by Nichols, TJ
Terrance stood in front of him. “I don’t know….”
“Just me. Saka can watch… unless you don’t want him there.”
“He should be there.”
Terrance’s nerves washed over Angus. The first time he’d ever rebalanced with Saka had been part anxiety and part pleasure. “But he doesn’t need to be. I want to show you that magic doesn’t have to hurt or be about blood and pain.” While he still had that chance. They wouldn’t all be dead in a few days, but he might be. He put his palm on Terrance’s cheek. “Magic can be good.”
But Terrance had been pulling away from him since the last time they were both in Demonside. The sacrifice had been too much for Terrance to witness.
“You say, after nearly dying. I see magic hurting you.”
“Magic didn’t hurt me. That was an animal.” Angus stepped closer. “I miss you.” They should be closer than ever, but the gap between them had widened. And if what he was planning did kill him, he wanted Terrance to remember something good about him and have a nonmagical connection to Saka. They’d both need someone to lean on.
And he needed both of them.
Angus dropped his hand. He didn’t want to waste his last night in Demonside. Tomorrow they’d go home and make plans, and the mages would work to close up Demonside, tribe by tribe.
“I miss you too, but I’m not cut out for this. I can’t help you the way you need. I can’t be a mage or a priest.” Terrance glanced down. “You should’ve accepted Kabil as your anchor.”
“No. You’re what I need. You don’t need to be or do anything special. I’ve never wanted anything else. You’ve always been there when I came home—the anchor who keeps me from getting swept away.” While Saka was the lure of magic and Demonside.
A sad smile formed on Terrance’s lips. “This is it, isn’t it? You’re going to do this thing as soon as we get back.”
Angus nodded, and his eyes were hot. “Tonight is ours. They were going to kick us across the void after dinner, but there are some parts to finalize in the morning. So what’s the point in going and then coming back?”
“Plus you said you told them you’d rebalance.”
The mages knew exactly what kind of rebalancing that would be. But, unlike the priests, they didn’t care.
Terrance frowned. “Can two humans rebalance without a demon?”
“Yes.” Angus didn’t know what he’d do if Terrance made him choose. He didn’t think he could. Maybe it would’ve been better to go home for the night and finish preparing. Terrance was the distraction Saka always talked about. Mages didn’t have family. They weren’t supposed to fall in love, because love messed up your priorities and the tribe had to come first.
Saka had held their hands in the desert and said that he’d like to rebalance with both of them. That day seemed so long ago—a faded memory—when they were running from warlocks and toward possible death. This time Angus would be running toward the warlocks and certain death.
At the time, Terrance had seemed interested. Angus had thought about it many times while he was alone and safe in bed, but it wasn’t Terrance who’d changed. It was him. He wasn’t the first-year warlock-in-training he’d been when they met. Maybe he was pushing Terrance too far.
He opened his mouth to speak, but Terrance kissed him—not with the light brush of lips that was appropriate in the middle of the demon village—deeply and hard. Their teeth clinked together as their tongues met. Was that a yes?
“I don’t want you to die,” Terrance said against his lips. “I want you, and I love you… but you scare me.”
Angus closed his eyes. “I’m scared too.”
Part of him was paralyzed with fear, and every so often, one of its tentacles would wrap around him and squeeze until it was hard for him to breathe. He had to fight to keep moving forward and think only of the next step—much like crossing the desert.
If he did nothing, the world would freeze and Demonside would die. They were out of time and options. Tomorrow would come soon enough. There was no point in worrying about it.
“I think everyone is scared. Some are just better at hiding it.” He brushed Angus’s hair aside and kissed him again. “The world needs you. I know that, but I wish it didn’t.” He rested his forehead on Angus’s. “I don’t want to lose you. I’m not afraid of the world dying, I’m afraid of you never coming back.”
Angus closed his eyes but didn’t speak. He bit his lip, not sure what to say that wouldn’t make it worse. Terrance’s parents left him because of magic, and now he was doing the same. But there was nowhere safe to hide, and he didn’t want to sit back when he could help.
Terrance drew in a shaky breath. “I agreed to be the anchor because I wanted to taste what it was that you and Saka have. I want to be part of it.” Terrance laced his fingers with Angus’s. “That hasn’t changed. Everything else has.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Saka’s room and his bed had been cleaned since Terrance saw Angus the night before, wounded and covered in gunk. Holding tight to Angus’s hand, Terrance stepped inside. He didn’t want to keep pushing Angus away but drawing him close was just as hard. There was power around Angus, as there was around the priests and mages and warlocks, and it made a part of Terrance squirm uncomfortably. He’d never been that good at magic and had never wanted to be good at it. Angus loved him, but he didn’t know why.
He was never going to be a magic user like Saka.
He had no idea what he was going to do for the rest of his life when the fear of destruction was over. He was terrified that he’d be left holding memories and nothing more.
He wanted to pin Angus to the bed and keep him there so he didn’t go and do the dumb thing he’d planned. A selfish part of him didn’t want to lose him, even if it meant destroying two worlds. But he didn’t want to stop Angus from doing what he needed to. He didn’t want to be that person—the one who stood in the way because they were too selfish and too mean to think about what their lover wanted. And Angus wanted to do this. He needed to. The uncertain warlock-in-training he’d been was long gone.
“You’re thinking about it too much,” Angus said with a smile.
Terrance wasn’t thinking about it at all—that was the problem. He was worried about what was coming instead of taking full advantage of what he had. He forced out a breath. “I’ve never done sex magic before.”
“It’s not that different from blood magic. It’s about emotion.” Angus trailed a hand up his forearm, and Terrance’s skin tingled from the light touch. “It’s slower… more controlled.” Angus smiled. “Well, someone needs to be in control.”
“Have you ever been in control before?” It was hard to imagine Saka letting Angus take over. Terrance couldn’t imagine ever being in that position.
“Yes.” Angus stepped in close so his lips brushed Terrance’s ear when he spoke. “Even Saka can be made to quiver with need.”
“Where is he?”
“I told him to give us a little time alone.” Angus kissed Terrance’s neck.
“And then?” Terrance snuck his hand under Angus’s shirt and pulled him firmly against him. How much longer did they have? His mind wouldn’t settle. He had Angus now, and that had to be enough. He was so tired of making do with scraps. He wanted a life, a family, and everything else he’d been denied.
If Angus succeeded, they could have all of that.
And Angus needed him. Angus needed him so he could walk out and be what he needed to be and then return. Get your head in the game, Erikson, or kiss it all goodbye.
In that heartbeat Terrance knew they were saying goodbye in case Angus didn’t make it back. He closed his eyes.
“It doesn’t matter what happens later.” Angus looped his arm around Terrance’s neck and pressed his lips pressed against Terrance’s.
Terrance responded—not because he should, but because he wanted to. He was the anchor, and that meant reminding Angus why he needed to live and come home. “Will he watch o
r join in?”
“If you want.”
He didn’t know what he wanted. He’d never had anyone watch him in bed and he’d never had more than one partner—not that he hadn’t thought about it. And he’d definitely wondered what it would be like with a demon. In the entertainment quarter it had been tempting, but it wasn’t just any demon or any human that he wanted. He’d stopped being with other people when he’d started sleeping with Angus. He didn’t actually remember making that decision. It just happened.
He shouldn’t have wasted all that time being horrified at the sacrifice. He should’ve accepted it the way Angus had—he’d done what needed to be done. Terrance should be good at that, but it had always been about what he needed for himself. Angus cared about everyone else.
“Did you really want to rebalance, or do you want me?” He toyed with the tie on Angus’s pants. Was it just magic tonight or something more? He felt needy, and he hated it, but he couldn’t hide it, not when everything was about to fall apart. He also didn’t want to make things harder for Angus.
“Both. It’s the same thing here.” He moved against Terrance, and the building heat spread through his blood. “But here you can see what’s happening. The orbs will fill with raised magic and make it easier to control.”
Terrance glanced up to see the glass balls hanging from the ceiling. He’d seen them on the trek and wondered why Saka would bring something so unnecessary, but they weren’t decoration. Sex magic already sounded complicated.
“You don’t have to worry about the magic. You just need to enjoy.” Angus brushed his lips in a hint of a kiss that left him wanting more. “And try not to come.”
Terrance threaded his fingers through Angus’s hair and took the kiss. “That doesn’t sound like fun.”
“It’s better if you wait. It’s… it’s like falling apart completely for a moment.”
“Are you saying Saka is better in bed?” Had he been failing all this time?
Angus laughed. “No. Ritual is different. There’s intent. When we’re together it’s because we want to be. I used to think it was a good idea to keep it all separate, but I don’t think it is. You and he are entwined through my life, equal but different. I’ll stop if you don’t like it.”
“I’ll probably like it because you’re doing it.” He knew Angus had been part of a demon orgy—that he’d done it once and decided it was too much for him—but that seemed like a lifetime ago. Terrance hoped the two of them, maybe the three of them, wouldn’t be too much for him.
“I haven’t done anything yet.” A smile danced over Angus’s lips as he brushed Terrance’s thigh with his hand but didn’t go any farther.
That wasn’t true. The nerves had settled, and lust was sliding through his blood. His skin sparked where they touched, and his dick was already thinking about what was to come. How much better could sex get? “You’re teasing.”
“We could strip and get to it, but holding out is that much harder.”
“You can’t make someone wait.”
Angus’s eyebrow quirked up. “I begged the first time.”
Terrance swallowed. He didn’t beg. Saka wouldn’t beg. “Why? What did he do?”
Angus considered him for a moment. “Nothing really. I’ll show you, if you want. Get on your knees.”
His heartbeat quickened as he knelt, still fully clothed, on the hard-packed dirt floor.
Angus swept his fingers over Terrance’s hair and then down his neck. “Can I take your shirt off, so I can feel your skin?”
“Yes.” Why even ask? They had undressed each other many times without a word being spoken.
But Angus didn’t take it off right away. He traced the edge of the fabric and down Terrance’s back as he knelt behind him. Terrance’s breath hitched as Angus lifted the hem and skimmed his ribs with his knuckles.
He’d barely been touched and he was hard. He glanced up, but the orbs were merely reflecting the light, not capturing any magic.
“I haven’t put a circle around us yet.” Angus kissed the back of Terrance’s neck. “Shall I?”
Once the circle was up, it would become ritual. It was already feeling different, and not just because Terrance was having sex in Demonside for the first time. “Yes.”
He wanted to see the orbs light up. He wanted to see the magic Angus loved more than life. He wanted to understand.
The circle shimmered blue around them and crackled with a life of its own. It was only then that Angus drew Terrance’s shirt off. The scrape of the fabric over his skin drew a shiver. He shouldn’t be feeling so aroused, but it was the anticipation of not knowing what came next. He was tempted to ask, but he didn’t want to break the spell that held them.
He’d missed this connection with Angus. The distance between them had been painful, but he hadn’t known how to bridge it. He’d never been this serious with anyone before… never trusted anyone.
Angus smoothed his hand over Terrance’s stomach and swept across the front of his pants without pausing to touch where Terrance wanted to feel Angus’s hand. So he grabbed one and pressed it against his dick.
Angus gave a small laugh. “If I had a tail, I’d grab your hand and stop you from doing that. You’re supposed to relax and enjoy.” But Angus didn’t take his hand away. He rubbed the head of Terrance’s cock through his pants. The fabric was coarse against his skin.
There was no part of him that was relaxed, but he tipped his head back to rest against Angus’s shoulder. A little part of him screamed that everything was going to hurt after this. It was a mistake. His heart would be broken when Angus left—diced up like steak and scattered for scavengers.
He didn’t want to leave this room. While they were here, they couldn’t be torn apart.
His breathing quickened, and need spiraled low in his belly, and Angus slid his hand away. Terrance was about to grab it, but Angus nipped at his neck and then soothed the bite with a kiss. This was a very different side of Angus.
It wasn’t boyfriend Angus. It was Mage Angus. This was how Saka had introduced Angus to sex magic. Terrance glanced up at the orbs. There was a faint glow to them. Something was happening because of what they were doing, or more correctly, because of what Angus was doing.
Terrance closed his eyes and sank into the sensation. His skin prickled with the anticipation of each touch, and when Angus dipped his finger beneath the waistband of his pants, his breathing hitched. Fingertips barely grazed his hard flesh, but his hips jerked.
Angus moved closer, so there was no gap between them. The hard length of Angus’s dick rested along the crease of Terrance’s ass, and he pressed against it, hoping to tease Angus into action.
Angus released a shuddering breath that swept over the back of Terrance’s neck. Angus wanted, but not as much as Terrance needed. He could feel each bead of precome as it slid down his shaft. All he wanted was Angus’s hand around his dick, and even then it would only take a few strokes.
Terrance licked his lips. He wanted to say something, but Angus shoved both his hands down the front of Terrance’s pants, and the relief was instant. He thrust into Angus’ fingers, and then Angus pressed his fingertip against him. The edge receded and left him hanging there. He could barely breathe, and he needed more, so he tugged his pants down and freed his cock.
The orbs were glowing now, lit by the magic of his desperation. Was he enjoying it? It wasn’t what he’d thought sex magic was—he expected more sex.
Angus kissed the back of his neck and then the side. His lips hovered over Terrance’s pulse, and he placed one hand over Terrance’s heart and the other on his stomach. Terrance rolled his hips and made a low noise of need.
He wanted Angus’s mouth or his hands or anything… even his own hand. But that would be cheating somehow, so he had to wait. But he couldn’t. He kept silent for a couple more breaths and then gave in.
“I can’t do this. I want you.” He turned and faced Angus. Beyond Angus and past the crystal blue of the circle, Saka
was leaning in the doorway, watching. Terrance hadn’t heard the door open.
Angus cupped his chin and turned his head away from Saka. “Lie down, and I’ll give you what you want.”
For a heartbeat he was torn, and his gaze darted to Saka and back to Angus.
“He’s been there since you pulled your pants down.”
Oh.
Angus moved to kiss him, but their lips didn’t touch. “Someone has to make sure I don’t screw up.”
“I don’t think you could screw this up.” He lay down. The floor was hard and warm against his back, and his pants were tangled around his knees.
“It is possible to release too much magic. I need to know when to stop. You need to remember to shut it off.” Angus drew the offending pants off the rest of the way and straddled Terrance, still fully clothed.
From that position Terrance couldn’t see Saka, but he knew he was there watching. Was Saka jealous? Terrance had been jealous for a time, but now he wondered what it would be like to see Angus with Saka. The idea was as exhilarating as it was terrifying, and it was completely different from knowing that Angus had a lover on both sides of the void. Those worlds had well and truly collided and could never be separated.
Angus smoothed his hands down Terrance’s stomach. The scars on his ribs from when he used to pay for the magic and feed his demon were healed, but he didn’t know enough to remove them. He could ask Saka how. He could become better at magic… but he wasn’t sure that was what Angus needed, and it wasn’t really what he wanted. All he wanted was Angus, even if it was part-time.
But he needed him now.
Angus came so close to touching his dick that it jumped every time.
“Please,” Terrance murmured.
Angus smiled, and his blue eyes were bright. He wasn’t afraid or unsure. Angus was in control and enjoying it. He’d always been pretty, but now he was luminous. There was an aura around him, as though he could do anything. He leaned a little closer. “I think you just begged?”
Terrance drew in a breath to argue, but if it got him what he wanted, he’d keep his mouth shut.
