“I think they booked into the hotel for the weekend, but you’ll have to check with them. And right now, we both need to get back to work.” He kissed her with his eyes and then turned to help his staff begin the cleanup.
* * *
As Lachlan had predicted, Eliza’s family was among the last people to leave the restaurant. Not knowing that her boss with benefits often gave her a lift home, her father insisted she let him drive her to her apartment in his rental car. All the way, he raved about the evening—how outstanding the food had been and how enjoyable the company.
“Does that mean you’re going to write a good review?” Eliza asked from the back seat.
“You’ll have to wait and see,” he replied with a chuckle.
“Tease.”
“I must admit I was dubious about your move here,” he said as he caressed the steering wheel. “I worried about you being in such a small town, not knowing anyone, but you looked in your element tonight. It’s good to see you smiling again.”
“Thank you, Dad,” she said, a lump forming in her throat. Part of her still felt a little guilty when she felt happy but that part was getting smaller and smaller. “I’m getting there.”
“I’m glad.”
“Me, too,” added Grammy, glancing out the front window. “And I have to admit you were right about this little place being picturesque. New York will always be my first love, but I guess small towns can have their charm, too.”
“They sure can,” Eliza said. “And I don’t start till two tomorrow afternoon, so how about I give you both the grand tour? The river walk is a must and there are some delightful old Craftsman homes to admire.”
“That sounds lovely,” Grammy said as Eliza’s father slowed in front of her apartment block.
Although physically exhausted, Eliza knew she wouldn’t be able to attempt sleep with the success of the evening still buzzing through her veins. “Do you want to come in for a nightcap?” she asked.
Her father turned her down, citing the desire to write his review while the food was still fresh in his head, but Grammy jumped at the idea, choosing to stay with Eliza instead of going back to the hotel.
The apartment didn’t have a spare room and the couch was too small to slumber comfortably on, but this didn’t matter because she and her grandmother had shared a bed numerous times in the past.
While Eliza attempted to make two cups of cocoa without burning down the kitchen, Grammy evaluated the apartment. “It’s a little poky,” she said, “but it has potential if you add a little more color and maybe a few photos or pieces of art.”
“Maybe you can help me shop for something tomorrow morning before you leave?” Eliza suggested.
Grammy’s eyes glistened. Along with drinking and flirting with men, shopping was one of her favorite pastimes. “Now you’re talking.”
They carried the mugs into the small living room, kicked off their shoes and cozied up on the couch together. “It’s so good to have you here.” Careful not to spill her drink, Eliza leaned her shoulder against her grandmother’s. Although they talked on the phone almost every day, nothing was as good as having her here in person.
“It’s good to be here,” she replied, patting Eliza’s knee. “And Lachlan is even better-looking in person than you gave him credit for. Why didn’t you tell me you were sleeping with him?”
Cocoa spluttered from Eliza’s mouth and this time she did spill some. Grammy had never been one for beating around the bush, but she hadn’t been expecting this. As she put the mug down on the coffee table, she opened her mouth to deny her grandmother’s accusation, but she felt the older woman’s gaze boring into her and knew it was futile. “How did you know?” she asked instead, as she reached for a tissue to address the stain on her work shirt.
Grammy smiled victoriously. “A blind person could see the sparks flying between the two of you. I wouldn’t have been surprised when he was speaking about you tonight if he got down on one knee and proposed.”
“Propose?” Eliza cackled at the absurdity of such an idea. “I’ve only known the guy a month.”
“When you know, you know,” Grammy countered. “I’d known Raymond’s father two hours before I knew he was the one for me.”
Eliza shook her head. Her situation was very different from that of her grandmother and the grandfather she’d never known because he’d died when her father was a child. “That may be true, but my stance on relationships hasn’t changed. I’m not looking for love or marriage. We’re...” How should she put it? “We’re having fun together.”
When Grammy just raised her eyebrows, Eliza added defensively, “You were the one who said not all relationships had to be serious, that fun and mutual pleasure are valid reasons for being with someone.”
“Maybe I did.” She sighed. “And maybe for an old woman like me, that’s true, but you’re still young, you deserve love and companionship as well as physical intimacy.”
Before Eliza could say that she didn’t want love ever again, Grammy continued, “And so does Lachlan. He might be happy with sex for a little while, but it’s clear to see he’s a family man and eventually he’ll want more. Nora confided in me about his ex-wife—she sounds like a ghastly woman, abandoning those two beautiful children, but not all women are so stupid. Lachlan is not only a handsome man, but he’s smart, successful, caring, a good dad...”
As Grammy listed all the things that had gone through Eliza’s head only a few hours ago, the cocoa she’d barely drunk grew heavy in her stomach.
“He’s a very eligible bachelor and I’m sure there are plenty of single women in Jewell Rock who’d be happy to take on the role of his wife and his children’s mother.”
Eliza’s shook her head, her heart thrashing about in her chest at the thought of Lachlan being with another woman. “But he’s happy with our...arrangement.” The last word tripped on her tongue as it suddenly sounded tawdry.
“Are you sure about that?” Grammy turned her head to look seriously at Eliza and took hold of her hands. “Because I’m an old woman. I’ve seen a lot in my eighty-two years and I think Lachlan already sees you as way more than just a colleague or a quick tumble between the sheets.”
The thrashing in her heart slowed almost to a stop as her grandmother’s words sank in. She thought of the way Lachlan treated her—how his face lit up when she walked in the door and the tender way he caressed her body when they slept together. But mostly, she thought of the way he tried to get her to talk about Jack and the hurt in his eyes she tried to ignore when she shut those conversations down.
He wasn’t a man who was just using her for his body. All the signs were there that he wanted to get to know her more. And then she thought back to that very first postsex conversation. Had he been joking when he suggested he be her boss with benefits? He’d been quick to assure her he was happy with a fling but what if he’d only said so because of what she’d said?
Her mind whirled with confused thoughts. Maybe Grammy was reading more into the situation than was actually there. Maybe she was seeing what she wanted to see because she didn’t like to think of Eliza all alone. But alone was safe. Not getting emotionally entangled meant her heart couldn’t break, so why did it hurt so much at the thought of Lachlan finding someone else to make a family with?
Because you’re already falling in love with him.
But no, she shook her head vigorously. She didn’t want to love him. Tears sprang to her eyes at the thought. She certainly didn’t want to love Hallie and Hamish.
Grammy squeezed her hand. “I think you’re fooling yourself if you think you can keep your body and heart separate where Lachlan is concerned. I know you, and I know you want more out of life. Don’t let fear and grief stop you from living because doing so won’t bring Jack back but it could leave you leading a very lonely life.”
“But isn’t that what I deserve?
” Eliza sobbed, an image of her little boy’s lifeless face once again appearing in her head. “If I was a better mother, he’d still be alive.”
“Oh, precious girl.” Grammy drew her into her arms. “Stop punishing yourself. You were a wonderful mother—you are a wonderful mother—and you need to learn to forgive yourself. You moved here to this beautiful town to start again, but you’re not allowing yourself to truly do so.”
Eliza couldn’t stop the tears that fell and she sat there with her grandmother’s arms wrapped around her, the old woman gently stroking her hair, until they finally started to subside. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said, pulling back a little so she could look into Grammy’s wise eyes.
“Me, too. But now this old girl is getting tired. Shall we head to bed?”
Eliza nodded, thankful that her grandmother wasn’t going to push the issue anymore. Then she stood, collected their mugs—one empty and the other half-full of now-cold cocoa—and dumped them in the kitchen sink to deal with tomorrow. She lent Grammy a set of cotton pajamas and gave her a new toothbrush, and they both readied themselves for bed.
Within seconds of climbing beneath the covers, Grammy was sound asleep—probably from all the whiskey she’d drunk that night—but Eliza, not wanting to disturb her, lay there quietly, staring into the darkness as she fought the urge to toss and turn. A war of thoughts raged inside her head as she went over and over the conversation they’d had on the couch.
Was her grandmother right? Did Lachlan want more from her?
And if he did, could she risk her heart on love again?
Or should she put an end to their affair and try to protect them both before it was too late?
Chapter Fifteen
Lost in thought and wondering if he would ever conquer sleep, Lachlan took a few seconds before he registered the strange noise coming from outside his bedroom window. He frowned and listened earnestly as another tap sounded on the glass. Flicking on his bedside light, he glanced at Hallie, who looked like a sleeping angel, and tried not to disturb her as he climbed out of bed and crossed to pull back the curtain.
The silhouette of a woman looked back at him and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust in the moonlight and register who it was. Eliza. What was she doing here? Was this a booty call? Or perhaps he’d fallen asleep after all and this was some kind of weird dream. Nevertheless, he pushed open the window and whispered, “Eliza?”
“Can you come out?” she asked. Her voice sounded weird and his heart kicked over in concern.
“I’ll be right out. Wait there.” If it weren’t for the damn screen, he would have climbed out the window. Letting the curtain fall back, he yanked on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and then hurried out to join her as fast as he could.
She met him on the front porch and he finally got a proper look at her. Dressed only in a thin summer dress, she clutched some kind of book to her chest.
“You haven’t got any shoes on?” he asked. He didn’t either but he’d just climbed out of bed, whereas Eliza had presumably come from her apartment.
“Oh.” She looked down at her feet as if surprised by this fact as well and shook her head slightly. “There wasn’t time.”
He frowned. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, although the expression on her face told him she wasn’t completely sure. “I wanted to show you something.”
At three o’clock in the morning? He managed not to voice this thought because he didn’t want to make her feel bad and if there was a problem, he was glad she felt comfortable enough to come to him with it.
“Okay,” he said instead. “Shall we go across to the restaurant? I’d invite you inside but I don’t want to wake everyone up.”
Again she simply nodded.
“I’ll just go get my keys,” he said and then retreated inside the house.
“Come on, then,” he said when he emerged less than a minute later. He wanted to take her hand but she was still cradling the book like it was a precious treasure so he would have had to ask to do so. They walked the short distance to the restaurant in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable but it wasn’t comfortable either. Lachlan had no idea what was going on, whether her late-night visit was a good one or a bad one and he didn’t want to put a foot wrong.
When they arrived, he unlocked the door and switched on the lights. “Can I get you a drink?” he asked.
“Coffee?” she said.
Usually he didn’t drink caffeine after dinner but it wasn’t like either of them were going to get any sleep now. He smiled at her. “Two coffees coming right up. Do you want to sit down?”
“Thank you.” She sounded so damn polite—like a stranger almost—as she lowered herself into one of the two leather couches by the door where patrons could sit with a drink while they waited for a table.
Nerves twisting his belly, he set about making two cups of coffee and then carried them over to her. He put them down on the coffee table and hesitated, unsure whether to sit opposite or beside her. When Eliza put down her book on the table, picked up a mug and took a sip, he lowered himself down next to her.
She put her mug back on the table, picked up the book, edged a little closer to him. When she opened up the book, he realized it was a photo album. His heart pinched as he looked down to see the most angelic little child staring back up at him. With masses of thick curls the same delicious color as Eliza’s hair and a cheeky smile that filled his whole face, there was no doubt in Lachlan’s mind that this was Jack.
“He did like playing with balls,” Eliza said, her voice not much more than a whisper.
Tears prickled at the corner of Lachlan’s eyes as she answered the question he’d asked her almost a week ago.
“In fact, we had quite a collection of them. He also loved the color yellow. I could only buy him yellow clothes because he threw a tantrum if we tried to make him wear any other color.” She turned the page to the next photo of a little boy curled up with a Big Bird toy that was almost bigger than him.
Lachlan felt like he should say something but no words would come.
“Dad bought him Big Bird and he rarely let it out of his sight. Grammy bought him a packet of the most beautiful crayons. He was just starting to scribble with them but only the yellow one ever came out of the box.”
Again she flicked the page and this time Jack sat in a high chair, a bowl on his head and what looked to be custard dripping down from his hair. His smile said he thought the situation hilarious.
“The obsession started to worry me when he refused to eat anything that wasn’t yellow, but Tyler told me not to worry too much. That there were plenty of good yellow foods—bananas, cheese, pineapples, eggs, custard—and that he’d grow out of the quirk but...”
She paused, sniffed long and hard, as if trying to hold it together. “He didn’t have the chance to grow out of it.”
Eliza might be just keeping it together, but there was a lump in Lachlan’s throat and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold back his tears. He didn’t know what to say. Life was so unfair, so terribly unfair, but what was the point in stating the obvious? Should he tell her how adorable her son was? Did she want sympathy and comfort or would she blow up and run again if he tried to give it?
“Why are you telling me all this?” he found himself asking.
She twisted her head to look at him and blinked. “Because I thought you wanted to know.”
“I do.” He reached out and laid his hand beside hers so their pinky fingers were touching. The warmth from her skin emanated onto his. He wanted to know this and everything else she had to tell, but as much as he wanted to be there for Eliza, he was now all too aware that his heart was on the line.
He was falling hard and fast in love with her. “But I want to know what it means,” he said.
“I miss him so much,” she confessed. “I feel so empty,
like there’s a hole inside me that will never go away. The only time I even begin to feel half-human again is when I’m with you and that terrifies me. I’m petrified of getting close to you and to your beautiful children and then losing one of you. I don’t think I could ever survive that kind of pain again, but no matter how much I’ve tried to protect myself, I realized tonight that I’m fooling myself. And not being fair to either of us. I already have very strong feelings...not only for you, but also for Hallie and Hamish.”
Hope flared in Lachlan’s heart. Her words were music to his ears.
“Of course, maybe I’m being presumptuous.” Again her voice shook. “Maybe you’re happy with things as they currently stand?”
“I’m not going to deny that I like sleeping with you,” Lachlan said, choosing his words carefully, “but from the moment we first slept together, probably before that, it was a lot more than just physical for me. Like you, I’m wary of opening my heart again but you make me want to give love and family a second chance.”
She edged her hand even closer and linked her fingers through his. “You do that to me as well, but I’ve got to admit that taking a risk on both those things—love and family—is a huge deal for me. Not only am I scared of messing up again, but I’m not really sure I deserve that kind of happiness.”
“Everyone deserves that kind of happiness,” he said, lifting her hand to his lips and brushing a kiss against her knuckles, happy she didn’t pull away.
Eliza was quiet a moment. “Maybe. But this is all a bit overwhelming for me. Do you mind if we take things slow?”
Although in his heart he felt ready to propose, he put his arm around her shoulder and drew her into his side. She fit so perfectly there and if it meant being able to hold her like this whenever he wanted, then he could be patient. He would be. “Yes. We can do that.”
The Single Dad's Family Recipe Page 15
