by Kaliana Cole
No matter how much she wanted to, or how often she tried, she just couldn’t take Nate the way she took his brothers. He had no greater girth than Matt. It shouldn’t have been a problem. But every time she lined him up with her puckered entrance, her sphincter clamped down, locking in a way that made it impossible to admit so much as a fingertip without blinding pain.
Even if she took Matt directly before, the big man pounding her mercilessly—this time she had created the monster—Nate couldn’t slide in when he pulled out. It drove her crazy, and the more she tried, the worse it got. Nate was understanding about the situation, surmising it was self-preservation kicking in.
Brett had tried to talk to her. He was convinced it was something else. He knew she held no fear of Nate’s impressive endowment. He saw nothing but hunger as she tried to take him. No, according to Brett, anal sex was all about trust.
He had tried to get to the root of the problem, asking her what it was she was holding back. But Jade had been unable to offer an excuse and unwilling to share the one secret that remained. She knew it held her back from enjoying the one brother who had been so close to her all along. In the end Brett had given up, leaving her to sort it out for herself.
* * * *
The day of the auction dawned clear and crisp before settling into a perfect early summer day. It was all hands on deck with both Brett and Nate joining the crew to keep things running smoothly. The young stock was auctioned first, the charged atmosphere giving even the quietest ones cause to prance and dance. Butterflies the size of eagles swooped in Jade’s stomach.
Jade came out of the ring leading their first offering, a yearling black colt, her face white as she told Matt, waiting in the wings with their next lot, the final price. Matt’s face creased in a huge grin. She had gotten double the reserve.
On and on the sale went. By the time the last horse, a five-year-old Dancer mare, had faced the auctioneer, Jade felt as if she needed to be pinched. This couldn’t be real. Every single horse had beaten its reserve by a good fifty percent, exceeding her wildest expectations.
The twins strutted proudly as they held their charges for the new owners to have a final look over before heading for the refreshment tent. Jade collapsed into the arms of her men, nearly sobbing with relief and excitement. Anna cleared her throat when she stuck her head into the empty stall they occupied. “Hate to interrupt, but they will be ready to do the service auction in half an hour. You had better get Kenny ready.”
Jade gave her a soggy but appreciative smile; she didn’t think the woman would blink an eyelid if she had walked in on them in a full-blooded orgy. Matt was the one who got them organized, sending Brett to check on the clients in the catering tent and Nate to help Jade get both Kenny and herself ready for the performance. He went to help Anna and the twins manage the throng admiring both their purchases and the ones they had been unable to afford.
Jade found saddling Kenny to be a settling experience. Going through motions she performed on a daily basis was a tonic for her nerves. Kenny was just Kenny. He soundly ignored all else, fixating on Jade. Nate laughed when she told him Veronica Teal would be watching to see if she would take him into her string of competition horses.
Jade was defensive. “Don’t you think he can make it to open competition?”
“Oh, I know he can. It is just that he won’t do it with anyone but you on him. He is just like us, darlin’, completely spoiled for anyone else.”
Jade ignored his teasing tone, knowing he said it not entirely in jest. She accepted a leg up into the saddle and warmed the big horse up.
* * * *
Nate sat back to watch the perfect harmony between mount and rider. It was a true partnership they had developed. He had always had good ranch and working horses, but he knew this was something special.
She had began teaching Kenny lateral work only days ago, and already, he was yielding softly to her leg as she went through suppling exercises, performing renvers and travers as she worked him around the arena, moving his haunches in or out on command.
Such trust she both gave and received. If only she would give him the same. He decided today was the day to do something about it. He would let her get the sale out of the way first, and then they would settle things once and for all.
Kenny entered the arena oblivious to the crowd that lined it, his mahogany hide glistening under the lights. Jade put him through his paces, exhibiting the beginnings of fluid extension at the trot and floating collection at the canter. Controlled power radiated from the horse as she put him over the three jumps set along the back wall. Grace and strength dripped from every elegant line of his form as he soared over the obstacles.
When he finished, Jade walked him around on a loose rein, letting him stretch his neck out and proving he had a calm head to go with his impressive form and presence. The silent crowd swelled into applause. Jade nodded gratefully, but Kenny treated them with his usual disdain.
The auction proceeded vigorously, prospective breeders out bidding each other to be the first to have a foal by the promising young sire. Jade’s face was white with shock when Veronica herself paid six thousand dollars for the privilege. Three hours later, the clients had departed, and the cleanup crew was busy tidying up. Jade had waved the agent off when he wanted to go over the figures. Nate could see there was no way she could concentrate for that right now. He found her where she leaned against Kenny’s yard.
He would not be departing for Veronica’s in the morning with the filly she had bought. The big horse had refused to let her set a foot in the stirrup. Veronica would have to console herself with his full-blooded sister and the foal she could now breed. For better or worse Jade was stuck with the big stallion.
“There won’t be any tears, anyway,” Nate observed, leaning on the fence next to her.
“I wouldn’t have cried. Veronica only lives a couple of hours away.”
“I was talking about the horse.”
Jade shook her head at Nate’s teasing, giving him a smile before looking back at the horse. “I still can’t believe the prices we got today. Even when there were Douglas Park horses on every eventing course in the country, we didn’t draw this much interest.”
“Two of the first colts by Dancer have gone on to become world-class dressage horses, though. People are chasing the quality now, and they have the money to pay for it. Me, I don’t see the point in training a horse to prance and dance. I bet this big bastard would be absolutely useless at cutting or roping.”
“Horses for courses, Nate. You know that.”
“How is that fat pally looking now? I haven’t seen him for a couple of weeks.”
“Come on, I had better go and see him anyway. He has been ignored in all the excitement today anyway.”
Jade turned to head over to Toby’s yard. Nate fell into step beside her. It just felt right to mesh fingers when their hands brushed.
“So will you move in with us now, darlin’? The sale is over, and I hate the idea of spending even one night away from you. I know Brett and Matt feel the same way. Hell, Matt is probably worse. He is even more infatuated now than he was at sixteen.”
Jade stopped next to Toby, who had his head over the fence. She stroked his muzzle as she gathered her thoughts and searched for words. Nate leaned against the rail and watched her carefully, knowing she was going to find some excuse not to commit herself fully to the men who loved her. She looked so damn tired. These nightmares were taking their toll on everyone. Just this morning he had heard her whisper one word as the tossing and turning started, “Axle.” He knew full well what her nightmares were over, but she wouldn’t trust them enough to speak of it.
“I need my independence, Nate. I can’t play housewife for all of you. I have my own life to live, my own ranch to run. I have got big plans for the Park, Nate. I want it to be all it could have become if I had stayed. You would come to resent the time I spend with the horses. I know how that goes, Nate. It just wouldn’t work.”
“Is that the best you can come up with, darlin’? I was expecting something at least believable.” He gave her a mocking grin as he snatched a rope headstall off the rail and climbed the fence into Toby’s yard.
“You know we would never even try to stop you from doing what you love. Your independence and that mile-wide stubborn streak of yours is something we cherish.
“Could you imagine any of us with some meek little flower girl who would let us walk all over her? And if we wanted someone to look after the house, we would have hired a housekeeper by now. You are the only one for us, Jade.”
He slipped the halter onto the palomino’s head and fashioned reins from the lead, throwing it over his neck and tying it off on the halter. With one hand resting on the broad wither, he swung effortlessly up onto the golden back. He laid his long legs on the solid animal, and Toby sprung away. Nate put him through a rollback to each side and slid him to his haunches in front of a very surprised Jade.
* * * *
Toby moved like that for nobody, not even her.
Nate leaned down and undid the double-latched gate, guiding the obedient horse through. “Does he double?”
Jade looked up in surprise, noting the decidedly mulish cast to Nate’s features. She had forgotten the man could be even more stubborn than she when he wanted.
“Um, yeah, I think so.”
“Good. Give me your hand.” His no-nonsense tone told her he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
She raised her hand tentatively, her “why?” turning into a squeal as she was plucked from the ground and thrown up behind the man who already sat astride the wide-backed animal. With no warning he put Toby to heel and set him off at a lope, Jade scrambled to find purchase at Nate’s taut waist. She couldn’t see where they were going to anticipate the turns, forced to trust her balance and the rather frosty man in front of her.
Two gates later he stopped at the sliprails, and Jade got her first inkling of where he was taking her. “The car would have been quicker if you wanted to take me home, Nate,” she teased in hope of finding out what he was up to, but he remained silently stoic as he replaced the rails.
Instead of heading toward the house, he headed southward down the ridgeline that led to the back section of the Kelly ranch. Jade was well and truly puzzled now and more than a little concerned by the silence. She wasn’t above a little molestation to get her information either, but her attempt to snake her hand down to rub against his crotch was forestalled by his much larger hand, which placed hers back on his waist. Out of options, she continued on quietly, curious to see where he was taking her.
He stopped by the gate into a lush paddock of alfalfa, throwing a leg over Toby’s neck and sliding to the ground. He turned and lifted Jade down, mulish expression still firmly in place. The lead was dropped to the ground, leaving the palomino to graze as he grabbed Jade’s hand and led her through the gate, seemingly oblivious to the gathering thunderheads building up in the west.
Ignoring her questions and the names she was calling him, he headed for a strip of willows growing along the stream that cut the alluvial plain.
Jade gave up on asking him what was going on, and abuse appeared to have no effect either. Fighting Nate physically was out of the question. This brother had always been stronger than her. So once she discarded the idea of throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old child on the grounds of dignity, she walked calmly beside him, pretending they were going for an afternoon stroll.
* * * *
Nate quirked his lips when she stepped up to his side. She amused him so much. That stubborn, antagonistic little hoyden she used to be wasn’t hiding too far under the grown-up exterior she now sported.
He loved all of her: the filthy temper, the twisted sense of humor, even the quiet reserve that sprung up from time to time. And God knew he loved the sensual hedonist they had discovered lurking within. But she needed to trust them with the same unwavering conviction they gave her. Until everything was in the open, that just wouldn’t happen.
He spotted four legs under one of the willows and steered Jade for the old tree. Whistling softly, he parted the leafy veil formed by the graceful weeping canes and ushered Jade through, not knowing how she would react.
Nate watched as Jade stopped and all color fled her face when she recognized the horse standing beneath the tree. His eyes were a little rheumy, and the hair around his muzzle was streaked with gray, but Axle stood nickering his welcome before her. With a cry, she flung her arms around his neck and buried her face in his glossy shoulder. Hot tears spilled over his chestnut hide as sobs shook her whole body. Nate felt her pain as if it were his own. He had been prepared for a few tears, not this storm of emotion. He felt as if his heart had been ripped from his body as he watched her painful catharsis. He went to stand behind her, sheltering her body with his own as if he could absorb some of her pain in some kind of emotional osmosis. He could only hold her until the storm passed, rubbing the horse’s neck who was both the catalyst of this maelstrom and the balm that could heal her soul.
Rain began to fall on the world outside their leafy grotto. A few drops leaked through and left dark spots along Axle’s sleek back. A few sniffles still racked Jade’s body, but the worst had passed.
“Why, Nate? How?” her tear dampened voice demanded.
“When we found Dad, I knew something had happened. The rails were the wrong way, the horse was shod, and it just didn’t make sense. Then you disappeared before the funeral. I had my suspicions, and Brett knew, too. Then I found Axle here wandering along the back boundary, skin off him everywhere. He had hit something pretty hard. What happened, Jade? I know it wasn’t your fault. I just need to know what happened.”
Jade took a deep breath, visibly trying to bring her voice under control while she absently stroked the pattern her tears had left on the big horses shoulder. “I rode over to see if one of you wanted to go for a ride. I didn’t know you had gone to town. Pat was in the round yard with a little black gelding. I don’t know what happened to set him off. The horse might have had a kick at him, but he went right off the rails, flogging the poor thing like he meant to kill it.
“I know it was stupid, but I jumped off and went in to try and stop him. I just couldn’t watch him beat it like that. I managed to grab the whip off him, but he grabbed hold of me. Told me that I needed to learn a lesson. Told me he was man enough to do what his sons wouldn’t.
“He slapped me and threw me on the ground. He ripped my shirt open. The next thing I knew Axle was in there. There was timber flying, and I covered my head. When I looked up, Patrick was dead, but Axle kept striking at him. I dragged him out of the yard and rode like hell. I was so scared, Nate.” Her voice broke as it became too much for her. “I thought they would lock me up. I thought I would never see you again.”
Nate folded her in his arms. “Shh, darlin’. It’s all right. Nothing is going to happen like that. All that guilt you have been carrying around over nothing. If this horse hadn’t have killed him, I would have when I found out what he tried to do to you. He was a cruel bastard, and the world is a much better place without him in it. I am just so glad you were on Axle that day.”
He felt Jade relax in against him, accepting the comfort he offered.
“How did you end up with him?”
“When you sent that letter to your dad asking him to sell your horses and send you the money, he came and saw us. Told us he had sold the rest but he couldn’t bring himself to sell Axle. I always wondered if he knew what had happened and he was leaving the choice up to us.
“Matt and I went and got him, and he has lived here ever since. I used to ride him a couple of times a week. Now, I just get on him every now and then and walk the boundary. He doesn’t look too bad for an old boy of twenty-five, does he?”
Nate went to run a hand down the wide blaze, but Axle pinned his ears back and showed his teeth. “What’s this about, you stupid old fool? Jade comes back, and you forget who feeds you,
huh?”
Jade gave a weak smile and patted his neck. “He is just jealous,” she defended Axle.
“Tell me about it. That’s why I left Toby outside. He savages any other horse I ride.”
The rain began to come down in earnest, and the temperature plummeted. Nate led her to the lea side of the willow, putting his back against the tree and sitting down. He drew Jade down to sit between his legs, her back warmed by his chest. It didn’t take long for her breathing to even out, the choppiness replaced by the deep regular breaths of sleep.
He looked down at Jade sleeping softly against him. What a burden to have carried for this long! The guilt weighing her down as the fears and worries of the eighteen-year-old she had been found purchase and grew in the fertile ground of her guilt-ridden psyche for all these years.
Looking back now, even she would be able to see that she had no fault in the matter, save, perhaps, for caring too much. She wasn’t responsible for the depraved actions of the man who had sired him or that of the courageous horse that stood beside them in this shelter from the storm. All of these years of suffering for an event that was in no way her fault.
Hindsight may show her the error of her misguided reasoning, but the problem with hindsight is that it is just that. Nothing can change the past.
But perhaps now they could build a future now. He could feel the bulge of the small box in his hip pocket. Later, when Matt and Brett were there, it might be time. He had been carrying it around since the jeweler over in Buffalo had called a few days ago to say he had completed their custom design. He despaired of the time ever being right, but now that last of the evils perpetrated by his father were out in the open, they had a chance at life and love.
* * * *
