“Xander! Calm down, okay? Was he flirting with me? Yes. But it was harmless. And you can’t be mad about the friend comment because we’ve never defined this.” I waved my hand in the short distance between us.
He stepped back and gawked at me. “You need definitions now. Okay, we can play Xander’s version of the Webster Dictionary. When I spend two and half months exclusively sticking my dick in one woman, she’s my lover. When I make her moan softy in bed, then hold her until she falls asleep, she’s my girlfriend. And when I fuck her so hard she shrieks, digs her fingernails into my back, and accepts my cum into her body—I own her. I don’t play nice when the only thing that matters to me is threatened. So stay the fuck away from Luca Reyes. He wants to fuck you.”
“He just asked me to dinner. And I was never going to accept.”
He threw up his hands in exasperation. “So he could fuck you afterward. I know how he works. I was him.”
“And now you’re a changed man?” I glared at him.
“If you knew me before…” He snorted, then looked me in the eye. “You have no idea.”
“And I don’t want to.”
“And I don’t want Luca sniffing around you. He thinks this is a game, that he’s competing against me to see whose dick is bigger. We do this shit all the time. What he doesn’t realize is this thing between us is real, and I don’t care if he had a Godzilla-sized dick, because what I fuck you with is beyond physical. Every time I touch you, you feel it deeper than anyone’s ever been. I know because that’s how you make me feel. So if you think I’d let him get a piece of that, he’d have to kill me first.”
I knew then that even though neither of us had said it, this had turned into love. The crazy kind of love that spurred on Xander’s jealousy. He’d warned me he got this way, but I had yet to see his crazy.
I reached out and raked a hand into his hair. “You don’t have to worry so much. You have me.” I leaned in and kissed him. “And I’m not going anywhere.”
His eyes remained dark with anger as he took my hand and pulled me to his bedroom, throwing off his jacket and loosening his belt along the way. The storm inside him hadn’t calmed. There were words hanging in the air between us that he didn’t want to say, and he was going to fuck out his emotions inside me.
Unless I make him admit them.
Xander
I lost my shit tonight. Me and Luca had always had this unspoken competition when it came to the women we fucked. I never really cared if he fucked a woman I’d been with until I saw him trying to lure in Avery. The jealous rage had been palpable, almost choking me with its intensity. So as I gazed down at Avery spread out naked on my bed like an offering, I felt the calm returning to my life.
I sat back on my knees and pulled her by the waist between my spread legs. She lifted her hips, and as soon as I positioned my cock at her entrance, she pushed down on it. She braced her palms against the headboard. Her back was arched off the bed, her thighs over mine and ass pushing against my balls every time she rolled and rocked her hips, taking her pleasure. I fought to stay still. Watching her fuck herself onto me was enough to take me over the edge without even moving a muscle, but I held off. Tried not to concentrate on how fucking tight and wet she was or how hot and sexy she looked.
She gasped and moaned as she gyrated her body, riding my cock—chasing her orgasm. I leaned farther back, bracing myself on my palms and allowing her to take more, my cock so deep in her heat I was afraid I’d come before she got what she was working so hard for. But I wouldn’t. If she wanted to use me as her own personal dildo all day, I’d stay as fucking hard as she needed me to just so I could watch the beauty of it.
She started panting, her fingers digging into my thighs as she moved sporadically. She opened her mouth to scream but choked on the sound as her pussy tightened and clenched around me. She convulsed and shivered, and still I didn’t move. Watching her come was too intoxicating.
As the last vibration passed through her, she pulled herself up and wrapped her arms around my neck while still fully seated on my cock. She kissed me. I felt her smiling against my lips, drank in her happiness as she began to move again. I was about to throw her on her back and fuck her when she shook her head and began riding me faster. She rested her forehead against mine, staring into my eyes as she moved up and down, squeezing my cock with her tight pussy, demanding I concede to the power she had over me. My cock throbbed, and she was so wet my balls were soaked with her juices. I was so deeply lost in her, my eyelids got heavy from the dreamlike feeling she was inducing.
“Tell me,” she said as I shut my eyes, yanking on my hair to get my attention. I looked back into her blue gaze, all my focus still on the feel of her moving up and down, sending white-hot pleasure up my spine with every shift of her hips.
“Tell me,” she demanded a little louder this time.
She wanted me to make a confession I wasn’t ready to give.
“Xander…”
I was vulnerable as fuck right now. She already had me on my knees as her body took from me. Any other time, I could talk my way out of this, but as she rocked her hips and stared straight into my eyes, there was no point in denying it. She wanted me to admit it. I wanted to admit it, and she tore it right out me.
“Love you,” I ground out. My chest tightened with that confession.
She smiled, shifted, then began to fuck me so hard my vision blurred, my head lolled back, and a ferocious wave of pleasure soared through my whole body and exited in a forceful burst of cum deep in Avery’s tight, hungry pussy.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I chanted from the almost painful orgasm that seemed to pull my soul right out of me.
We both breathed heavily. Avery pressed her body against mine, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck as she covered my face and neck with kisses.
“What was that?”
She laughed as if I were joking, but I really wanted to know how she’d wrung that amount of pleasure from me. She shifted her hips. I sucked in a breath, stilling her with a hand on her hip because it felt like her pussy was still trying to yank something out of me, but I was sure she’d dried me out.
She looked me in the eye, kissed me, and said, “That was love.”
“It’s scaring the shit out of me.”
“I know I twisted your arm to say that, but it felt right, even if you had to lie to me.”
“It wasn’t a lie.” It was the realist thing between us. I was lying to her about things I never wanted her to know. But loving her would never be a lie. If I was going to fall over the edge, I damn sure was taking her with me, though.
“What’s your truth?” I asked, because I fucking needed to hear it too.
She ran her fingers into my hair, massaging my scalp. She leaned in, and with her lips pressed against mine, she said, “You’re my truth.” She kissed me until I was breathless. Then she looked at me with those blue eyes and whispered, “I love you, Xan.”
Shit… I squeezed my eyes shut and absorbed her words.
Hearing my father’s nickname for me come off her lips nearly brought me to tears. In that moment, I knew she owned me. Completely.
Codependency
Xander
The doorbell kept ringing. I picked up my phone and realized it was three in the morning. There were only two people who would be let up here at this time, and Marcus had a key. I slid out of the bed and threw on a pair of shorts before leaving the bedroom to answer the door.
“What do you want, Veronica?” I asked, purposely blocking her entry by leaning against the slightly opened door. She wore tight black jeans, a yellow crop top that couldn’t contain her breasts, and huge sunglasses, even though it was pitch dark outside.
“What’s going on, Xander? You come back and you don’t even call me?” She pushed her sunglasses up to rest on her forehead. The glasses had been hiding how dilated and weary her usually gray eyes were. She’s high.
That meant it was going to be harder to get rid of her. She
pushed against the door and eyed me when I held firm. “Xander…”
I sighed, took a step back, and let her in.
“Who the fuck are you?” she said as soon as she stepped past me. “Never mind. I’m here now so you can get rid of her, Xander.”
Avery had followed me out of the bedroom. She stood on the other side of the room, glaring at Veronica. She gave me a disgusted look, then turned her gaze back.
“She’s my girlfriend.”
“What? What the fuck are you on? I thought you were sober.” Veronica narrowed her eyes, glancing between Avery and me.
“I am, but you obviously are not, so I’m calling you a cab.” I’d let her in because I felt bad for her. We’d signed into rehab together because we were feeding each other’s habits. She was always high, I was always drunk, and we’d mix sex into it and things got out of control. I was tired of feeding a dependency that only ever drowned me in my problems. Veronica didn’t bode well for my sobriety and never would. It didn’t take long after leaving rehab for her to relapse, so I knew it was time to cut ties.
“Xander… I need you.” She pouted.
“What happened to Nick?” Veronica had a habit of falling back on me when one of her new boyfriends didn’t work out. I guess I sort of spoiled her that way because I never turned her away.
She rolled her eyes. “He’s an asshole.”
“So am I,” I deadpanned.
“Yeah, but you’re my soft spot. If I can’t come to you, then where will I go?” She frowned.
“Home. To sleep it off.” I picked up the phone and had the doorman call a cab. Avery turned and went back into the bedroom as I walked Veronica out of the condo.
In the elevator, she cornered me, her hands at my sides and lips pressed at my neck. I put a hand on her hip and backed her off.
“You used to be fun,” she whined.
“Yeah, we had fun, but what’s fun when I was drunk is just an illusion.”
She crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall quietly until the doors slid open.
“Goodnight, Xander. Don’t run to me when she fucks you over.”
I held open the doors, watching her exit the building and enter a cab before I let the doors slide shut.
When I got back to my place, I stripped, then got in bed with Avery. She straddled me abruptly and frowned. “So, Veronica?”
“Friend.”
“With benefits?” She lifted a brow.
I nodded. Veronica was a cast mate in a movie I’d filmed four years ago. There were never any feelings between us. I’d drawn a line across that codependency after rehab, and I wasn’t getting pulled back in. When it wasn’t Veronica, it was sex with random women I barely remembered the next day.
Sex with random women seemed great. It took me where I needed to be for a while, but I always came down. But with Avery, there was no down. She kept me strung up so high, even when she wasn’t in the same room, I felt lighthearted.
Avery leaned in and narrowed her eyes.
“What?” I asked
She turned my head and moved in closer. “You have lipstick on your neck.”
I tried to deflect by turning my head and pulling her off, but she held firm, yanking my hair and holding my head at a tilted angle, the sharp pain and forceful move actually turning me on. Sick fuck. I was in trouble, and all I could think about was playing rough.
“Should I go after her? Because you gave me ownership of this.” She reached down and squeezed my cock. Hard.
Again… turning me on.
“She’s not a threat. You’re holding all the rights in your hand.”
“Good.” She let go of my hair, wiping away the traces of lipstick.
Now that she got me hard, she was going to have to take care of it. “Since you want to power play, I’m going to need you to pull your panties to the side and take control of my cock.”
“You’re insatiable.” She shook her head, but that hint of a smile told me she wanted to.
“For you.” I squeezed her ass, then said, “Less talking, more fucking.”
“I thought I was in charge here.” She straightened and planted her hands on her hips.
“I let you think that. Now be a good girl and slide that pussy over my dick.”
“Jesus, Xander.”
“Do I need to spank you?” My tone relayed how serious I was, so she quickly shifted, slid her panties to the side, positioned my cock, and sat on it with a sharp gasp.
I’d always used my dependency to sex and alcohol to help me forget the past. I’d given up the alcohol and I thought I’d given up the sex when I’d stopped fucking random women. But as Avery’s pussy enfolded my cock and she wrung an explosive orgasm out of me, I wasn’t sure if I hadn’t traded one addiction for a ramped-up version of another. My dependency on her body was intense and quickly mounting. I knew there wasn’t a clinic I would check into that would ever get me to not need her.
Unearthed
Xander
“Where’s Avery?” Marcus asked soon as I picked up the phone.
“In the shower.” I shifted the phone from one ear to the other as I shuffled around the kitchen, fixing breakfast.
“We need to talk.” The quiet urgency in his voice was odd.
“Okay…”
“Meet me at my place in fifteen minutes,” he demanded.
“We’ll be there in—”
“No! Just you.” It was our last day in L.A. and I didn’t want to leave Avery alone.
“What’s going on, Marcus?” I was beginning to worry.
“Just get here. I’ll be waiting.” The line went dead.
I waited for Avery to come out of the shower and let her know I had to run to Marcus’s place. I left her with breakfast and a quick kiss on the lips. Whatever it was that Marcus had to tell me sounded urgent.
I walked the few short blocks to Marcus’s condo, pretending not to see the paparazzi I’d spied since I stepped out my door. They were the main reason I’d avoided confronting Avery until we got back to my place the night before. Any confrontation with Avery at the after party or outside my condo would’ve made headlines. I’d almost forgotten how aware I had to be of my actions when I came home.
I used my key to get into Marcus’s place and found him in the kitchen, looking down at some papers with a grim expression.
“What’s going on, Marcus?”
He looked up at me and shut the folder. His head was tilted and he pulled nervously at his hair.
“Sit.” He motioned at the chair across from him at the small table.
I sat, our eyes never breaking contact. This had to be big, because nothing ever dimmed Marcus’s extroverted personality unless it was grave.
“You know how I was looking into Avery’s past for you?”
“No, you were doing that for you. I told you months ago to drop it.”
He waved me off. “I found something out, and it’s huge.”
I ran my hand through my hair, thinking of all the things that could’ve happened to Avery in that foster home that caused those records to be sealed. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, but I couldn’t walk away without knowing. Marcus held up a manila folder. The look on his face told me this would be epic.
“What did you find out?”
“First, I found out who sealed her records.”
“She was in foster care, so I just figured they helped her seal the records.” I shrugged.
He shook his head. “It was your father.”
What? “My father? Why would he do that?”
Avery knowing my mother had come as a surprise, but she never indicated she’d ever met my father. As a matter of fact, she was appalled she’d never met anyone in my mother’s life.
“I think he sealed it so no one would ever figure out the truth.”
“What truth, Marcus? Stop holding back and tell me what the fuck is in that folder.” I was barely sitting on the edge of my seat at this point, my fingers gripping the edge of t
he table.
“Did Avery ever tell you what happened to her parents?”
I nodded. “Yeah, they died in a car accident.”
“A car accident that happened on a dark, rainy night. A car accident that your dad would do anything to keep people from finding out his son was the drunk driver in the incident.”
Wait, no. “No, no, no. This is bullshit.” I stood up so quickly the chair fell backward. This shit is not happening. I kept saying that in my head over and over so I’d wake from this nightmare.
“I’m sorry, Xander, but it’s all here. Except Jessica is listed as the drunken driver.” He put the folder down in front of me, and I pushed it away. Not looking at it wasn’t going to make it less true. Just when I thought I’d begun to vanquish my demons, Marcus went and unearthed the devil on my back.
“Fuck that! I told you to stop digging! Why the fuck couldn’t you just listen to me this one time?” It was too easy to take my shock and frustration out on him. The shit he’d unearthed was meant to stay buried.
“Xander, it’s not my fault.” He held his palms up in surrender.
“No, it’s not. It’s mine. I. Fuck. Up. Everything.” I began pacing. Everything was out of control. My world shifted off its axis and I was tumbling off the edge. I dropped down on another chair and looked into Marcus’s worried gaze. I killed Avery’s parents. There, I said it. Now it was real. What was also real was this fucking ball of emotion threatening to choke me. I couldn’t believe I’d taken away the people who meant the most to her.
I heaved a breath. “I never needed to know this shit. Now what do I do?”
“You tell her,” he replied softly, eerily calm.
“Have you lost your mind? I’ll lose her.” Panic lodged in my chest.
“So you’re going to pretend you don’t have this huge piece of information about her past?”
I thought about how wrong it sounded, then put my head down in my hands. “I don’t know. I have no fucking clue what to do now.”
Underneath It All (Sexual Misconduct Volume II) Page 6
