“Jesus, your a tiny little thing aren’t you,” he set me back down on my feet. I was breathless. “You need to eat a few more pieces of pizza.”
The doorbell rang and Chris and I went inside to get the door. It was the pizza guy. Chris gave me the look of death when I tried to get my purse. “Don’t even think about it, little lady.”
***
We all ate pizza together. Forbes and I took endless ribbing about our pineapple pizza. The men took turns chasing Chloe around the backyard until she was panting with desperate joy. And they drank beer like frat boys.
These men were different. I can’t explain it, but I knew they all held themselves to the same impossible standards that Jackson held himself to. I instinctively knew that they all had the same integrity, discipline and mental toughness that Jackson had. There was a bond between them. They were one of the tightest knit group of men I had ever met. They would die for each other. That I knew.
I could not get enough of watching them interact with Jackson. It almost felt like I was getting a glimpse into his secret world. They joked around. Razzed each other. Mocked each other. And enjoyed each other.
I had been the mistaken one. This whole entire time I had worried that Jackson didn’t have a real family, but the truth of the matter was I was the one without a family. Jackson, on the other hand, had five of the greatest brothers a guy could ask for.
I thought Jackson was the most observant man in the world, but 15 seconds after I discretely yawned, without saying a word, they were picking up their empties, putting the leftover pizza in the fridge and made their way out with a casual slap on Jackson’s shoulders and a wink in my direction. Then they were gone.
***
I sat on the steps of the deck, watching as the fireflies came out to play in the dark. Chloe lay on the grass. Jackson walked over and came and sat down beside me.
“You ready for this?”
I took a deep breath. “I think so.”
We sat in silence as we looked out over the huge backyard.
“What do you think of the house?”
“It’s nice. I love the backyard.”
“How come?”
“I had a backyard when I was a kid. I loved my backyard. My dad built a swing set for me.”
“You think Alien might want his own swing set?”
I felt a ping of hope in my heart thinking of Jackson building a swing set for our child. “Maybe.”
“How did you like your baptism by fire with the guys?” his voice was casual.
“I was nervous at first but they all seem really nice.”
“What happened with Alfie and Chris before I arrived?”
I froze for a heart beat and then recovered. “Not much.”
“What happened?”
I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it.
“Tell me.”
“Well, at first they seemed to think that you married someone by the name of Harper.”
Radio silence crackled between us.
“Did they tell you who she is?”
My heart was pounding in my throat. I didn’t want to know who Harper was, but Jackson wanted to tell me. This I knew. “Why don’t you?”
“She’s an ex-girlfriend.”
I had kind of figured that one out.
“How long did you date?”
“Just over three years.”
Whisky Tango Foxtrot. What. The. Fuck. Jackson had dated someone for three freaking years? Was this some kind of joke?
“You dated Harper for three years?” My voice was scratchy and full of emotion.
“Yeah.”
More radio silence while I digested that fact. My mind was racing. He had dated someone for three years. What had gone wrong?
“So, when did you and Harper break up?”
“The night before I came to New York.”
What. The. Fucking. Fuck.
My mind was reeling with this news. Jackson had been in a three year relationship that had ended a day before I had met him.
“Why did you break up?” I stared unseeing at the backyard. This almost felt like a break up conversation. When you find out something really bad about your partner and you know that nothing is ever going to be the same again.
“I had just gotten back stateside after a bad tour and I was pretty fucked up.”
“And now?” My voice was barely a whisper.
“Now I’m less fucked up.”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“Would you have married me if I had?”
“Probably not.”
“There’s your answer.”
That wasn’t an answer. That made no sense to me. My mind flailed as I tried to wrap it around this conversation.
No wonder he had resisted marrying me. It was one thing to think that a guy didn’t want commitment for the sake of not wanting commitment, but it was an entirely different ballgame when you realize that he just didn’t want to commit to you.
“Is she a civilian?”
“She works logistics out of our base command center.”
“So…she works with you.”
“Sometimes.”
This conversation just kept getting better and better. I felt faint. Dizzy.
“Have you talked to her since you got back?”
“Not yet. I got back and immediately left for training. I just got back this afternoon.”
I still could not wrap my head around this news. Three years. He had been committed to another woman for three entire years. He h
ad been someone’s partner, a boyfriend. A lover.
“What happened?” Maybe this would save me. Perhaps she had cheated on him. Perhaps he realized that he didn’t love her. This was the one answer that could right everything that had just been made wrong.
He looked over the backyard. “I had a really bad tour. Two of my buddies were killed.”
“I’m sorry,” I floundered, my words sounding inadequate.
“Due to the traumatic nature of my tour, it was decided before I could pursue active duty again, I needed to partake in mandatory counselling. It was part of my re-engagement proceedings to get back to work.” A bitter note traced his voice.
I blinked. My mind was racing, trying to put the pieces together. “Your outpatient treatment was therapy?”
“It was complete bullshit.” His green eyes glanced at my face. “The only reason why I participated is because it was the only way they would let me fight again.”
It was all starting to make sense. His secrecy around his outpatient program. His unwillingness to tell anyone what he was getting treatment for. It made sense knowing that it was because he had been in therapy.
“But why did you and Harper break up?” My voice caught awkwardly on her name. I didn’t want to know more about her but I needed the truth.
“The night before I left for New York, Harper came to talk to me.”
My eyes were wide. I stared unseeing out into the now dark backyard. I could see the outline of Chloe lying on the grass, her white fur reflecting in the dark.
He cleared his throat. “Harper was trying to support me. I didn’t want her support. We fought that night. We had a huge fight.”
I lifted my head to look at his face. He looked tortured.
He took a deep breath. “I was awful to her. And I said some pretty intense shit to her face before I got on that plane. I ended things with her. The next morning, I was in New York, in your loft.”
Chapter 16
That was not the answer I had been looking for. I stood up abruptly on wobbly legs and would have pitched forward if he hadn’t reached out and steadied me. “I’m going to bed.”
He let me go without another word.
I lurched upstairs. After the longest shower of my life, I pulled on a t-shirt and underwear before wobbling to bed. I had no framework in which to process any of this. Despite repeatedly telling myself that Jackson didn’t want to marry me and that I needed to really manage my expectations around this relationship, nothing could have prepared me for the idea of there being another woman in his life.
When he had been in New York, he had refused to talk about what he was doing at the hospital. He never mentioned his bad tour or the fact that he had abruptly ended a committed and long-term relationship in what sounded like a moment of grief.
I had married a stranger. A private, closed off man who was very good at keeping secrets.
Tears blurred my eyes. Where did all of this leave me and Alien? Were we just bi-products of him acting out his grief in New York? Fear banded around my heart so tight, I almost couldn’t breathe. This news changed everything. Everything had changed.
All those times when he had told me that he didn’t want commitment, I had made the erroneous assumption that he preferred to be alone. It was beyond shock and disbelief that he had been in a relationship for three long years. Who was she? What was she like? Did they laugh together? Did he wish she had been the one who had gotten pregnant and not me? Fatigue coursed through my veins. I needed to sleep. My body was shutting down and it was my mind’s way of not being able to deal with the day.
***
I jerked awake, panting, beyond aroused. And became aware that Jackson’s face was buried between my legs. Early morning dawn light was creeping in the window. I looked down to see his broad shoulders and his messy hair as his mouth moved over me.
“Oh God,” I cried, my hips jerking up.
He lifted his head and looked up at me. He pinned my dazed look with a scrutiny that was so intense, I couldn’t even translate it. I felt so vulnerable, I almost couldn’t take it. And then he went back to blowing my mind.
I felt his big hands on my thighs, holding me open. His tongue swirled and skimmed, with a breathtaking persistence. A hoarse cry ripped out of me. The pleasure almost overwhelmed me. His unrelenting mouth tormented me, demanded from me, stimulated me until I was begging with abandonment. Pleading as the throbbing ache threatened to overwhelm me. I felt my entire body stiffen and then I was arching off the bed against his mouth, crying out his name, as the most glorious orgasm washed through my body.
Then he was moving up the bed, on top of me, pushing my hair off my face.
“Emily.” His voice sounded tortured.
Oh God. If he mentioned her name, I was going to burst into tears. I felt so vulnerable, so completely exposed on every level, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
“Please,” my voice broke, not really sure what I was asking for. I was in a million pieces. He was the only one who could ground me.
He shut his eyes, fighting his own desire. I could see the conflict on his face, his teeth were clenched as he worked to not give in. I wrapped my legs around his waist. And then he slowly began to push himself into me.
I gasped as his huge male length pressed into me. I had forgotten what it was like. He was impossibly big. Filling me. My entire body was shaking as he imprisoned me. I felt him groan into my neck and then he lifted his head and locked eyes with me.
“Why is it like this every time I’m with you?” he asked baffled before he bent his head and slowly sucked one of my sensitive nipples into his mouth. I moaned as he feasted on my breast, while my trembling legs tightened around his back.
He raised his head and then he began to move. His rhythm was powerful, breathtakingly primal and all Jackson. I was staggered by the sensations that flooded my body. The yearning in me skyrocketed to an insatiable hunger. I tossed my head and bit my lip as he devastated me with each throbbing thrust.
His big hands weaved into mine and he was pinning them above my head. I loved how he took charge. He epitomized strength and male dominance as he moved into me with such a fierce purpose.
“Oh God,” I moaned, tightening my legs around him as he relentlessly drove into me.
“You like it when I do this to you?” his voice was almost a growl.
“Yes,” I pleaded.
“You feel unbelievable,” he ground out.
I was out of breath. Panting. Out of my mind with greed. I loved how he moved with an almost savage, single-minded determination.
“Oh,” I whimpered, as I felt my entire body clench. He sank deep into me and lifted his head to watch me fall apart. My weak arms struggled against his grip and then my entire body bowed up, clenching around him, before shattering into a million pieces.
His eyes shut, wincing. “Oh Jesus.”
He began to move again, this time for his own release. His driving thrusts pushed me a foot up the bed and then his head arched back, wincing, as he buried himself deep into me. I felt his hot release as his body shuddered into mine.
My entire body was shaking. All my nerves were firing, my heart was beating, yet I felt wasted. Drugged. Like my bones were melted. We were both breathing hard.
I dragged my eyes open to look at his face. He studied me for a long moment. “I should have told you about Harper.”
I shut my eyes as everything rushed back to me.
“Emily.”
Yes we had just had mind-blowing sex, but that didn’t change the fact that he had been in a very committed and serious relationship before this train wreck of a relationship had derailed his life. And now he was talking about her.
“It changes everything.”
His voice was so low. “It doesn’t have to.”
“I’m scared.”
“Can you trust me on that?”
“I don’t know how.”
I didn’t. I was a mixture of torrid thoughts, wild swinging
emotions and my compass was so far off centre I didn’t even know if I was heading up or down.
He lifted himself up and out of me. And then he was rolling away from me. I lay there huddled and watched as he sat on the edge of the bed. He rubbed his hands over his face. He gave me a long look over his shoulder and then he stood up, pulled on a pair of sweats and walked out.
I curled up on my side and cried myself to sleep.
Chapter 17
Jackson had left me a note that he had gone for a run. I sat up in bed feeling confused and scared. Last night my heart had been blown to smithereens when I had found out about Harper. Now I was confused about my complicated and secretive husband. I had to keep mentally re-writing who I thought he was. Every time I thought I knew him, something else would be revealed that would literally bewilder me.
What if since being back here he realized that he still loved her, but now he was saddled with me?
I flushed as I remembered how he had woken me up. The way our bodies came together. The intensity of it all. Was it always like that? For everyone? I didn't have enough experience to know if that was normal. He was so good at that and I was so inexperienced.
I dropped my face in my hands.
“Hi.” Jackson said from the doorway of the bedroom. His hair was completely wet from his run. My heart jolted at the sight of him. The man, in all his athletic grace, was the epitome of everything a man should be. Strong, masculine, sexy. Had this man’s face really been between my legs?
“Hi,” I crossed and uncross my arms.
“What are you thinking?”
I felt heat hit my cheeks. “Nothing.”
His look was speculative. “You sure?”
Heat seared my neck. “Yep.”
“I’m just going to shower and then do you want to go get some groceries? I should probably show you the commissary store.”
Wordlessly, I nodded.
I watched, with a dry mouth as he stripped off his wet shirt and walked into the bathroom. I fell back on the bed groaning, my hands covering my face. Why was I so awkward?
“Em,” his voice broke through my thoughts.
