by G. Akella
Kovul had gone to Rayne, too, along with the rest. He was the bear-like brother of Baron Ulrich’s, and had long ago rescued the baron’s castle from a great siege. And since all of the new arrivals had only seen the Lords of the Netherworld in the time of the Wars of Chaos, when they had been on opposite sides of the fight, at the sight of my lovely wife Lita, the duke and all of his entourage suffered a severe and instant case of lockjaw induced by cognitive dissonance. And so they might have stayed pillars of salt for a decade, but Jaelitte smiled sweetly and said a few phrases to bring them back to this world, and then gave me a slight push forward. For the next few hours she said nothing, but clearly enjoyed the dazed and amazed glances cast her way. This kept us in the barony until six o’clock that evening.
In the morning, I learned that my wife was blocking most of her abilities lest all of the unprepared sentient beings in close proximity go completely mad.
As for what exactly those abilities were, I didn’t ask. She would tell me herself when the time was right. It was enough to see that she could destroy several legions and reduce to ruins any city lacking divine protection. Yesterday, as I passed out, my wife had experimented with her new abilities, and as she was figuring things out, Kirana had asked her for a small favor. Jaelitte had had the right to do what she did in her efforts to protect me from the invading army. And on the subject, our mutual vows were quite an interesting arrangement. We were equals, yes, as spouses. She could not betray me, and she had sworn a vow to obey me in general. But in all other respects... For instance, I could not interfere in her political life, or to command her to risk her dignity, her honor, or her life. And the same went for her in relation to me. For one, she could never be the first to attack characters with whom I had a positive reputation. And there were many other such stipulations besides. So, we would have to negotiate often and on many matters. And I saw that as a good thing. I never did want a weak wife that was easily pushed around, and that went double for an Elder Demon. So what if she drove me a little crazy now and then? In fairy tales and romance fantasies, the princes and kings always wanted a harem of obedient slaves, but in real life, Hart forbid! That was no way to live and love. You might as well just acquire a harem of rubber sex dolls. And no, I could not make Lita sleep with me. Yet I hoped for some movement in that direction before too long.
When I woke in the morning, I saw that Lita’s eyes had changed color, from sky blue to bright green. Her hair was now red, and her breasts were noticeably larger. No, she hadn’t used colored contacts, hair dye or implants. And there were no illusions at work, either. When your bride can change her entire appearance as easily as she might change her lipstick, well, that was yet another thing I'd have to get used to.
After lunch, we said goodbye to everyone and thanked Ulrich for the horse he had given to Jaelitte. Then, we set off for the elven capital. Lita could have theoretically teleported us all to Craedia, but her prana would still come in handy, and the Kraet Peaks, where the Azure Valley was located, were closest to Ellorian. Plus, if I went to Craedia, I’d probably be stuck there for quite some time just making the rounds of all my friends and contacts.
The Great Forest greeted us with torrential rain, but it stopped about fifteen minutes after our arrival. We would have ended up soaked, if not for the shields set by Reece and Raena. The rain, judging by the muddied road, had drenched the land for about three hours, sending everyone waiting to get into the city scattering for shelter. A mage only learned how to create a shield that protected from rain at level 250, and few characters enjoyed getting wet - that went for former NPCs and especially for the players. But I was glad to see the road deserted - the fewer people who saw us, the better. Not that I was shy, but I’d rather not attract too much attention. Nor waste time chatting with strangers.
The portal brought us to the area’s main tract, three miles from the city walls, near a city guard post. The guards paid us no attention thanks to my wife simply averting their eyes.
For most of the trip, I was considering the pernicious dominion that habits had over our lives. And not just bad habits - in my book, there was nothing good about good habits, either. By which I meant getting used to a routine, or a job, or a wife - or even your world. Many retired veterans found themselves unable to re-integrate into society. And not only veterans - the same applied to people from any profession, really. There was nothing like a good job to keep you from finding a better job. And to keep you in the ninety-nine percent of people who returned to the grind five days a week and only took a vacation once a year. This world had actually solved the life problems of a large number of people. But you could still get used to it, like to anything else. And so the giant trees along the road, which in the old world would have only ever appeared in a John Bunyan tale, caused in me not the slightest surprise. Back on my first visit to the market at Nittal, I had promised myself I’d return there one day, to touch everything there with my own hands. But now, when the promise came back to me, I realized I couldn't be bothered going to some ordinary market just because. Hey, at least I’d never get used to my wife. How could I, when she could change her appearance at the drop of a hat?
"Prince, may I consider this the end of my personal quest?" Vaessa asked thoughtfully as she considered the green cloaks of the rangers just in front of us. "Don't get me wrong, I’m not leaving - I’m with you till the very end. I just mean that, well, Celphata has regained Kaher Taoll, so..."
I glanced her way. "You’re talking about Kan. Honestly, I don’t understand why you picked this path of pointless chastity."
"You’re too perceptive, dar. Especially in situations where perception is, well, unnecessary." Vaessa frowned, paused, then gave a subtle smile. "But thanks anyway."
With a nod, the demoness returned to her thoughts. Perceptive, eh... Except that I still had no perception of the actual meaning of her question? Not that any woman in my experience had deigned to explain a question to us clueless men.
The line to get into town wasn’t too long. One party of five players stood at the front, trying to explain something to the weary guards at the gate. Behind them stood six carts with green coverings and about a dozen rangers. From their conversation, it became clear that they were returning from some far-reaching patrol trip. The gate was twenty feet across and thirty feet tall. You could travel out through the gate, too, but nobody was currently in any hurry to do that.
With Vaessa still silent, I began to examine the city walls, just to occupy my mind. The elves did interesting work, that was for sure. Logical work. There was no sign of any stone in the fortifications surrounding the city. The walls were made entirely of brown branches, intertwined. Thirty feet of wall, so dense that it was hardly possible to squeeze the point of a dagger between the branches. Yet at the top, it bloomed into a surreal thicket around the whole city. I didn’t know whether the bloom was seasonal or year-round, but the pink blossoms went well with the brown branches, and the pleasant smell of jasmine and sweet pea filled the air.
"Holy - look at those monsters!" The hoarse exclamation disrupted my contemplation of the wooden walls.
Two players on our left stopped: one level 80 ranger named Ascart and a level 69 druidess called Oanna. The man froze, his mouth wide open as he stared at Donut.
"Where’d you guys manage to level up that much?!"
"Just basic grinding. Fourteen hours a day, seven days a week, for six whole months," the rogue grinned, winking at the ranger. "Get off welfare and you’ll find yourself leveling up nicely, too."
"Right, of course," the guy nodded, "but farming around here is like tossing yourself off a scaffold. Whump, and a whole hour passes before you come to. I don’t know how you guys put up with it all."
His gaze lingered at the lizards, then turned to Gloom, and finally to me.
"Dear sir, could you tell me where you found a steed like that?"
I smiled and lightly slapped the back of my boar’s neck. "There aren’t any left, I’m afraid. He was
a reward for a hidden quest. But if it’s a boar you’re after, go to the Temple of Kirana. The one on the Blades’ territory. Ask a local and they’ll tell you what to do."
The man wanted to say something else, but then his girlfriend interrupted.
"You’re Krian, right?"
When I confirmed, she nodded, peered straight into my eyes and spoke with affirmation.
"Thank you, demon!"
"Demon?" the ranger turned to her. "You know these guys?"
"Come on. I’ll tell you about them on the way."
Grabbing the man by the elbow, the girl waved goodbye to us and quite literally dragged her confused accomplice directly away from the city.
"Soon they’ll be asking you for your autograph, Roman," Masyanya chuckled from behind me.
"More like asking my boar. All right, let’s dismount. Release your steeds, we’ll cover the rest of the way on foot. I’ll give you your griffins once we reach the inn."
"Welcome to Ellorian, ryhns!" announced Ingrail, the captain of the city guard, as he stepped towards us, looking us up and down. "Our city is always happy to receive guests, but for what purpose have demons come to the elven capital?"
"They’re coming to The White Crane with us, to see Zurab," Bonbon answered. "We’ll have some kebab and beer to celebrate the great victory."
Realization swept across the captain’s face. He stepped back and exhaled. "You’re the Black Demon?!"
"Prince Krian of Craedia, at your service, ryhn," I offered amicably. Ellorian’s divine protection was good indeed.
Until this point, only temples had stripped me of my disguise. Perhaps, on the eve of war, the elves had so feared spies of the Ancients that they had gone to great lengths to prevent it. Or perhaps this was just how they did things? And maybe not just the elves, but other races as well. I had needed to enter Vaedarr via the sewers, and I had not bothered disguising myself in Kargalar, so perhaps there had been some protection there, too. Ellorian had recently become the capital of the united elven state. And good protection was, in my mind, a necessity for the capital of any state. Whether that meant a complex strategic missile defense system or the magical patronage of friendly gods depended on the circumstances.
"Of course," the captain nodded. "It’s an honor."
But the real honor was when the captain noticed Jaelitte. The dark elf let out a trembling sigh and turned so pale that he could be easily mistaken for a slightly tanned light elf. I imagined I would have experienced the same feeling had I found a nuclear explosive device attached to a ticking clock on my desk. And this captain definitely knew that my wife was live and very, very explosive. The elf knew. He tried to say something, but nothing but an inarticulate rumble escaped his throat. The guards behind him looked at each other in alarm. It apparently hadn’t hit them yet. I bit my lip and tried not to burst out laughing.
"Greetings, noble warriors of the elven people," Jaelitte said softly. "My husband and I decided to drop by your lovely city and take in a little of its rapturous beauty."
In truth, this was all the result of reputation. Their reaction was similar to Kan's back at the tower of Craedia when he realized that Lilit wasn’t there to kill anyone. This captain would attack without hesitation if anyone, be they an Elder Demon or a god, appeared at the gates with hostility towards his city. But he had no orders for this particular situation, and so he was at a loss. This continued for a few seconds until the elf at last got a grip on what he was feeling. He swallowed convulsively, bowed his head, and confirmed my assumptions with a shrill voice.
"It is my pleasure to welcome you and your husband to our city, my lady. Sadly, I do not have any orders for a situation like this. I do not have the authority to admit guests of your rank. Therefore, I must request that you wait for the commander of the city guard. He will be here any minute."
A passing shadow of discontent flickered on my wife’s face, but she dealt with it quickly, then turned to ask me, coolly:
"I guess we’ll wait, dear."
"Let’s wait. It’s no problem." I hurried to assure her.
I turned my head and nodded to the party, gently took my succubus by the elbow, and drew her aside, all the while wondering what I would do when Lita grew tired of playing it sweet. An oath was an oath, but words were fickle things. They could be interpreted to fit almost any intent. If the guard had insulted my wife, well, she would have the right to renege on her oath. Elder Demons were touchy beings, to put it lightly. And the guard would have had to possess balls harder than any steel known to man in order to risk the displeasure of a being a thousand times stronger than he was. I was sure that the elven capital would issue detailed instructions for handling situations like this within the week.
But we didn’t have to wait for long. To the right of the city gate, in a small, well-trodden training ground, the green light of an opening portal flared up, and a character I recognized from Max’s stories emerged. There was just no way to confuse his identity. His hair was a salt-and-pepper color, and he had the proper face of a noble, with an absurdly straight nose. He was Great Prince Goherym of the House of Marten, and he must have rushed here straight from the training ground, without any hint of formality or grace. But the prince was still a prince, so despite his casual getup, he looked quite presentable.
Goherym looked around as he exited the portal and moved our way, before performing an intricate gesture of salutation.
"My greetings, Lord! Please forgive this annoying delay. Sadly, I had not been notified in advance of the arrival of such a distinguished guest."
My wife smiled, but with her lips only. "It’s no trouble, prince. This is an unofficial visit. My husband wanted to visit his friend, so I decided to accompany him. Don’t worry, though: It’s only for one night."
After that final phrase, the Great Prince relaxed for some reason, took a deep breath, and smiled.
"Of course. After the events that took place here just yesterday, that will be a great help to the city. Mistress, Dark One, ryhns, welcome to Ellorian!"
We walked through a long corridor of interwoven branches, then a courtyard surrounded by three-story wooden buildings, surrounded by blooming lilacs. It seemed we had been transported back through time into some rich ancient city.
Goherym suggested we stay at the palace, but I politely declined. I never felt free to be myself staying in someone else’s home. Even in my old life, I had stayed in hotels whenever I went to visit friends. And here I basically had done the same, save for a few days at Ar-Iraz’s castle. Even then, I was still recovering from my battle with Yllial, and besides, a brother-in-arms was much more than some random Great Prince.
Once we cleared the square inside the entrance, we kept walking down a wide street that led north and soon encountered a fountain sculpture jetting multicolored streams of water in all directions. They reminded me of the fountains in Moscow’s Gorky Park - except the water there had followed the laws of physics, and there had been no sculptures of dancing elves.
"What was that night thing you were talking about with Goherym?" I asked my wife as I nodded to an elf greeting me.
"You’ll find out in the morning," Lita replied absentmindedly, changing the subject. "Did you see how happy he was?"
What did I care? As long as nothing was threatening the city or its citizens.
It was too bad, though, that Max wasn’t in town. According to Goherym, the Guardian had gone to the Wild Wood on some urgent business. So today we'd chill and rest, and tomorrow, towards the evening, we would sit down and decide what to do next.
"How about we set off for home today, Roman?" Bonbon asked, nodding to the south. "I’ll see the wife, Donut will see his dryads, and tomorrow we can grab Max and Alyona."
"We could go home and come back today, all in one day," answered Donut as he took in all the signs along the way, a bored look on his face. "We’ll get everybody together and be back in a flash. After all, when all you want is some good kebab and beer, not even a trip home
to the wife can stand in for it."
Masyanya shook her head and knuckled Donut in the ribs. "Think before you speak, Donut. These two are having their honeymoon tonight, and you’re going on about kebabs. And besides, I've had it with your boozing in Ellorian! Seeing your drunken mug the last go-round will last me quite a while longer."
"She’s right," Bonbon said with a nod. "Booze is great when you're out in the open, like in a forest, not on a bed in a private room. You can't breathe in there. Makes you feel like a fish in an aquarium!"
"The hell? Do you prefer getting drunk in cat form?" Reece piped up. "I thought you were-"
"He goes for the catnip after," Masyanya interrupted. "Then he just sits at the window and screams all night."
Bonbon shook his head. "Nonsense. You can’t get drunk in cat form, or at least not for long. Cats have a wickedly fast metabolism. They sober up before they can even reach the window. All in all, a total waste of valuable booze. When I’m in cat form, I need a couple of gallons of brandy just to feel tipsy. Trust me. I’ve checked. So we drink as usual, and then change to cat form before we go to bed, so that when we hit the forest in the morning, there's no hangover."
