Having the world means nothing if you have no one to share your treasures with.
Laughter echoes as Drew chases one of the kittens that Mr. Roderick found in the barn, reminding me that my whole world lies outside this window. Panes of glass and frames of stone are all that separate us now...in the literal sense anyway. I would lay all I have at her feet if she would let me be a part of her world.
I know I could force her to let me in. I’m used to getting what I want. But I want her to want me. I need her to want me the way that I want her. And now that she’s back, I’m not letting her go. This isn’t over. Not by a long shot.
Having her in my life again, it’s overwhelming and wonderful all at the same time. Holding myself back proves to be the greatest test of my strength thus far. Because as much as the boy in me is relieved to find the person who has held my heart all these years, the man in me longs to drag her to my bedroom and find out how the girl I fell for differs from the woman she’s become.
The heartless man I’ve become in her absence wants to punish her for keeping the one thing away from me that I have coveted and desired more than anything in this world, one of the many things that my money cannot buy — a family. A child.
The tug of war that assaults my emotions requires I have an extra sip now and again. This particular brand of scotch brings back memories of her being gone and the hollowness that swallowed me from the inside out when she vanished.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight on the memory, wishing I could forget it all – the drinking, the women, the numerous other things that I’m not proud of. The person I became is not someone she would recognize.
Someone who would do anything to numb myself from feeling when I was feeling way too much. Amber liquid to drown out the darkness. The other women who were a pitiful attempt to feel something, anything, on the days when I was cold as stone and craving just a glimpse of warmth.
I’m sure she knows that I was no saint, but the guilt is consuming, all the same. Especially after our near kiss two weeks ago in this very room. Her scent still hangs in the air. Her taste was so close to being on my lips. Then the phone call heard round the world interrupted us.
Stopping was probably wise until we can sort out our feelings anyway. That’s not what was disappointing. It was her reaction to Scarlett calling; I had no idea she felt so strongly about her. That was also the same night that I found out Scarlett had a part to play in Willow staying away, in turn, costing me my son.
We’ve had words. Or lack of words actually. She’s one of my oldest friends and a colleague. It’s not as easy as cutting her out of my life, as Willow would have me do. For now I’m keeping my distance, which has been easy because I’ve been busy getting to know my son, and Scarlett is still working on a big merger and has been out of town.
She knows I’m angry with her, but we haven’t hashed out the details. My focus has been on showing Willow that I’m the type of man she needs me to be for her and Drew.
She has been indifferent since that night, but she hasn’t backed out of the gala as my date. So I’m thinking that’s a good sign. She makes me feel like a teenage boy all over again. Hoping she says yes, hoping she picks me. Hoping she stays.
I know she’s not jealous of Scarlett; she has no reason to be. Willow is beautiful, inside and out. Her gorgeous red hair, those bewitching, hazel doe eyes, and her perfect pouty lips. Her body is more filled out now; with a womanly softness and curves, she’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. The woman I’ve compared every other to. None could ever measure up.
I try to think about how I would feel if the roles were reversed. The thought of another man’s hands on her creamy skin has my knuckles whitening as I clench the glass, more clanking as another sip goes down. Burn.
How do you explain that your sins were sorry substitutes for what your heart desired? But without her, it was a vast emptiness.
Finding willing women was easy enough but none wanted me for me. They all wanted the business mogul but not the man. Piers Nichols and what the name and wallet could afford them. Willow had wanted Piers, the boy who was lost until she found me, the young man who had nothing more to offer than his kisses and a head full of dreams. But would she want me now as the man I have become?
Could I ever be the Piers she fell in love with? Did I even want to be? Which version of me would be a better father for Drew? The provider or the dreamer...was it even possible to be both? So many questions, and I had no answers.
Another sip. This time the burn had nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with the organ taking up residence in my chest under my ribs where my heart used to be.
I swear it started beating when I saw her again, and when I saw my son for the first time, it beat in double time. And tonight, regardless of what happens between Willow and me, we’re going to tell Drew that I’m his father.
I’ve waited for this day since the moment my green eyes locked with his. I’m nervous but ready. He glances up and catches me in the window, his face lighting up in a smile as he waves at me. The way he looks at me alone makes me feel like a king, and I would trade everything I own for that look to never fade away.
§
WILLOW
Sitting out in the sunshine, I feel hopeful about how tonight will go. Relishing the warm rays after nearly a week of nonstop rain. It seemed to wash away some of my doubts, I needed that after our Sunday dinner a couple weeks ago. Piers was patient enough to give me some space and tonight is the first step towards our future. To the future where my son has a father.
Drew plays with a tiny grey barn kitten, oblivious to the fact that his entire world is about to be changed with a single sentence. I let the grass tickle my toes and the sun warm my skin the way I used to when I was just a girl, pretending to be a fairy, when times were more simple. Getting lost in the sound of the chirping birds and scent of flowers, anything to avoid the panic I feel slowly creeping up on me.
“Let’s name him? Can we Mum? Please!” Drew comes running up and nearly drops the grey striped ball of fur in my lap.
“Well, that’s really up to Mr. Roderick,” I try to explain. “You will have to ask him.” His face falls slightly. “But if he says yes, then it’s okay with me,” I call after him.
“Really? Oh thanks, Mum! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” He rushes and throws his little arms around my neck, kitten and all, as they tackle me to the ground in a hug.
Laying in the grass, with man and beast sprawled across me, I think how my entire world is about to change too. I’m going to have to share his hugs, his kisses and his love. I know nothing takes away the fact that I’m his mum, and I really am glad he will finally have a dad. His dad. It’s just...well it’s really hard to put into words. So I don’t.
I just hold him tightly before he breaks free. Tears burn in my eyes as I close them and burn this memory into my brain.
I feel a shadow blocking the sun and open my eyes to see Piers standing above us, holding his phone out. “I couldn’t resist.” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. I can tell he’s nervous. It’s not helping things are a bit awkward with us.
“Thanks. I’m sure it’s a lovely photo.” Because it was such a beautiful moment. Drew and Mr. nameless cat wiggle away and continue running around the yard. I push up on my elbows to watch them.
A slight lift of my head lets me know that Piers is still standing right above me, his gaze on my shoulder. It then registers that I’m lying in the grass with my floral sundress bunched up to mid-thigh and one strap has slipped off my shoulder.
Squatting, he offers me a hand, which I plan to accept against my better judgement. After what happened last time we were in such close proximity, I’m a little unsure.
I need to keep a level head and not fall at his feet like I have a school girl crush every time he looks my way. Feeling his hands on me, it was different than before. I could feel his desire, and I wanted him just as much.
Then Scarlett cal
led. It’s like I can’t escape her. I don’t hate her. Or maybe I do. Just a little, but it’s more like I hate what she took from us. And I shouldn’t have overreacted. But it hurts so bad to know that she’s always there, needing Piers.
“It’s just a hand, Willow.” Piers attempts to lighten the mood.
“I know.” Putting my hand in his, he rises and pulls me up with him. He’s stronger than he realizes, and the force of being pulled up has me crashing flush into his rock hard chest. Which is covered in a soft grey tee today. I don’t need to look down to know he’s wearing worn jeans, I can feel them brushing my bare legs.
“You smell incredible.” His nose brushes my cheek as he nuzzles in and breathes deep, his palm skimming my bare arm as he pulls my strap back in place before dropping his hand to my waist. Where he circles his hands. “Willow, I...”
“Piers.” I warn, looking around. “Drew.”
Understanding dawns on his face, and his grip on my hips loosens. “After tonight, that’s one less thing standing in the way of my affections for you. I want Drew to see his parents care for each other.” I notice he doesn’t say love. My stomach drops a little. Maybe I’ve been reading too much into this.
“Right. Well, have you thought about how you want to tell him?” I step back and glance away, seeing he is now near the barn talking to Mr. Roderick. No doubt begging to name the kitten.
“Only about a thousand times. If you think he’s not ready, I can wait. I’m dying to tell him; don’t get me wrong.” His deep voice pulls my eyes back to him. “But I want to do whatever you think. He trusts you, and you know him best.” The fact that he’s already putting Drew’s feelings first sets me at ease.
I cover his hands with my own, sneaking a quick peek to make sure Drew isn’t watching before placing a soft kiss to his cheek. “You can do this,” I whisper against his skin. “He is part of you, and he’s gonna love you no matter what.” And so will I.
“Okay, let’s do this.” He takes my hand in his, and I let him take the lead on this. “Drew, come here, lad.” He calls to him, and Drew comes running towards us.
“Look! Piers, mum! Mr. Roderick said we can keep him! I can name him. He said yes, mum. I asked, like you said. And guess what? He said yes!” He’s jumping up and down, shaking the poor kitten.
“Careful, Drew.” I smile at him and reach out to pat the little fur ball. “That’s wonderful news. Shall we pick a name?”
“Yeah, can Piers help too?” He looks at Piers and back at me, then at our joined hands before looking back at me. I can see the wheels turning.
“Sure, if he wants to.” I squeeze Piers’ hand in mine to give him encouragement.
“I would love to, Drew.” He kneels down to his level. “But first can we talk about something important?”
“Is this because you held her hand? Are you her boyfriend now? Are you gonna be my dad?” Drew’s rapid questioning catches Piers off guard, and he looks to me, eyes wide.
“Drew, honey, let Piers talk, okay? Let’s sit here in the grass.” We all find a place on the grass, and Drew nestles down between us.
“Well, lad, you’re very observant. And to answer your question, yes, I was holding your mum’s hand. She’s very special to me, and so are you.” His voice starts to tremble, and my own bottom lip begins to quiver. “And to answer your other question, I’m not your mum’s boyfriend like you think, though she has been one of my best friends since she was your age. We met in this very garden in fact.”
“Really?” Drew asks, hanging on Piers’ every word.
“Really. When I saw her for the first time, I thought she was an angel sent to me by my daddy. You see, my dad went to live with the angels when I was very young, and I lived here, with Aunty Wen. She took me in when I didn’t have a mum or a dad anymore. So, I was pretty lonely. And my friends and I were watching for pirates out the window, in your room in fact.”
“Wow,” was all Drew could manage and I’m right there with him because I’ve never heard this story.
“And this dark car pulled up, and I thought maybe it was my dad coming back. But I remembered he couldn’t come back from heaven, so when your mummy stepped out, dressed in a light blue dress, I thought for sure she was an angel, sent to me by my dad.”
A gasp falls from my lip and tear slides down my cheek, at his description of his first time seeing me. Drew is now speechless and has climbed into Piers’ lap.
“She looked up at me and waved, and my heart beat like a big drum in my chest, and I knew it then for sure. She was a special friend.” He glances at me. “The kind that only comes along once in a lifetime.”
Looking back to Drew, he continues, “So, I’m not her boyfriend, but we are friends, and I do love your mummy very much. And this next part may be hard to understand, but I want you to be brave and try okay?” He takes Drew’s hand in his, and my heart almost bursts.
“Drew, when your mum and I grew up and were older, we were going to be married and be a family. But we never got the chance; we were separated.” He closes his eyes and opens them to look at me. I nod, encouraging him to continue. And he looks at Drew and goes on. “Even though we were an ocean apart, we still got to be a family. A very special kind of family because you see, we had a baby. A son. And that baby was you.” His eyes fill with tears he blinks away. “Do you understand what I’m trying to say, Drew?”
I scoot closer to wrap my arms around Drew who’s thinking, looking at Piers and trying to work it all out.
“Drew, I’m your father. And I’m sorry we were separated. And I’m sor—” He pauses to take a breath, and I reach out, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “I’m sorry you didn’t know before now, son. I’m sorry that it took so long.” His voice breaks. “Sorry,” he mumbles.
“Hey, Drew, can you look at me?” I ask.
My sweet boy bravely looks up at me, smiling. “Mummy had to leave London, and someday when you’re older you’ll understand why. But Piers didn’t know that he was your father. He never left you or didn’t want you, honey. He just didn’t know we were a family until he knocked on our door a few weeks ago. If he had known, he would have been there sooner.”
“Okay.” His little voice comes out in a whisper.
“Okay?” Piers voice is drowning in disbelief. “You’re okay with me being your dad?” He holds him, looking at him. And the raw emotion on his face takes my breath away.
“Sure.” Drew shrugs. “I always wanted a dad. You need a family. You have a really cool car. You are nice to me, and you’re really good at building bridges. Your office has a window for watching buses. And you know a lot about pirates. We both had the same room.” Drew starts listing all the reasons why Piers is good dad material, and I can’t help but smile at some of his criteria. It’s what he says last that absolutely floors me. “And, you like to hold my mum’s hand, and she smiles at you the way mums smile at dads. So I guess that means you really are my dad!” He throws his arms around Piers and squeezes until a loud meow reminds us that he has squished the unnamed Mr. Meow.
When they release each other, Drew checks the kitten, “You okay, cat?”
I look at Piers and see him struggling to hold it together. Reaching between us, I take his hand in my own.
“Well, should we name the cat as a family?” Drew asks. “Wait, does this mean that we get to stay here? At Everlend?”
“Maybe. Would you like that?” I ask.
“Yes, yes! Please mum!” He looks at Piers, “Dad?” He tries it out and the look on Piers’ face, a mixture of pride and love...fills my heart. “Can we please stay here?”
“Sure, son.” He ruffles Drew’s hair.
“Is my name Drew still?” Smart boy. Nothing gets past him.
“Yes, but I’d like you to have my last name, is that okay?” I hold my breath, I haven’t had a chance to tell Piers about his name yet.
“Yeah! That’s so cool! And I like my name Drew, and I already know how to spell it.” He explains. “But if I�
��m gonna call you dad, maybe we should name the cat Piers?” He asks, and I can’t help but giggle.
“We will have to see about that.” Piers laughs as Drew jumps up to chase the kitten towards the barn.
“Mr. Roderick. Hey, old Mr. Roderick.”
I wince at Drew calling him old. “Guess what? My dad’s the prince of the lost boys! And now we’re a family! Can you believe it?”
“Prince of the lost boys...I don’t know about prince, but I was lost. Until you found me,” Piers says to me, but his eyes never leave Drew. “And when you left, I was a different kind of lost, but you’ve found me again.” His dark green eyes find mine. “This time, you didn’t just find me, you and Drew, you brought me back to life. You gave me something to live for, a family.”
Crawling to where he sits, I wrap my arms around him, and he embraces me. We sit there holding on tightly, saying everything with actions that we can’t put into words.
After a few minutes, we pull apart, looking at each other...eye to eye, nose to nose and mouth to mouth. His eyes glance down at my lips and back up to my eyes.
Just as he leans in to press his lips to mine, we’re tackled from the side. “Attack of the pirate cat and the lost boy!” Drew falls into fits of giggles as he climbs between us. And we lay, laughing, a pile of limbs on the grass with the sun shining down on us. A family.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
WILLOW
“Right this way please.” The receptionist shows us to a large meeting room where we are seated at a massive, wooden table with distressed, leather chairs. “Mr. Barrington will be along momentarily.” She excuses herself and leaves us to wait.
I try to take in the room, to distract myself. Wall to wall shelves of books and journals, a Tiffany lamp in the corner. It’s not working. Closing my eyes, I try to focus on my breathing. I have no idea what to expect. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. My nerves are getting the best of me.
Happy Ever Never (Written in the Stars Book 1) Page 10
