by Nora Martin
Lonn’s speech hit me. He talked and talked but never said anything specific. It sounded as if he were telling what we did, but he didn’t. He also made us sound as if we were doing something good and positive. No spray paint, no car burning and no guns were mentioned. It made me feel that what we had done was actually stupid. I was glad our dad wasn’t there. Then his voice rose to a shout that made me jump.
“We whites are God’s true children! We will no longer tolerate the pollution of our place by Jews and their colored followers.”
In my mind again was Trenton’s face, surrounded by the shattered window, taking over all my thoughts. It was like a bad song that you can’t stop humming. And for some reason I was totally embarrassed by what Lonn was saying. It wasn’t different from any other time but now I could feel all the eyes focus my way. I had liked the meeting better when I was just part of an audience, as invisible as the guys around me. Now the room felt tight and airless. It was like I couldn’t get a breath into my lungs.
At the time it had felt so kick-ass good to shoot that rifle at the walls of the Jew place, but I didn’t want anyone to know about it, especially Mom and Dad. Besides, that night sure hadn’t ended so great, with us breaking that stupid window and me freezing at seeing Trenton.
A change in the tone of Lonn’s voice brought my attention back to what was happening. “Let’s now recognize and thank these young men: Chuck Lamb, Travis Mackey, David and Ben Campbell.”
There was scattered applause and voices called out, “Yes!”
I wanted to disappear under my seat. But David, Mr. Timid, was sitting up tall, his face glowing. This even though he hadn’t done anything except drink too much and sulk!
As the meeting closed I asked David again why Dad wasn’t at the meeting that night.
“He’s training for his new job,” David answered.
“What job?” I asked.
“At the Quick Mart,” David said. “The one owned by the new guy, Rob.”
All my discomfort burned in me like a smoldering fire. “He better not find out what we did. He’d throw a fit and I don’t even want to think about what Mom would do.”
“How do you know?” David asked. “He agrees that those kind of people shouldn’t be allowed to live here.”
“Maybe, but that’s different from knowing your kids broke the law,” I said. “And he sure didn’t say anything to Mom when she asked where we were getting our ideas.”
I wondered if Dad suspected that we were involved with the vandalism. He had looked uncomfortable when Mom was giving her opinion. Maybe he knew more than he wanted to admit. Would he blind himself in order to get a job out of Lonn? Even with all the bad things I had done recently, I didn’t want to believe my father would do anything but what was right.
As usual, Chuck and Travis were gatekeepers for Lonn. “What do you need, Campbell?” It was as if Chuck were asking for a password to enter.
“What’s Lonn doing announcing to everyone what we did? Someone here could squeal to the cops.”
“I didn’t hear anything about Friday,” Chuck said, almost laughing. He turned to Travis. “Did you?”
Travis shook his head.
“They’re going to figure it out,” I said. “What if my dad had been here? I don’t want my parents knowing.”
“Then you better make sure they don’t find out. Besides, Lonn knows how far to go,” Travis warned. “He’s a pro.”
That was true. Lonn knew where to stop in order to keep himself guilt-free. We were now criminals, not him. I went back to David,
who was waiting by the door. “Let’s go,” I said.
As we were leaving, Chuck walked over and held me aside for a second. “If word gets out about us to the wrong people, we’ll know where the weak link is, Campbell. And you wouldn’t want your dad to lose his new job.”
Once we were in our truck David said, “That was great, wasn’t it? Wahoo!” he whooped.
“Yeah,” I agreed. I thought of Chuck’s last threat, and all I could do was press my fist against my gut where the fear and guilt had taken root.
Chapter Seven
Sweat
The next morning the weather had turned warmer. As dawn faded in I heard the metallic pinging sound of water dripping on the roof of the trailer. Damp smells of cooking and coffee oozed into our room from under the door. It wasn’t unusual to have a December warm spell, and I savored getting dressed with fingers that weren’t stiff with cold.
I had spent much of the night thinking about what had happened at the meeting. I was scared. Even though I knew Lonn was behind everything we did, I felt he could claim innocence and turn on David and me if we did anything that displeased him.
David heard me moving around and started to stir under the covers. Before his head was even all the way out I said, “I’ve been thinking about Lonn.”
“I was thinking about everybody applauding us.” David gave a sleepy smile.
“No,” I went on. “I don’t think it’s such a good idea to be Lonn’s hit men.”
David sat straight up in bed. “Are you calling me a fool? You’re the one who was all hot in the crotch to go. For once I’m in and I intend to stay in.”
“Lonn has power and he’ll use it against us if he wants to. Maybe there’s a better way. Lonn said we should make ourselves a pure home. It made me think—we should fix up the trailer court ourselves. That would tickle Dad. And we could get away from Lonn.”
“Lonn wasn’t talking about this place. He was talking about scumbag people.”
“I know, but it made me think of this trashy neighborhood,” I told David. “We could clean it up.” Why didn’t we clean it up ourselves? What were we waiting for, anyway?
“That’s the landlord’s job.” David rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
“He’s never going to fix this place up, no matter how much we complain. Mrs. Kenny said they’ve been trying for years.”
“I’m not cleaning up someone else’s crap.” David spit the words out. He started putting on his jeans and socks.
“We didn’t dump the junk, but it’s ours now, because it’s in our yard. If we get some guys and a couple trucks, it wouldn’t take more than a day. Maybe slap some paint on the trailers. Dig Mom and Mrs. Kenny some flower beds so they can have blooms in the spring.”
David didn’t respond and shuffled off to the bathroom. I knew it was a good idea. First chance I got I would talk to Dad about it. We could take turns helping each family in the trailer court to do house projects. Get the story in the newspaper. Then I decided I wasn’t even going to tell the folks—I’d make it a surprise.
When David and I got to school I was still jazzed about my idea. It filled me with energy in a way I hadn’t felt since before we moved to Lodgette. I was standing at my locker when I noticed Eden through the crowd down the hall. I sprinted over, playfully pouncing on her shoulders. She startled and turned around.
“Good morning,” I said. “I see you made it to school today without driving off into a field.”
“My, my, you’re in a good mood.” I could tell by her voice that she was still mad about the day before.
“What do you say we go out this weekend? A real date.”
She looked surprised. “Are you sure your brother won’t be needing you?”
Suddenly I wanted Eden to understand about David. I struggled to find the words. The vision of Trenton’s face slid in, but it was all mixed up with David’s face. “David’s always needed me to help him along,” I stammered. “Otherwise he just stands still and lets things run him over.” I looked into Eden’s face to see if she understood what I was trying to say.
Her voice turned gentle as she answered. “David’s sixteen years old, Ben. Are you sure it’s not you wanting him to need you?”
I laughed. “He needs me all right. It would have been an ugly sight if I hadn’t rescued him from Jason Johnson.” Of course I didn’t mention what David does to get himself in trouble.
“He’s a creep.”
“You could get to know him a little before you decide for sure,” Eden suggested.
“Eden! The guy knows he can do whatever he wants. He’s rich and rotten,” I tried to counter. But my idea of a neighborhood fix-up was melting away my frustration and anger. I couldn’t help feeling good. I didn’t even really feel resentment toward Johnson anymore.
Eden continued her argument. “You’ve never done anything that was the least little bit mean and then regretted it? I bet you’ve even done it to David yourself.”
It wasn’t David but Trenton Biggs I was thinking of and my tongue could not form any more defenses.
“Did Jason get the same punishment as you did for fighting?” Eden asked, even though she knew the answer.
I thought of our day together in detention. “Yeah,” I admitted. “He did. You’re right. So, will you go out with me?”
“I guess,” she said, smiling.
“Friday, then. We’ll go to a movie.”
“Not Friday.” She paused. “It’s my brother’s birthday. I have to help with the party.”
“Saturday” I said. “I’ll pick you up around seven.”
“You’d better come a little early. I have to introduce any real dates to my mom and dad before they’ll let me go.”
My hesitation must have shown because Eden laughed. “Don’t give me that where-can-I-hide look boys always get on their faces. You won’t get parent germs or anything nasty by coming to my house.”
On Saturday as I got ready to meet Eden, I saw David sitting at the table glumly pushing food around on his plate.
Mom looked at him and then at me. “Are you going out tonight?”
“I am,” I answered.
“What are you boys going to do?”
“I’m taking a girl on a date,” I said.
“I see,” Mom said. “Maybe she has a friend that can go. Make it a double date.”
“I’m not going with them,” David grumbled. “That girl is a pain. She’s always hopping around like a kangaroo.”
I shot him a dirty look. He hardly knew Eden.
“What’s her name?” Mom asked.
“Eden,” I said, glaring at my brother.
Driving toward Lancy Road, I felt a nervousness in my stomach. But it was a light feeling, not the rock-hard weight I felt every time I thought about Trenton or about my brother sulking back at home.
Eden lived in a new, two-story house with lots of windows. Piles of lumber still lay scattered around in the slush and mud. A cool blue light from the windows reflected on the patches of snow.
Wind blew hard and cold off the nearby river, so by the time I rang the doorbell I was shivering. But whether it was from cold or nerves I couldn’t tell. It felt as if my jacket were suddenly too tight, making it hard to breathe.
I started to pick at some wood shavings stuck to my coat from carrying firewood. When I looked up, a young boy was standing in the doorway.
Without speaking to me he yelled in an exaggerated voice, “Hey, Eden, he’s here.”
“Thanks, bud.” I tried to sound playful, as if we were on the same baseball team or something. The boy’s face was hidden in the dim light of the doorway.
Eden came to the door, smiling. “Hi, Ben. I see you met my dear younger brother, Greggy the Gruesome, as of yesterday ten years old.”
Greg made a face at her and took off running into the house, yelling, “Eden’s boyfriend’s here.”
I felt embarrassed, but Eden took my sleeve and gently pulled me into the house. Her dad was talking on the phone. He was a tall guy and big like a football player. His red-brown hair was a lot like Eden’s, only it was pretty shaggy for someone so old.
“That’s my dad, Curtis,” Eden said. He waved at me but kept talking. Then Eden introduced her mother.
“Hello, Mrs. Taylor,” I heard myself saying. My hands felt wet and cold at the same time and I rubbed them on my jeans.
“Call me Toby.” Eden’s mom was tall like Eden but with smooth blond hair. She was wearing a sleeveless shirt and tight shorts. “I just got off the treadmill,” she said. “Have you had dinner? We’re going to go ahead and eat. Curtis could be on the phone all night.”
I couldn’t help comparing Eden’s mom to mine: Toby in her sleek exercise clothes and running shoes, my mom in her sweats and slippers. But my mom used to be sort of like Toby. A western cowgirl version. Tight riding jeans, fancy western shirts. It’s going to get better, I told myself. Wait till Mom sees the garden beds I’ll put in for her.
“Daddy’s making plans to go skiing tomorrow,” Eden said, pointing to her father.
“What do you take on your burger, Ben?” Toby asked.
“Just ketchup,” I said. I sat down at the dining room table, which was spread with the newspaper and dirty coffee cups. The house smelled of new paint and carpeting. All the furniture was nice, but I could see it wasn’t new. Some of it looked really old, antiques.
Eden’s mom put a plate with a hamburger in front of me. She cleared away some of the papers as she sat down. Just as I took a bite she said, “So, Ben, do you have brothers and sisters?”
Toby and Eden’s brother sat waiting for my answer.
I felt like I was sitting in front of some dating committee or something and the interview had begun to determine my qualifications. I tried to chew my food faster to be able to answer her, but Eden spoke up. “He has a brother, David, just one year younger.”
“Where do you live, Ben?” Toby asked.
The food in my mouth turned dry like shredded cardboard. My jaw couldn’t push through it. I looked around at the new kitchen and fancy dining room. What could I say? My fix-up plans suddenly seemed stupid and useless. It wouldn’t matter to these people in their nice house that I planned to fix up our rotting trailer.
Eden’s face looked troubled also. “He lives closer to town, just off Perry Hill Road.” The way she said it, I knew she didn’t want her mom to know I lived in a trailer. It almost felt as if the rock I’d thrown through that window was now being flung back at me.
“There are a lot of new houses going in over there,” Toby responded. “Eden’s dad has been a consultant to several developers. We thought about buying in that area.
“What does your dad do?” Toby plowed ahead. An image of war prisoners being interrogated filled my brain.
Eden tried to save me. “Mom, you’re embarrassing the poor guy.”
“Oh, go on.” Her mother laughed at Eden. “Ben doesn’t mind if I’m curious.”
Eden whispered, “Sorry about this.”
“Did I eat enough for dessert, Mom?” Greg asked.
“Yes, Greg,” Toby said. “Do you want cake?” She set a piece in front of me. Not only was I sitting here with the enemy RETCHes, but they were feeding me cake.
“My dad was a ranch foreman over in eastern Montana until last summer,” I finally said. I tried to measure Toby’s expression to see how far I should go. “But he got fired. He’s been unemployed for the last five months.” I didn’t even mention the job at the Quick Mart. In Toby’s mind it might be worse than no job at all.
She looked embarrassed and confused, but then she recovered and went on. “This property used to be a ranch before we bought it and subdivided.
“Benjamin and David,” she continued. “Those are nice names. Let’s look up the meaning of Benjamin.”
“Mom.” Eden shook her head. “Not everyone is into that kind of thing.”
“Oh, it’s fun, Eden,” her mom said, laughing. “Greg, go get our name dictionary.”
I was actually glad for the change of subject and started to be able to swallow some food.
Toby continued. “We know what your brother David’s name means. David was the first king of the Jews.”
> I tried to control the expression on my face. “David is a Jewish name?”
“So is Benjamin,” she said.
I almost laughed. I wondered if my dad had any idea that he and Mom had given both of their sons names from people he hated. But of course he couldn’t have. He didn’t even know any Jews.
“Here’s the book.” Greg handed his mom a paperback dictionary.
“Benjamin. A Hebrew name meaning ‘son of the right hand,’” Toby read. She smiled, and I could see Eden’s smile on her face. “It’s a nice strong name.”
“It fits you,” Eden said. “A hero name.”
I wanted to cringe. But I wanted to laugh too.
Just then Eden’s dad came in. “I hear you play football.”
“I did, sort of,” I answered. Eden’s parents exchanged looks.
“Well, how did you do this year?”
“Not great,” I mumbled.
“Eden told me you moved here from a very small town about the same time we came from Michigan.”
“Yeah,” I said.
“It can’t be easy trying to fit into a big school like Lodgette. Especially in sports, where nobody knows you and you didn’t grow up playing with these guys.”
He was making me feel better. I heard my voice before I even thought about how to answer. “It was tough. I only got to play a few minutes of each game. Mostly I sat on the bench.”
“It takes guts, Ben, to stick with something like that,” he responded.
Immediately I thought of David quitting the junior varsity team. Maybe if he had stuck it out, he would have gotten to play more next year. He might have even made the varsity team.
“You should see the cool old truck Ben drives,” Greg put in. “A seventy-two Chevy.”
“It’s just an old work truck,” I told Greg.
“I think it’s neat,” he said.
“Hang on to it,” Eden’s dad said. “Those older models are easier to fix than the new things.”
And suddenly we were gliding into a conversation on engines.
Finally Eden said, “We’d better go. I can see I’m about to lose my date.”
