Any other time, I would have been worried, but this time I was hoping he would call the sheriff. Without waiting, he stormed off toward the football field. Nothing was there. I should have known. We searched around, but there was no sign that anyone or anything had been under the bleachers. Old man Burns snorted at me in disgust and told me to go home. Before I thought better of it, I told him I couldn’t go home because the bike was busted. Burns tossed the bike in the back of his truck and with me in the passenger seat, we headed toward my house. He wanted to know what I thought my dad would say and I told him my parents were not home, that I was supposed to be staying with Wooky. So he dropped me off there and didn’t even wait long enough to see if Wooky’s parents were home.
Wooky did not care about his bike being busted. He was more disappointed that I had come back empty handed. After I told him and Marie what had happened under the bleachers, we decided that our best course of action would be to wait for Wooky’s parents to come home and tell them everything. We had nearly every light on in the house and eventually fell asleep. When we woke the next morning we quickly discovered that no one had come home. Wooky’s parents were missing.
I thought about my parents and told Wooky I had to go home and see if they were there. I grabbed my coat and headed out the door. Wooky and Marie came with me. They did not want to stay in their house alone and I was grateful for the company. My house was further out of town than Wooky and Marie’s. Even though I was anxious to find out if my parents were home, we walked slowly and in silence. I think we all knew that no one would be there. I’m not ashamed to admit that I started to tear up as I searched the empty house. I think both Wooky and I would have lost it if it had not been for Marie. She was hungry and wanted something to eat. So we made breakfast and it gave us something to do and something else to concentrate on.
Saying we made breakfast is a bit too simple. What we really made was a mess. We had just about every pot and pan out and ingredients scattered all about the place. Our first attempt was supposed to be oatmeal, but what we ended up with was a tasteless mess that the dogs would not even touch. Our second attempt was scrambled eggs and they were for the most part edible. Wooky had the good idea to add a little salt which gave the eggs a little flavor. Of course we didn’t have neat little salt shakers back then, but a big can of salt which we did manage to spill all over the kitchen counter. Had my parents been home to see the mess we made, I think my mom would have had a stroke.
After our bellies were full we all took a nap. A full belly will do that. When we woke up it was mid-afternoon. To keep from getting worried about our missing parents, we started walking back to Wooky’s house. We had a glimmer of hope as we got near the other house when we saw a figure standing out in the yard.
As we got closer we could see that it was Todd, but he was acting funny. Wooky called out to him, but instead of turning toward the voice Todd just froze in place. It was as if he did not know what to do. He stretched out his arms and started turning in a slow circle. When he was aimed toward us, Wooky waved and called his name again. Todd started walking in our direction. His first few steps were awkward, like a baby taking its first steps. We stood there, watching as Todd shambled on. His walking was getting better and while it was still a little shaky, he was covering the gap between us quickly.
We ran back to my house and hid in the living room behind the couch. Just as we were catching our breath, we heard Todd pounding on the front door. In our haste we had forgotten to lock it. We didn’t get it shut all the way either because Todd pounded the door open. Instead of staying ducked behind the couch, we stood up and screamed. I guess we wanted to make sure he knew where we were.
Todd’s eyes were all white with no visible pupil and his face had taken on a greenish hue. He opened his mouth and hissed at us, which sent us running through the house and into the kitchen. I ducked in the broom closet, while Wooky and Marie went to the far side of the kitchen table next to the sink. The door to the broom closet had louvers that I was able to see out of. I watched as Todd moved into the kitchen and after Wooky and Marie. Wooky was trying to talk to Todd, asking him to stop because he was scaring Marie, but Todd would not stop. When he passed in front of where I was hidden, I saw the gingerbrain attached to the back of his neck. It was pulsating. I knew then that it was the goo gingerbrain men that were controlling Todd and Brock and the others, turning them into zombies. Maybe not the brain eating zombies that are in the movies today, but something more along the lines of voodoo zombies. When one of those things became attached to someone that person lost control and no longer had any will power of their own. I didn’t know what they wanted with us, but I knew it couldn’t be good.
Wooky was smart, he was keeping as much of the table as possible between him and his brother. He was also being very protective of his sister. As the zombie Todd moved around toward them, they kept moving to keep away. After about their third trip around the table, I saw Marie whisper something to Wooky. On the next pass around Marie ducked under the table just as Wooky’s back was to the sink. The zombie Todd froze.
While it stood there, I noticed Wooky slowly reaching behind his back and taking a tight grip on the frying pan in the sink. He was going to brain his brother and hopefully that would give us enough time to escape. After a few minutes of swaying back and forth, the goo gingerbrain pulsing on his neck, zombie Todd moved again. This time Wooky did not retreat, he was holding his ground. As the zombie passed her, Marie stuck her leg out and tripped it. Zombie Todd went down hard, he didn’t even try to break his fall. Wooky didn’t hesitate. As soon as his brother hit the ground Wooky whacked him hard in the back of the head. A tinny sounding twang reverberated throughout the kitchen and I could see the frying pan vibrating in his hand. Wooky really nailed his brother. It should have knocked him out. Zombie Todd was immobile but only for a moment. All I could do was stare. Suddenly, Todd reached out and grabbed Wooky by the ankles, jerking him to the ground. I knew what would happen next, I had watched it under the bleachers.
Todd climbed up over Wooky and opened his mouth. Marie was busy kicking zombie Todd in the side, but he didn’t seem to notice. Bursting out of the closet, I reached for the first thing my hands could find. What they found was the mound of spilled salt from earlier in the day. Yelling at Todd to leave Wooky alone, I flung the salt at him. It wasn’t much of a weapon, but then again I wasn’t much of a fighter and I really didn’t want to hurt Todd, I just wanted him to stop being a zombie. The salt hit Todd in the back of his head and neck. Some of it hit the goo thing on his neck and he stopped. The gingerbrain started to pop and sizzle where the salt struck it. Quickly I reached for two more handfuls and aimed them right at the goo. Todd was motionless, but the thing on the back of his neck was being eaten away by the salt. In less than a minute a quivering chunk fell off his neck and hit the floor. There it kept sizzling and popping like bacon in a frying pan, until there was nothing left except a small greasy spot. Todd slumped to the floor unconscious. We revived him a short time later by splashing water on his face. He was disoriented and confused. He had no memory of anything after going to the woods with us the day before. We had a hard time convincing him of everything that had happened.
Now we had to rescue the rest of the town. We gathered up all the salt we could from houses along the way. We took their family truck and Wooky and I sat in the bed while Marie rode up front with Todd, who drove. We found out that it didn’t take much salt to kill the gingerbrains. All you had to do was get a little on them and they started to die. The more you got on them the faster they shriveled up and fell off. So we slowly drove toward town pelting every person we saw with salt. It was actually pretty fun. We also found out that if you used sidewalk salt, the kind you throw outside in winter to keep sidewalks clear, it worked even better. Just one or two of those crystals was enough to take down a goo zombie. Every building in town had salt sitting outside just by the front door and before long the bed of the truck was just layered in it.
Any salt that contacted a goo zombie basically ate the goo away and the person fell to the ground asleep.
Shortly after midnight, we were exhausted but thought we had cured just about everyone. Most of them were still sleeping and the ones that weren’t were still very confused. Early that Christmas Eve morning we were driving home when we saw Brock. He was the first person turned into a gingerbrain and by far the strongest. Luckily for us, he wasn’t any smarter being controlled by the goo. I think we may have even used a bit more salt than we really needed to. Wooky, Marie, and Todd all went with me to my house and we quickly cleaned up the kitchen. Working together we were able to get my house straightened up and back to Wooky’s place before any of our parents arrived.
No one seemed to remember what happened or understand why they woke up in a strange place and a full day later than the last memory they had. We never told a soul what really had happened. Since everyone was so confused, no one asked any questions. They were all too afraid. After a while it was all pretty much forgotten. And that kids is how the goo zombies almost stole Christmas. “
“Now who wants a gingerbread cookie?” Jacob asked, and the grandchildren laughed.
Undead to the World
By Angie Mansfield
Go get an axe, the zombie horde has come!
They're losing all their parts;
Let every child
Chop off a leg and smile
And severed ears for all
And severed ears for all
And severed, and severed, and severed ears for all.
Lock Johnny up; he received a bite
Though he fought with all his might.
They chewed on his arm
When he sounded the alarm
Now he's craving lots of brains
Now he's craving lots of brains
Now he's craving, he's craving, he's craving lots of brains
Take Santa down; he's looking rather gray
And his hand popped off in the melee.
He's hiding Grandpa's leer
Behind his scraggly beard
And he ate Grandma's ear
And he ate Grandma's ear
And he ate, and he ate, and he ate Grandma's ear.
Oh Tanenbrain, Oh Tanenbrain
By Rusty Fischer
The zombies were ready for the first reindeer hoof
As it padded and pawed on the house’s pitched roof.
They grumbled and groused and gurgled and drooled;
They’d waited so long they wouldn’t be fooled!
They weren’t mad at Santa, not hardly, no way.
In fact he’d be President, if the zombies had their way.
No, the zombies were hungry for stuff other than brains;
They wanted to play with stuffed dolls and toy trains!
Though their hearts were quite empty And their souls long past dead;
They still got excited for the green and the red!
Their lives were so boring their mealtimes mundane.
They looked forward to playtime after another serving of… brain.
It got boring gnawing on the neighbor’s fat head;
When they’d rather be playing with Big Wheels instead!
They’d hatched their plan while watching the Grinch!
“We’ll capture Santa,” one burped. “It’ll be a cinch!”
And now the fireplace rumbled as soot fell to the floor
And boots did appear where there were none before!
The zombies were hiding behind the Christmas tree
Their rotted teeth smiling green faces covered in glee.
When the fat man stepped out the zombies did roar.
Oh, what a playtime they all had in store!
But Santa grew frightened as mortals they will
And ran to throw open the nearest windowsill.
The zombies they trampled the zombies they ran
And quickly surrounded the jolly fat man.
They did try to reason with good Old St. Nick.
But nothing they grunted did quite do the trick.
The window it opened and before he could run
The zombies dragged Santa back for more fun.
He tasted quite fleshy that jolly old man;
The zombies just quite couldn’t stick to their plan.
It wasn’t that Santa they wanted to frag;
It was really quite simple: they wanted his bag!
And now they sit scattered all over the floor
The toys and the dolls and oh so much more.
For it’s Christmas morning and the zombies all smile
As they play with their toys in the best zombie style.
And no zombie is smiling more than Santa himself
Who is having a ball as a living dead elf!
The Worst Noel
By J Gilliam Martin
On the eve before Christmas it's typical to see,
Carolers sing to spread holiday glee.
However, this year as we lay in our beds,
We woke to the sound of caroling undead.
They patrolled the neighborhood door to door,
Not singing, like those that had caroled before.
But moaning and groaning their seasonal joy,
While we board up and wait for the army’s deploy.
“They seem harmless enough”, my Daddy did say,
"But still they are zombies, so ‘tis better to stay.
Inside by the fire, warm and unharmed,
No going outside, especially unarmed."
Yet when they came to our house and sang out in front,
My brother insisted on starting a hunt.
“We must rid our neighborhood of these carolers from Hell.
They’re monsters! Flesh eaters, who don't sing very well!”
With bats and machetes they fought the undead,
Smashing and severing each of their heads.
Bodies fell everywhere, blood poured like rain.
We lost Uncle Alex, they chewed on his brain.
Suddenly a sleigh pulled by reindeer did land,
And out stepped Ol’ Santa, shaking his hand.
Cursing and pointing, and taking my gun,
He seemed really angry with everyone.
"Why must you slaughter these zombies I sent?
Do you not understand the time that I spent?
Raising the dead to sing carols for you,
To cut back my budget and keep Christmas true?”
"But now you have murdered every last one,
Except for the two or three on the run.
Because you have thought only of yourselves,
I now have to hire back all of the elves.”
The Night of the Living Dead…
Before Christmas
By The Zombieking
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house;
Three people surviving, Me, Bill and Mary, his spouse.
The owner hung himself from the chandelier with care,
Not realizing that when he rose he’d still be stuck there.
The children long gone when their mother took leave,
They left with the army two weeks ago this eve.
The three of us huddled in the attic with supplies,
We’ve been here just days, 6 months since the Dead did rise.
We’ve avoided most trouble since they travel in packs,
The Undead That Saved Christmas Page 23
