Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/29/2014 at 8:11 am:
Sometimes I feel like I was totally invisible in College. I was so shy back then :-(
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 5/29/2014 at 8:14 am:
I know! I always thought you were cute, but you never seemed interested in me.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/29/2014 at 8:16 am:
Really? I had no idea.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 5/29/2014 at 8:18 am:
Yes, ding dong!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/29/2014 at 8:19 am:
Now, I'm starting to blush lol
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 5/30/2014 at 8:03 am:
I was thinking about you last night.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/30/2014 at 8:04 am:
I was thinking about you too. Guess what?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 5/30/2014 at 8:06 am:
What?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/30/2014 at 8:08 am:
I wrote a book.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 5/30/2014 at 8:10 am:
Seriously! I didn't know u were a writer... I want to read it! Is it published?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/30/2014 at 8:11 am:
Not, yet. It needs a lot of editing still.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 5/30/2014 at 8:12 am:
How long did it take you to write it?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/30/2014 at 8:14 am:
I have been working on it for years, but it’s finally done. I just need someone to edit it now.
I will email you a PDF copy tonight. Thanks for reading it :-)
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 5/30/2014 at 8:16 am:
Absolutely... I'm a reader... Love to edit too... I’ll edit it for you. I will be having a beer and reading it tonight. Can't wait!!!
I have wanted to write about my dysfunctional childhood... but never seem to have the time!!!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/30/2014 at 8:18 am:
Lol the story you are reading is my f’ed up childhood wrapped up in a crazy fictional twist. It gets real crazy and a lot of its true!
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 5/30/2014 at 8:20 am:
Can't wait... Are your parents still living? Mine continues to be absolutely crazy. Esp the last three years...I want to get it down but don't know where to begin. Maybe reading yours will help me get started!!!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/30/2014 at 8:23 am:
My mom overdosed on pills 2 yrs ago and died. That's when I started the book. I think I needed to get stuff out :-). My dad is still alive but he is a mess lol
You should record your thoughts and stories. That's what I did. Then I wrote from that.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 5/30/2014 at 8:25 am:
I'm sorry about your mom :(
Both my parents are a mess, my brother too... I thought I came to terms with a lot of the crap... But I'm not soooo sure. Sometimes it all still feels so crazy. And trying to protect my kids from all of it... Btw your girls are precious!!!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 5/30/2014 at 8:28 am:
I know the feeling. I do everything to protect my kids from the crap I went through at the expense of my own happiness. I thought I was dealing with things well until my mom died. It brought a lot of stuff back.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/1/2014 at 9:30 am:
Wow... Just read... At lunch now... Okay give me chapter 3 I'm hooked...
Was Joe the guy in chapter one...the one in the dream? Well, I think it was a dream ...
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/1/2014 at 9:35 am:
Thanks! I will send you the first 6 chapters
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/1/2014 at 9:37 am:
Oh... Okay... I will read it tonight and give feedback...
What I have read so far makes me want to know more....
I want a take of your first million... Ha!!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/1/2014 at 9:39 am:
I will send you ch 7 this weekend it’s about Joe meeting the love of his life. Do you want me to send you the word doc version so you can just put your notes there?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/1/2014 at 9:40 am:
Sure
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/5/2014 at 5:27 pm:
I just finished chapter 7. You are on to something... It's good... I really like it...
I love the story
We need to meet in person and talk about the book... Send me the rest... Btw who was the love of your life? Kim? Sorry, I meant Joe’s love :-)
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/5/2014 at 5:29 pm:
LOL you will have to keep reading to find out :-)
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/7/2014 at 6:07 pm:
OMG Chapter 8 was the best... Very well written. Wouldn't change a thing!!!! Do Joe and Kim get married?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/7/2014 at 6:08 pm:
You need to keep reading! I don’t want to spoil it for you.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/8/2014 at 3:02 pm:
I’m about halfway done with the book now. It’s really good, Tyler. It makes me "feel" and that is what good writers do... I feel for Joe and want to know more about what happens to him...it makes me think of all the "boundaries" that were not upheld or respected in my upbringing. I think when kids do not see adults respecting boundaries it affects them deeply and the choices they make as teens and adults. Okay I'm rambling...
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/9/2014 at 9:00 am:
I just wanted to say hi .., I'm sure ur busy with your girls... Reading your book has brought back some memories of my own!!! Keep writing.. Lmk if you need anything!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/9/2014 at 9:02 am:
I really want to thank you again for reading my book and sending me feedback. You have no idea how much this is helping me. Have you read chapter 10 yet? It’s very intense.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/9/2014 at 9:05 am:
Yes... Remember the Noble Romans? I spent a lot of time there. So did my parents (in the bar)... We lived in the "poor" Williams Creek, where my parents drank almost every night and on weekends the house turned into "swingerville" or where fights broke out! If you need any good stories lmk...ironically I spent most of my time at the creek or in the woods..... Or at my Grandmas!!! I have a lot in common with Joe!!!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/9/2014 at 9:08 am:
Awwww. It’s crazy how these things affect us. You will like the rest of the book, but not sure about the end.
I am sorry you had to experience that as a kid.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/9/2014 at 9:11 am:
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger! Did you have a first love in high school like your character Joe?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/9/2014 at 9:12 am:
Kim was the first girl I ever dated. We met my senior year in college.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/9/2014 at 9:13 am:
What! You weren’t a virgin were you?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/9/2014 at 9:15 am:
LOL, no! I had my share of high school and college hook-ups. They were just never serious enough to turn into a steady thing.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/9/2014 at 9:17 am:
The first time I ever met you I thought u were cute and nice... How gay is that? I think we were at a party... Maybe at one of the fraternity parties?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/9/2014 at 9:18 am:
:-)
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/9/2014 at 9:20 am:
Kind of wish I had known some of this stuff about you in college. I always thought I
was the only one going through crap.
Life is funny. Glad we reconnected...
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/9/2014 at 9:22 am:
Yes me too.
I think a lot of us were going through stuff, but didn't tell anyone.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/9/2014 at 11:11 am:
True!!!
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. My dad just called drunk and screaming and crying. He shot all his turkeys and goats to put them out of their misery!!!! When does the drama end????? Did it finally end for you... Joe?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/9/2014 at 11:15 am:
When our dysfunctional parents start to die off it gets less crazy, but you actually miss them.
I think you have to embrace them for who they are :-)
There was something in their past that made them that way just like things in our past made us the way we are.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/9/2014 at 11:17 am:
Yes I know... Didn't mean to dump ... Just funny how as much as things change... they stay the same!!!
Btw did u end up in a foster home like Joe?? You don't have to share that info with me if you don't want to tho…
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/9/2014 at 11:20 am:
It’s complicated.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/9/2014 at 11:23 am:
I’m sorry, I don't know about the rest of your life, but you have a great story just about you... What you went through... I think you need to consider a memoir for your next book!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/9/2014 at 11:24 am:
Thanks for saying that :-)
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:05 pm:
It's been a rough day. I've had a few glasses of wine, actually make that a few bottles of wine LOL
By the way, thanks for buying lunch yesterday :-)
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:06 pm:
What's wrong?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:08 pm:
Like I said yesterday, Jack and I are having problems. Today things have gotten really bad.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:09 pm:
What happened?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:14 pm:
Jack and I are sleeping in separate rooms. We hardly ever see each other anymore. It’s like we are roommates. When we are together he makes me feel like I’m not good enough for him. He wants me to dress and act a certain way. It’s like he wants me to be someone else. I want him to love me for who I am.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:19 pm:
I’m sorry to hear that. Marriage is hard. Kim and I have been married almost 15 years and the last few have been really challenging. We hardly ever have sex anymore and when we do it feels like it's out of obligation. All I want is to feel like she wants me.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:21 pm:
OMG, I can totally relate. Jack and I haven't had sex in over a year.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:22 pm:
What!!!!
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:23 pm:
I know :-(
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:25 pm:
My situation isn’t that bad, but I know what it's like to not feel wanted.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:28 pm:
I don't know if I'm "in love" with Jack anymore. I mean I love him, but I just don't feel it anymore. He is so distant and when we're together he makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:30 pm:
Was there something that triggered this or has it always been like that?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:40 pm:
It all started when we were trying to have kids. Jack wanted children and I wasn't sure I was ready yet. When I told him this he got upset, then he became cold.
As time went on he was more and more distant. It wasn’t until I agreed to try and have children that things got better. Instantly, he became more attentive. I craved the affection. In a few months I got pregnant and Jack was over the moon with excitement. He brought me fresh daffodils, my favorite flower, almost every day. I was again the center of his attention.
Then I had a miscarriage. When I told Jack, I could see how disappointed he was. He made a weak attempt to try and mask his feelings, but it was so obvious that he was disheartened. Shortly after that he took a position that required him to travel. We would go weeks without seeing each other.
When Jack would come home he was distant. I desperately wanted our marriage to work, so I tried hard to get pregnant. I knew that’s what he wanted. I read fertility books, took all the right vitamins, and made sure we had sex when I was ovulating. I was determined to make this happen for our marriage.
After months of trying I got sick as a dog one morning. I was nauseous and I couldn't keep my breakfast down. As I suspected and the pregnancy test proved, I was pregnant again.
Excited to tell Jack the news, I called him. He was in Tampa for work. He answered his phone but didn't say hello, which I thought was odd.
I kept calling his name but he wouldn’t say anything.
He didn’t answer. I heard voices in the background, and then I heard Jack talking to someone.
"Things are not good between Brooklyn and me," he said.
"We are so different. I want kids and she could care less. And sex, we hardly ever have it, when we do its out of obligation. It's gotten so bad I have trouble even getting aroused."
Jacks words hit me like a car accident, totally unexpected then painful as hell. My heart broke into a million little pieces. I then heard a fuzzy voice say what sounded like "That's so sad". It was so distorted by the background noise that I couldn’t tell if the voice was that of a man or a woman.
Then the line went dead. I was devastated. I wondered if Jack was having an affair. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:42 pm:
So, was he having an affair?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:47 pm:
Honestly, to this day I don't know if he had an affair or not. But I decided to not tell him about the baby until I knew what was going on.
When he came home from his trip I didn’t confront him about it. I made an effort to be warm and affectionate to him. I even made him a nice dinner and offered to rub his back. But he told me that he had to go to a work dinner, which meant he was going out with his friends. I begged him to stay. When he looked at me I could see the disgust he had for me in his eyes. When I went to kiss him, what once felt electric was now like kissing a dead fish. Hugging me he just patted me on the back like he was placating a child.
When he got home late that night he slept in the guest room using "I didn't want to wake you up" as an excuse. The next day he was off to Tampa for work. While he was gone I struggled with the thought of having his child. I now secretly hoped for a miscarriage.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:49 pm:
OMG, Brooke that's not good.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:50 pm:
:-( I know!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:51 pm:
I need to go to bed because I have a meeting in the morning, but I want to hear more. How about we meet for a drink tomorrow night?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/10/2014 at 10:53 pm:
That’s would be nice. Let me see if I can get my friend to watch my boys. I’ll get back with you in the morning. Goodnight!
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/10/2014 at 10:54 pm:
Night :-)
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Na
pier 6/11/2014 at 8:23 am:
Good morning! I’m so sorry but my friend can’t watch my boys tonight :-( Raincheck?
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/11/2014 at 8:25 am:
No problem! Maybe we can meet for a drink this weekend. So, finish your story. You said you were hoping for a miscarriage when you suspected that Jack was having an affair.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/11/2014 at 8:27 am:
Yes, over two months went by and no miscarriage. This time it stuck. I should have been so happy, instead I was depressed. I wasn't sure I was "in love" with him anymore. I wasn't sure I wanted to have his child in me.
When Jack opted to stay the weekends in Tampa instead of coming home to me, I no longer wanted to be pregnant.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/11/2014 at 8:30 am:
What did you do?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/11/2014 at 8:31 am:
I had an abortion.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/11/2014 at 8:32 am:
OMG, I'm speechless.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/11/2014 at 8:36 am:
I haven't told anyone about this, not even Jack, especially Jack! So, please keep this confidential.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/11/2014 at 8:37 am:
Of course, I would never tell a soul.
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/11/2014 at 8:45 am:
I know this is a sin and I wish I had never gone through with it. I felt that I had no other choice.
I was so ashamed at what I did that I thought about killing myself. I begged my doctor to put me on anti-depressants, which helped mask my pain for a while.
It was around that time that I started to lose my faith in God. How could God love me after destroying the life of an unborn child? Every time I saw a pro-life bumper sticker I felt swallowed by guilt. My self-loathing was at an all-time high. I couldn’t stomach the thought of going to church. It would only remind me of what I had done.
Here it is 10 years later and I still can't escape the guilt. If Jack ever found out I don't know what he would do. I'm afraid he might hurt me.
Facebook Message from Tyler Ward 6/11/2014 at 8:47 am:
What? Why would he hurt you?
Facebook Message from Brooklyn Page Napier 6/11/2014 at 8:53 am:
Well, first of all, Jack has a horrible temper. I have seen him snap several times. I'm afraid if I tell him he will go crazy. When I was in college I had a roommate who thought she was pregnant. When I mentioned to Jack that she was considering having an abortion he went off on a tirade. Ranting and raving about how he would never allow anyone he was with to have an abortion. How his mother wanted to abort him and how his grandmother stopped her. How lucky he was to be alive.
Breaking Brooklyn Page 2
