A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4)
Page 37
“You need to work on your compliments.”
“She needs to work on her unstableness.”
“Let’s deal with that later,” suggested Drimblerod. “Let’s go over to the square to... see... what...” His voice trailed off as he looked up at the sky.
“You alright, partner?” Grimbledung took a step towards him. “What’s wrong?”
Drimblerod pointed at the sky behind Grimbledung. “That,” he said simply.
Grimbledung’s eyes tracked to where Drimblerod was pointing. There in the sky, ostensibly above the square in the center of town were two immense ships. They seemed to be lashed together. Above them were several equally massive bladders. Two pairs of oars hung down like four massive tentacles. “What in the lands?”
“I think the gargoyles are back!” Drimblerod put his arm around his partner. “Let’s go see.”
“The gargoyles ride in that?”
“From what I heard, the sorcerer that made them rides around in it when he’s not doing sorcery stuff.” He looked up at it again, squinting to try to make out details. “It’s not exactly like I heard it described from back at Frank’s Keep.”
“Well, you know what they say; talk is cheap when the dirigible is good, and the tales grow taller on down the line.”
“I don’t know anyone who says that.”
The pair rounded a corner- the square was less than a block away now. Groups of people were moving in the same direction to get a closer look at the monstrous contraption. “Well, it’s about the same size, but it looks a lot more professionally built.”
“Maybe they made improvements,” offered Grimbledung. “Got some better artists working on it or something.”
“They’re called carpenters.”
“Them too, I’d imagine.”
“In any case,” said Drimblerod. “Let’s go see the gargoyles.”
The two Gnomes entered the large open square at the center of town. Booths were lined up sporadically around the edges with more set up in groups of three or four pushing their way towards the center of the square. The entire set up created a maze for pedestrians.
“What in the lands?” Grimbledung motioned across the area. “This is what happens when you don’t plan properly.” He pointed an accusatory finger at the haphazardly placed booths. “What. In. The. Lands.”
“Well, it’s too late to do anything about it now,” said Drimblerod. He looked around the large square. “You can complain to Julie later. The ship’s moored on the far side. Let’s go over.”
As the pair moved through the crowd, weaving around booths as they went, they watched as a large stone goat was lowered from one of the ships.
“That there is one large goat hanging in the sky,” remarked Grimbledung. “Don’t see that every day.”
When they got to the far side of the market, the goat had just reached the ground. Two men unlashed him and the ropes were quickly pulled back up to the ship.
“Excuse me, Mister Goat,” began Drimblerod, unsure of how to address the gargoyle.
“Gafr,” the goat said as he shook his head, letting the shake work its way down its massive shoulders, back, and finally its hindquarters.
“Excuse me, Gafr,” Drimblerod said without missing a beat. “Would you by chance be traveling with a couple of gargoyles?”
“Can ya be more specific?”
“They are a couple of gargoyle brothers called Castor and Pollux.”
Gafr nodded. “They’re still up top with Phileous.”
“That another gargoyle?” Grimbledung asked.
“No, sonny; he’s our maker. Won’t come down himself until we’re all down safe and sound.” Gafr looked skyward. “Here we go.”
Grimbledung craned his neck to look up at the airship. There was another equally large goat being lowered from the floating craft by several thick ropes. “Well, you don’t see that every day,” he remarked. “Usually, that is.”
“Does Julie know you folks are in town?”
Gafr shook his head at Drimblerod. “Just got in. Castor figured she’d see the ship.”
“It doesn’t look like I heard it described,” admitted Drimblerod.
“It’s the updated version,” explained the gargoyle.
“Well, I’ll go find Big Julie and let her know you and...and...” Grimbledung looked up again.
“Koza” offered Gafr.
“... Koza and her two gargoyle friends are back in town. I’m sure she’ll be pleased.”
“She doesn’t know us, but you can mention us anyway. We were looking for a place to stay in town.” Gafr looked around the crowded square. “Pollux said we should find these two Gnomes that sell used wands and park ourselves in front of their place.”
“Should you?! Should you?!” Grimbledung hopped back and forth.
“Uhm...” Gafr wasn’t sure how to answer the suddenly agitated Gnome.
“Grimbledung, why don’t you go track down Julie and I’ll stay with the gargoyles?” Drimblerod put his hand on his partner’s shoulder to stop his hopping.
Grimbledung nodded furiously. “Oh... boy-oh, boy-oh, boy-oh!” He turned and ran off at top speed. Directly beside where the gargoyle’s massive airship was docked was a large, black tent. Not wanting to waste time going around it, he ran through the flaps on his side.
The large tent was full of Halflings. He tried to weave between them but they seemed to be crowded together in some sort of formation. Unable to dodge them all, he bounced off one and fell on his butt. “Hey there!”
A Halfling seated in a massive, ornate chair leaned forward. “What is the meaning of this?”
Grimbledung turned on his butt to face the Halfling. “Well you see, I was minding my own business when this chap here,” Grimbledung pointed at the Halfling soldier he had run into that had gotten in his way. “Stood right there!”
“What?” asked the soldier. “Get out of here, kid!”
Grimbledung scooted around on his butt to face him. “Don’t you ‘kid’ me!”
“Oh, I’m not kidding,” said the Soldier.
“Leave the jokes to the Gnomes!”
“If they could tell them, I would,” countered the soldier.
“Hey!” Grimbledung pointed a finger at him. “Stop that!”
“Silence!” Commanded the Halfling from the chair. All the Halflings turned to look at him. “As Lord High Priest of the Great Halfling Empire, I command you to be quiet!”
Grimbledung pivoted back around to face him. “Who put you in charge?”
The Lord High Priest glowered at the insolent child. “I was put in charge by the gods when I was deemed worthy in the Rite of Bobbing.”
“The what? Who’s Bob?”
The Lord High Priest exhaled angrily. “All prospective priests are tied to a large stone and placed in the Pool of Reflections. The first one to come to the surface is deemed worthy by the gods to be the Lord High Priest.”
“Well that’s just absurd. Tossing priests into ponds is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.”
The Lord High Priest narrowed his eyes at the child that he would have executed. It would be the third this week. He was hoping for an even four so this one would put him over the hump. “What?”
“You can't expect to wield supreme priestly power just because some god helped you untie your hands from a watery grave.”
“Silence!”
Grimbledung shook his head. “If I went around saying I was Emperor of the Five Gnome Kingdoms, just because I’d untied my shoes after a rainstorm, they'd put me away.”
“Excellent idea; take him away.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Stick him on a spear to make three.”
“Yaa!” Grimbledung hopped to his feet. “Three on a spear is back luck, I should think.” He dusted off his breeches. “Tell you what El-Aitch-Pee; I’ll go fetch a handy lance to stick my dangling prepositions on.” He pe
ered at the soldier. “How was that?”
He scrunched up his face. “Good timing, but I think you forced it.”
“Will it get me off?”
“No; once you’re on the spear, you don’t come off until we take you off.” He motioned to his fellow soldiers. “Seize him.”
Grimbledung held up his hands. “Now hold on just a grain of sand! No one, and I mean no one is sticking the mighty Grimbledung Sixtoes, esquire on a stick like some bar-b-cued squirrel!”
“Stick him on a pole.” Commanded the Lord High Priest. He smacked his lips. “Then get me a bar-b-cued squirrel.”
“Look up there! It’s the king pole! That outranks a high priest pole!”
The Halfling soldiers looked at the ceiling of the tent.
Grimbledung sprinted for the closest flap. As he ducked under it, he was immediately surrounded by the crowds that seemed to be having a hard time moving around the haphazardly positioned booths. As he ran, he passed by a booth selling various smoked and roasted meats on skewers. “Got any squirrels?”
“I’ve only got two left,” said the booth owner. “Seem to be pretty popular,” he remarked absently. “Got more on the way but they’ll not be ready until tonight.”
“I’ll take them both!” Grimbledung tossed two copper coins at the man. A devious thought came to him. “If a Halfling comes looking for one, tell them that you sold the last one to Grimbledung.”
“Grimbledung?”
“It’s an inside joke,” Grimbledung assured the man as he took possession of the squirrels. “Thanks!” He turned ran off.
“That your kid?”
Drimblerod shook his head at the gargoyle. “It’s a loooong story.” He took a step back as Koza was lowered beside his brother. “Mayhap I can tell it to you one day once you’re settled. I’m Drimblerod, co-owner of Second-Hand Sorcery...”
Grimbledung dashed around people, and sometimes under them as he made his way through the square. When he finished the squirrels, he tossed the sticks aside so he could push his way through the forest of legs hampering his progress. He had given up shouting for people to move; they either didn’t listen or seemed to get in his way on purpose. “Get outta my way!” He screeched as he ducked through a yet another set of legs. A large, very hairy leg filled his vision as he ran headlong into it. His head bonked against a leg that seemed to be filled with iron. Then covered with fur. He looked up. Way up.
A large Minotaur looked down at Grimbledung. “You almost made me spill my drink, kid,” he said.
“Well watch where I’m going!” Grimbledung picked himself up. “You... you...”
“Mink,” offered the Minotaur.
“Well, you don’t look much like a mink,” said Grimbledung. He moved a step away so he could look the massive creature in the eyes. “They’re long and low to the ground with little legs. You’re... You’re...”
“Name’s Mink, kid. I’m a Minotaur.” Mink adjusted the paper umbrella in his drink, then took a sip. “Nice,” he said to no one in particular. Particularly not the unusual Gnome child before him.
“Be serious.”
The Minotaur snorted. “What?”
“There’s only one Minotaur named Mink, and you aren’t him. He lives in the Foreboding Forest and carries a huge stone hammer.”
Mink leaned on his hammer as he pulled the tiny paper umbrella out of his drink and stuck it through the large gold ring that adorned his ear. “Right. We’ve met before..”
“No. The only Minotaur I’ve met is Mink. I told you that, you oaf. Two Minotaire called Mink? I’ve never heard such a thing.” Grimbledung shook his head. “Some folk’ll do anything.”
“Kid, you’re not going to be any such thing if you don’t go away. I’m trying to enjoy this drink.”
“Well who’s stopping you, you lummox?”
Mink reached down and picked up Grimbledung.
“Hey! Put me down you big impersonating lout!”
Without putting very much effort into it (lest he spill his drink), Mink threw Grimbledung across the market square.
Grimbledung was pleased to see that the Minotaur had thrown him in the direction he was already going. He wasn’t pleased where he was going to land. “Look out!” He shouted as he sailed headfirst. “LOOK OUT YOU!”
Surprised, Trench turned to look at the high-pitched voice that seemed to be coming from the sky behind him. It seemed that a small Gnome was sailing towards him. Hastily, he calculated the youth’s vector, took several steps back and jumped. He caught the Gnome in the crook of his arm. Trench looked down. “Caught you, lit-tahl wun!” He looked in the direction the lad had come from. “Where you come from?”
“Some stinking Minotaur shied me in your direction.”
“On purpose?”
“No, it was a complete accident.” Grimbledung scowled. “He was walking along and accidentally picked me up and heaved me. He meant to take a drink but instead ended up tossing me.”
Trench took a good look at the tiny Gnome. And recognized him. “You!” He dropped Grimbledung.
“Hey! Watch it!” Grimbledung got up and dusted himself off. “You big lunk.”
“I’ll give you a lunk!” Trench bent over to grab the Gnome.
“Yaaa! No more Gnome tossing!” He flailed his arms as he scampered under the table and away from the angry butcher.
Grimbledung made his way across the crowded square. As he went, he heard music. “And a band. Nice!” He angled toward the music. Suddenly he was in a large open space- a large dancing area had developed in front of the minstrels. He spotted a Dwarf standing in the middle of the large open area. He was tapping his foot and clapping. “Hey, you’re the new town doctor, aren’t you?”
“That’s me.” The Dwarf adjusted his spectacles.
“You going to dance, Mister Dwarf?” Grimbledung asked. “Or just stand there?”
The Dwarf was smiling broadly as he clapped. “Well, I like to dance and tap my feet. But they won't keep in rhythm.”
“Don’t...”
“You see,” continued the Dwarf, ignoring the warning, “I washed them both today. And I can't do nothing with them.”
“I’m telling you, you’re going to get kicked out of here.” Grimbledung shook his fist at the fellow. “Right out on that ho-hum dumb tune of yours.”
“In my defense, Gnome, the words don't mean a thing; it’s a silly song for anyone to sing.”
“Ooooh!” Grimbledung raised his hand over his head. He waved it around then pointed at the Dwarf, then gestured to what was ostensibly ‘out’ with his thumb. “Oh, that’s it, mister!” He did the motion twice. No one seemed to pay him any mind. Akita saw him however, and moved in his direction.
The Dwarf smiled amicably and winked over the top of his round glasses and moved off.
“You know, I think that Dwarf got the best of you,” said Akita as he put his arm around his friend. “And you got the worst of him.”
“OOohhhh!” Grimbledung raised his hand, waved it around, then pointed at the Constable, and gestured ‘away’. “You too! You’re out of here!”
“No one who’cn do that is on your payroll.”
“Well don’t that beat all!”
“I thought four of a kind beat all.” Akita let his tongue hang out.
“Ohhh!”
“So what’re you doing running around like something’s amiss?”
“Well, there’s Gargoyles getting hauled out of a flying contraption.” Grimbledung pointed at the massive craft. “Over yonder. I was going to tell Big Julie that her two Gargoyles were coming back.”
Akita nodded at the Gnome. “I’m sure she’ll be pleased.”
“That’s what I was hoping for.” Grimbledung waggled his ears.
“She’s not going to be that pleased.” Akita turned Grimbledung back the way he came. “Why don’t you go tell Castor and Pollux to stay there and I’ll bring Julie to them? That way they aren’t all running around missing each other.”
Akita nodded. “That’s a long walk for someone your size.”
“Well, I flew for part of it.”
“Flew?”
“Sailed, really.”
“Sailed?” Akita narrowed his eyes. “Ya got pitched?” A smile came to him. “Tossed even?”
“Mayhap.” Grimbledung frowned again. “Go pass on the news and I’ll go back and let them know to stay put.”
“Good plan, Grrrim.” With a friendly squeeze of the Gnome’s shoulder, Akita also moved off. Humming a merry tune himself.
“Ooohhh!” Grimbledung called after him. When Akita didn’t turn around - not even to let his tongue hang out- Grimbledung gave a shrug then he jogged towards where the Gargoyles were being unloaded.
Koza nodded at Drimblerod. “Well, that does sound like a nice set up you have there.” He nodded at his brother. “And the two of us would like a quiet place to sit and relax...”
“For a little bit,” interjected Gafr.
“...for a little bit,” agreed Koza.
“Well, we’d be glad to have you.” Drimblerod tried to maintain eye contact but was having a hard time doing it. “We’ve got buckets full of quietness around our place. More than we know what to do with, really.”
Grimbledung skidded to a stop beside his partner. It had taken a little longer to get back because he had given the Halfling tent a wide berth. Pollux and Castor were standing beside the other two Gargoyles. “Made it!”
“So it’s...” started Drimblerod.
“To where?” Asked Pollux.
“Here of course.” Grimbledung shook his head at the Gargoyle. “Earlier I was over yonder and up yonder even at one point but now I’m not yonderwhere because I’ve made it to yonderhere is where.”
Pollux looked at Drimblerod for help, not sure how to answer the immediately annoying Gnome youth that had just barged into their conversation. Or if he even should.
“Pollux, it’s Grimbledung. He’s been undercover at Big Julie’s looking for a wand thief.” He put his hand on his partner’s shoulder. “The potion to make him look young hasn’t worn off yet.”