by Charles Dean
“Talk about an explosive finish,” Augustus chimed in from wherever he was watching. “That fight was the bomb.”
Lee closed his eyes and tuned out the rest of whatever Augustus added after those two awful puns in a row.
“You’re still alive?” one of the gate guards yelled over to him. “If you’re still alive, raise a hand or something, or else we’re going to have to shoot your body just to make sure you’re dead.”
What kind of stupid logic is that? Lee thought as he slowly raised his hand. “I’m just taking a breather. Is that not allowed either?”
“No, it’s allowed. You’ve also earned enough points for a weapon or gear if you want to select something before the next fight.”
“Another one? Seriously?” Lee yelled back. He could feel his headache growing. “Don’t I at least get a lunch break?”
The guard actually didn’t say anything as he stopped and considered Lee’s request.
“We’ll give you a lunch break if you can win another fight or two,” the guard shouted back. “You can’t get hurt, and your god is blessing you, so that shouldn't be a problem, right?”
Lee looked down at his skin. He looked like he was fully healed despite the fact he really wasn’t. The healing that he had done had closed over the punctures and cuts as a priority, so to the untrained eye, he appeared to be in perfect shape. He can’t tell I’m injured. He must think it’s another trick like when I stuck my hand in the once-acidic slime to grab the core, Lee realized as he stood up and dusted off what little remained of his pants.
“If I say I’ll be fine no matter what, will that stop you from sending more enemies at me?” Lee asked.
The guard shrugged. “It’s not us, brat. It’s the boss. He said to keep grinding you down until you die, so we have to try. If you don’t die, at least we won’t lose our jobs if we make a strong effort. Sorry it has to be this way, but maybe you shouldn’t have angered someone so powerful.”
Huh? “When did I anger anyone?” Lee asked. The guard had lost enough of his previous venom that their conversation actually felt somewhat amiable. It wasn’t exactly friendly, but he seemed to be more resigned about their respective roles rather than relishing in them.
“You seriously don’t know? You came into town flaunting the heads of honest Firbolgs, you killed honest sellswords, and you helped out suppressed Human establishments. How can you not know your own crimes? You’re clearly supporting a cause that is doomed to fail! And now you are doomed to die because of it. Don’t blame me. I’m just following orders.”
“It’s whose orders you follow that matters,” Lee shot back, hoping that his habit of being overly preachy and that his constant and terrible attempts at being philosophical might help. “We’re all following someone’s orders, after all, whether they are our family’s, our boss’s, our country’s, our god’s or even our own--but it’s whose orders that matter. If your boss is the type of man who cannot even uphold justice when you work at an institution responsible for the city’s justice . . . Well, just ask yourself what type of world you are helping to make and if you’d want your children or grandchildren to live there. Because . . . Well, who knows? They might be the next to stand where I am. Would you be okay if they died because someone was just following orders?”
Yep, I definitely need to attend church more often when I go back to the real world and take a damn philosophy class. This was the most horrible attempt at sounding smart or deep that I’ve had yet, he continued ruminating while he pulled out the slime-based alcohol and drank some to help fix the rest of his wounds and recover some of his missing spirit. The guard just gave Lee a weird look, something between morose and lugubrious, and then looked away without making any actual comment.
Wait, did that actually sink in at all? Lee’s interest perked up as he chugged down a bit more of the alcohol, and he felt the Drunken Appreciation skill kick in. Should I save some of this for tomorrow or later today in case I need it then?
The silence inside the arena was broken as the gate on the other side of the sands opened and a canine-sized, dragon-looking beast with tan, sand-colored scales covering most of its body stepped onto the sand. It had a protruding mouth like a gecko’s, golden reptilian eyes and a long, boney, whip-like tail. Lee watched in fascination as the beast entered the arena and then in shock as it propelled itself toward him much faster than the creatures in the previous two fights, drastically cutting down the amount of time he had to analyze it.
“What about the weapon?” Lee yelled over at the guards as he started moving toward his starting gate.
“Hey, don’t blame me! I told you that you had the points. You just took too long to come over and select one. Don’t you know we’re on a schedule here? The audience pays the colosseum per fight!” the guard yelled back.
With that hope dashed, Lee looked over at the pile of debris left from where the imp had exploded. He figured there could be something sharp, jagged or flammable there that he could weaponize.
He was back up to 108 hit points, but with barely 22 percent of his mana remaining, it wasn’t a pretty picture. Lee had been quick to translate his spirit into health, but that left him with precious little mana left to divvy up between healing further and making weapons, so he figured he had better find a weapon rather than make one at the moment if he could. Unfortunately, as close as he was, he still didn’t even clear half of the distance to the imp’s remains before the mutt-like, scaly-lizard-thing landed on his back, knocking him down. It apparently moved even faster when it saw an opening to strike. Lee took the roll that had practically been forced on him along with the 23 points of damage and used the momentum to kick the beast off of him. He tried to spring upright after the gymnastic feat and get back on his feet, but the thing was on him as quickly as he had knocked it off. It pounced at his chest, digging its claws into the last remaining vestige of his upper armor and tearing away another 14 points of health. The meager upside to the continuing attacks that left him doing his best to hold onto his 71 hit points was that they let Lee know the creature’s level wasn’t that high. If it were, between the earlier attack and this one, he likely would have been dead already. Lee didn’t know how to handle the creature, and he tried to fling it off him, but it wasn’t of any use. The lizard-dog just dug in deeper and clawed out another 14 hit points.
Well, screw you. Lee was so incredibly frustrated that he couldn’t make it to the remaining glass shards or bone fragments and use them as a weapon. He hadn’t moved very far away during the break, but the creature was just too fast and was able to keep him pinned down. Unable to shake the thing off, he threw his own body back as hard as he could and pulled the creature with him. He took another 4 points of damage in the process, but the sand whelp let loose a high-pitched squeal, retracted its claws and dashed away from him. It ran about twenty feet away, circled around and then charged in for another attack. This time, however, Lee shifted his weight and dodged the attack when it pounced.
There we go! All that time fighting wolves is finally coming in handy! Lee took a deep breath and focused, trying to keep his confidence up as he watched the sand whelp. I can do this. It’s coming at me just like a dog, and I’ve fought dozens and dozens of wolves much bigger than it. Some were even a higher level than it too. Although . . . none of them could think. Is he . . . planning something?
As if to answer Lee’s question, the sand whelp started moving in a zigzag pattern, no longer charging directly at him. This time, instead of pouncing, it twisted its body around and whipped its tail at him at the last moment. Lee caught the tail on his left arm, the attack fortunately striking the small shred of leather armor that was still intact and reducing the damage taken to only 8 points, but the strike still stung like hell.
Crap, it’s going to whip me to death! Lee wailed as he realized what its plan was just as it scurried around and came in once more. After being struck by its long tail, he could tell that the little bony bits sticking from its end were not o
nly rigid but sharp and designed to cut. The creature skid to a halt in front of him and allowed its momentum to slide it along the sand past Lee, whipping him in the back as it moved past. The entire thing happened so shockingly fast that Lee couldn’t even dodge it. He ended up losing 14 more hit points this time, and a system message popped up to let him know that he was now bleeding for 2 hit points every 3 seconds just as his back was slashed by the sharp, protruding bones.
“I thought you couldn’t be hurt? What happened to your god?” the guard taunted. “Wasn’t he supposed to protect you from all damage?”
“Maybe the Sceilewolf is just more blessed by his god. Between a Human and a Sceilewolf, I can tell you which I’d prefer,” one of the audience members called out loudly, laughing at Lee’s situation.
Forget you two faithless fiends, Lee cursed, even though he didn’t have any faith in being invulnerable or Augustus helping him at all either.
He watched as the Sceilewolf circled again, its snake-like tongue flickering out as it changed direction and went in for another attack. It moved too fast to predict where it would strike next, and that was the biggest challenge at the moment, but he reasoned that the clever little lizard was probably going for his back again, so he whirled around as soon as it started moving forward, reaching out his arm as he tried to block the incoming attack. He ended up taking another 14 points of damage as its spiny tail struck him across his chest instead of his back, and the bleed jumped from 2 to 4 hit points of damage every 3 seconds.
The bleed ticked for the second time, shaving off the promised 4 points of damage and leaving him at 25 remaining health, and some distant part of his brain told him that he should be more panicked than he actually was. He was so focused on the whip-tailed assailant in front of him that he wasn’t even thinking about how many hits he had left before he died. He twisted to the side while holding his hand out exactly where it had cut him on the chest last time and turned as the creature lunged in.
Success! He absorbed the blow on his bare hand and took another 14 points of damage, leaving him with only 11 health left, but he was able to grip hard onto the tail, positioning his hand as to avoid the sharp, bony protrusions, and stop it from escaping away. He quickly grabbed it with his other hand and heaved back, dragging the monster with him as he moved over to the closest pillar. Moments later, Lee lifted with all his might and spun the creature around as if it were a ball attached to the end of a rope. He felt a wave of nausea strike his stomach as he spun around, but a moment later, the lizard crashed head first into the stone pillar. He dropped the reptilian beast to the ground, and without letting go, he spun back in the opposite direction and repeated the process. The bleeding damage ticked again, dropping him down to 7 health.
You’re cutting it too close, you stupid little jerk! Lee cursed himself in his head as he slammed the reptilian beast into the pillar twice more in quick succession. Another 4 points drained from his health bar and left Lee with only one more tick till death just as a notification popped up.
You have killed a Sceilewolf. Your party has been awarded 5 Sceilewolf scales and 872 Experience. Your share of this is 5 Sceilewolf scales and 218 Experience.
Divinity Power: Life in Death activated.
He stood there panting with 3 hit points left. Why does it always feel like it’s coming down to the wire each time? Lee grumbled as he began transferring his mana into health so that he would have a comfortable buffer before the guards or someone killed him with a slap on the back.
He felt a weight slowly ease off his chest as his health bar climbed back up. He had wanted to save some mana for a last-resort trick since he had so little of it left, but after that fight, he just didn’t trust the next one not to kill him instantly. There we go. Near zero spirit left, Lee thought as he looked at his stats. But that feels way better, he noted, trying to chug the remaining alcohol from the slime. He now had 168 hit points, and even if his mana was kapootz, that gave him a good bit of breathing room.
“Umm . . .” the guard who had been taunting him began. “We need you to exchange your points now,” the guard said, rather insistent this time.
“Oh, for a weapon. Yeah, I need a sword. How many points do I have, and how many points is a sword?”
“Well, the point value on swords varies. A standard iron sword is only 5 points, and you have 19. You earned 5 points for the Glubinsa, 5 points for the Sceilewolf, and 3 points for each of the Devilkin. Unfortunately, I can’t let you exchange your points for either sword,” the guard said.
“What? Why can’t you?” Lee asked. “If I have the points, just give me a sword. Do I have enough left over for a shield? Is there a better sword I can buy?” Lee questioned.
“Well, the problem is that the only clothing we have here is leather armor, and for a chest piece and pants, that will cost you about 15 points: 10 for the pants and then 5 more for the chest piece.”
“I think I’d much rather have a weapon and a shield than armor. There isn’t much left of the stuff I’m wearing, but it’s still not as important as a weapon,” Lee insisted. “So just give me the sword. Let me see the selection. Those are the rules, right? You can’t break the rules, can you?”
“Yeah, no. I just got word from the higher ups. It appears that several noble ladies have insisted you buy armor instead of a weapon.”
“So, they insist I die, and I must die? Give me the weapon.” Lee was being indignant, but he felt he had every right to be in this scenario. Who the heck do these noblewomen think they are to demand I spend my hard-earned points on armor when I want weapons?
“Please don’t make me say it out loud, sir,” the guard said, unusually polite given his continuous rude outbursts.
Since when am I a sir? What don’t you want to say out loud? That you’re being unfair, and this isn’t just at all? If you’re going to be a villain, then just be a villain and say it! Don’t hide behind the requests of noblewomen!
“If you don’t want to admit to your faults, then just give me the blade!” Lee insisted, his anger continuing to grow. “I’m fine with that.” He had no idea when the gates would open, and he desperately needed a weapon. The last fight he was in would have been ten times, if not twenty times, easier with a weapon. There was no way that he would have lost so many hit points if he could have had the reach and sharpness of a good sword against that thing.
“Sir, I didn’t want to have to say this, but after the last scuffle, your lower clothes are torn and burned away so badly that your private parts are on display. There are women and children in the audience. Kindly pick out a pair of pants and a shirt and put them on so we can carry on with the fight.”
“What? Are you serious?” Lee blinked. “You can send me to my death, you can watch and jeer as a wild animal tries to kill me and eat my corpse, but you have an issue with my privates?” Lee wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. He came from a society where sex and nudity were still somewhat taboo, although violence was pretty easy to find on TV and in games, but this level of prudish delicacy while enjoying such bloodthirsty sport was just absurd.
“Should I wave it around for them to see? Would that help more?” Lee asked, backing up and making sure the whole colosseum got a good view. “Go ahead! Take it in!” Lee shouted with a raucous laugh. “Why don’t we just compromise? Give me some pants and a weapon. That’s fine, right? After all, I came into the arena with a working pair of pants. It's your stupid games that took them away.”
“Look, you ungrateful Human, I’ve been trying to be polite. Here, take the leather chest piece and pants and put them on, or I’m going to order the colosseum archers to shoot you dead where you stand. Why must you constantly make things difficult when I’m trying to be nice?” The guard grabbed a leather armor set before opening the gate and tossing it through. “Just learn to be a little respectful, you ingrate.”
“Hard to be respectful when you’re sending me to die without a weapon!” Lee countered, but he still went to put on the a
rmor.
This is actually an improvement. He had been wearing a chest piece and pants that gave him 12 and 15 armor respectively before, but the stats on these were much higher. Both the pants and the chest piece were 20 armor, and they each added a bonus of 2 additional armor against light projectile attacks.
“Here, this too.” The other guard, the one who had been much more silent and less obtrusive and insulting, tossed him a pair of matching leather shoes.
“What are you doing? He doesn’t have the points for that,” the mouthy guard said.
“It’s only two points, and he is going to his death without a weapon. It’s not like I won’t be able to collect them back,” the guard retorted. “Just let him die with a good pair of shoes, okay? Even if he is a Human, he deserves that much.”
After Lee put on the matching shoes, which were 20 armor and also added +1 to his Sneak skill, Lee made sure to thank the guard that had given him the surprisingly-exceptional footwear.
Okay . . . fine. It’s not a weapon, and this whole thing is unfair, but since he’ll catch flak for giving them to me, I need to treat him well in the future as thanks, and these shoes are pretty good. He didn’t think he’d ever want to help one of these city guards out, but this particular one had at least not been too bad.
“So, who am I fighting next?” Lee asked the guards.
“Ah . . . You’re fighting . . .” the guard began, “He’s the undefeated Leprechaun of Lumperknell.”
“Huh? You’re sending me against an undefeated fighter without a weapon?”
“Good luck,” the mouthy guard said, sneering at him.
“Don’t ruin the shoes. I need to put them back into storage when you’re done with them,” the other guard also added.
“Thanks,” Lee said to the guard that had given him the freebie and then just frowned at the other one.
It was at this point that Lee started using Little Ethan to see his next competitor. The average Leprechaun that Lee ran across was generally lanky, about the same height as a Human, but never muscular. This one, of course, was the exception. He was exactly the same height as Lee, but he unfortunately wasn’t at all lanky. His muscles were gigantic. He looked like a men’s fitness magazine’s front cover dream model. He didn’t have a chest piece on and was wearing a chainmail skirt, but his weapon, a huge longsword, was impressively massive. He also wore a metal plate helmet that was without a single dent.
