by Odette Stone
I sniffed. “I love him, you know that?”
“Sweetheart. Anyone with half a brain in their head could see for miles around that you are absolutely crazy about him. No one is questioning that.”
“The fight we had, he ended it with me.”
A long pause. “Nope. That guy may have been afraid to admit it to himself, but if he looks deep inside, that guy loves you more than life itself.”
I wiped my tears from my cheeks. “I need him to be safe.”
“Right now, the best way you can help MacDog is by taking care of yourself.”
“Okay.”
“I gotta go, but all the guys are thinking about you. We’ve got your back.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll be in touch.”
I hung up the phone and then looked at Beth.
She stared at me. “Well?”
“We have to go for a walk. With Chloe.”
Chapter 47
Twenty-three days passed. I dutifully walked Chloe twice a day. I ate the balanced and healthy meals that Beth prepared for me. I went to bed at the same time every night. I thought about Jackson constantly.
Why had our last conversation been so stupid and useless? Why hadn’t he answered his phone? Why had I read his journal?
They say that there are stages of grief. I was in the stage of bargaining. If I took care of myself, would he come back? If I agreed to leave but he still maintained a relationship with Alien, would he survive? I was willing to bargain anything and everything if only to secure his survival.
Forbes checked in ever so often. Nothing new to report. They still couldn’t get to the crash sight. They didn’t know if anyone had survived the crash. They didn’t know if Jackson was in the hands of the enemy or if he was making his way out from behind enemy lines. With each day that passed, my hope faded just a tiny bit. How long would we be forced to wait until we heard news? I felt like I was in some sort of sick limbo. Just existing. Taking care of my body and my baby but there was no joy, no laughter, no hope left in my body.
How did people survive loved ones who went missing? I started obsessing over news stories of parents who’s children had been abducted. Stories about college daughters who’s cars were found empty at the side of the highway and they were no where to be found. I was looking for some sort of roadmap from their families as to how to deal with coping with these terrible emotions that I seemed to be drowning in. I had no idea how to handle this, so each day became the same. One day after another. Eating, sleeping, walking and waiting. It was excruciating but at the same time, every day that I didn’t hear bad news meant that there was still hope that he was still alive.
I was sitting in the family room. Chloe was curled at my feet. Alien was practicing flip flops in my stomach.
Beth came in, holding the phone in front of her towards me.
“Who is it?” I asked.
She pushed it closer to me, her lips pressed tight together.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Are you Mrs. Jackson Hunter?”
“Yes.”
“You are married to Jackson Hunter?”
“Yes,” my voice was a little squeak.
“We would like to inform you that your husband has been found alive.”
For a second my entire world went dark. It felt like I was in a tunnel. I fought to get back to the light.
“He’s alive?”
“Your husband is alive.”
I sat there completely still. “Where is he?”
“He is currently being medivac’d to the Navy Seal hospital in Virginia.”
My lips parted but no words came out.
“Do you understand?”
“My husband is alive?”
“Yes.”
I fought to grasp what they were telling me. “Is he injured?”
“I don’t know anymore details than what I have told you.”
I grabbed Beth’s hand and squeezed it hard. “When will he be arriving?”
“We estimate that he will arrive at the base in about 9 hours.”
I started to laugh and cry at the same time. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I hung up the phone and then Beth and I were hugging, both of us weeping.
***
Eight hours later, I was standing in the waiting room of the hospital with Beth next to me. Jackson hadn’t arrived yet. No they had no news. No they couldn’t tell me anything. I needed to take a seat and they would come and get me when he arrived.
Fifteen minutes later, Forbes walked into the waiting room. He hugged me hard.
I was practically vibrating.
“Where is he? Is he okay?”
“They’re admitting him. The doctors are looking him over.”
“What happened? Is Guinness okay?”
He guided me to sit down. “Jackson’s bird went down. Both of the pilots were killed on impact. MacDog survived unscathed. Guinness was banged up pretty good. His leg was broken.”
I wordlessly shook my head.
“Before they could make an escape, they came under fire from multiple insurgents. MacDog took one clean shot that went through his shoulder.”
My lips parted in shock.
“They took on a group of 20 or more men and managed to fight their way out of there.”
“Go on.”
“So, they buried the pilots and then they left on foot. It took them three weeks of going through extremely violent and rough terrain before they found their way out. Guinness’ leg was busted so bad, MacDog basically carried him. We estimate they travelled over 100 kms through the jungle and over a fucking mountain before finding their way to one of our outposts. Jackson basically carried Guinness despite having a bullet wound in his shoulder. We have no fucking clue how they survived. When they arrived Guinness was unconscious and MacDog was basically delirious.”
“What about Guinness?”
“He’s suffering from severe dehydration. He was left in the field operating table overseas. They are trying to save his leg.”
“Is he going to be okay?”
“He’s going to live.”
We sat there for a few minutes.
It dawned on me that the last time he saw me he had asked me to leave. He had told me that our relationship was over.
Forbes looked at my face. “What’s going on?”
Tears blinded my eyes. “He’s safe and I don’t even know if he wants to see me.”
He stood up and walked over to his bag. He pulled something out. “The field doctor gave this to me. They found this on MacDog when he came in.”
“What is it?” Tears, relentless tears, streamed down my face.
He walked over and handed it to me. “MD has been carrying that around since the day you sent it to him in the mail.”
I opened the bent and cracked photo covered with streaks of dry blood. It was Alien’s ultrasound. “What?”
“Your husband has been excited about that kid since the day you got pregnant. We used to harass him. He was always looking at that picture. On the plane, lying in bed, drinking at the bar. He was constantly pulling that out and studying it. So, yeah, I call bullshit when you tell me that he is now turning his back on you and that kid. There’s no way.”
Tears, stupid tears streamed down my face.
Forbes shook his head. “I talked to Guinness. He told me how injured they both were and how Macdog helped carry him, mile after mile, day after day. He never gave up. He said your husband chanted two words over and over again. Every step he took, he said two words. Want to know what they were?”
I swallowed.
“Every fucking step he took, MacDog repeated ‘Emily Alien Emily Alien’. Over and over. Step after step.”
My heart nearly split into two. Hope, pain, fear smashed into me.
The doctor appeared at the doorway of the waiting room. “It appears that Jackson is waking up.”
“Can I see him?”
&nbs
p; He looked at me. “Come on back.”
I followed the doctor through the hallways towards Jackson’s room. The doctor paused before we entered the room. “Jackson refuses to listen to us and has ripped out his IV twice and has already fallen down while trying to get out of bed. He won’t lie still. He keeps removing all of his tubes and he is determined to leave. We have had to physically restrain him.”
“What?” I asked in disbelief.
“We are considering sedating him but we really don’t want to do that considering what he has just endured. If he becomes agitated while you are in the room, I’m going to ask you to leave immediately.”
“Please,” I begged. “I need to see him.”
I stepped into the room and rushed to the bed. Jackson looked like a pissed off bear fighting for his life. He was jerking his arms against the restraints, sweat was breaking on his brow for his effort.
“Sweetheart,” I said in a small voice. “Where are you going?”
Green eyes narrowed on my face and then he stopped moving. “I was coming to find you.”
Tears spurted out of my eyes. “Well I’m here.”
He lay back on his pillow, out of breath. “You’re here.”
I nodded and reached out and grabbed his big warm hand. “I’m here.”
He shut his eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”
I looked at the doctor. “Take his restraints off.”
The doctor stood there for a long moment.
“Take them off, he won’t be going anywhere.”
The doctor nodded at the male nurse who undid the ties on one hand. Then he reached across Jackson and undid the other tie.
I was crying.
“Come up here,” Jackson said, his eyes closed.
I sniffed, wiping my nose with my hand before climbing up on the bed next to him. He shifted over, making room for me. I felt his big arm come around me. I lay snuggled up against his warmth, and thought for a moment that I had died and gone to heaven. We lay there for a long moment, just absorbing each other’s warmth.
“How’s Alien?” his voice was rough.
I lifted my head to look at his beautiful face. “Well Alien is about the size of a butternut squash and weighs in at about two and a half pounds.”
His eyes were closed but his lips curled into a smile. “What the hell is butternut squash?”
“It’s like a pumpkin. People make soup from it.”
“That sounds awful.”
I started to cry even harder. “Well, as far as vegetables go, this isn’t Alien’s best week.”
He laughed.
I lay my head back on his good shoulder. “I’m so sorry. Please. You have to forgive me. I can’t live without you.”
“Shhh,” his hand pulled me closer against him. “I wasn’t going to let you go anyways.”
Chapter 48
Jackson sat in the hospital bed. Despite the last traumatic few weeks, he was ready to be released. His arm was in a sling. I stood at the door and looked at him.
“You just going to stand there?” he said, turning to look at me.
I slowly walked into the room. We hadn’t discussed everything that had happened. How he had ended it with me. How he had told me that our marriage was over. Did he still want me? Did he still want Alien?
Green eyes studied me.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hey.”
I walked across the room so that I was standing in front of my husband. He looked at me. I took a deep breath. “When you were missing, my life completely stopped. My heart stopped beating. I knew that if they didn’t find you, if you didn’t make it out alive, my life would be over.”
He didn’t move.
My voice wobbled. “I’m so sorry I broke your trust. I was stupid and impatient and I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to know who you were. But looking back on that, it was wrong. So wrong and I’m so sorry.”
“Emily,” his expression was one of regret. Oh God. He was going to end it. He couldn’t forgive me. If he did end our marriage, I would not survive. I couldn’t take it.
“Yeah?” my voice wobbled.
“I over reacted.”
A sharp breath filled my lungs.
“I thought if you knew where I had come from, you would see what Irene saw.”
My heart was pounding. “She’s a real bitch and she had no idea what she is talking about. Especially when it comes to you.”
A laugh choked out of him. “Oh, she’s alright. She tries.”
“Why are you so forgiving towards her?”
“She’s family.”
My voice was slow, “And Matt’s your half brother.”
“Yup.”
“I’m so sorry about Ted and Harry.”
He looked bemused. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because, no one deserved to go through what you went through.”
He winced. “No, you didn’t deserve what I put you through.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I brought you here. Pregnant and not knowing a soul. Half the time I was gone. And the rest of the time, when I was home, I was a mess. I wanted you to believe that I was just fulfilling my obligation because I knocked you up. The truth of the matter is, I have been crazy about you since the day you almost beaned me with that golf club.”
Air sucked into my lungs.
He continued. “You once asked me what scared me. It’s not guns or fighting or even dying. It’s you. You and your love scares the shit out of me. I didn’t know how to do this. And I’m so bad at it. I want your love so bad. I want you in my life more than I have ever wanted anything.”
Green eyes looked up at me.
“But I do love you,” I whispered. “So much.”
He grimaced. “I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t trust that. You were so brave and you tried so hard when you came here. You were patient with me and you just accepted me for who I was.”
I could feel the blood rushing in my head.
“Emily, when I was in the jungle with Guinness and we weren’t sure if we were going to make it, my biggest regret was not telling you how I felt about you.”
I thought my heart was going to stop. “How do you feel?”
He swallowed a few times. “All I know is that I would die for you. I would kill for you. I would do everything in my power to protect you. Your happiness, your safety, your joy is all I care about. I don’t understand all of this, but you have somehow become the one thing I live for. You and Alien. I never used to feel anything and now, all I do is fucking feel things. I lose control. I get upset. Anything to do with you, I can’t seem to control my emotions.”
My heart was pounding with so much hope and love, I could barely breathe.
He gave me a regretful look. “So now you know it all. I’m not who you thought I was. And I’m probably way more fucked up than you imagined.”
“Jackson,” I could barely speak. “You’re not fucked up and I love you with all my heart.”
His arm reached out and yanked me against him. “Say it again.”
“I love you.” I put my arms around his neck.
His green eyes looked back into mine. I could see in his eyes, all his emotion. “Do you know how I feel about you?”
I nodded, fighting tears. I didn’t need to hear those words. I could see the love, right there in his eyes. “I do.”
His kiss was so wonderful, so full of promise and tenderness, I thought my heart would explode. No more doubt or fear. I groaned as I wrapped my arms around his big neck. Loving the feeling of his hair in my hands. The sensations of his hands on my back.
He pulled back his head, “So, you’re not going to leave?”
I shook my head. “You’re stuck with us.”
“Maybe I like being stuck with you.”
“So you’ve said,” I smiled through my tears.
He brushed my hair off my face. “Are you okay?”
“I am. Now that your home.”
&nbs
p; He looked down at me. “After everything I told you, you still want to be with me?”
I lifted my hand and stroked his big face. “Yes.”
“Jesus Emily,” he murmured against my lips. “Maybe there is something to be said for talking about our feelings.”
My head fell back as I laughed. “You know I’m never going to not let you live those words down. Those words will haunt you for the rest of your life.”
He dropped a kiss on my lips. “I’m liking the sounds of you and the rest of my life.”
Chapter 49
(Ten weeks later)
“Jackson,” I wailed, panting. The contraction seized my body so hard, I couldn’t breath.
Green eyes were fuzzy and then my vision cleared and there he was. My husband. Letting me hold his hand in a death grip. Looking me in the eyes. “Em, tell me what you need.”
“I can’t do this without you,” I said, knowing that I wasn’t making any sense. “Please, you have to do this with me.”
“I’m right here.”
“No, with me!” I wailed.
“Okay, sweetheart. I’m with you.”
He climbed into the bed and easily lifted me so that I was cradled in his lap. I lay back against his strong chest, sighing as his arms wrapped around me, his big knees on either side of my body. I felt his face against mine. “Better?”
“Yes,” I whimpered.
“Want to do some patterned breathing?” he put his hands on my belly.
“What?”
“Pant-pant-blow, come on, let’s do this together,” he said.
“That’s lamaze breathing,” I said, shocked since Jackson had be deployed and I had attended our lamaze classes alone.
“Youtube, sweetheart. I’ve watched every single lamaze video out there.”
Another contraction hit me. I panted and blowed with Jackson.
“That’s it,” Jackson soothed. “Breathe through it.”
I focused on surviving the next contraction and then fell back against his chest.
“You watched lamaze videos?” I gasped. “What else did you watch?”
“How to change a diaper, how to give a baby a bath, how to take a baby’s temperature. How to burb a baby. How to use a breast milk pump. And about a hundred other videos.”
