“You swam?” He grins. “That’s a magical place.” His smile slides away. “That was the place where I decided I wasn’t going to trap Cara. If she got pregnant, it was to be her choice. Not that it mattered in the end.” He frowns as he remembers. “Fuck it, Rais. Maybe I’m as bad as you. Or worse, as I all but forced her.”
I doubt he’d ever be able to make Cara do something she didn’t want to, but now’s not the time for me to give him absolution. Now I’ve got to deal with the mess I might have made.
“Is Aiza pregnant?” I suspect it’s too soon to tell.
He confirms my thoughts. “It’s far too early to know one way or the other. She just wants to make certain she isn’t.”
That kicks me like another blow to my balls. Easing myself up, I start to pace, just to keep moving, trying to analyse my feelings. At the time I’d had no intention of making love to Aiza again, had been unable to resist once she said she’d wanted to swim in that pool. The thought that I could pull out hadn’t occurred to me. Yes, I’d taken advantage of her, my mind so preoccupied with what I knew was ahead. It had been a way of reaffirming that, in that moment, we were both alive.
If a child came out of that union… I try to think how I’d feel. When my first wife got pregnant it was just how it should be. An arranged marriage between tribes, I hadn’t even known her when I took her to my bed. She seemed content enough, happy that she’d fulfilled her duties by carrying my child. I was as good a husband as I could be to her, being barely more than a child myself. We got on well enough, although there was no spark. When she and my son died in childbirth, I was disappointed, distraught, then simply growing to accept fate hadn’t meant it to be. Coming to realise the pressure had been removed from me, no one could push me into another arranged marriage.
But Aiza? Seeing her stomach swell as my seed grows inside her. I close my eyes as a swathe of emotion washes over me.
“I don’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to, Nijad. Neither do I want her to make a decision she might regret while she’s thinking wrong of me. I need to talk to her. I need to get her to understand the truth, why I took the actions I had.” My eyes are wet as I turn to him. “It’s killing me, Nijad, that she’s left believing I failed her, and worse, betrayed her.”
I hear his robes swish, then a hand lands on my shoulder and squeezes it. “My dearest friend,” he begins, his voice catching. “I meant what I said about you being the best man for my sister. I’ll do all that’s in my power to help you.” Again he breaks off as though considering the difficulty of what he’s about to promise, then says firmly, “I’ll arrange it so you can talk to her before she leaves. Whether she’ll listen…”
Chapter 41
Aiza
“You sure you want to do this?” Hunter queries as I pack the few things I want to take home. Most of the clothes here are Arabian dress, not what I’d wear in London. “Your brothers won’t be happy.”
“They’ll get over it,” I throw over my shoulder. “Once I’m out of sight I’ll be out of mind all over again.”
“Are you sure? Selfishly I think it’s the best thing you could do, though you’ve only just reunited with your family. You could stay while you recover and get to know them. I know they’re expecting you to go to Al Qur’ah. They’ve been worried sick about you, Aiza.”
I swing around. “Hunter, that’s only because what’s happened has reminded them of my existence. Don’t forget, they sent me to school, then to Switzerland. They didn’t give a damn what I was doing, as long as I was out of their way. If my father was still alive he’d have remembered me only when it served him to make a convenient marriage. At least Kadar’s not pushing for that.” Pausing, I draw a much needed breath. “This situation has shocked them into remembering I exist. They’ll forget me again soon enough, and I’ve survived this long on my own.” I pause, knowing I’m lying, and I’ll miss the chance to get to know them. I straighten my back. “I want to get back to work. That’s where I can best make a contribution and feel my life is worth living. I’m returning to London. Today. If you don’t help me, I’ll go by myself.” I need to put distance between myself and Rais. If I stay close, there’s a chance I might weaken and agree to see him.
Hunter leans his arm on the doorjamb, his hand supporting his head. There’s a twinkle in his eye. “They’re going to hate me for this. But then, your family already do, so it’s not going to make that much difference. I’ll help you, Princess.” He breaks off, then nods slowly and corrects, “Aiza.” I give him an appreciative glance, knowing he’s realising I’m leaving my royalty behind once again.
Stepping back, he leans down to pick up my carry-on, all the luggage I’m taking, his actions showing he’s accepted my decision confirmed by his next words. “I’ve organised a private jet to take us to Dubai. From there we travel commercial.”
Taking one last look around the royal suite where I stayed last night after leaving the hospital, accepting I couldn’t bear to sleep here again, knowing grasping my future, taking control of my life is the only way I can move past everything that’s happened to me. A surprising wave of regret washes over me as I pick up the letter that had been so hard to write, and leave it on the desk where it will be in plain sight. It contains my apologies to my brothers for leaving without saying goodbye, and the explanation that the best way for me to make a full recovery is to get back to my old life. With the assurance I’ll organise proper security and take up residence in a more secure location. Hunter will be able to help me with that.
He’s standing at the open door, waiting. With a strange reluctance I make my feet move and precede him out of the suite. Dharr stands to attention. I wave down to the baggage that Hunter’s pulling behind him. “I’m just going to see Hunter off,” I explain. I don’t add I’m going with him. As Dharr starts to follow, I say, “There’s no danger now, Dharr. I don’t need an escort.”
“Princess…”
Hoping that’s the last time anyone calls me by my title, I hold up my hand and say imperiously, “That’s a direct order, Dharr. I no longer need protection in my own palace.”
He shakes his head, clearly reluctant, but as I walk down the corridor, he and the other guards stay in position.
Hunter grins when we’re out of ear shot. “Being royalty comes with perks. Just to let you know, an order won’t stop me. You won’t be getting rid of me that easily.”
“When I get back home,” I tell him as we walk down the stairs, “I know I’ll need protection.”
“Grade A won’t be letting the ball drop again. And I’ll be the one guarding you.”
We’ll see about that. Hunter’s still hoping that we have a future together and is taking my choice of location as a sign he’s still got hope. As I don’t see myself with any man, not even him, I’ve got to make him understand he’s going to have to give me some space. I don’t want to be forced into a relationship by any machinations of his to stay close. I’ll soon have to find a way of telling him my plans to talk to his boss and request a different close protection officer to be assigned. Even though that will disappoint him.
As we walk through the palace Hunter explains our travel arrangements. “There’ll be a taxi waiting. It will take us to the airport. I’m sorry I couldn’t even get first class from Dubai,” he warns me. “Will you be okay travelling economy?”
“I don’t care if we fly with the freight. The sooner I get away from here the better.” If I don’t get away I might weaken and allow Rais to trick me again.
As I walk through the corridors, skirting the areas where repairs have already commenced, I wonder whether this is the last time I’ll be in this palace. Or, even whether I’ll ever feel I can return to Amahad. This country holds nothing for me, relations who I share blood but nothing else with, and only bad memories should I stay. It was hard enough to sleep in the master suite alone, unable to think of anything other than how Rais had made me feel when he held me. I’ll find it easier to forget when I�
��m back in England.
The palace is quiet this early in the morning. There’s no one around, no one to notice or witness my escape. My fear of being stopped begins to dissipate, and I start to breathe easier as the main doors come into sight. The only sounds are those coming from the kitchens as the early rising staff are up preparing breakfast, and the rattling of the wheels of the suitcase as it rolls over the marble floor.
The doors are straight ahead now. Freedom is in sight.
Two men step out of the shadows.
“That will be all, Hunter,” Nijad commands. “I suggest you take the taxi and catch the plane you chartered.”
My mouth drops open as Hunter pulls himself up tall. “I’m staying with the princess.” He puts himself in front of me and widens his stance.
Nijad’s unperturbed. “Your services are no longer required, Hunter. I’ve spoken to Ben Carter, he’s expecting you back in London today.”
A flummoxed look on his face, Hunter glances at me, then at Nijad. It will be hard for him to ignore a direct instruction.
It’s time I step up. I refuse to be cowed. “I’m going with him,” I say haughtily.
My brother shakes his head. “You’re running away,” he accuses. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be leaving like a thief in the night.”
The second man speaks for the first time, his voice deep and low. “Aiza, I can understand you wanting to leave Amahad. I’d do nothing to stop you if I thought you were leaving for the right reasons.”
“I want to get home, to London.” It seems increasingly likely they’re going to force me to stay. Though force is probably the wrong word. Even though I still hate him, it’s proving hard to walk away from Rais. This is why I couldn’t trust myself to see him. “Let me leave, please.” I find myself begging, pleading. “I don’t want to stay.”
“And I don’t blame you. But,” Rais points to my sling, “you’ve hardly recovered. And leaving without a word to your family suggests you know this is wrong.”
“I left a note to explain.” I cast a glare at my brother. “I knew if I told you my plans, you’d try to stop me.”
“The only reason for preventing you leaving is that we care.” Nijad’s face looks drawn, and I wonder how long both men have been waiting for me. The bags under his eyes suggest it could have been all night. That he knew I’d be enacting an escape shows perhaps, after all, he does know something about me.
For the first time I look properly at Rais, and as I do, wince. It’s hard to miss he must have taken a severe beating. Nijad sees my face fall, and looks guilty.
Rais shrugs off my reaction. “If I thought you be better off in London, I wouldn’t stand in your way. But I don’t think you will be. I don’t want anything else laid at my door.”
My emotions entangled, now temper rises to the fore as I remember the last time I saw this man he was selling me to a terrorist. I take a step towards him. “You don’t want anything else laid at your bloody door? Huh! I can well believe that. There’s so much there already, you probably can’t step over it to get inside.” Lifting my good arm, I poke him in the chest. “You tricked me into sleeping with you, made me think you cared about me. Deceived me into thinking you were helping me escape. Conveniently forgot to use a condom when you persuaded me to have sex with you again. Sold me to a fucking lunatic who spelt out very carefully exactly what he intended to do with me, and were complicit in making me listen as he told me his plans in great detail.” I prod him again and must have touched a bruise hidden under his clothing, as he flinches, though utters no verbal complaint. “His plans on how he was going to break Kadar and ultimately destroy Amahad.”
I grab a breath, and my voice hitches as I continue. “I had no choice. You put me in the position that I preferred death rather than risk causing my brother any more distress. I had to take matters into my own hands. Taking myself out of the equation. Thwarting al-Fahri’s plans, seemed the only thing I could do.”
As I feel something on my face, I raise my hand to find tears streaming. Before I know it, I’m sobbing. Nijad’s arms come around as he pulls me into his chest, smoothing my hair in a rhythmic motion. I can’t remember ever having received anything more than a quick hug from any of my brothers before, and for the first time in my life I feel a connection to my family as he comforts me.
“Shush, sweetheart.”
“And this is exactly why she shouldn’t be anywhere near him.” The way Hunter sneers, it’s clear exactly who he’s talking about. “She needs to get away from this place. Only then can she start moving forwards…”
“Just go, Hunter,” Nijad tells him again.
Hunter’s standing his ground. “I’m not leaving her with you. She needs someone…”
“She’s got her family.” And standing, being held in my brother’s arms, hearing the concern in his voice as he tightens his hold around me, it dawns on me he’s not trying to trap me, just doing what he thinks is best. For me.
The chill in Nijad’s voice is a direct contrast to the warmth of his hug. “If you don’t leave voluntarily, Hunter, I will have you escorted out. You need to go back to London, to Grade A and your job. When Aiza is stronger, if she chooses to go to the UK, if she decides she wants you, then she can travel when she’s stronger. Hell, I’ll even bring her over myself.”
My head turned against Nijad’s chest, I don’t see Hunter leave. As I’m swept up into my brother’s strong arms I presume that he has. To my surprise, if I’m honest about my emotions, I don’t feel too much of a loss.
Still quietly sobbing, I let Nijad carry me through the palace, belatedly realising he’s taking me back to the royal suite. It’s only when he puts me down in the bedroom and I see Rais has come with us and has opened the door that leads to the dungeon do I come to my senses.
“No.” My panicked tone leaves them in no doubt as to what I mean.
Nijad looks at me, wiping the few remaining tears away with his thumb. His dark eyes with gold flecks in them, so similar to the ones I see each day in the mirror, stare into mine. “Rais, leave us please.”
I feel him obey, as the air suddenly seems easier to breathe. Pushing me towards the bed, Nijad presses on my shoulders and I sit down. He seats himself beside me. “I know we haven’t had a close brother/sister relationship, and that’s something I have every desire to rectify.”
“I’d like that,” I tell him shyly. Part of me had been expecting my family to feel relieved to be rid of the burden I am to them.
He gives me a brief hug, then sits forwards, his hands clasped between his knees, his head twisting to look at me. “Kadar, Jasim, myself and you, we’re all very similar, though you’ve not been around us enough to see just how much. Rushdi left us a legacy, and try as we might, we can’t shake it.”
I tilt my head to one side, wondering what the point of this is.
“You’re a strong, independent person. It’s no wonder you see yourself as a Domme. You don’t want to concede control in any situation.”
“If you’re talking about what happened with Rais…”
“That’s part of it.” He pauses to sigh. “Look, I’ve had a long discussion with Rais.”
“With your fists,” I butt in.
Nijad raises an eyebrow, then barks a short laugh. “He hurt you. He almost caused your death. I wasn’t going to let him get away scot free. Aiza, I know Rais as well as I know myself. I believe to the very depths of my soul that at no time did he knowingly put you in danger. I also understand why he couldn’t tell you his plans. You’d have to be an Oscar winner to act surprised when al-Fahri appeared. Your fear had to appear genuine.”
“Rais didn’t give me the choice.”
“And that’s at the heart of the matter, isn’t it? You think he betrayed you. As a result, you’ve got no faith in him.”
I jerk my head in a nod. “I’d never be able to trust him again, Nijad.” Seeing him has broken my heart all over again, bringing back thoughts of what might have been had he not take
n the actions he had.
Nijad unclasps his hands and wraps one around mine. “What would you do, dear sister, if a sub didn’t trust you?”
I shrug. “I’d work to earn it. Or try to win it back if I lost it.”
“So why won’t you give Rais a chance? I don’t have to tell you about safewords and who really holds the power in a Dom/sub relationship.”
“Rais is no Dom.”
Nijad laughs, a full belly chuckle that makes his body shake. “Sister, if it helps to give it a label, while I’m a Dom, in our friendship, when we work together, he’s the Top in our relationship. Always has been. He doesn’t have to play in clubs to prove it or learn how to use the power at his command.” As I open my mouth to protest he continues, “He’s in control in every situation, whether he consciously takes it or not. Don’t forget how long Rais and I have been friends. I know what I’m talking about.”
I look at Nijad curiously, surprised by his admission. And the implications for me. Should I decide to give Rais another chance? I’m not really considering it, am I? “What if I don’t want to give up control?”
Taking my hand, he squeezes it. “That’s the benefit of Rais rejecting any label. He can be dominant when he needs to be, he doesn’t have to prove himself to anyone. He defers to me not because of my rank, but instead because he can see my worth. At other times, yeah, he’ll naturally assume the lead role, and I’m happy with that. Because he’s right, and I’m content to follow.”
“He scares me.”
Nijad huffs a laugh. “Me too, at times.”
I think for a moment. Speaking to my brother has calmed me, and at last, all my tears have dried. It was cathartic to let them escape. I’m in a better frame of mind to listen. “What are you suggesting, Ni?” As he squeezes my fingers again, I realise I’ve never used his shortened name before.
“I’m suggesting you give him a chance.” Nijad gets to his feet and opens the door, and without giving me a chance to protest, ushers Rais inside. “My proposal is that Rais takes you to the dungeon…”
Hard Choices (Blood Brothers #6) Page 35
