by Charles Dean
These Stats can be impacted by status effects. Some of the effects are vague and vary more than others.
Here are some example effects that could negatively impact one’s character sheet.
Inebriation (Penalty) - Inebriation causes the player to lose 50% of their intelligence, 30% of their coordination and 30% of their reflex stats.
Fatigue (Penalty) - Running all day can have its downsides.
Known Characters:
Alexander: Masha’s father and a rather mysterious man. He is skilled at many things, but mostly just embarrassing his daughter so much that she has developed the ultimate thick skin against lame dad jokes and awful, cringey comments.
Arand: Top fighter of house Alastar who went missing before the challenge. Drugged with sleeping agents, kidnapped from his own home and shipped off to a nearby town where he was held for a week before being let go.
Augustus: The antagonistic old male figure of the game who is supposed to connect with the main character over time, build a budding relationship and assure the main character’s success in karate tournaments even if the main character has to completely cheat to win. Head kicks are disqualifying! However, this particular shapeshifting alcoholic god lost his memo about the caring and connecting part. Instead, he spends most of the book, besides warping Lee to and fro different worlds, making bacon, turning into very small animals, and getting drunk. He even showed up to chapter one so drunk that he was unable to properly indoctrinate Lee into the new world, and instead insulted and pranked him.
Brian the Undead Zombie: The life of Brian was rather long and difficult, but in the end, he was able to look on the bright side. Then he got turned into a zombie and used as a tutorial combat instruction side for the game.
Connacht: A leader of one of the last remaining Human factions of Kirshtein.
Dave, The Old Fart-Whistle: Nothing more needs to be said. Dave is an old fart-whistle.
David: The Chef. Never trust a chef who cannot cook fried chicken. But, this one has an excuse for it.
Deigha, Firbolg Goddess of Ice: Based on her personality, she might as well be the official goddess of grudges too. For an ice queen, she has a real problem letting things go.
Delilah: A combination of sexy, strong and beautiful, this sick sadist collects people like toys and wants her very own Human Herald to lick her boots. Enjoys studded leather collars.
Devin McGuinness: The Herald of the Goddess of Ice, Deigha. Once had a son.
Donovan Miller: Justice heavy Firbolg found out he has to pay more on taxes than his boss, even though his boss makes five times as much as him, so now he’s out killing everything in sight in the name of justice. No one has told him what exactly qualifies as justice because of his temper though.
Geoffrey: The town’s local tailor. Does some suspicious stuff that gets him into trouble?
Gregory: A pretentious lawyer whose booksmart intellect is often only beaten by his own ego and streetsmart stupidity.
Grimalkin: We thought we were being creative. It’s just a cat.
Haikai: The greatest baker in all Charles-written multiverses.
Herald of the God of Books and Stories: This Herald’s gift with words was second to none, not in that he was clever, but that in his words literally manifested themselves as tangible and deadly opponents for whatever victim fell prey.
Herbert the Green Hat: An unfortunate man who should keep a better eye on his wife.
Hunter: Previously undefeated champion of House Alastar. Uses war maul as a weapon.
Kate: Miller’s now-deceased beloved fiancée.
Jian Fu: The wife of Herbert.
Lee: Originally, he was nothing more than a Data Engineer, but after being pulled into another world, he can’t even contribute anything. As the main character of the game, he comes equipped with all of one’s token expectations: girls that like him for just being there, bland and over-caring attitude, hypocritical morals that he changes based on circumstance, lack of self-awareness, and that annoying, ever-present power of ‘feelings.’
Ling: Ying’s Daughter. Because every book or story needs a hot, attractive woman who at first has trouble thinking for herself.
Miller: see Donovan Miller
Mr. Ying: Because Ling wouldn’t be right without her parent.
Silinus the Slayer: One of the great Leprechaun champions of the arena, known at first for his victories, but later as a cautionary tale against being a braggart. His explosive death at the hands of a lower-level Human was made much of in the bars around Kirshstein after the battle, more than a few scathing tunes arising to commemorate his spectacular defeat. Here is one example:
There was once a Firbolg they called Silinus,
And his speeches and boasting were villainous.
For his talk was some hot air
And his folly was laid bare
When that Herald got fired up and bilious.
Oran: One of the guards who oversees Lee’s time in the arena. He secretly converts and becomes a follower of Augustus after witnessing Lee’s magical abilities and receiving consolation for a recent loss in his life.
Pelham: A Human knight captain, an experienced fighter, and, like Dave, one of the veterans of the colosseum.
Quaid: A thoroughly-racist jerk who really enjoys hitting Lee.
Ramon: This is the bartender character. While information dump characters have been nearly made irrelevant by the introduction of game walkthroughs, tutorials, and side books that have to hold the impatient reader’s attention, it’s still helpful to have a good old bartender type character to fill in the player on lore and helpful events. This particular one just so happens to not only be the bartender, but the owner of a very practical bar, with great ale, good food, and beds to crash on so there won’t be any drunk horse riders.
William: Top fighter of house Alastar who went missing before the challenge. Drugged with sleeping agents, kidnapped from his own home and shipped off to a nearby town where he was held for a week before being let go.
Wolfe: Everyone needs a good and charismatic wingman. The type that tells your most annoying, morally bankrupt architect, or rather software architect, that he’s not the bad guy in the story even as he does incredibly questionable things. Wolfe, is just that guy. He’ll pat you on the back, and tell you that you’re legendary, if you have the weight for it that is. He is by far Lee’s most loyal friend, even if Lee ends up hanging out with the tall guy with a unibrow.
Races:
Human: You’re one, so this shouldn’t need explaining, but the average base stats for humans are 10 Power, 10 Toughness, 10 Spirit.
Firbolg: This race of giant large browed beasts of men comes, more often than not, with orange and red coloring on either skin or head. Their fore-arms are much larger proportionately to their body than with humans. They also have boosts, which vary based on purity of blood, to their power at a cost of their Reflex, Coordination and Accuracy.
Leprechaun: While not significantly shorter than humans, Leprechaun are noticeably smaller than Firbolgs. They suffer a penalty to power but have boosts to Coordination, Reflex, and Accuracy.
Aes Sidhe: Not much is yet known about this mysterious race who fled from Kirshtein as Devin took control and the Firbolgs positioned themselves as the ruling class.
Items:
From Book One:
Sword of Slight Stabbing: Just another name for the awful starting sword Lee gets. The name changes based on how much he hates it at any given moment.
Blade of Failure: Just another name for the awful starting sword Lee gets. The name changes based on how much he hates it at any given moment.
Every Noob’s Starting Sword: Just another name for the awful starting sword Lee gets. The name changes based on how much he hates it at any given moment.
Adventurer’s Starting Sword: Just another name for the awful starting sword Lee gets. The name changes based on how much he hates it at any given moment.
Book of Augustus, holy text o
f the God of Alcohol and Crafts: The magical bible of Augustus. Unlike other bibles, this particular book is more craft and brewing related. If one knows how to ask the right question, the book will always have the right answer, but knowing the right question is much harder than it looks.
Fine leather boots offer 6 damage reduction over the surface they cover, reduce energy spent on travel by 15%, and increase the effectiveness of sneak by one rank when worn. Chapter 4.
Leather gloves offer 5 damage reduction over the surface they cover and increase grip strength on weapons. Chapter 4.
Leather pants offer 5 damage reduction over the surface they cover, reduce energy spent on travel by 15%, and increase the effectiveness of sneak by one rank when worn. Chapter 4.
Cloth Armor offers 3 damage reduction over the surface it covers and also reduces damage from heat or cold based attacks by 5%. Chapter 4.
Bronze sword Deals 8 damage. Chapter 4.
Oak bow Chapter 5.
Bronze Dagger Chapter 5.
One box of unwritten letters Chapter 6.
One silver dagger Chapter 6.
One tower shield Chapter 6.
Ling loots a longsword Chapter 6.
Sturdy Leather Boots Chapter 7.
Armor Pants Chapter 7.
Armor Chest Chapter 7.
Armor Wrist Guards Chapter 7.
Short Sword Chapter 7.
Tower Shields Chapter 7.
Sturdy Leather Armor Helmets. Chapter 7.
World Stone Shards: These, when connected to form the original world stone, will allow the user to bypass the kill-spree of other heralds and claim victory for his god.
Three blank pages from the Book of Endless Dreams Chapter 12
From Book Two
Eye of the Cragaboom Chapter 1
Full Plate Iron Chest Piece Chapter 2
Fine Steel Sword Chapter 2
3x Devilkin Skins Chapter 4
5x Sceilewolf Scales Chapter 4
Spiddlendra Carapace Chapter 5
Bowl of the Ice Queen’s Pudding Chapter 12
Skills
Appreciative Drunk reduces the inebriation stat penalties by 1% flat, such that with level 1 appreciative drunk the player will only suffer 49% Intelligence, 29% coordination, and 29% reflex penalties. It also will add other stats depending on the user’s accomplishments or properties. These Combat skills are changed while Drunk as well:
Unarmed Combat changes to Drunk Fu.
Swordplay changes to Tipsy Blade.
Sneak changes to No Squeaky Floorboards Please.
Blood Shield: It is often said that the best defense is a good offense and that a shield is one of the best offensive tools a soldier can use. Through unorthodox use of the shield, one’s skills with the tool will improve, and one’s reflexes will improve when both blocking and assaulting enemies with the shield. Makes a bloody mess.
Cooking: This skill improves one’s ability to manage time and ingredients in the kitchen.
Faith Healing: This skill allows one to use one’s own spirit to heal and patch up the wounds of himself, or others.
Glass Smithing: This skill improves one’s ability to create and shape glass structures using sand. Perfect for making vases, goblets and statuary.
Golem Sculpting: Allows the user to create a living creature out of an inanimate material, like clay. The higher the level, the larger and fiercer the creature will become. The golem will be telepathically linked with the user, and this does include sight, so we recommend new players read the ethics handguide before using this skill.
Knife Combat: Knife fighting is not for those who are just quick or dexterous, but also for those who know how and when to take a blow. It requires one to have both a strong constitution and a tolerance for pain, as rarely does either party in a knife fight walk away unharmed. Improving one’s skill in Knife Combat also improves one’s street cred.
Nectar of the Gods: For the zymurgist on the go, alcohol can be made anywhere and everywhere with this amazing talent. Why bother waiting for the distilleries and breweries to make a beverage? They say liquor is quicker, but now it is practically instant and on tap anywhere!
Sleight of Hand: This skill improves one’s ability to hold, manipulate and use small objects deftly without onlookers noticing. Increasing the skill’s level allows for better unseen manipulation of small objects. Great if you want to make a killing in Vegas.
Sneak: Improves one’s ability to stay hidden, move silently, and act undetected.
Harder to Notice if People Aren’t Paying Attention: Being hard to notice is always easier when you are uninteresting or at least not as interesting as anything else in the room. Make it work for you, you sneaky devil, you.
Sneaky Old Space Wizard: If you use this ventriloquism bonus to the Sneak skill to start a comedy act with a puppet, then you are so very unworthy--unless you are that one guy with the turban-wearing skeleton. He’s awesome.
Spirit Smithing: This skill allows the forming, shaping and tempering of metals using Spirit alone. The skill also increases basic understanding of metal weapons and armor. Spirit Smithing improves mana management by 5% per rank when Smithing and improves the durability, armor value and weapon damage of metal items by 2.5% per rank. Feel the metal.
Swordplay: Improves reasoning and execution with sword-related skills.
Trap Detection: This skill helps one notice the hard to see traps and devices that could very well spell about one’s end. It also improves the ability to recognize a person’s biological gender for some reason, programmers have yet to discover why.
Unarmed Combat: Improves one’s ability to fight without a weapon.
Locations
Birnefeld: Hometown of Brigid of Kildare and rival to Kirshtein.
CowTip: While this town sounds ridiculous, it’s because the war of eternity game creators were incredibly hungry and thinking about beef tips when they wrote this part of the questline. Please, try not to let hunger influence your own naming choices.
Farann: Miller’s homeworld. Located in another dimension.
Heaven’s Hammer: A wonderful bar run by humans, for humans. Heaven’s Hammer had the best beer in town previous to Lee’s interference with his divine zymurgy. It is also a great place to get hammered.
Kirshtein: The largest major city near Satterfield, part of the grand kingdom of Spicy Chicken Noodle Surprise. A great place to party, turn in bounties and get lost in a maze of alleys.
Satterfield: Within the southern kingdom of Spicy Noodle Chicken Surprise. Spicy Noodle Chicken Surprise is a kingdom founded and still being currently ruled by King Red Ramen of the guild Heroes of Eternity.
Random:
Members of the Church of Augustus: Those that are still alive have all learned how to ask the right question to the great Book of Augustus, and thus have achieved near immortality. Unfortunately, they haven’t learned to play games, thus their own god doesn’t hang out with them as much.
List of gods and their titles:
Mary God of Blood
Sord God of Rising Numbers
Angelica God of Regrets
Cadwe God of Poetry
Cadwe God of Ambiguity and Awkwardness
Nevir God of Fashion
Erik God of Spices and Smells
Chmilenko God of Uncomfortable Silences
Lenfers God of Architecture
Siegman
Recipes:
Augustusfest Beer #001: Temporarily increases your Power by 1 and your Charisma by 2. Great with schnitzel and pretzels.
Mana Water: Replenishes the drinker’s mana and health, albeit at a slower rate than Lee’s divine healing skill. Also quenches thirst, but not if you pour it on yourself instead of drinking it.
Brave Brother’s Brew: Miller’s attempt at naming a beer comes with heavy-handed and bro-oriented alliteration.
Monster Wine: The best kind of wine is one divinely made from the best enemies, and there are no better enemies than good monsters
.
Traps:
Ballista: Long before the “we need a bigger gun” mentality came into play, people were already using the “we need a bigger bow” version. This is because bigger is always better when it comes to certain weapons and also because not everyone can hurl a spear on their own in the same beautiful fashion that Miller can.
Barbed Rope Cage: Barbed wire is easy to get around with the proper tools, but without them readily available, it can be much more difficult and very time consuming. In a battle, time is everything, and this seemingly-mild annoyance of a trap can be the difference between victory and defeat. However, the creator of the trap highly recommends one doesn’t tattoo the design on one’s arm.
Sweet Rides:
Krunklerump: A six-legged mammalian monstrosity that the author must have dreamed up when he was very drunk. Fortunately, it is able to be tamed and serves as a useful mount for soldiers with balls of steel.
Titles:
Cheat Code Fighter: Forget long sequences of directional pad input. The only button-pressing you’ll be doing to get this title is using your creativity, wits and stunted sense of fair play to really drive your enemies up a wall.
The Great Deceiver: If you get this title, you must have pulled off a doozy of a deception. Warning: it is advised that you check to make sure your pants have not erupted into a hellish blaze in response to your audacious lying.
Factions:
House Tigernach: he ruling faction and family who supports the Firbolg Herald and has seized control of Kirshtein politics.
House Alastar: Human faction that Dave belonged to before being imprisoned.
Author’s Tidbits
The previous book’s naming system was based around beers that I, the author, and my compatriots, trusty editors and beta readers loved at one point or another. If someone didn’t have a liquor name, it was for a good reason that would become evident later on in the book. However, for this book I decided to move the naming scheme to match lore points. The majority of names are actually derived from Latin, Irish or Russian lore and history depending on where in the story I thought the character would come from. The monster names however were mostly just random and based on what sounded right.
