“Will I see you tonight?” Flora asked.
“I never make plans that far ahead,” said Grimbledung as he ran out of the tavern.
“Now all I have to do is avoid going to Second-Hand Sorcery.” Colossus smiled at Flora. “Well done.”
“Because you honestly believe that he’s not going to stop by your house.” She shook her head. “So Chéri’s the brains of the operation. Got it.” She put her tray under her arm. “I’ll be back to collect the tab for both drinks.” She fixed the Halfling with a smoldering gaze with her steel-grey eyes. “And the tip.”
Colossus nodded. What Grimbledung had in unstableness, Flora seemed to have in determination. If the two ever got together, there would be fireworks. “Got it,” he repeated.
“Enjoy your drink.” She said simply as she left to do a circuit of the tables.
Colossus sipped his drink. It was fruity, light and quite refreshing. He added a stone path from the front door. “Now to find a builder,” he muttered. He squiggled some berry bushes along the porch. “And a gardener.”
Grimbledung ran back to the shop. Mostly. Several times he dropped to a slow jog. Twice to a quick walk. All in all, he made it back so quickly, Drimblerod was surprised. Drimblerod was even more surprised when his partner shooed him away. “I need to get the word on the street and you’re in the way, Drim!” Was his only -cryptic- explanation.
Chapter 35
Grim Noir, Private Investigator
I’m sitting at my desk. Minding my own business. That’s what I do until a case shows up. Mind my business and don’t do nothing to no one. When a case shows up, then I mind someone else’s business. Do things to other folks. That’s my job. Minding other people’s business. The pay is okay, and I get to meet interesting people. Sometimes I even kill those interesting people I just mentioned. Or they try to kill me. It all depended on what my current case is. And what mood I’m in. I’m Grim Noir. Private detective and problem solver. And I have a way with females, but that should go without saying.
But I say it a lot anyway.
Speaking of problems, I didn’t have one at the moment. That’s why I was sitting. Sitting in my shoppe, minding my own business. Then she walked in.
Door opened for her like it did for everyone else. She got my attention right away. She was tall. Tall as the day is long in summer. And just about as hot.
I leaned back in my chair. “Come on in.” Normally for a lady, I’d stand up. But ladies didn’t get into the kind of trouble that had them coming to me for help. This was a broad, plain and simple... Well, maybe not plain, but a broad nonetheless. I pointed at the chair. “Take a load off.”
She raised an eyebrow. It made it almost to the ceiling. Like I said; she was tall. And large. Like the great expanses of the outdoors. I’d love to take a day exploring those great outdoors. But that would have to wait. I smelled a job. The broad was still standing. “Sit down and take a load off your fifty four double Eff’s.” She raised the other eyebrow. It made it almost as high as the first. “So what’s your name, doll?”
The doll brought her eyebrows down as she sat. It was a package deal. A large package with all the bulges in the right places.
“You know I’m Julie, right?”
Sure I did. Knowing was my business. Dames. “So tell me what’s troubling you.” I crossed my legs to keep things professional. I’m always a professional. “And I’ll see what I can do about it.”
“I worry about you sometimes, Grim,” the broad said.
“I worry about me sometimes too. But that’s part of the territory. So what’s the trouble you need fixed, doll?”
“Julie.”
First names? Things were moving along nicely. “So what’s the trouble you need fixed, Julie?” I eyed her up one side, across the top, and down the other. It was so far, my eyes were tired when I got done.
The doll let out a long breath. A real long breath. I wasn’t surprised with how much air that chest could hold. Pleased was more like it.
“Well, you see, we’ve been having an issue with thievery at the school...”
“School age antics. I remember when I was a youthful Gnome of...” I began.
The doll cut me off: “No, this is much more than the occasional pilfering. I have almost ten wands a week disappearing and with a student body of only two hundred fifty, that’s significant.”
She raised her eyebrows at me. Again. She was spouting off all sorts of numbers that I really didn’t understand. A sword at my side and my trusty wand. Those I could understand. I used to have a really nice helmet, but I lost it. Long story. Maybe you’ve heard it. The dame was still talking. Dames. Now it was my turn to interrupt. “What about the law. That’s what he’s paid for.” I knew she wanted me to have the job and I knew I’d get it. I was just going to make her work for it.
“Yes. But I’m trying to keep this quiet. If parents hear that there are troubles at the school that could cause problems.”
“Well, stopping problems is what I do best,” I lied. Starting problems. That’s what I was real good at. It was a gift really. And I embraced it. “And I’m sure I can get to the bottom of your...” Now it was my turn to give my eyebrows a workout. “Problem.”
“So what is your plan for solving my problem?” The doll asked me.
‘I have no idea’ was probably not what she wanted to hear, so I didn’t say that. It’s not like I could wander the hallways and blend in with the little delinquents, now could I? Or could I? All I needed, I realized, was a hat. Kids wear hats, after all. “Well, I think I should go undercover and see firsthand what’s going on.” I smiled mischievously. On purpose. “The little cusses won’t even know I’m there.” A plan was coming together as I went along. As usual.
“But... You don’t look like any of my students.”
I nodded. “Right now I don’t. But once I’m disguised, no one will be the wiser.” Not even me! I gave a confident smile. That always helped raise my rates. “One nice hat and I’m invisible.”
“A hat?” The dame let out a sigh. “Fine, Grimbledung. Just make sure that you don’t cause a ruckus.” She leaned forward onto the counter. “I don’t want a panic with the parents.”
I fought to maintain eye contact. It was tough, but I managed. Mostly. “Sure, sure. That goes without saying. Unlike my fees which I like to discuss.” There went those eyebrows again. “So I charge two silver a day, plus expenses.”
The doll put her hands on the counter. “How about I continue to not charge you every time you barge into my cafeteria and…?”
I stopped listening because I was looking down her shirt. Didn’t hear a word the doll said. I figured she must have agreed to my rates with how she was smiling and nodding. “Sounds good to me,” I tried. Once I padded my expenses, I’d be rolling in the coinage. From the looks of her, she was loaded.
“Yeah, I’ll bet it does.” The doll pushed up off the counter. It creaked at her in a most un-neighborly way.
In my counter’s defense, I’d have grunted too if she’d have done that to me. “So I’ll be down tomorrow for classes and get this all figured out quick and easy like. Then we’ll settle up the accounts.” I didn’t want the doll forgetting my rates.
“Oh, I won’t forget.” She assured me. With a turn that got all my attention, she moved out of my shoppe. Door let her out without being asked. He was friendly like that.
“I’ll bet you won’t,” I said. Dolls didn’t forget things like money when it came time to pay it. Sort of. What usually happened was that they threw themselves at me, hoping that would clear their accounts. It usually did. That’s what I was expecting from this broad.
Oh yeah.
“So what’da ya think, Door? Should I take the case?” Door rattled its latch at me. Mostly I figured that meant ‘yes’, so I agreed. “I agree.” I slung my feet off the counter and stood. Now I needed to figure out a way to completely disguise myself so that none of those kids would recognize me. “I need a hat
,” I said to door. “So that those kids don’t recognize me.” Door rattled its latch real loud this time. It must really agree with the plan. “Yeah, a nice hat with a feather, I think.”
Door stopped rattling. I guess there was nothing more to say.
“I’m going to lock up the shop and go over to that place beside Pozz’s place. They have hats there.” I moved to the stairs to go put on some shoes. “Be right back, Door.”
Chapter 36
Grimbledung’s Hope
Julie exited Second-Hand Sorcery. As Door closed behind her, she shook her head. “He hasn’t a clue, does he, Door?”
Door rattled its latch at Big Julie. Inside Grimbledung was talking, but Door was ignoring him. As usual.
“Well, maybe in his off-balance way, he can still solve this problem. Big Julie frowned as she moved into the street. She spied Akita ambling towards Maca’s shop. Maca’s shop? A thought occurred to Julie. “Hey Akita,” she called as she moved quickly to the Constable. “Got a second?”
“For you? Sure thing,” Akita said as he smiled at the Human. “What’s the trouble?” He pointed at Second-Hand Sorcery. “Grim not gonna help you out?”
Big Julie shook her head. “No, no. He’s ready and willing to help out. I’m not sure how well this is going to work. I mean, he acts like a kid when he’s not acting crazy, but he doesn’t look like a kid. He looks like an adult. They’ll never buy it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I mean, he said he’d wear a hat as a disguise.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah!”
“Knowing what I know about him, it’s gonna be a nice flashy hat.” Akita grinned. “I’d expect to see something with a long feather.”
Big Julie raised her hands plaintively. “Akita, this is a disaster!”
Akita chuckled and put a hand on her shoulder. “Relax, Julie. I happen to know this gal who has a way with potions. I’m sure she’s got something that will make him look younger.”
“Really? You think she could do that?”
Akita nodded. “I don’t think there’s a lot she can’t do between a potion and an incantation.” He squinted his eyes. “You know she’s part Djinn?”
“What?” Big Julie’s eyes got large. “She’s a Djinn?”
Akita shrugged. “Part. Well, from her mother’s side anyway. Her father’s just an Elf.”
“What a combination.”
Akita let his tongue hang out. “Yeah. That’s what I said.” He smiled again. “So I’m sure if I took that little bundle of crazy over there, she’d be able to come up with something that’d make him look like a kid.” He chuckled. “More than any hat, at least.”
Julie joined in the laugh. “You realize what you are suggesting? A young Grimbledung loose in my halls, running amok.”
“It’s better than that thieving problem you’ve got.”
“I don’t know...”
“He’s the lesser of two evils, I think is the corrrrrect term.”
Julie put her hand on Akita’s shoulder. “Well, if you’d walk him over to make sure he stays on task, I’d appreciate it.”
Akita smiled. “All part of the service, Miss. I was headin’ to Maca’s anyway. I’ll just collect Grimbledung and bring him along.”
Julie hugged Akita. “I really appreciate it. I’m losing a fortune on a weekly basis.”
“We’ll get this taken care of, Julie.”
“Thanks, Akita. I sure owe you,” said Big Julie
Akita grinned wide. “Sounds good!” He looked back and forth suspiciously. “I’m in need of a favor.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I need a nice quiet meal that’s not gonna get interrupted for me and Maca and the Duck Inn is a little crowded and the Braziered Bear is kinda...” His voice trailed off.
“Unromantic?”
“That’s the term. Think you could ask your Gnolls to work up a picnic we could take somewhere...” His voice trailed off again.
“Romantic?”
“Now yer talkin’ ,” said Akita.
“All you’ll need to add is a wagon.”
“Deal!”
“Just let me know when.” Big Julie winked at the werewolf. “And I’ll also keep the plan quiet for no extra charge.”
Akita smiled at Big Julie. “Then let’s get this show on the road.” He looked over Julie’s shoulder. “Speak of the little devil, there he is now.”
Big Julie looked at the wand shop as Grimbledung peeked left and right out of the door before stepping onto the boardwalk. “I’ll let you get to work.”
Akita gave her a wave as he trotted towards the Gnome.
With a relieved sigh, Big Julie headed back to her school.
Chapter 37
Grimbledung - the Young and the Deceased
“Grimbledung,” Akita called as he neared the Gnome. “Gots a moment?”
“I suppose so, Akita. I was just heading out to buy a hat.”
“Yeah, that’s what I hear.” Akita moved close. “But I got a better idea.”
“A mask?”
Akita shook his head. “How’s about a potion to make yourself young?”
Grimbledung did a little hop. “Woo! That would be great!” He put out his hand. “Gimmie, gimmie!”
“I don’t got a potion that does that.”
Grimbledung frowned. “Now that there is false advertisement.” He waggled his finger at the Constable. “Get you in trouble with the law, you know.”
“No, you daft Gnome,” Akita put his arm around Grimbledung and gestured down the street with his other paw. “What I mean is I know a gal who can make that happen.”
“Who’s that?” Grimbledung squinted down the Constable’s arm. “Who, who?”
“Maca, ‘course.”
“So Maca has something that can make me look younger?” Grimbledung considered that for a moment. “Well, younger than I already look, that is.”
Akita raised an eyebrow. “You realize Julie’s school is for little kids right? Kids a couple-a-three centuries younger than you.”
“Well, what’s a century here and there.” Grimbledung waved his hand dismissively. “Among friends and foes, that is.”
The pair began to walk down the street towards Herbs and More. Much More.
“Heaps.” Akita shook his head. He wasn’t sure how Big Julie had managed to pass the task of getting Grimbledung the potion to him, but he was sure there must have been some magic involved. Or womanly wiles. Either way, he would keep his guard up if he ever found himself playing Trufflidge at the same table as her. He looked over, Grimbledung was still talking. Still. “Yeah?” He said, not sure if that would even fit into the conversation, but figuring that Grimbledung would accept it anyway.
“That’s what I said!” Grimbledung nodded his head. “I mean, how was I to know that the crossbow was loaded?”
“By lookin’ at the bent over bow and the bolt sitting in it?” Offered Akita as he was sucked into the conversation once again.
“I agree completely, but that only works if you can see the crossbow. I still had a sack on my head, remember?”
Akita did not. “Errr, ya?” He lied. As the pair rounded the corner, he spied Herbs and More. Much More across the street on the left. “Ahh, we’re there,” he said relieved.
“Yeah. Now we can get this show on the road!” Grimbledung rubbed his hands together. “I’ll have this mystery solved by lunch.”
“You know it’s a theft, right?”
“Sure, sure,” Grimbledung nodded at the Constable. “But it’s a mysterious theft, right? I mean, no one knows where the wands are getting off to...”
“Thief’s prolly got them,” interjected Akita.
“... so that’s what I’m going to solve,” continued Grimbledung as they climbed the three stairs to the shop’s door. As they got to it, it opened. “Thanks door.”
The door remained silent.
Grimbledung looked at the door closely. “Kinda rude.”
“It’s a door, Grim. What’re you expecting? Welcome trumpets?”
“Now that you mention it, I could use a snack,” admitted Grimbledung.
Akita shook his head. He suspected that half of what the Gnome said was said just to raise the hackles of those around him. How could he not know what a trumpet is? I’m not gonna bite He thought. “Maca?” He called into the shop instead.
Maca stepped through two half-size swinging doors that led to the backroom. “And a good morning to you fine gentlemen.”
Grimbledung did a little hop. “Woo! This place smells great, Maca. Any of this stuff edible?”
“Well, a lot of it is, yes,” said Maca as she moved gracefully around the counter, “but only to achieve some sort of result; not to fill a belly”.
“Well, that sounds like a result to me.” Grimbledung waggled his ears.
Maca opened her mouth to respond when Akita cut her off: “Well, the result we need today is to make old Grimbledung look like young Grimbledung.”
Maca nodded.
“Old Grimbledung?”
“Well... older, then.” Maca laughed. “Is that better?”
Grimbledung nodded as he moved beside the Elf. “Definitely.” He eyed the Constable. “It’s nice to see someone has a good bedside manner.”
“I’m not a doctor,” said Akita. “Lawmen aren’t supposed to be pleasant.”
Maca laughed again. “Oh, I don’t know. I find you quite pleasant.”
Akita let his tongue hang out of his mouth. “Well, that’s when I’m off duty.”
Grimbledung sidled up to Akita. “So you off duty now?” He nudged him with his elbow.
Akita glowered down. “No. This here is official business.”
Grimbledung scooted back to Maca’s side. “Well, then I’ll just spend my time on yon side of this conversation.” He smiled up at her. “So what’ve you got to make me look like a strapping youngster?”
“Strappin’?”
Maca winked at the Constable. “How long do you want to stay like that? A few hours, a day, or maybe a week?”
A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4) Page 22
