“Nah, I’m used to crowds.” Logan shrugged. “Just relaxing. Enjoying the day.”
“Gotcha. Half the family is about to start a round of card games.” Gavin nodded toward the farmhouse’s large kitchen. “The other half is either shooting the breeze or napping on the back porch. Feel like joining either group?”
Logan gave it an entire second of thought before shaking his head. “I’m good sitting here, watching the fire. Surprised folks aren’t in here napping, actually.”
“I think you and your brooding scared them off.”
Startled, Logan eyed his brother. “Seriously? I’m sorry—”
“Stop. I’m joking.” Gavin scratched his beard. “Or mostly joking. Though I gotta admit I’m curious about what might be eating at you. If I were to guess, I’d say this has something to do with Anna. Anything going on there you want to talk about?”
Annoyed and amused by his brother’s ability to get right to the heart of the matter, Logan considered how best to answer. There wasn’t anything to talk over, really. He was just finding it difficult to keep his growing attraction toward Anna under control. This morning, he’d almost given in to the temptation to kiss her. Hold her again. Just touch her.
He’d pulled himself together, barely, because he wouldn’t do to Anna what his father had done to his mother. Keeping true to his word, remaining honorable, was vital to Logan. And that meant following through with his take-everything-nice-and-slow-until-the-baby-is-born plan.
Then he should be better able to assess.
Since admitting any of this wouldn’t solve the core issue, he shrugged. “Not really. We’re good. There isn’t a thing to complain about, and other than a few oddball details in getting used to living with each other, this whole marriage deal is a lot easier than I thought.”
Not a lie. Well, not really. The framework of their marriage remained solid.
“Is that so?” Gavin’s eyebrows shot up. Both of them. “Easier, huh?”
“That’s so,” he said, toeing the line he’d set. “Makes me happy we spent so much time working out our agreement and deciding beforehand what we wanted. There aren’t any hazy areas to worry about. If something comes up I’m unsure of, I just have to check the rule book.”
“Hmm. A rule book, huh?” Gavin swiped at his beard again, shook his head. “Now, isn’t that something? Maybe you should publish that rule book of yours, for the greater good. You never know. It just might lower the divorce rate in this country, help folks see that all they need for a successful, effortless marriage is a list of rules and agreements for each party to follow.”
Logan took in his brother’s too-serious-to-be-truly-serious tone and expression, considered his words and laughed. “Almost got me there with that one.”
“Got you with what?” Gavin asked in mock innocence. “I’m just saying that if you’ve figured out how to keep a marriage golden—after, what? About a month of wedded bliss?—then it’s your duty to share that information with the rest of the male population.”
“Point taken,” Logan said. “But we can’t really compare our marriages, now can we? You married for love. You’re in it for the long haul. Whereas I married for—”
“The love of your child, and unless I’m way off base, I believe your plan is to stick around for the long haul as that baby’s father. Correct?”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“Not that different, then, and eventually, that rule book of yours isn’t going to make a damn bit of difference. One of these days, you’ll walk through your front door and Anna will be crying or spitting mad or have her mind set on some fool fact that to you is anything but fact, and you’ll be pulling at your hair trying to figure out what is going on.” Gavin cast him a sly sidewise glance. “Does your rule book cover even one of those scenarios?”
“Nope, but I already handled a crying spell just fine, so I’m confident I can maneuver through whatever else might come up regarding Anna’s moods without too much of an issue.”
So long as that “whatever else” didn’t entail holding his wife who wasn’t really his wife for an entire night again. He did not think he’d be able to hold steady if that were to happen.
“Huh. Okay, if you say so.”
He did say so, damn it, but why not learn what his brother had to say? Couldn’t hurt anything, as far as that went. “Any marital advice you feel like passing my way, on the remote possibility something unexpected arises?”
Sighing, Gavin rested his hands behind his head and stretched out his legs. “I’m still learning, but I know a few things. For some reason, and I do not understand why this is, when women are stuck chin-deep in their emotions, they do not like being told to calm down or that everything will be all right. This applies whether they’re sad or angry.”
Well, if that was the truth, then Logan had done okay. He hadn’t uttered anything close to either of those statements that night Anna was locked tight in her room, or for that matter, this morning when she’d obviously been hiding some type of trouble from him. That bugged him, not knowing what was going on in her head, but what was he to do about it?
Focusing on Gavin, Logan said, “Really? It seems counterproductive, as I would think that having a calm voice of reason would provide some relief when you’re tied up in knots.”
“I agree, but it doesn’t always work that way with the opposite sex,” Gavin said. “Like this morning, Haley was bent out of shape, worried that since we overslept, the turkey wouldn’t be done in time. I tried telling her we weren’t on a schedule and that not one of our guests would complain if we ate an hour later than intended. But she kept right on worrying anyway.”
Aw, that was sweet. “She probably just wanted the day to go perfectly, and since it didn’t start off as she’d planned, was unable to focus on the truth of your words.”
“You’re absolutely right,” Gavin said with a quick grin. “Another thing I’ve noticed is that females are contrary creatures. They want us to be there for them—as we should—and they want us to understand them—again, as we should—but they dislike telling us something they think we should already know. This type of a situation can turn into a mess real quick.”
Huh. Maybe the reason Anna hadn’t let him in on her thoughts this morning was that she thought he should already know? Possible, he supposed, but if so...well, Gavin was right. He did not have anything in his marital rule book to cover such a scenario.
“What are you to do, then, if you can’t friggin’ ask?”
“Well, first...say you come home one night and Anna’s madder than a wet hen. How would you try to solve the problem and calm her down some?”
“The logical process is gathering information, processing the issue and then moving on to fixing the problem, but you just said that asking is a bad idea. So, I don’t know.” Logan tried to imagine an angry Anna and couldn’t. “Stay out of the line of fire, I guess, until she calms down, and then try to have a rational conversation?”
“Now, that is a good, thoughtful answer, but it’s also dead wrong. You’ll just tick her off more by ducking for cover.” Gavin shrugged and his lips twitched in humor. “What you have to remember is that a woman’s brain and ours function differently. We tend to narrow our focus to logic. But women? They can sift everything under the damn sun into the picture. Logic is there, but so are emotion, memory, expectation, instinct and who knows what else?”
Logan repressed a shudder, because his brother had touched upon one of his greatest fears. Oh, not in the scenario Gavin was describing, but in the use of the word expectation. He did not want to behave in any way that would lead Anna to expect more from their relationship than it currently was. And that was why he had to stick with his plan.
“I know, Logan, I know,” Gavin said, mistaking the reason for his silence. “It’s confusing as hell. Women are formidable
beings. They have an entire bag of tricks at their disposal, while we have nothing but a...a useless and tiny coin purse.”
Chuckling, enjoying this moment with his brother despite his concerns, Logan said, “A coin purse, huh? Does anyone even use those anymore?”
“I do not know.”
“Okay, enlighten me,” Logan said. “What should I do if I ever encounter a madder-than-a-wet-hen version of Anna? I doubt it will happen, but...might as well have the information.”
“Say as little as possible. Just watch and listen even if she isn’t making a whole lot of sense—remember, you’re clueless as to what she’s upset about—and wait for the pieces to click together. They will, eventually. But if you ask and she believes that you should already know, her level of mad—” wincing, Gavin pointed to the ceiling “—will go way, way up.”
“Wait a minute. Are you talking from actual experience?”
“I am.”
“With Haley?” Logan asked, trying to picture his sweet, always calm, always smiling sister-in-law throwing a...well, what boiled down to a temper tantrum. “Or are you exaggerating in an effort to make some other point you haven’t shared as of yet?”
“Nope, I am not exaggerating one lick,” Gavin said, his voice holding nuances of pride. “I married a stubborn, headstrong, impulsive woman who does not take no for an answer. And she isn’t a huge fan of listening to logic over her heart, so yeah, we’ve had our share of disagreements. That being said—and don’t tell her I’m admitting this—she’s usually right.”
Huh. “I won’t, and I appreciate your take, but I doubt I’ll ever face any sort of a high-octane moment with Anna like you’ve described. She appreciates logic, for one thing. For another, our relationship is built on an entirely different type of foundation than yours.”
“And there we are, right back where we started.” Gavin added another log to the fire. “I sure hope you’re right and that rule book of yours is as good as you think.”
“It is. There isn’t much that can go wrong between us.” Well, a lot could go wrong, if Logan wasn’t careful and did something to screw up all that was right. So. He’d be careful. “What we have is equivalent to a cooperative business partnership.”
“So you keep saying.” With another sidelong glance in Logan’s direction, Gavin said, “Though I have to wonder. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
“Neither. Just stating fact.” And because he was done—as in, completely—with this conversation, Logan stood. “Guess I’ll check in on Anna, see if she’s almost ready to leave. She’s been tiring earlier and earlier each evening, and she was up late baking those pies.”
“You know,” Gavin said, following suit and rising to his feet, “there aren’t that many business partners so attuned to their platonic associates’ sleep schedules. I’m impressed.”
Logan sighed. Yeah, his brother had quite the gift for sarcasm. “Noted and duly ignored,” he said, pivoting and leaving the room.
Laughing, Gavin trailed after him to the kitchen but didn’t say anything more. Anna was sitting at the table playing cards with several members of the Foster clan, including Haley. Anna looked up and saw Logan, and a bright, happy smile creased her face. And Lord, what a smile.
That smile lit up her eyes, added warmth and beauty to the entire room and sent a jolt of sharp, tingling awareness through Logan’s entire body. And he realized that he’d very much enjoy seeing this woman’s smile day in and day out for a long, long...long time to come.
More time than he likely had left on this earth, as a matter of fact.
And wasn’t that a ludicrous thought? But there it sat in his brain, with a solidity that grated Logan all the way to his bones. She had a nice enough smile, sure, and a pair of gorgeous eyes that could just about bring any man to his knees if he looked into them for long enough, but the way things currently were between them...he could not allow that man to be him.
“It’s getting late, Anna,” he said, quite a bit more brusquely than intended. “I believe you work early tomorrow and I still need to call home to check in with my family. I’m ready to go.”
“Oh. Okay, sure.” Anna’s smile faded into nonexistence. She looked at him with a mix of confusion and...disappointment? Maybe that. But hell, it was only a game of cards. “Just let me finish this round first. We’re almost done, so it shouldn’t take much longer.”
“How much longer?”
“Um, maybe another ten or fifteen minutes?”
Purposefully, he glanced at his watch. Shrugged. And tried to pretend that he didn’t feel as if he was losing another chunk of his sanity each and every second he stood there.
“I suppose...yeah, go ahead and finish,” Logan said, reeling in his annoyance. It wasn’t Anna’s fault that he’d gone a little nuts. Over her smile. “I’ll find your aunt, let her know we’re leaving soon. I’ll warm up the car and wait. Just come out when you’re ready.”
“That’s silly. Why wait out there when you can wait inside?” She smiled again, just as beautifully, just as brightly, as before. And he swore he could almost feel his brain cells exploding. “Why don’t you sit and chat while we finish? Have some more pie.”
“I don’t want more pie, and—”
“Oh, you should sit down,” Haley interrupted, also smiling. Now see, her smile did nothing to him. It was nice and friendly and normal. It didn’t warm up the room or tie his stomach into knots. “I’ve wanted to ask you more questions about the ranch anyway. I know you use horses for herding the cattle, and Gavin and I are considering adding a stable to the property for the camp kids to learn how to ride. Your input would be fantastic!”
“That’s right,” Gavin said, who thus far had remained silent. “We aren’t entirely sure how many horses we should start with or what the maintenance costs are.”
“I can email you some information, and after you’ve done some research, we can nail down the specifics,” Logan said. “But this isn’t a good time. If it’s too late when I get home, my grandparents will likely be in bed. I’d like to wish them a happy Thanksgiving.”
He waited for Haley or Gavin or even Anna to comment that he could phone his family from here just as easily as from home. No one did, though. Stunned into silence, he assumed. Likely because he was behaving in a manner that was churlish and...well, rather demanding. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself, and he had zero inclination to backtrack. The best he could do was take his leave before he turned an already awkward moment into something worse.
“Seriously, Anna,” he said with a smile he hoped did not appear as wooden as it felt, “finish your game. I’m fine with gathering your aunt and waiting in the car.”
“No, no, if you’re set on leaving now, then we’ll leave.” She put her cards facedown on the table and stood. “Gavin, can you finish this hand for me? I’m—” she yawned, widely and dramatically “—suddenly exhausted. But thank you for such a wonderful day! I’ll go get my aunt, and we’ll be ready in no time.”
She did not smile again and she did not look at him as she exited the room. But Logan noticed the firm set of her jaw and...well, he felt small. Childish. Like a bully.
“Sorry about breaking up your game,” he said to the room at large. “That wasn’t my intention, but Anna’s right. This has been a wonderful day. Thank you for including us.”
Goodbyes were said, and a few seconds later, Logan grabbed his coat and strode from the house, knowing that Anna and Lola would follow soon enough. The cold November air hurt his lungs but also served to shake loose his frustration. Anna deserved an apology, as did Gavin and Haley, and he’d see to it that he made the proper amends.
Stupid, to let a smile crawl under his skin to the point he forgot his manners. If his mother was here right now, she’d give him a metaphorical kick in the ass for his bratty attitude. Not to mention the
type of tongue-lashing only a mother could give.
Well, he’d tell Anna he was sorry the second they dropped off her aunt. Once they were home, though, all he wanted was to find something to occupy his brain and get him back to where he needed to be. Work, perhaps. Or a book or a TV show.
Or a long, cold shower. Two of them, maybe.
Anything to keep from thinking of Anna’s smile and his ridiculous reaction, or the fact that what he truly wanted was to sit on the couch with her in his arms, their bodies entwined, and with the feel of her head on his chest. So he could do nothing but close his eyes, hold her tight, block out the rest of the world and his concerns and listen to her breathe.
The image, the damn want, sucker punched him straight in the gut with a potent combination of raw irritation and numbing fear.
Logan did not like doubting himself. He despised not being in control of his own reactions. He was not that type of a man. Or, at least, he never had been in the past. But when a woman’s smile was akin to being handed a boarding pass for a runaway train, and that woman was the mother of his unborn daughter, he was left in a position of utmost weakness.
Now in the car, Logan fired up the engine, leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. The conversation he’d had with his brother replayed in his mind. Well, nothing had changed there. He still believed in the rules and the guidelines and the goals that Anna and he had worked so hard to create. He still believed they could make this partnership a success.
But he had to come up with a new method, or a set of new rules and guidelines to sift into what was already there, in order to keep himself grounded until his daughter was born. Until he could discern if any of this madness—his thoughts and feelings toward Anna—stuck around.
Because right now, he just didn’t trust that they would.
Chapter Six
Moody. Temperamental. Infuriating.
Three words that, as of the prior two weeks, described Logan to a T. It seemed that nothing in his world, including Anna, made him happy. The sun shone too bright. The wind blew too strong. The coffee tasted bitter. Anna was either too talkative or, the few times she’d attempted to read a book or a magazine in the same room he was in, her breathing was too loud.
Harlequin Special Edition October 2015, Box Set 1 of 2 Page 26
