I laughed and turned around and wrapped my arms around him. “What are we doing tonight?” I asked him.
He tucked my hair behind my ears and said, “I’m going to get you drunk.” I lifted an eyebrow up at him and he chuckled. “We can start at Crash’s, actually.” My stomach swam with nervousness and excitement.
After all this time, a lot of years of asking him, Benjamin was finally going to drink with me. Which meant, I could trust myself to let loose and know he’d be there to catch me. Our first attempt had gone up in smoke the moment we started kissing the night we had finally… I grinned as I thought about that first night together.
“So, I can get completely wasted for the first time and act a fool, and you’ll be there?”
He nodded. “I got you, babe.”
“Okay. Good. You and Jared will be mine and Katie’s designated drivers for the night.”
I waited for some sort of sigh from him at the mention of Katie, but he just stepped away from me and moved back toward the door. “What?” He turned around and smirked. “Were you expecting some sort of reaction? I’ll give you the best one tonight when you’re riding my dick like a pony.”
My face blushed scarlet, and he took it all in with a heady expression before walking out and leaving me in the bathroom alone.
A good thirty seconds later, I finally managed to find words. “Jesus, Benjamin! That mouth…”
I love it so much.
_______
“He’s finally stealing you away for real this time,” Katie yelled, slamming her empty shot glass down against the bar.
Crash’s was slightly busy and alive with excitement, so her little outburst was barely heard over the rest of the chatter.
She tilted her head in the direction where Benjamin went to use the restroom with a sly grin on her cheeks. “So… Are you happy?” The smile was instant, bursting across my face. She chuckled. “I take that as a hell yeah!” She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “That makes me happy, Em… I’ve never seen this look on you before.”
“And what look is that?” I asked her.
“Happiness. Benjamin was always meant to be more. Maybe you never noticed, but he might as well had worn a crown when it came to the way you spoke of him.”
“I know,” I admitted softly. “I guess I was afraid, and it kept everything hidden.”
“Want another one?” Jared, Katie’s husband, asked as he ordered another round of shots.
“Come on, Em, you too this time,” Katie told me with a cheesy grin. “I never get to go out and drink after becoming a parent. Let’s make tonight our first time together.” She winked, and it had her husband shaking his head at us. Yet he ordered me one, and the bartender placed it in front of me right as Benjamin came back from the bathroom.
“Oh,” he exclaimed as he eyed the shot in front of me. “Is she finally starting?” He was talking to Katie instead of me, and of course, the two were actually getting along when it came to wanting me to drink tonight.
Funny how much I wanted something for so long, and then when I finally had the chance, I was afraid to take it.
I lifted it up to my mouth and swallowed it down in one gulp. The first drink was always easy to swallow. Katie was already ordering me another one, and I smiled faintly. Something cool touched my cheek, and I looked over to see that it was the back of Benjamin’s hand. His dark eyes raked over my face. “You enjoying yourself?” he asked me.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
How could I admit the truth? That I was afraid of what I wanted to experience. That just as much as I wanted to get drunk and let loose—at least just once, that I was absolutely petrified. How could I want to try something that was practically a disease to my childhood home? How could I even explain my irrational fear of addiction? That I never once got drunk with Katie or anyone for the simple fact that I was afraid of turning out like my father.
Even in my head, I knew how crazy I sounded, but could I make the thoughts go away? No, I couldn’t. My childhood shaped my views… Shaped me into this person that wanted to go out and have fun with her friends, only to fear it instead of enjoying it. My heart was pounding uncomfortably in my chest, not from excitement either… I was afraid the next drink would be all it took to spiral me down a path similar to Dad’s. It was foolish, the way my mind thought when it came to a drink in my hand.
“Bottoms up!” Katie cheered, and she emptied her shot glass.
“Emily,” Benjamin breath fanned my neck as he lowered his mouth to my ear and pressed his heated palm against my back. “You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.”
I looked up and swallowed. “I want to.” And I did.
Benjamin was here, and I knew I was safe… But would I be in the morning? I knew I would be, but my nerves rested in my stomach uncomfortably. I lifted the shot glass and swallowed the burning liquid in one gulp. Benjamin was still close to my ear, rubbing my back leisurely when he attentively said, “For someone that’s always going on about wanting me to get drunk with her, you don’t look too excited to me about drinking.”
I took a deep breath and smiled over at him. “I do want to drink…” I looked over at Katie yelling at her husband for something, and he silently shook his head before asking, “Can we talk about this when we get home?”
“So how’s your dad taking the move?” Katie asked, stealing back my attention.
“He’s good with it.” I flashed her a smile. “I think it’s because of Benjamin.”
“Because he likes him?” Katie asked.
“Because he knows how much I’ve been pining after Emily…” Benjamin caught my eyes as I turned toward him, and my heart sped up a second or two in the second he held my gaze. “He knows I’d do anything to make her happy.”
Jared laughed. “Prepare yourself. It gets harder every year.” Katie smacked his arm. “Make that every second.” She pinched him this time, and it had us all laughing.
“You’ll have to come to see us once we get settled in and bring my little butterball, Jeffy.”
Katie laughed. “I will.”
Jared nudged her shoulder and looked at us. “They should make Jeff a playmate.”
I straightened my spine as I sat on the stool and made no move whatsoever to look back to see Benjamin’s reaction to his words because I was too busy sputtering. “Oh no, no, no. We’ve just gotten together.”
Katie just grinned that grin of hers, and now I understood Benjamin a little better when it came to her. “You’ve known each other forever though.”
“Leave her alone,” Benjamin told them, and I finally turned my head to see his elbow propped up on the bar counter with his cheek resting against his knuckles as he watched me. Just like that, I had another surreal moment where I couldn’t believe I was the object of his affections.
And because of that, I couldn’t wait to go home with him tonight.
I was ready for a life spent beside him.
“I want to go home,” I blurted rather breathlessly.
Benjamin’s eyes lit up, and he pushed his elbow off the bar. “Emily, we were just kidding. Don’t go,” Katie said, laughing lightly.
I turned around and shook my head with a smile. “No... It’s not that. I just…”
Katie arched an eyebrow. “Oh, I see. Shoo, then. I’ll see you when I see you.”
I surprised her with a hug. “You know I love you?” I asked her.
She sighed, then hugged me back. “You’re not gonna be forever away, we’ll survive. Go and make babies with yo man.” I leaned back and met her eyes. “I mean, go practice making babies.”
_______
Benjamin
I wasn’t sure if Emily and I ever talked about having kids throughout our friendship. We managed to talk about everything under the moon except kids. Even though I never brought it up, kids had always been something I wanted in my future. But for the first time, I wasn’t sure how Emily felt about them. She adored Katie’s baby, but never once had she talked
about wanting to have some of her own one day.
She was quiet as I drove us back to the apartment. I felt the heat of her gaze on me the entire time.
As curious as I was about if she wanted kids, I knew there was something even more important to talk about. Emily wasn’t completely honest about the reason why she’d never been drunk before. I didn’t even think she was honest with herself. It wasn’t that she was afraid of getting drunk around the wrong people which probably played a big part of it though. It almost looked like she hadn’t wanted to drink at Crash’s at all.
Two shots and that was it. And there was a vulnerability in her eyes that I wanted to wipe away, but I didn’t understand what was wrong. Over the years, she’d tried many times to get me to drink with her, and she seemed genuine. Her reaction tonight wasn’t one of excitement but reluctance.
“Did Katie scare you with the baby talk tonight?” Emily broke the silence with her question.
“How is making babies with you in any way terrifying?” I met her eyes long enough for her to see that I meant it before I refocused my attention back on the road. I pulled into the parking lot.
“Do you want kids?” she carefully asked as I turned off the truck.
“I do.” I watched her unbuckle. “What about you?”
She leaned back. “I do,” she answered. “But not tonight or next month.”
I smirked as I climbed out of the truck. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close as we went up the steps to our apartment. We didn’t speak any more until we were inside the apartment. The moment we stepped through the door, Emily started undressing, throwing a bra in one direction and tore out of her jeans as she walked and flopped down on the couch. “Being an adult has its perks. It’s so fun to strip down to your undies when you get home.”
I chuckled as I walked over to the fridge, took out a wine cooler for Emily and a beer for me. Before our plans at Crash’s came to be, I had made plans to get her drunk tonight, but now I was all about unwinding my girl and finding out what she was so hung up on when it came to drinking.
And just as the thought hit me, I figured it out.
Her dad. He was an alcoholic her entire life until now. Her take on drinking was probably drastically different from anyone else’s even if she didn’t admit it or acknowledge it.
I turned my attention back to the living room and sucked in a breath. She had her damn ass hanging off the armchair in these tiny black panties, and it was so fucking distracting because the need to bury my face between her legs was strong. Taking a deep breath, I slid the cold bottle between her thighs instead.
She shrieked. “Oh, my God, Benjamin, that’s cold.”
I placed her drink on the table and sat down beside her. Her face was completely hidden in the cushions, so she hadn’t yet seen the drink I had placed down for her. “Wanna talk about it?” I asked her.
“Talk about wh—” She got her answer when she raised her head and saw the wine cooler resting on the coffee table. She hid her face again. “Not really… It’s irrational and silly even to me…”
“Do you not want to drink?” I asked her. “There’s nothing wrong with that if you don’t.”
She sighed, then lifted her head just enough so that I could see her green eyes peering back at me. “No, I want to. It’s just…”
“You’re not your dad, Emily. Your dad’s not even that guy anymore.”
“I can’t help it, Benjamin. Every time I take a drink, it gets harder and harder because I have this irrational feeling that I’m going to wake up the next morning and find myself addicted even when I know I won’t be. It’s just a scary feeling.” She raised up and placed her head in her palms with another long sigh. “I get this huge knot in my stomach.”
I didn’t know what was best for Emily, but I knew I couldn’t stand her fearing something she wanted to experience. I took the wine cooler off the table, grabbed one of her hands so that she looked over at me as I placed it in her hands. “Let’s get drunk. Me and you. Morning comes, you can decide if you ever want to do it again.” She kept staring at me with doe-eyes. “If you stop at any point, or if you don’t even take the first drink, that’s okay too.”
She closed her eyes and leaned into me until her forehead rested against my chest. She took a deep, relaxed breath as I patted her back. “As I thought, you’re still the safest person I’d ever felt. You feel like home.” Her words always completed me.
She leaned back and smirked. “Even if we never get to meet drunk Emily before the night’s up, will I finally get to see you drunk?” She couldn’t help but ask.
I shrugged my shoulders with a smile as she looked up. “If that’s what you want.”
She laughed. “Only since forever… I feel a little more comfortable now that we’re alone,” she admitted. She raised up and twisted open the wine cooler. She chugged half of it down before she stopped to breathe.
I laughed. “Easy there. I don’t think it will take much to get you drunk. You had two shots at Crash’s.”
“Isn’t that the point?”
“You want to get drunk, not plastered. How are you supposed to drink with me if you pass out?”
Yeah. Somehow, I knew I wasn’t going to get drunk tonight.
______
We ended up making chili that we used to pour over nachos and cheese. She slowly drank the wine coolers I bought her, and the longer we sat around and ate and watched TV, the more relaxed she became.
By eleven, Emily was three sheets to the wind. The hesitancy and fear across her beautiful face slipped away as the night went. It could be the alcohol too.
She was cooing at the toe socks she had on. I made the mistake of encountering a dog adoption commercial as I was flipping through the channels which had her contemplating life and adopting animals.
I had a buzz myself, so her laughter had me floating on the clouds. I had stopped drinking at this point for the simple fact that I didn’t want to get so wasted I didn’t remember all these weird conversations we were having come morning.
“I’ve never seen a big toe as big as yours!” She had said at one point.
“I love you, Benjamin Helen,” she had whispered in my ear a thousand times throughout the night which had me sporting a stiffy and dry humping the hell out of her as we made out.
Then she fell back into talking about babies. “I wanna have your babies, Benjamin,” she slurred, and it sobered me up in the most intense way. I loved her drunk talking. It was doing all kinds of feel-good shit to my chest.
“Yeah?” was all I offered, because I wanted her to keep rambling like she had all night.
“I want to marry you first, though,” she mumbled as she crawled on the bed next to me and started nibbling on my ear. This raging hard-on had come full circle tonight, so when she finally crawled on my lap, I groaned. “Do you want to marry me?”
“I’d only been fantasizing about our wedding since you stole my first kiss,” I told her as I tucked her burgundy curls behind her ear and leaned up to kiss her neck.
“You were my first kiss, too.”
That made me pause. “You kissed three other boys before me.”
She gave me a sheepish look. “No, I didn’t. You just looked horrified, so I said that.”
“Why did you kiss me when we were kids?” I found myself asking. “When you never saw me as anything other than your friend.”
“Because I wanted to do what I saw on TV.” She shrugged.
I groaned again, letting my head fall back onto the headboard. “You’re evil, Emily. You’ve been a complete savage to my heart for years.”
Her eyes lit up as her fingers grazed my nipple through my shirt. “Is it evil that knowing you’ve been into me all these years makes me hot?” She bent down, rubbing her breasts which were sadly still covered with a shirt across my own chest. “Feel and see.”
I did as she asked, and when my fingers were covered in her arousal she whispered, “Only you can make me this way.” I pul
led her down for a kiss, slipping my hand inside her shirt and palming one of her breasts. She rubbed her panty-covered-flesh across my aching cock, but it was torture through my jeans. “Benjamin, what the hell are you waiting for?” she groaned into my mouth, and I quickly unbuttoned my jeans for her. I was still trying to pull my jeans down some more when she parted her panties and came down on my cock, covering me in her tight heated flesh.
“Fuck,” I hissed as she raised up, revealing her rosy drunken cheeks and pleasure induced expression as she gripped my shirt and rode me. “You’re gorgeous.”
“Benjamin,” she panted, taking my hand and slipping it back inside her shirt. I pinched and pulled at her nipples like I knew she wanted until she reached her peak. Just the sight of her reaching hers sent me over the edge, and she toppled onto my chest and breathed deeply for a few minutes as her heartbeat synchronized with mine.
She lifted up quickly, and I recognized that look as she stumbled off me. “I don’t think I should have gotten so hot,” she blurted out right before she ran out into the hall for the bathroom.
Pulling up my boxers, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed some aspirin and water, then went to the bathroom where she hugged the toilet. “I brought you some Tylenol and water to take before you lay down. It will help a little come morning.”
She started crying into the toilet out of nowhere. “You’re not going to marry me now, are you?”
I fought back a smile as I bent down beside her. “Why would you say that?”
“Because I sexed you up, then threw up right after. So disgusting and embarrassing.” She hid her face in the toilet.
I was smiling now because I couldn’t help it. “You’re drunk, babe. Let’s get you in bed.”
“No,” she gripped the toilet as she said it. “Not until I know we’re getting married and having babies.”
I placed my chin in my palm as I grinned at her. “I thought you didn’t want kids tonight or next month.”
Just Enough Page 22
