A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4)

by Robert P. Wills

  “Sleeping somewhere?”

  Dummy nodded.

  “Do you know where?”

  Dummy shrugged then clapped.

  “I don’t see how your grand display of unhelpfulness is worthy of applause.”

  Dummy pointed at Grimbledung then clapped.

  Grimbledung snapped his fingers. “Well sure, that would work. Thanks Dummy!” With a wave, he moved to the front of the shoppe. When he got to the counter, he clapped his hands, summoning Rat. Even though the spell enchanting Rat was well over a hundred years old, it still worked properly- not only was Rat tied to Grimbledung magically, he was required to come when summoned. However, throughout the decades, Rat had developed a tolerance to the summoning portion of the spell to the point where it could take up to an hour of clapping to get him to come. “Rat!” Grimbledung shouted. The shouting didn’t help the spell, but it did make Grimbledung feel better. “Raaaat!” Grimbledung clapped furiously.

  After a few minutes, Drimblerod came down the stairs holding a worn backpack. “I’ve got clothes for us both.” He smiled. “Arms tired yet?”

  “Completely. That stupid Rat.” Grimbledung let his arms hang at his sides. “Raaaat!” He resumed clapping.

  “Maybe you could change the enchantment to magically transport him from wherever he is to wherever you are. It wouldn’t be as entertaining, but it would definitely save time.”

  Rat scooted under the curtain. “What? What?” He said as he hopped onto the counter. “I was busy you know.”

  “Sleeping, from what I hear, you know.”

  “If it takes you time to do it, that action can be considered as keeping you busy.”

  “I don’t think it works that way.”

  “Now I’m busy listening to you.” Rat twitched his haggard whiskers. “See?”

  Grimbledung pursed his lips.

  Rat sat down. “So what do you want?”

  “We need you to watch the shoppe while we get cleaned up.”

  “Why can’t you just close up the shop while you’re out?”

  “Because we’re economizing,” explained Grimbledung. “Apparently if the shop is closed, the amount of coins we have in the bank gets smaller.”

  “And the smaller the amount of money in the bank, the smaller the portions of food we’ll be able to buy you,” offered Drimblerod hoping to avoid a long conversation. He wanted to be cleaned up and back long before the females arrived.

  “Well, as a key employee of the shop, I can definitely understand why having my portions of food reduced is a really bad thing. So I’ll watch the shop. Sell a bunch of stuff...”

  “No naps until we get back,” interrupted Drimblerod.

  “... with no naps until either of you get back,” finished Rat dejectedly.

  Satisfied, Drimblerod nodded. “Fine. Let’s go then, Grim.” He smiled. “We’ve got females to impress.”

  “Actual females?” Rat wasn’t convinced. “Are they...” He twitched his whiskers again. “Hourlies?”

  “Not at all, Rat. These are fine and proper gals,” said Grimbledung. “Actual ladies of the female persuasion who want to spend time with yours unruly,” he poked his thumb at his chest. “And old baggy pants over there.” He jerked his thumb at his partner. He waggled his ears for good measure.

  Drimblerod ignored the baiting. “So watch the shop Rat. This conversation has gone on almost three minutes too long.”[14] He moved to the door. “Let’s go Grim. We need to make sure we’re back early.” He turned to look at Rat. “See you in a little bit. Thanks Rat.”

  Rat nodded as he sat down on the counter, legs splayed out to both sides. He watched as the two Gnomes walked past the window toward Todd Fox’s Barber and Bathhouse. Rat rubbed his belly. And mincemeat pies. That Todd always has those available as snacks; I hope they bring me back one. He flopped down onto his belly, fairly sure that there wasn’t a mincemeat pie in his future. “Waiting. Waiting,” he said.

  As he waited.

  Chapter 26

  All My Magic Marbles

  Rat sat up as Door opened and allowed Liverioso to enter the wand shop.

  Liverioso had given up on getting upset with the mechanimated items. Especially since the last time they tried to do something about it, things didn’t turn out so well for him. And even more especially since they weren’t under any sort of order to get upset with mechanimated items by the Magician’s Guild. “Thanks Door.” He looked around the business area of the shop. Rat seemed to be tending the counter. “Where is everyone, Rat?” Along with not lisping when talking to himself, he didn’t seem to lisp when speaking to animals.

  “Drim is out doing something. Or shopping for something. Or something else. I’m pretty sure he’s not bringing me a mincemeat pie, if that helps.”

  “Don’t you ever listen when people talk to you?”

  “I suppose we are having a lot of weather,” said Rat. “Now that it’s the season for it.”

  “Now you’re just doing that on purpose.”

  Rat twitched his whiskers, “Maybe a little. So what brings you here, Mister Liverioso? Do you really need the Gnomes? They’ve gone to Todd Fox’s place and won’t be back for an hour.”

  Liverioso held up a small, leather box. “I’ve got those magic marbles Grimbledung wanted.”

  “Am I supposed to pay for them or are they already paid for?”

  “Well, he’s supposed to pay eight copper. I guess you could pay me.” He considered that. “If you’re allowed to handle money, that is.”

  “Me? Sure! I’m a key employee you know,” assured Rat. “Key.”

  “Well then it’s eight copper.”

  “Eight? How many marbles does eight copper buy in today’s wholesale magic marble market?”

  “Three dozen.”

  Rat blinked his good eye. “You know he sells them two for a copper, right?”

  Liverioso put the box on the counter. “That is the going rate.”

  “Wow. And you don’t mind that markup?”

  Liverioso pushed the box toward Rat. “We’ll sell them for that too when we’re up and running. Same for our Swizzle Sticks and Stink Eyes.”

  Rat nodded. “Fine then. Just leave them on the counter and I’ll give them to Grim when he gets back.”

  “Where’d Grimbledung go?”

  “Bath and a shave and a haircut. With Drimblerod.” He winked. “Female guests in the shoppe tonight.”

  “You sure I don’t need to come back later?”

  Rat shook his head. “No need to wait; I’m a key employee, you know. I can make payments.” He turned and leaned over the counter and pushed the drawer out. “More accurately than Grimbledung, if I don’t mind saying.” He looked over his shoulder. “I just need a ‘silver’ or ‘copper’ call from you; it’s sometimes hard to see in the drawer.” He jumped in as Liverioso leaned over the counter.

  Liverioso could hear Rat rummaging around in the drawer. He leaned over even more. “Ready when you are.” A coin flew out of the drawer and clattered onto the countertop. Liverioso slapped it so it wouldn’t roll off.

  “Copper?”

  “Copper.” Liverioso slid it to one side.

  The next coin that came out was silver.

  “Silver,” said Liverioso as he slid it back into the drawer.

  Rat stuck his head out of the drawer. “Don’t do that or I’m liable to keep grabbing the same coin. Just move it to the side.” He ducked back in.

  “Sorry.”

  After only a minute, Rat had tossed out eight copper and three silver coins. Knowing that the former Magician Guild Enforcer was a man of character, he wasn’t worried the man would pocket any extra coins.

  “You’re pretty good at spotting coppers,” said Liverioso as he pushed the silver coins back into the drawer.

  “The newer they are, the easier it is to tell them apart.”

  “Maybe you need a box of matches in there.”

  Rat shook his head. “We try to keep Grim away
from open flames if at all possible.”

  Liverioso slid the copper coins off the counter and into his pocket, a few at a time. “Let us know if you need any more of those.” He pointed at the box. “And save the box so we can refill it. It’s magically insulated so it almost costs more than the marbles.”

  Rat peered into the box. “Do they come with instructions or anything?”

  “Don’t get them wet and don’t feel them after midnight.”

  Rat did a double take between the marbles and the magician. “What? Midnight where? That’s kind of vague.”

  “I’m kidding. That’s for something completely different.”

  Rat peered into the box again. “Are these things safe?”

  “Asked the shop that keeps hundreds of unstable wands and has a mechanimated jousting dummy and a rat as employees.”

  “Key employee,” corrected Rat. “I’m a key employee.”

  “Key employee.”

  Rat nodded. “Better.”

  Liverioso waved as he made for the door. It opened for him as he neared it. “Thanks,” he said to it. After all was said and done, it was a helpful item and added a nice flair of magic. If he ever got back in the Magician’s Guild, he would just have to ignore Door. He had all but decided however, that Dummy was doomed.

  Rat pushed the box to one side of the counter as the magician left. He returned to his original position- splayed out on his belly. “Waiting... Waiting”

  Chapter 27

  General Hospitality

  Door opened as Drimblerod entered the shop.

  Seeing who it was, Rat didn’t sit up.

  “Just you, huh?”

  “Who else would I be?” Asked Rat. “I’m a key employee, you know. Key.”

  “Not you, Rat.” Drimblerod shook his head as he pointed at his partner. “I was just thinking out loud; I was hoping Grimbledung would be here with you. The ladies’re going to be here any minute.”

  “Grimbledung’s not with you?” Rat sat up.

  “We got separated.”

  “What? How?”

  “Well, I prefer to take a bath after I get my hair cut because all those little hairs make my back itch.”

  “That makes sense,” said Rat even though he had no experience with haircuts. The loss of the tips of his whiskers was a one-time event, over a century ago. “How did that make you lose Grimbledung?”

  “He said he liked to take a bath first so that his hair would be clean and easy to manage when he got it cut.”

  “Plus, I suppose that he doesn’t have enough to even worry about little hairs on his back.” Rat stuck out his tongue. “That don’t grow there normally, that is.”

  “I suppose.” Drimblerod looked at the door. “They’re going to be here any minute, I’m sure of it.” He looked back at Rat worriedly. “Watch the shop until I get back down.”

  Rat nodded. “That’s what I’ve been doing.” He flopped back on his belly. “Watching.”

  “So you’re going out for the night then when Grimbledung and the girls get here?” Drimblerod asked Rat.

  “Well, I didn’t have anything planned,” admitted Rat. “I’m tired from all this...”

  “So you’re going out for the night then.” Drimblerod interrupted. This time there was no question in his voice.

  “Well, I’m dashed.” Rat sat up. “I guess I’ll just go out and see what I can see.”

  “Want a copper to help you on your way?”

  Rat shook his head. “No thanks. I’m too tired for a chase right now.”

  “What?”

  “Never you mind, Drimblerod kicking out a key employee Axebreath,” Rat said. “So you want me to leave now then?”

  “Well, Grim’s not here yet and I’ve got a delivery coming. Can you keep an eye out for both of them while I go change my clothes?”

  “I suppose so. A delivery of what? I already accepted one delivery today.”

  “It’s food. I’ve got a platter coming from Nulu’s,” explained Drimblerod. “And some wine.” He turned and bounded up the stairs. “Don’t let Grimbledung pester that wench if they get here at the same time!” He called down. “Those two’ll go at it for half the night if you let them.”

  “They’re like an old married couple,” agreed Rat.

  “And send the gals to the workroom if they get here before I do!”

  “Right, right.” Rat twitched his whiskers. “Lots of work I’m doing today.” Rat sighed loudly. “Lots.”

  After only a few moments, Grimbledung burst into the shop. “Anybody here yet?”

  “Well, just you and me,” said Rat as he sat up. “And you, of course.”

  “So there’s three of us. Nice.” He eyed Rat. “Were you sleeping?”

  “I was resting,” corrected Rat as he sat up again. “It’s been a busy day.” He gestured with both claws around the shop. “I’ve sold eight wands, talked to several other customers who couldn’t decide their way out of a canvas sack, and even accepted a delivery.”

  “We’re expecting a delivery?”

  “Not anymore.” He thought for a moment. “Well, maybe one still.”

  Grimbledung moved to the counter as Door closed. “So what got delivered? Them female folk?”

  “I seriously doubt they’re going to have themselves delivered.”

  Grimbledung pursed his lips. “We’re not having to go fetch them, are we? Send a wagon over or something? Couple of Orcs to roust them? Hire a flying carpet?”

  “Now you’re just getting silly.”

  Grimbledung considered several other options. None seemed better than the other did. “I got to get them?”

  “They’ll come over all on their own,” assured Rat. “So you needn’t worry; you can stay indoors.” A smile came to his face. “I’d hate to have your hair messed up.”

  “Right?” The Gnome ran his hands along the sides of his head where his hair was slicked back. “This is a new look for me.”

  “Combed?”

  Grimbledung narrowed his eyes. “Slicked back.”

  “Sure, sure. Well, I suppose that’s one...”

  “What got delivered?” Interrupted Grimbledung.

  The bell over Door jingled as it opened.

  Grimbledung turned to look. “We’re closed already,” he said to the Gnomess holding a very large platter. “We’ve got plans for this evening so you and your platter will have to go elsewhere.”

  “This is the platter that you ordered, Grimbledung,” she said.

  “I didn’t order any such thing.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “No, I didn’t!”

  “Yes. You did!”

  Grimbledung waggled his butt. “Grrrr!”

  “Did Drimblerod?”

  Grimbledung stopped waggling his butt. “Yes. He did.”

  The Gnomess stared at Grimbledung.

  Grimbledung stared at the Gnomess.

  “This is the platter Drimblerod ordered.” She moved to the counter without waiting for him to say anything else. Grimbledung was a very good tipper- what she had told Colossus was true- but he was, on the whole, quite unstable and prone to babbling. And the tray was getting heavy. Not to mention the backpack with four bottles of wine were weighing down on her. “I’ll just leave it here.”

  “Woo hoo! Food!” Grimbledung hopped back and forth. “Now all we’re missing is actual females!”

  The Gnomess raised an eyebrow at Grimbledung. Truth be told, she was in the market for a male, and Grimbledung was fairly close to her in age, but he was so annoyingly annoying that she wasn’t sure if she was head-over-heels for him, or wanted to toss him head over heels into the Nearly Bottomless Pit. Sometimes she thought he came in just to start an argument with her. Or maybe she waited for him to come in to start an argument with him. Either way, the ball was in her court. And she had a wicked backhand. “What am I all of a sudden?” She said icily. If she had her tray, she would have gripped it tightly. Instead she just made a fist.

/>   Grimbledung took a step back. “Gah! No, no. What I meant was some festal females who we plan on...” his voice trailed off. “Something.” He returned meekly.

  “Gross. But if that’s what you want…” She shrugged out of her backpack. “Let’s do this.”

  “Now hold on a grain of sand, Flora O. Willowfeet, you wily wench!” Grimbledung put his hands up. “I forbid you from removing any more clothing! We have females on their way and having a naked one already here would probably put a damper on our evening. Especially a sumptuous one like yourself. Bad form, that.”

  Sumptuous? The Gnomess raised an eyebrow at Grimbledung. It was becoming a habit. “Honestly.” She held the backpack in one hand as she fished out a bottle of wine with the other. “I’m getting the wine.”

  Grimbledung let his hands drop to his sides. “That’s a relief!”

  The Gnomess raised the same eyebrow at Grimbledung. Yet again. “Nope. Try another.”

  “I’m relieved?” Tried Grimbledung. Again. “That the wine is here?”

  “So the tip keeps going higher and higher.”

  Grimbledung pursed his lips. “You know we’re economizing around here.”

  The Gnomess put the bottle of wine on the counter. Hard. “You want two or three bottles of wine?”

  “Three! Three, three, threeee!” Grimbledung hopped back and forth. He was sure that three was more than two.

  “Well then.” She reached into the pack but didn’t pull her hand out. “You’d better come up with a better tip than this a bottle of wine I’m liable to just keep for my trouble.”

  Grimbledung scooted around the counter to the coin drawer. He pulled out a silver coin and dropped it on the glass beside the bottle of wine.

  She raised an eyebrow. The other one, this time.

  Grimbledung dropped another silver coin on the counter.

  Before it rattled to a stop, she added a second bottle.

  “One each and that’s my final offer!”

  “Deal.” The Gnomess pulled another bottle of wine out of the backpack and placed it beside the two. Gently. She picked up the two coins and slid them into her pocket. She held out her hand for the third coin. Grimbledung begrudgingly placed it in her palm. “Thanks very much, Mister Grimbledung Sixtoes, esquire.” She slung the backpack onto one shoulder. “See you tomorrow most likely.”