by J. D. Tyler
“By doing exactly what you are—put some distance between you and temptation. If these feelings quickly become nothing more than a fond memory, you move on. Easy.”
“And if my guts still feel like they’re being turned inside out a week or a month from now?”
He studied her for a long moment. “Has anyone told you about wolf shifters and mates?”
“Yes.” She paused. “Jax and Kira are mates. Aric told me more about the subject, too, like how a wolf shifter needs to bite his intended Bondmate, and then they can’t live without each other.”
He fell silent. Anxiety formed a knot in her chest.
“Micah, Aric and I are not mates. He hasn’t made any move whatsoever to claim me . And he’s letting me go without a single protest.”
“That doesn’t sound like the Aric I know, to let something just go that he really wants.” He blew out a breath. “But maybe you’re right. Ask him, okay? Just put it out there, point-blank, and ask him if he’s sensed a bond between you, if he’s felt the need to claim you. If so, that would explain part of the intense pull between you.”
“I’m not sure I should. What if he thinks I’m trying to trap him or something? I don’t want to be a clinging vine.”
“Just do it. He’ll be straight with you, if he’s the same guy I’ve known for years.”
“All right. Thanks, little bro.” She gazed at him, reluctant to go. “I wish I could stay longer.”
“Get going. I don’t want you driving after dark.”
The order sounded paternal, and coming from him it was funny. Rising, she gave him a fierce hug, and then kissed his scarred cheek. “I love you.”
“And I love you. Now get before you make me all mushy.”
“See you soon.”
“Not if I see you first.”
Lifting her purse and duffel, she blew him a kiss and left, trying not to cry. For the most part she succeeded, except for a couple of stray tears that she swiped fast, before anyone saw. She found the guys in the rec room, Ryon and Zan playing Wii games, the others shooting the shit and watching TV. Kalen noticed her immediately, and looked over his shoulder at her from his spot on the sofa.
“Hey, you going already?”
“Afraid so.” Her gaze went to Aric and her smile trembled on her lips. He rose from his spot next to Kalen and walked over slowly. This was going to be much harder than she’d believed. “Hi.”
“Can I help you to your car with that?”
“Sure.”
He took her duffel and the guys hugged her good-bye one by one. Even A.J., whom she was sorry she hadn’t gotten to know better. There would be time, though, to foster those relationships. Her brother worked there.
And Nick had given her an opportunity to consider. A great one.
They headed outside and walked around the building to her car. Someone had pulled it up to the front and left the keys in the ignition. Some cop she was—she hadn’t even realized the keys were missing in the first place.
Aric tossed the bag into the backseat, shut the door, and then opened the driver’s door for her. “I’m going to miss you. Until you come back, that is,” he said.
Was that a note of sadness in his voice? Or was it wishful thinking on her part?
“Hopefully it won’t be too long. A few weeks at most.” She touched his face, traced his lips. “I’ll miss you, too.”
“You’ll probably forget all about me the second you get home, back to the force and the people you’re devoted to protecting.” His lips curved upward and he nibbled her fingers.
Staring into his beautiful green eyes, she knew that wasn’t true. What good was that life, the job that used to mean so much, without this man in it? She’d take a few weeks, see if she felt the same longing to be with him.
“Don’t count on that happening,” she told him. “I could never forget. In fact, it’s highly possible you really aren’t getting rid of me.”
“What… what do you mean?”
“I need to ask you something. Will you answer honestly?”
He shrugged, his gaze wary. “Sure.”
“I’ve felt drawn to you. I’ve mentioned that before. Now that it’s time to go, I feel like my insides are being twisted into a thousand knots, and it’s because I’m leaving you. Does it… do you feel the same way?”
For several heartbeats, he stared at her bleakly. “No,” he rasped. “I don’t feel anything like that. I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” The word emerged as though she’d been punched. “I— Okay. Well. That was stupid of me, huh? Take care, Aric. I’ll see you when I come back to visit my brother.”
“All right. See you.”
She slammed the door shut as soon as he stepped back, fired up the car, and pulled away. Started down the drive without looking back. After he disappeared from sight she let the tears flow. She didn’t bother to wipe them away.
No way could she accept Nick’s offer now. It would hurt too damned much to work with Aric.
With the man she’d somehow stupidly fallen in love with.
And there she had her answer, at a painful price. She loved him, and he didn’t feel the same way. Thank God she hadn’t made an even bigger idiot of herself by telling him.
The drive stretched ahead, long and lonely as the trip had been days before. When she’d started out, she never dreamed she’d find her brother alive and experience the greatest high because of it.
She also never imagined finding the one man she could love, here in Bumfuck, Wyoming. And that she’d leave forever changed. Heartbroken.
L.A. loomed ahead, a smog-filled hostile sea of strangers where it had once been home.
The tears didn’t stop coming for a long, long while.
Aric watched her go, and as the car was swallowed by the trees around the bend, he sank to his knees. Utter, complete devastation blasted through him, wave after wave of pain. More than he could stand.
His mate. He’d lied and hurt her, sent her away.
He’d never see her again. Not in this lifetime.
Sitting back on his heels, he threw his head back and shouted his anguish to the heavens. The shout became a howl as his limbs reshaped. Fur sprouted and his muzzle elongated. In seconds, the shift was complete.
He let his wolf out and ran. Oh, he’d come back. He’d made his brothers a promise, and he’d keep it.
But they’d find out soon enough that he’d only come home to die.
Rowan sat at her tiny dining table and sorted through the mail. Wasn’t much, which was sort of surprising, since it seemed she’d been gone a year.
Bill. Crap. Crap. Bill.
The usual. It took her all of ten minutes to look through and organize the envelopes into what to shred and what was important. The plants were next, though they weren’t doing too bad, just a little droopy. Then she tidied the living room, fixed herself a Lean Cuisine, which took all of fifteen minutes to consume, and that was stretching it.
And yeah, the walls were closing in. L.A. was definitely not the Shoshone National Forest, with its majestic mountains and thick trees.
Sluaghs, too. Don’t forget those.
Well, here in the city they had shit that was just as bad. She’d like to see one of Malik’s pets go up against the East Side Lobos. Now that would be worth the price of admission.
Antsy, she reached into her purse and extracted her cell phone to charge it, since she hadn’t really used it in days. That’s when she finally thought to check her messages, and found she had three from Dean. Damn, she’d forgotten all about him and he was probably dying of curiosity, not to mention worried that she hadn’t bothered to check in.
After making sure she had enough charge left, she speed-dialed her friend. He answered on the third ring, his attitude typical Dean.
“It’s about fucking time. I was starting to think you’d been eaten by a goddamned Yeti.”
“Wrong mountains.” Buddy, you’d never believe what we really ran into. “As you can see, or
rather hear, I’m fine.”
“Are you home?”
“Safe and sound. Got in a couple of hours ago.”
“I’m coming over. Got any beer?”
“I’m tired, Dean. Drove for a day and a half to get here.”
“I won’t stay long. I just want the story. I assume there is one.”
She sighed. “There is. Bring the beer. I’m all out.”
“Gotcha. One hour, tops.”
Saying good-bye, she hung up and settled onto the sofa to wait. She must’ve fallen asleep, because she’d just started across a clearing toward a beautiful red wolf she was desperate to reach when a pounding shattered the wisp of a dream and she jerked upright.
The sound came again, a knocking at the door. Rubbing her eyes, she stumbled to the door and peered out, then let Dean inside. The big blond man gave her a one-armed hug and then walked into the kitchen, making himself at home as he removed two longnecks from one of the cartons and put the rest away.
“Okay, spill it,” he demanded, twisting the top off one brown bottle and handing it over. “Did you find any sign of what happened to Micah?”
She took a long draw, and wiped her lips. “Better.” For the first time since leaving the compound, she smiled. “I found him.”
“Really? That’s great!” Stepping up, he hugged her again and placed a wet kiss on her cheek. “Why the hell didn’t you call me? I’ve been on pins and needles this whole time, worried that you’d hit another dead end and were probably devastated, and—shit, never mind. How is he? Where has he been?”
Leaning against the counter, Rowan rested the cold bottle against her forehead for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Dean was FBI, and he was a good man. She knew she could trust him. But how much would he believe?
“Micah was captured a little more than six months ago, during an op that went bad. Top secret stuff. He was recovered from the facility where he was being held, shortly after I arrived at the compound you told me about. He was in pretty bad shape, but he’s on the road to recovery.”
She hoped.
He studied her, the silence stretching out. “That’s it? After months of watching you grieve, I get the short version?”
“Dean…”
“What was this facility where he was being held?”
What to say? “It’s one of many places where someone pretty well-known is conducting illegal human experiments.”
“Human?”
Mentally, she cursed her blunder. “As opposed to chimps and rats.”
“Oh. What type of experiments?”
“I really can’t say.”
“Can’t or won’t? Come on, Rowan. I searched for months to get you a lead on your brother, and I’d never betray your confidence.”
Hesitating, she looked into his dear face, read his concern. He was the one best friend she had, and he’d proven himself time and again. What was more, Nick had never forbidden her from saying anything. She needed to spill her guts to someone she trusted. That would be Dean.
“Bring the rest of the beer. We’re going to need it.”
Clearly intrigued, he fetched the carton. They carried their brews into the living room, placed them in the center of the coffee table, and flopped on the sofa.
And then, she proceeded to tell him everything. From her arrival and being met by shifters, to her wrenching departure. How she’d cried half the way home and just wanted to sleep for a fucking year and forget any of it ever happened. Except she couldn’t because that’s where Micah was, and where he obviously planned to stay.
When she finished, they’d killed all but two beers and Dean was staring at her, wide-eyed, having not said much for the whole story. Except to interject a question or a heartfelt “holy shit” here or there.
“You think I’ve gone completely off the deep end, don’tcha?” She picked at the label, feeling a bit fuzzy. Too much trauma and too little sleep on the trip back to L.A., throw in some beer on top of a skimpy Lean Cuisine, and it made for one tired, sad cop.
“Christ, I don’t know.” He pushed his fingers through his short wheat-colored hair, making it poke in every direction. “In all my life, I’ve never met a more steady, no-bullshit person than you. You’ve never lied to me. But this…”
“I know it’s a lot to swallow. But it’s true, every word.” She learned toward him, anxious for him to believe her. “I need one person on my side I can talk to about all of this, someone who understands me and won’t judge. It’s always been you. Please don’t humor me, or tell me I’m imagining things because of all the stress. I’m not. It’s real.”
She hadn’t realized she’d raised her voice until he laid a hand on her knee and spoke softly. “It’s all right, my friend. I need proof just as much as you do when it comes to just about anything I’m told. Job hazard, you know? But because we’ve known each other so long, I trust that you’re telling me the truth.”
“You’d still like proof, though, wouldn’t you?” She managed a small smile.
“I’m an agent.” He shrugged, as if that said it all. And it did.
“Thanks for listening, even if you’re still skeptical about supernatural stuff.”
“You’re my best friend, and that’s what friends do.” Finishing off his beer, he set it on the table and watched her intently. “What will you do about this Aric guy?”
“What can I do? He said he doesn’t feel the same pull toward me that I feel for him. Jesus, my guts are churning and I want to jump in the car and drive all nineteen hours straight through to get to him. What kind of stalker does that make me?”
“You’re in love. Give yourself a break. And have you considered that maybe he’s just scared?”
“Of what? Me? Commitment?”
“Wouldn’t be the first man to run, initially. Could be he needs some encouragement. A little push. One thing for sure, you didn’t help your quest to snare him by running home like a whipped puppy.”
She curled her lip. “First, I wasn’t on a quest to snare a man. I didn’t want a boyfriend.” Well, that was a lie. But still, she hadn’t been actively looking. “And second, I didn’t flee the scene like a criminal—I have a job. You know, that thing I do that pays the bills?”
“Whoa, don’t bite my head off.” His shit-eating grin was cute. “Aren’t you conveniently forgetting the job offer the team’s boss made to you?”
Frustrated, she waved a hand in the air. “Hellooo! Aric is on said team, and he practically shoved me into my car and launched me back to L.A. Unrequited love and work partners don’t mix, as you and I well know.”
He winced. “Good point. We’ve both tried that and failed, haven’t we? But I think you ought to reconsider, because I get the sneaking feeling he’s not as immune to you as you think. Take some time, is all I’m saying. Don’t totally rule it out, or you could really regret it.”
A recollection of Nick in his office sprang to mind, placing his fist over his heart.
Just listen to what this tells you.
“Okay, I promise I’ll give it some more thought.”
“Good. Now, what’s to eat around here? I’m starved.”
Some things never changed. And that was really, really great to know right now.
Familiarity was all she had to cling to.
After Dean left, Rowan got ready for bed and slid under the covers. Almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, she drifted off, sinking into sleep.
Even then, she couldn’t stop thinking of Aric. Longing for her wolf.
Reaching across the vast distance, she pictured the field behind the building. Knew that was where she’d find him because she followed the pull. The damned yearning that refused to be denied.
The field appeared, and she found her toes sinking into soft grass. And across the short distance, the man she sought was bathed in moonlight, the glow illuminating his flawless skin, the lean, rippling muscles. He didn’t see her, but stood with his head tilted back, dark auburn hair flowing, gazing at the sta
rs. But he must’ve sensed her, and he spoke in a low voice as she approached.
“Do you believe that’s where we go when we die?”
Moving close, she took his hand. It burned with heat but she didn’t release him. “I don’t know. I’ve always preferred the idea that we stay closer to earth, guarding the people we love.”
He turned to look at her, a sad smile playing on his lips. “Being a creature of the earth, I like that idea better.”
“Why would you be standing out here on a beautiful night like tonight and asking something like that?”
“I wasn’t, originally. I was really just standing here, hoping you’d use that gift of yours to find me.”
Cupping his face, love swelled in her heart against her will. Without her permission.
“And so I did. Make love to me, Aric,” she said breathlessly. With him, she wasn’t a cop, a protector. She was a woman, stripped to her bare essence, and it felt incredible.
“You don’t know how much I want to.” Stroking her face with one hand, he seemed to be memorizing her every feature. “But I can’t. I have to go, soon, and I—I wanted to tell you good-bye,” he whispered.
Fear seized her soul at the way he’d said that. So final. “Where are you going? Is it an op?”
“No, baby.”
“Then what? When will you be back?”
“I don’t know.” He looked away.
He was lying.
“Tell me the truth, damn you! I deserve to know,” she cried, grabbing his arm.
Agony lined his handsome face. “Before you left, I lied. I felt it, too, the pull. I never wanted you to go.”
“Then why? I thought you didn’t want me!”
“Oh, God. Nothing could be further from the truth. But you deserve much more than a loser like me.” Before she could protest, he kissed her lips. Tasted with his tongue, delving into the seam as he pulled their naked bodies close. Then it was over and he backed away. Let go.
“Forgive me for what I did to Micah,” he choked out. “Don’t forget me.”
Then he turned and walked resolutely toward the woods, like a man going to the gallows. She cried his name but she began to be drawn backward, the distance widening until she couldn’t see him anymore. Fog swirled around her and she sobbed, lost, calling for Aric.
