In My Heart: a sweetbriar hearts novel

by Everly, Nora

  “You’re so beautiful,” I said as she stopped in front of me and stood on the bottom stair. She was in heels, so her eyes were level with mine. Her mouth was right there. I seized her face between my palms and kissed her. I knew that I just messed up her lipstick—that always used to make her mad—but I didn’t care. She was right there, so beautiful and so mine. I slid my arms down and wrapped them around her, crossing them behind her back, to grip her hips in my palms. I lifted her off her feet. Her little purse hit the staircase as she wound her arms around my neck, fingers curling into my hair. This date would start with a kiss and end with a whole lot more. I growled into her mouth as I felt her tongue touch mine. God, how I wanted her, how I had always wanted her.

  “Luke, you’re supposed to kiss me at the end of the date,” she whispered against my lips.

  I smiled against her mouth. “I’ll kiss you at the end, don’t worry about that,” I whispered back. “And, baby, prepare. I’ll probably kiss you during the date too.”

  She pulled back with a smile. “Noted, and I approve of your plans, just so you know.”

  “You don’t know where I’m taking you, and you already approve. This bodes well for me.”

  “I meant I approve of the kissing, silly. I’ll let you know if I approve of the location later,” she teased.

  I winked at her and put her down. I picked up her purse and offered her my arm. “Shall we? I find I am in dire need of your approval, my lady.” She took my arm with a laugh, and I escorted her outside to my truck. I opened her door, and she frowned up at me.

  “Your truck is too high. And I think my dress is too tight to climb up.” She looked down at her body in that dress.

  Her amazing body in that tight, sexy dress that was slowly going to kill me until I could take it off her later tonight. I grinned down at her bemused expression and swooped her up, placing her on the passenger seat before carefully closing the door.

  After I got in and started the truck, I turned to her. “There is no such thing as a dress too tight when it comes to you. You are stunning. Plus, bonus, I get to put my hands all over you when I help you in and out of my truck.”

  She blushed, and her eyes shifted down, so she was looking at me through her lashes. It looked like Shy Lily was back. Shy Lily had made an appearance when we’d first started dating, I found her irresistible then and was glad to see that I still did. I winked at her again, just to watch her blush one more time.

  “So, where are we going?” she finally asked.

  “You have to wait and see,” I said as I turned down her parents’ circular driveway and headed for the road. I was taking her to the restaurant where we’d had our first date. But this time, I didn’t have to borrow money from Jed to pay for it.

  “Oooh, I’m gonna guess,” she announced, making me laugh.

  “Go for it.”

  “Are we going up the mountain or into Portland?”

  “No questions. Just guessing. Better hurry. Time is almost up,” I teased.

  “Hard-ass. Fine, hmmmmm.” She drew it out, probably waiting to see which direction I turned once we got onto Main Street. I turned toward the mountain and away from the city to merge onto the highway and the “hmmm” stopped. “Are we going to the Riverview Grille?”

  I took my eyes off the road for a brief second to smile at her and saw tears briefly fill her eyes. She remembered. But then again, how could she forget?

  “Oh, Luke.” She reached over and placed her hand on my thigh. I gripped her hand and squeezed briefly. She interlaced her fingers with mine and held on. We held hands until we arrived thirty minutes later. The drive was quiet, we were both lost in memories. Every so often she would squeeze my hand, and I would squeeze back, and she’d smile at me.

  I pulled into the parking lot. She knew where we were going, but I still had a surprise in store. “Stay put. I’m coming around to get you.” I quickly went around to open her door and help her down. She took my hand, and we headed inside.

  The Riverview Grille was the event destination around here. If you had something to celebrate and money to spend, you came here. It stood alone, overlooking the Sweetbriar River. It was, like almost everything else around here, designed with a mountain theme in mind. Lots of dark wood inside and out, from the floors to the beams that lined the ceiling. Floor-to-ceiling double-paned windows opened the rear of the restaurant to the view of the river.

  But we weren’t going to be in the dining room tonight, or even out on the dock. I had reserved the private dining room. Up a spiral staircase in the corner and down a long hall was a small dining room that extended over the huge covered dock that hosted outdoor dining. It had pocket doors that opened on all four sides, so that it would feel like you were floating right over the water. Our first date, so many years ago, had been on the dock. Lily had talked about the private dining room, and what it would be like when we could finally go there together. Tonight, we would find out.

  “Oh, Luke,” she said as I slipped my arm around her waist and led her up the stairs to the heavy, intricately carved wooden doors. “Do you remember when we were here last? We had so many plans, so much hope,” she whispered softly.

  “I remember. We’re here to get it all back, Lily.” We paused at the door. I was lost in her. Being with her made me forget, made the pain go away. All my senses filled with her, and I wanted to stay this way forever.

  16

  Lily

  We ascended the staircase and took our seats. The hostess asked if we would like a drink, Luke and I grinned at each other. “This time, we can have a drink,” I said. I would have to pump and dump later, but it would be worth it.

  Luke chuckled and ordered a beer, while I ordered a lemon drop.

  “I can’t believe we’re finally here together.” I smiled as I looked around the beautiful dark-wood-paneled room with its windows fully opened to the spectacular view of the river. The lights from the restaurant began to twinkle over the water as the sun started to set. There were candles in sconces on the walls and one in the center of our table. It couldn’t be more romantic in here even if Cupid himself were sitting in the corner firing arrows at us.

  “I know. I remember,” he murmured.

  “Thank you for bringing me here. This is perfect.”

  It was perfect. But I didn’t know what to talk about. We were well beyond a first date. I didn’t want to ruin the mood or break this spell we seemed to be under. Starting a serious conversation seemed wrong, yet I wanted to know more about him. Where did he go when he was on leave? It wasn’t here in town. Why did he stay in so long when he had only wanted to do four years? I had questions, lots of them. But I was too afraid to start asking them, not of the answers but that he would shut me out. That had been a problem when we were together before. Luke would come home, and I could tell he was bothered by what he had seen and done, but he wouldn’t talk to me. Then after he got injured, he refused to talk to me at all and everything ended.

  I wanted to crawl onto his lap and make out with him and forget all that was troubling me. But I also wanted to crawl into his mind and find out what it was that had hurt him so much that it took him away from me all those years ago. I wanted to trust him again, completely, without these doubts that kept me up at night.

  I studied his beautiful face, lit only by the candles and the setting sun. The burnished orange glow of the remaining sunlight brought out the dark auburn hues that hid amongst the dark brown of his hair. His golden skin and shining eyes had me in thrall. He was almost too beautiful to look at. His gaze was steady and sweet on me, and his hand held mine firm and safe in his grip. But was this safe?

  I knew we both came into tonight expecting something to happen. The anticipation was almost palpable in its intensity. I swayed toward him in my chair. He leaned forward, reaching out to cup my cheek in his big palm. I leaned into that soft touch, that touch I’d rejected once before and immediately regretted. That regret had burned through me that day, and I hated the thoug
ht that I’d hurt him. I turned my lips into his palm and kissed it. His eyes closed briefly as he sifted his fingers into my hair and pulled my face toward his. I was willing, already swaying even further, ever nearer until our lips touched. Once, softly. Twice, deeply. And the third time I wished would never end.

  He let go of my hand and pulled my chair closer to his until my legs brushed his and we were side by side. His arm came around me, low across my back, so he could squeeze my hip and pull me even closer. I was about to end up in his lap. It was hard to resist just straddling him and going for it like we’d done in his office the other day. I sighed and looked up at him just as his face lowered to mine for another kiss. We sat there making out, with tongues, hands—everything was everywhere. I was already drunk on him.

  Drunk on Luke, and I hadn’t even had a sip of alcohol. I was pretty sure I was about to climb into his lap when our waiter came in with our drinks. She cleared her throat and set our drinks down. “I can come back …” She was unsurprised at our clinch. I mean, really, it must happen a lot up here.

  “That’s okay. We’ll order,” Luke said, then winked at me. I felt my cheeks go up into flame. I looked at the table as he chuckled. He ordered for me.

  He ordered everything we couldn’t afford when we’d come here almost fifteen years ago. Plus, a fancy bottle of wine that I couldn’t even pronounce the name of. I was going to get food wasted, wine wasted, and even drunker on Luke. And if he ordered dessert, I might lapse into a happy, sugary, love induced coma.

  In other words, I was in trouble. We had to talk. Not just about the obvious attraction still between us, not about Dylan, and not about the fact that we still loved each other. We needed to talk about the problems we’d had before—the problems that drove him away from me. Not about what happened in the hospital, but the distance between us that had made him leave me and not come back for years. We needed to address the pedestal he had put me on and the fact that for this to work, we both needed to have our feet on the ground. We had to get real and having dinner in this fantasy come to life made it hard for me to muster up the courage or the desire to address any of it.

  “You have a good memory, Luke—” I started.

  “I remember everything.”

  “Luke, can we … are we … um … do you remember right before you left before you got hurt? We had a fight. Do you remember that?” I asked softly.

  His eyes closed, and he let go of me to reach for his beer and take a sip. “I do remember that. You were upset because you said I wouldn’t talk to you, right? I didn’t know what to tell you, Lily. I didn’t want you to know any of it. I still don’t.”

  I inhaled sharply at the guard I sensed him putting up. “I didn’t want details, Luke. I never expected to hear every little thing. I think I told you that. Didn’t I?”

  He nodded at me.

  “I just wanted to be included in your life. You were friends with Liam when you were with me, right? But I never met him. You never even mentioned his name to me. He was a big part of your life and still is. Why? You never told me anything at all. It couldn’t have been all bad. Was it?”

  “It wasn’t all bad. It was intense, always. When I was with you, you made me feel like myself again, and I wanted that separation. I didn’t mean to create a distance between us, Lily, or make you feel left out of part of my life.”

  “I can’t help but think that if you had let me in, even just a little bit, then you wouldn’t have left me,” I whispered.

  “I wanted to shield you from all of that. A lot of it was too ugly to share. You were everything beautiful in my life. I wanted to keep you that way. I didn’t want to tarnish you—”

  “Tarnish me? I don’t even know what to say, other than life is not always beautiful. Sometimes it’s terrifying and sad and can break your heart. But you wouldn’t let me see your broken heart. You were scared of—what? Driving me away, freaking me out? Like I’m too good to see you through your pain. Like I couldn’t handle being there when you needed me, really needed me for something other than kisses and sex and happy things. Is that it?”

  “No, that isn’t it,” he bit out. “I didn’t want to burden you with it, to drag you down into it. The kisses and the sex and the love you gave me were all I needed from you. God, Lily, it was everything. You were everything I needed, and I—”

  We were both startled when our waitress entered with a tray, heavy with our dream dinner, and set it at the end of our long table.

  “Let’s talk about this later, please?” he asked with a soft, tense smile.

  I nodded and reached for my lemon drop. We could talk about this later. We had to. So, I did what I always used to do. I buried my worries and gave Luke what he said he wanted. Part of me wanted it too. Wanted to live in this moment and keep our problems out of it.

  We ate, we chatted about Dylan, Luke’s work, my family, and my career as a librarian. Luke finished his beer and had a small glass of the wine he’d ordered. I put the lemon drop aside and finished the bottle of wine off. It was delicious, and I was so keyed up that I let myself go. I let myself enjoy a fantasy dinner in a beautiful place with this beautiful man who loved me so much. I had an odd sense of freedom—like everything that had been happening wasn’t real, and I could just float above the earth, over this beautiful river sparkling with moonlight and candles and have a moment of peace.

  After dinner, I sat next to Luke, wrapped in his arms on the tiny couch in the corner of the dining room. We gazed out at the river and ate dessert. He turned me in his arms and kissed me. I let him in. I always let him in. I knew I always would, and I hoped he would return the favor.

  17

  Lily

  After our date, Luke pulled up to the curb at Gram’s house. I would be staying with my parents and Luke was going to help me pack a few of my things before he took me there. Right away I could tell something was wrong.

  I turned to Luke. “The porch light should be on. It’s on a timer.” The front of the house was pitch dark, the house was set far back from the curb, and the trees kept it shaded from the streetlights.

  “Stay here, call your dad,” he commanded and exited the truck. He started up the dark front path to my door, I took out my cell to make the call and stayed put, trying not to panic. He turned around after he got halfway up the path. “The door is wide open. We’ll stay out here and wait,” he said as he climbed back into the truck and locked the doors.

  “He’s on his way. He said to wait in the truck.”

  “You should stay with me instead of your parents,” he declared.

  “I can’t stay with you. We don’t even know what happened. It could just be a random robber, or the door could have blown open or something.” I knew that was ridiculous after everything that had happened, but I didn’t want to leave my happy, loved-up, somewhat drunken bubble and hit reality.

  “We both know it’s not random, Lily. You know you are in danger. I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you or the kids,” he said, and I could tell his meaning was double. He wouldn’t hurt us either. The intensity in his eyes was a promise.

  “I’m staying with my parents. I can’t stay with you, Luke. We’re not together. We’re supposed to be taking it slow. I don’t want to confuse Dylan,” I argued.

  “We are together.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it as he pulled me across the console to sit sideways in his lap, my back to the door, his arm around my waist. I tucked my legs in sideways, knees to the side of his chest, feet to the seat.

  “It doesn’t work that way, Luke. We’re not back together just because you say we are. Slow, remember?” I kept my eyes out the window instead of on Luke. He was just too persuasive, I wanted to be with him, but I had to protect myself.

  “It does. Because that’s the way it’s going to be, Lily. I’m yours, and I always have been. And you’re mine again. I will wait for you to admit it. But I won’t wait when it comes to keeping you safe.” His eyes blazed as he declared his intentions.

&n
bsp; “Calla isn’t yours. She’s not your responsibility,” I started to argue, only to be cut off and floored by his words.

  “Not yet, but she will be.” My eyes widened. “Don’t argue with me on this, please. You and the kids should stay with me. You can have your own room, for now.”

  “I am staying with my parents. The kids are already there.”

  “You’ll end up with me anyway. It doesn’t make sense to move everything twice,” he insisted

  “Presumptuous, aren’t you?”

  “Lily, we are inevitable. You know it, you’re just scared, and I don’t blame you,” he said as he caressed my cheek. “You’ll trust me again,” he whispered as he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, his hand on my cheek sliding into my hair to tilt my head back as his other arm tightened around my waist, pulling me even closer. His kiss turned possessive as I melted against his body, pressing into his hard chest. He always could muddle my mind with his kisses. He pulled back to stare into my eyes. “I swear on my life I won’t hurt you,” he murmured, then kissed me again.

  “Luke, it’s too soon. It’s too much right now. I’m not ready. Please,” I begged

  “In the end, Lily, we’ll be together. Calla will be my daughter, if that is worrying you, forget it. Of course, she’ll know about Will, but she won’t ever be without a father’s love and protection. I’ll adopt her if you let me.”

  My eyes welled up, and I inhaled sharply. Everything he was saying was everything that’d been in the back of my mind since I’d seen him again. “Luke …” I breathed, overcome with emotion. For a brief moment, I allowed myself to be caught up in my memories and my hopes and forgot about protecting my heart. “Please slow down, I don’t want to hurt you.”