by Kaliana Cole
Nate noticed the chill growing in the room. Reluctantly, he tore himself away from her hair and went to see to the stove. The weather outside had turned colder, sleet blowing in against the windows. Winter was having one last hurrah before ceding to spring.
He lit the cold fireplace in the lounge room, having to steer his mind clear of the tableau that had played out in there only a few hours earlier. He set the room to rights, replacing the coffee table and picking up Jade’s discarded clothing. He popped them in the hamper before checking back in on Jade.
Seeing she still slept peacefully, he rummaged around in the kitchen, finding enough bits and pieces to knock up a beef and vegetable stew. The carrots and celery were a little flexible but not limp enough to discard.
Comfort food would be what Jade needed when she woke, and he would make enough to last her a few days. He suspected she hadn’t been eating properly either. That, coupled with her intense workload, would not be helping her state of health. If she kicked him out when she woke up, at least she would have some decent food for a few days.
* * * *
Jade woke slowly. Sleep fell away reluctantly. The sweet ache of sex rode her body as she stretched languorously. Her mind replayed the pleasure.
Flashes of large, rough hands, crisp hair surrounding silken, tight, hot skin flickered in her mind. The salty tang of masculine lust. Bulging muscles under greedy feminine fingernails.
Then the crash.
Like seeing an accident and being unable to look away, her breakdown played over and over.
How was she ever going to face them again?
Not in this lifetime, if she could help it.
Opening her eyes, she found it was full dark. The house was quiet, but she wasn’t certain of being alone. She dressed warmly.
The smell of warm, wholesome food wafted in through the door, the kind of food that could sit on the stove all day and just taste better and better. Cautiously, she peeked around the door. Seeing no one, she crept silently to the end of the hall, avoiding the squeaky floorboard halfway along. A quick look in the kitchen showed it was empty. The big stew pot simmered at the side of the stove. The wood baskets were full, and a note sat under the salt shaker on the scarred pine of the kitchen table.
Her hand trembled as she picked it up.
Hey, darlin’,
I hope you are feeling better when you get up. Taken care of the horses for you, no need to go out in the cold. Dinner is on the stove.
Please talk to me, Jade. We need to know what we have done wrong, and what we can do to help you.
You have no reason to hold your secrets close when there are others willing to share the burden. It doesn’t matter what happened, we will stand by you.
I am going home to pick up whatever is left of the other two; they were pretty shattered when they left this morning. I guess that is what happens when you think you finally have everything you have ever wanted and it all falls apart.
Give me a call if you need me tonight, for anything.
I will see you tomorrow.
I love you, darlin’.
Nate.
Fuck.
What had she done to them?
Her own pain she could bear, but their pain, especially Matty’s, was another story. A scratch at the door brought her out of her shock. Gypsy was a welcome distraction. Jade let her in, watching as she curled her steadily filling out frame in front of the fireplace. Eyes of liquid amber watched her every move as she served herself some dinner, grizzled muzzle resting on oversized, wire-haired paws.
If only all love was as unconditional as that of the big-hearted hound.
The richly flavored stew revived Jade’s meager appetite. She ate two steaming bowls before putting the rest away. The rain was beginning to let up outside, and the wind was no longer buffeting the windows. She hoped tomorrow would be clear. She wanted to spend the time on Kenny’s education.
She didn’t want to think about Nate’s promised visit or having to find some excuse for her irrational behavior.
He wanted to know her secrets, did he?
Jade had no desire to see the look of disgust on his face when he was told that she was responsible for ending two lives and was damaged and weak.
Deciding to be proactive with her depression, she searched through the mess of her toiletry bag for her antidepressants. She had always felt like she had left her libido in the doctor’s office when they prescribed the drugs for her. The antidepressants made orgasm, if she could be persuaded to even think about sex, damn near unachievable, even by her own hand. She shrugged. What good was a libido when she had no one to share it with?
The tablets were a few years old but still in date. Ignoring the niggling doubt about self-medicating, Jade tossed one back, putting the rest on her bedside table before going to bed. This time sleep was soft and gentle, a warm, lapping tide rather than a tsunami of oblivion drowning her with its power.
Chapter 16
Jade passed the next week Kelly-free. Nate hadn’t come to see her the next day as he had promised, but the lock she put on the gate could have had something to do with that.
She put all of her time and energy into Kenny. The big stallion was now working beautifully on the lunge and had just progressed to long-reining, his poise and head carriage a sight to behold. His cadence and smooth transitions made Jade ache to get on him. To have all that power beneath her would be a heady rush, but getting on that much power before it was ready to be harnessed would be foolish, not to mention potentially painful.
Kenny’s attitude was the main thing that kept Jade spending more time with him than she usually devoted to starting a young horse. He was a people horse. He whinnied not when she went to feed him, but when she carried a headstall to catch him. After being introduced to the gentle snaffle bit, he picked it up eagerly from her hand with his rubbery lips.
When in the round yard or arena, his whole attention was on her. Horses could whinny or Harry could come to the fence to talk, and the big horse would resolutely ignore such distractions, black-tipped ears and dark, liquid eyes fixed firmly on the woman who had become the center of his world.
One who was not happy with this devotion of Jade’s time was Toby.
Jade had spent the best part of Monday morning covered in grease and oil as she and Harry worked to get the old mechanical walker back into working order. The center pivot, six-bay machine resembled an oversize rotary clothesline. Six long arms turned within a containing fence, a circle approximately twelve meters in diameter. A horse was tied to an arm and the machine could be adjusted from a steady walk up to a brisk trot as it circled around.
The arm behind both kept the horse in front from lagging on its lead and allowed another horse to be tied. Six horses could be exercised at one time.
Jade had found it useful back when she was competing, when there were so many horses and only one of her. It let her spend her time actually schooling rather than warming up and cooling down. But at the moment the only animal using the machine was one overweight palomino.
Toby was not impressed.
Twice a day Jade put him in the walker. Ten minutes at a medium walk, five at a steady trot, and then fifteen back at a walk. By the time he finished this gentle regime, he was a lather of sweat, his flanks heaving, and wore a “you have got to be kidding” look on his face.
The second time Jade had led him toward his personal torture device he had planted himself stubbornly until she had physically dragged him to it and had looked everywhere but at the woman, telegraphing his disdain loud and clear. Jade had assured him it was for his own good, but his disbelief was more than evident in every dismissive gesture as he soundly ignored her. He did enjoy the sand-roll afterward, though. He wallowed like an overweight sow, grunting his pleasure as he rolled in the sand.
By the end of the week, Jade was feeling the effects of the medication. She was more balanced, tears no longer welling when something went wrong, and more energetic. Her appetite had all but disappeared.
She forced herself to eat at meal times, knowing she needed the fuel but feeling as though it were unnecessary. She’d had to freeze Nate’s stew into small portions as she knew it would only go to waste. There was no way she would eat all that in a week.
As she had predicted, her libido simply vanished. She had taken the batteries out of her vibrator so they wouldn’t corrode. She would want it again sometime, but not any day soon. Thoughts of the Kelly’s only brought a generalized warmth. Even the thought of Matt’s rock-hard body and gorgeous ass didn’t get her juices flowing. Intellectually, she knew they were still as delectable and drool-worthy as ever, but her body no longer reacted.
One afternoon the following week, Jade decided this was a good thing as she watched Matt Kelly run along the fence line on the western boundary. He vaulted over the slip rails and loped down the hill toward the stable complex. Jade had been taking Toby to the walker for his afternoon session when she had spotted his large figure.
For a big man he ran fluidly, not with the lumbering style his size would suggest. His long strides ate up the ground, and in no time he was pulling up before her, sweat runnels adorning the impressive musculature of his bare chest. His T-shirt was hanging, tucked into the waistband of the skimpy jogging shorts he wore.
Jade leaned on Toby, folding her arms on his broad back, keeping the horse between them. “Hi, Matt.” Her voice was quiet and soft.
Hurt and pain were discernable in the gray eyes that his grin of greeting did not quite reach. “Hey, Jade. Thought I would come over and see if you need another set of hands over here. I’m driving Nate crazy being at home under his feet all the time.”
Feeling a pang of guilt at having put that look in his eyes, but also a small thrill that she could face the glory of his revealed body and not lose umpteen points of IQ, Jade thought about the offer. She really did need some help around the place, but she couldn’t afford to put someone on at the moment. Matt was good with horses, not the rider both his brothers were, but he was great on the ground. His steady hands and quiet nature, backed up by his colossal strength, would make him perfect to help with all the halter breaking that needed doing.
“I can’t afford to pay you much, Matt.” She was honest, straight up.
“Jade, I don’t want your money. I haven’t spent anything other than living expenses since I joined up, and they have been minimal. Believe me, my bank balance is pretty healthy. I just want something to do, and if I can help a friend while I’m at it, so much the better.” A ghost of his usual smile appeared. “Besides, if I don’t start doing something, I’m going to pile on the weight. I’ve only been home a little over a week, and I have already put on five pounds.”
Jade ran her eyes over him appraisingly, appreciating the view, despite the lack of arousal it usually inspired. “Dunno where,” she muttered.
She gave up her visual search for the phantom five pounds. “So that’s why you didn’t use the phone.”
“Well, I did need the run, but mostly, I didn’t think you would answer the phone when you saw the number.” He lowered his head, scuffing the toe of his runner in the dirt.
The little-boy gesture tore at her heart. “I am really sorry about the other morning, Matt. I never meant to hurt you.” She took a deep breath, chewing at the inside of her mouth before continuing. “I have a few issues I need to work through. I can’t be the woman you all want me to be. Can you accept that, Matt? I couldn’t work with you if you are expecting to land in my bed at the end of the day.”
“I just want to help you, Jade. You have given me more than I ever imagined. You take as long as you need to sort yourself out. No one is going to pressure you, and if either of those idiot alpha brothers of mine tries to, let me know. I have been after an excuse to take them both down for years.” She could see the harder man he had become.
“What time tomorrow do you want me here? I will bring the four-wheeler over the back way so you don’t have to unlock the gate until you feel like receiving visitors.” He gave a bit of a grin. “Nate got the message loud and clear there. He came home in one hell of a huff for the last week.”
“At least he took the hint.” Jade arched her eyebrows meaningfully.
“Well, the way I figured, you hadn’t wired up the slip rails or put a big sign up saying ‘Fuck off’ or ‘Trespassers will be shot,’ so I took my chances. Also, I thought I might have half a chance of getting you to listen if I distracted you with my body.” He flexed that magnificent chest.
Jade nodded in appreciation and gave a small laugh. “Put a shirt on, big guy, and come over tomorrow about eight-thirty.” She stepped back from Toby. “If you can behave yourself, I can really use the help. But if you can’t be professional, Matt, I would prefer to do it all alone.”
She walked away with Toby waddling along behind, leaving Matt standing in the yard.
* * * *
By the time she heard the ATV at a quarter past eight the next morning she had brought in the first batch of young ones to teach to lead. Young ones was a wide term. Some of them were six-year-olds. She was getting the heavy webbing headstalls out of the tack room when Matt pulled up beside the barn.
He stepped off the bike wearing faded, old Wranglers that fit his butt like a comfortable second skin and a T-shirt emblazoned with the name of the local bar. She whispered a prayer of thanks to the god of modern medicine as she took in the sight of six foot seven of virile male in a battered old cowboy hat and boots. All that bounty before her, and she was able to think and talk coherently. Hallelujah!
Jade was able to focus on his face when she bid Matt good morning. She was somewhat taken aback by the distance in his greeting and his polite inquiry about where to start. She pointed him toward a five-year-old mare she had drafted into one of the working yards.
Without further words he selected a halter and heavy lead before grabbing a lariat and catching pole. Matt did things a little different to Jade, but he still managed a great result with as little stress as possible.
Jade didn’t use a rope, preferring to halter the touchy ones in the confines of the crush as they had for vetting. She already had a four-year-old black colt waiting in the crush for her attention.
Colts were much easier to work with, in Jade’s opinion. Curious and bold, they wanted to interact. This made teaching them easier and more enjoyable. She found geldings a bit boring, and as for fillies, two moody females together was a recipe for disaster. Jade could train them if she had to but much preferred the males to work with.
She took a brief look over the fence when she heard Matt start to sing Springsteen’s “I’m on fire,” just the first verse, on constant repeat. He had the pretty chestnut circling him freely as she adjusted to the rope loosely adorning her neck. A snort brought her back to her own charge. Not paying attention was a quick way to get hurt around large animals.
She haltered the horse slowly and smoothly, hands flowing and her voice calming as she adjusted the headstall for an ideal fit. The black took it in his stride, nostrils flared and ears pricked but not moving away or panicking. His calm disposition reinforced her decision not to geld him. She let him out, and he was soon circling on the lead in a mirror of Matt’s mare.
Ten minutes later he had slowed to a walk. Jade stepped in front of him, and her body position caused him to stop. She immediately stopped and stepped back one step, removing the pressure her body position had placed upon him, hence introducing him to her reward system. Pressure and release.
It didn’t take any more than fifteen minutes to have him walking at her shoulder, responding to the slightest shift of her body. Satisfied, she picked up a pole and began the desensitization process, rubbing him down until he stood calmly while even his legs were rubbed.
Knowing that the time was right, she dropped the pole and laid her hand on the black’s sweaty hide. She started the process again from the wither, talking nonsense as she used smooth, rhythmical motions while she used her hand, confident in the knowledge that his
first reaction would not be to try and kick her head off.
Within one hour of first catching the previously unhandled animal, it could be calmly led around the yard and accepted her touch all over. Before the end of the stallion’s tolerance level was reached, Jade called an end to the lesson, swapping the twelve-foot working lead for a thicker one half the length that she would leave on for the horse to learn more about pressure and release as he stepped on and off the trailing rope. She gave him a final rub around the ears before she let him into a smaller enclosure to free up the bigger yard for the next horse.
Jade looked over to the other pen where Matt had the chestnut mare following him around like a dog, the lead rope over her wither. She shook her head and smiled at the look of total adoration in the mare’s expressive eyes as she followed obediently, even eagerly. Matt responded to Jade’s smile with a nod before turning back to the mare. A touch of envy crept over Jade as she watched the horse soak up the attention his big hands lavished upon her.
Groaning with self-disgust, she turned back toward the rail where she had all the equipment laid out. She picked up a second heavy headstall and headed back toward the pen of colts, setting her sights on a liver-chestnut four-year-old this time, his wavy mane frosted with silver. She took a deep breath and started the process all over again.
* * * *
By lunchtime, Jade had the second horse leading and a third started, its behavior, so far, indicating she may have been a little hasty in letting this one stay a colt. She mentally shrugged. It was easy to take the balls out of them but damned impossible to put them back. As colts usually sold for a good five grand more than geldings due to stud potential, Jade always liked to leave them entire unless they were not stallion material.
She firmly believed in breeding only to improve quality. Breeding for the sake of breeding was detrimental to both the quality of horse produced and the reputation of the breeder. With that in mind, Jade would only allow the very best of her colts to be sold intact. A Douglas Park stallion would pass inspection with flying colors because Jade’s own criteria were so much tougher than any horse society or breed registry ever was.
