“Missy, shit, okay,” Shine says, and I slide the pillow off my head to see her. My eyes opening now.
“Please fucking help, me,” I plead, sitting up and grabbing her arm.
She’s looking at me with fear and pity and glances over at Boo-Boo who’s standing in the doorway.
“Just give it to her, god dammit!” he says, putting his hands on his head. “I can’t take seein’ her like this,” he adds.
“Shine, please?” I begin to cry, because if she has something she can give me, I’ll do anything for it.
After a long moment, she sighs and reaches into her purse. I sit up, ready to hold onto her so she can’t leave until she gives me something to end this misery. I watch and swallow thickly as she produces a syringe, already containing some sort of brownish-clear liquid.
“Give me your bandana,” Shine tells Boo and he quickly removes it from his head and hands it to her.
She sets down the syringe and ties the material around my bicep, tight. I don’t say anything, the pain still too strong to question and I wonder if it’s morphine or some sort of pain reliever. Once tied, she pulls my arm out, tapping her fingers in the center of my arm and I watch as one thick vein protrudes from the pale skin of my underarm. Taking the syringe again, she takes the guard off with her teeth, looks up at me and says, “Sorry, babe.” We both watch the needle puncture my skin, and the liquid disappear. The more that enters me, the more I feel it running through my bloodstream, erasing the pain. My eyelids grow heavy as I blink and inhale deeply.
“Thank you,” I whisper, before falling back into the pillows.
23
SVEN
“Hi, Daddy,” Sweetie says, running up to me as she exits school.
Kids laugh and talk as they walk around us and I take her hand. “Hi kiddo. How was school?”
“Okay,” she shrugs.
“Just okay?” I ask.
She nods as I look down at her and feel a little ache in my chest for her. I don’t know what’s wrong, and won’t push, but I can’t help but always want to take her sadness away.
“Will ice cream at the diner help?” I nudge her shoulder with my elbow.
She shakes her head, which alerts me to something is really wrong, but don’t want to push her into talking. I stop at the passenger side of the truck to open the squeaky door and watch her climb into the truck before closing the door and moving around to the driver’s side.
“Wanna go dragon hunting later?”
“There’s no such thing as dragons.”
Her reply defeats me. I know she’s growing up. For a year now, she’s not wanted to do anything we used to. Not even just hang out with me. She doesn’t speak during the short drive home and when we arrive, I ask if she wants to help make dinner. She shakes her head no and adds that she’s going to get started on her homework.
Just as I’m finishing up dinner, I hear the front door and know it’s Missy even before she enters the kitchen. She looks nice in a skirt and dress shirt, hair pulled back in a bun. She’s been looking skinnier these days and it’s noticeable, but she doesn’t like when I bring it up. As she sets her purse on the counter, I move over to kiss her and she gives me a smile, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“You look pretty today,” I smile at her. “How was your day?” I ask.
“Thank you. It was okay, same ol’. You?”
“Good. Packed for the weekend thing,” I tell her.
“And made dinner. I’m so lucky.” She smiles, pulling away and undoing her hair, allowing her blonde waves to fall down her back.
“Damn right,” I tease, smacking her ass and causing her to let out a yelp in reaction.
“Do I need to make sure you packed suitable attire, or just trust your judgement?”
“Suitable attire for a bike rally, yes,” I tell her.
“Is Sweetie at Ida’s already?” she asks, sifting through the mail on the counter.
“No, she’s upstairs, upset about something’.”
“Oh, no, what happened?” she asks, looking at me with furrowed brows.
I shrug a shoulder, just as we hear Sweetie coming down the staircase. Missy grabs the plates sitting beside the oven and sets the table for the three of us. Gwen and Joseph moved into the loft I once lived in, while Chilly and Boo-Boo still stayed with us most the time and were waiting on club apartments. Tonight though, it was just the three of us. I put the chicken and rice on the table as Sweetie gets glasses of water for everyone, and milk for herself. Sitting, it’s silent as we dish our food out and begin eating.
“Feeling better since school?” I ask.
Sweetie shrugs.
“Must’ve been nice when Mom came to volunteer today, right?”
I can see Missy look up and hear Sweetie inhale deeply.
“You did go today, didn’t you?”
“I’m so sorry, Sweetie,” Missy tells her, her eyes full of sadness.
It takes everything in me not to drop my fork onto my plate and give her a piece of my mind. In two months, she’s missed just as many times she was supposed to go help with Sweetie’s class. But I say nothing. Anger builds in me to know that it’s what has broken my little girls heart.
“I guess I’ll volunteer from now on,” I state, taking a forkful of food into my mouth.
Dinner’s silent, and I mean, silent. I honestly feel like if Missy were to say anything right now I’d fly off the handle. After dinner, Sweetie cleans her plate as I head upstairs, leaving Missy to wash and dry dishes. I just sit in our room on the edge of the bed, mulling over my words because I know, if challenged, Missy will shut down and I want to get to the bottom of this shit. A little while later, she comes into the bedroom. The sleeves of her shirt still rolled up to her elbows as she walks past me toward her closet. She pulls the string to turn on the light bulb above her and I watch as she unzips the back of her skirt.
“I know I fucked up, I get it. Please don’t lecture me,” she states, not looking at me.
“I don’t get it. The Missy I met would’ve been gutted to see her daughter feeling this way, and yet, you just told her you’re sorry and that’s it.”
“She doesn’t want to hear it,” she sighs.
“So? You make her hear it, make her believe you’re at least a little sorry.”
“What is your problem?” she asks.
“My problem?” I reply with raised brows. “Missy…you’ve…you’re not like you used to be. You’re standing here talking to me like nothin’s going on, knowing Sweetie’s feeling bad, because of something you did mind you, and it’s like you don’t even care.”
“Of course, I care!” she tells me loudly. “But I have to get to my class in Blue Falls and I’ll make it up to her.”
“When? We leave tomorrow,” I interrupt.
Letting out a long sigh, she pulls her jeans on and buttons them on the side, then she removes her shirt to replace it with an Eagles band t-shirt. “Now, I guess,” she says, tossing her dirty clothes in the hamper.
I stand and take her hand, halting her and she turns to face me. Putting my hands on her shoulders, I look down at her as she looks up at me, her brows raising the longer I inspect her.
“What’s wrong?” I ask softly.
“I just got a lot on my mind,” she deflects with a shrug.
“We don’t have to have a baby right now.”
“It’s not that,” she sighs again.
“I know when we talked the other night…I just don’t want you to think that’s what I want right this second. I just wanted to start trying again. I know we’ve been busy and we haven’t had sex in a while. I didn’t say it to put pressure on you or anything.”
“I know,” she cuts me off. “It’s not that,” she affirms.
“You can talk to me. Tell me anything,” I say.
“I know,” she repeats and gives me a small smile but says nothing more.
I place a kiss on her forehead, then she pulls away a moment later and heads
for the doorway.
“Love you,” I tell her.
“Love you too,” she replies, not looking back at me.
That night, after Missy left for her community college courses in Blue Falls, I take Sweetie to the diner for ice cream. She doesn’t tell me what her and Missy talked about, but I know she feels better. Whatever Missy did say, I hope she sticks to it.
The next morning, Missy and I take Sweetie to school before heading over to the clubhouse to meet everyone for the ride to a bike rally a few states over. We’ll be gone for a few days and Sweetie’s staying with Ida and Ivan. Most of the old timers are staying behind, but I’m on guard about maybe seeing my dad and potentially my mom sometime while we’re there.
Once most of us are there and we’ve found Joseph and Gwen, we head out. The Warrior of the Gods as one equals a large group. Rolling onto the freeway together just feels strong and powerful and it’s one of the things I love about riding in a group. We ride for a few hours before Joseph signals for me to pull off the freeway.
The four of us split from the pack and head to the off-ramp toward a small town. Now that the idea of taking a break has entered my head, I realize how hot the sun is, how numb my ass is, and how stiff my back has become. He steers into a parking lot for a bar and grill and I follow suit, pulling up beside him and we both kill our engines. As I sit back to stretch, Missy wiggles free and off the bike, raising her arms and standing on her tiptoes to soothe her aching muscles. Gwen gets off Joseph’s bike and rubs her ass and I smile at her.
“My bladder’s about to explode,” she groans as Missy and Joseph head for the front door of the place and I fling an arm around Gwen’s shoulders.
“Fun though, isn’t it?” I say to her, looking over with a smile.
“So fun,” she beams back up at me.
When we walk in, the darkness inside engulfs us. Once my eyes adjust, I see Missy retreating down a hallway, most likely toward the bathroom, and Gwen pulls away to follow. Joseph exchanges words with the bartender who’s telling us to sit where ever we want, before Joseph pulls a chair out from a table, turning it backwards, then sitting. I sit across from him and survey the patrons. The place is decently crowded for a Friday afternoon, while I don’t remember seeing any bikes outside, there are a few men dressed as though they are riders.
“We’re eating?” Missy asks, approaching the table.
“Yeah, need a break. You don’t have to eat,” I reply.
“I just thought we’d keep going. I called Sweetie. She had a good day at school.” She slips the thick leather cut off her shoulders and hangs it on the back of her chair as she sits. I’d given it to her this year on our anniversary, along with a new ring, the one she’s wearing on her left ring finger. We’re not engaged, but she wears the ring and the cut that says; SVEN’S GIRL. I give her a smile and put my arm around her, pulling her into me to kiss her temple as she opens the menu.
I hear Joseph make a noise and see him staring at someone or something and my attention follows his line of sight. Gwen’s walking toward us, but he’s looking at a table with a group of men sitting there, clearly watching her and making it obvious. They say something to her that I don’t hear, and Joseph stands, reaching his hand out for Gwen when she gets close enough.
“What the fuck did he say?” Joseph asks her.
“Nothin’,” she says with a shake of her head, while removing her cut Joseph gave her and draping it on the back of the chair.
“Wanna split onion rings,” Missy asks as Gwen sits down and they lean in to one another to look at the menu.
A baseball game playing on the radio overhead lessens some of the tension between us and the guys, but it’s still simmering beneath the surface. Joseph and I finish our beers by the time the food comes and we eat. The girls chat and talk about Shine being there this weekend, or if she’s coming at all. Joseph and I talk about what Ivan wants us to do this weekend. Which is making connections and really get this gun trafficking going. We’ve been stock piling guns for over a year now, just honing in on how to steal them, and not get caught. Everything’s sitting in the club’s basement, but we’re in the process of taking ownership of Galaxy Field, and plan to make a bunker to store everything there.
I notice the longer we sit here, the conversation amongst the men who were eyeing Gwen grows louder. I’m not paying attention to the words, but get the feeling they’re being directed toward us.
“Joseph,” Gwen says with a tone like she doesn’t want him to react to them, putting a hand on his forearm.
He’s seething but is clearly trying to keep his cool. The voices grow louder and I turn to see the men coming toward our table. Missy and Gwen stay seated but slip their cuts back on, knowing we’re about to leave. I toss some cash onto the top of the table just as one of the guys speaks.
“How much?”
Joseph looks up at him, but says nothing.
“I asked, how much?” he repeats, standing just behind Gwen.
“For?” Joseph replies.
“Your piece of ass,” he huffs out with a laugh.
Everyone in the bar stops talking and “Tush” by ZZ Top comes on overhead. Then everything happens at once. Gwen ducks as Joseph stands and nails the guy with a punch. I move around the table to fight one of the other guys. The sound of glass breaking has my head turning to see Missy smashing one of the empty beer bottles over another guy’s head. Gwen picks up the wooden chair she’d been sitting in moments before and begins swinging it around. I trade blows with the guy I’m fighting until I finally get a solid hit under his chin and drop him to the floor. Then, I grab Missy by the forearm and pull her toward the door. I look back quickly to see Gwen holding onto Missy’s other hand and Joseph finishing off the guy he’s fighting with a fist to his jaw.
***
Pulling into the wooded area where the rally’s being held, we park amongst a sea of bikes in an empty spot to set up camp. The weekend is basically drinking, talking bikes, listening to music, getting fucked up and just having fun. Once we get settled, Missy goes to use the bathroom and we wait for her to come back before we head around to see what’s going on.
Food’s cooking, beer’s flowing, a band’s playing Rick Derringer’s “Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo.” My arm pulls Missy closer to me and she seems like maybe she’s overtired from the ride in. I asked if she wanted to rest in the tent but she assured me she was okay. We get some beers and eventually run into some brothers from the club, along with some other guys we know. We hang out at their site and talk bikes and business.
The evening becomes night and, at some point, Shine and Jasper appear. The girls immediately huddling together, hugging and laughing, drinking and smoking some weed. Missy seems more alert at this point and I wonder if she took something to pep her up. A little while later, she comes to sit on my lap and wraps her arms around me. We’re sitting by the fire under the night sky and the party hasn’t calmed with the setting sun. Shine and Jasper snort something from a baggy and then pass it around.
“What is that?” Missy asks when it gets to us after Gwen and Joseph have taken a hit.
“Coke,” Jasper says from across the fire.
“Nah, I don’t do that shit,” Missy shakes her head and I take the baggy, closing off one nostril with a finger as I snort some, then pass it to Rocket beside us.
In the distance, “Some Kind of Wonderful” by Grand Funk Railroad is playing and Shine gets up at the same time Gwen and Missy do, moving away from the fire as they begin to sing along and dance around. I just sit there watching Missy. She’s so fucking beautiful and has changed so much over the years I’ve know her. I noticed in Hawaii, she was at her most beautiful. She was herself, Missy, not Faye. And I knew then she was becoming the woman she wanted to be, on her own terms.
It continues to scare me that she’s waiting for something better to come along, that she’s only mine for a little while. She still won’t marry me and I don't know how else to keep her. Sometimes I look ar
ound at my brothers and wonder who she’d be with. Like now, Rocket’s watching her, so are Boo-Boo and Jasper. Hell, they all are. Yes, Shine and Gwen are beautiful, but there’s something about Missy. Men are drawn to her. She’s just sexy and she owns herself like a well-trained pageant contestant. Looking back to her, she’s looking at me…only me. Her body sways and moves effortlessly, her eyes closing as her hands grip the gathered material of the skirt she changed into when we got here, and she tilts her head back. I don’t even realize what I’m doing, but next thing I know, my hands are on her hips, gripping and pulling her into me. Her head raises and I grasp her jaw, kissing her and wanting her. We’re moving, stumbling toward our tent when all I want to do is just fuck her against a tree mere feet away.
“Let me go pee,” she mumbles once we’re close to the tent.
“What?” I question in annoyance.
“Come on, I drank all that schnapps. I’ll be five seconds,” she tells me, pulling from my arms. “Go get naked in the tent,” she adds.
I watch her disappear into the woods before going into the tent. I turn the small battery-operated lantern on and strip my clothes off. The cocaine has me raging and ready to fuck her all night. Once I’m naked, I lay out on the sleeping bag, arms tucked behind my head, feet crossed at the ankle, and I wait. It’s been almost five minutes and just as I’m about to get up and look for her, the tent opens and she steps in. She sees me there and smiles, standing straight to remove her skirt and tube top over her head, tossing her jewelry on top of the discarded clothing. She’s braless, and panty free and so fucking perfect.
Sitting up, I pull her by the hand and bring her down to straddle me. I kiss her lips and then down to her neck, her head falling back as she circles her hips against me. Rolling us over, I spread her legs and kiss down her torso, licking each nipple and digging my fingertips into her skin as I move down her body. Her back arches and she moans loudly, a nice side effect to her being intoxicated and being away from Sweetie. I tease her, kissing her inner thighs, her maintained bare mound, her lips, before feasting on her. Her hips buck against my open mouth and proffered tongue, letting her take pleasure from me. With her fingers in my hair, she pulls me and maneuvers my mouth to where she wants, over and over and I let her, pushing two thick fingers inside her wet cunt.
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