by Jennie Adams
Every fibre of his being argued that she was his. His to take, his to give to, his. But she wasn’t. He had no right to try to hold her.
She’s not yours. She never has been, even if she did make it sound as though she wanted this just as much as you do.
‘Chrissy.’ I’m sorry. I want to make love to you, and to keep you always because I know it’s what you would need. But I can’t.
Emotion knotted in his throat. He buttoned his shirt. Tried not to think of the feel of her hands on him, of how much he missed her touch, even now. ‘This was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened. I can’t…I’m not staying. I didn’t mean for you to think…’
‘I—I see.’ Her face blanched.
He tried to explain. To help her to understand. ‘I’m not right for you. You need someone who’ll…’
‘Someone who’ll stay?’ Anger splashed colour across her cheeks. ‘Someone who’ll stick around?’ She laughed, cold and harsh. ‘Surely you don’t believe I expected something permanent because of this? I didn’t. Especially not from you!’
Her words stung. ‘It’s not—’
‘I have to go.’ She snatched her glasses from the dashboard and shoved them onto her face. ‘This was a silly mistake. An error in judgement, that was all. The sooner we both forget about it, the better.’
She snatched up her coat and got out of the car. ‘Please—don’t read too much into this. I woke up in your arms in the darkness and let lust get the better of me, that’s all. Any red-blooded woman would have done the same. Would have forgotten herself for a moment.’
‘It meant more than that.’ It had meant more to Nate, but that wasn’t a thought he could examine here and now.
She stepped fully from the car and straightened. ‘Let’s just agree that it’s as well the blackout ended when it did.’
‘And you think we’ll just forget this happened?’ Harsh emotions struggled inside him. He clenched the steering wheel, fighting against—he didn’t know exactly what. The need to climb out after her, to drag her back into his arms and make even more of a mess of this? They should forget. It would be best for both of them.
‘Now that it’s over, it’s over.’ She shrugged and bent back into the car for just long enough to snatch her bag and the red cushion from the floor, then straightened. ‘And I’m going back to what I should have focused on from the beginning. Working hard and praying hard that Henry will hurry up and get better.’
‘Of course I’m looking forward to the dinner, Henry. I’m sure it’ll be great, as always.’ Chrissy had all but forgotten about the annual Montbank dinner, held as a thank-you gesture from Henry to his faithful employees.
She had been too absorbed in other problems to realise the dinner was almost upon them.
After that disaster in the car park days ago, she didn’t exactly feel like celebrating. Her hand where it held the phone receiver shook. She gritted her teeth and wished she felt more in control.
The remembrance of what she and Nate had shared refused to leave her. His ultimate rejection still hurt.
‘I need to rescue more plants. Maybe I’ll start a plant rescue shelter. At least plants appreciate my attention and efforts.’ Then again, more of her rescued plants faded away than survived, usually.
‘Fine. So not even plants can stand being close to me. So what? They’re still good therapy, and one day I’ll work out how to make them live.’
Henry cleared his throat noisily into the phone. ‘Beg pardon, my dear?’
‘Nothing, Henry. It wasn’t anything important.’
At her mumbled words, Nate glanced up. She sat at her desk, he at his. From the corner of her eye she could see he was using the phone. Speaking in grim undertones. He had been at it all morning. ‘If he draws back any farther, he’ll no longer be in the same building. Is this how it’s to be from now on?’
Henry made a grumpy noise into the phone. ‘Are you listening to me, Chris…Christianna?’
‘Sorry. I promise I’ll go to the dinner, Henry. You’ll be well-represented.’ And every bite will choke me because your grandson will be there, too, and being near him is the last thing I want or need.
She didn’t know how she would get through the remainder of Nate’s time here. Working with him, being in constant contact was hard to bear.
‘…so if you could just bundle the files into a secure bag and have them couriered to the house for me?’
In the expectant pause, she realised Henry had asked for all the accountancy files he kept in his locked filing cabinet, along with data spreadsheets and computer disks from each department for the current month. ‘Are you sure you’re up to reviewing all of that? Surely it can wait until you’re better—’
‘I’m perfectly capable.’ He spoke angrily. ‘You just do your job and have the ma…materials couriered to me!’
It was the first time Henry had ever snapped at her, and it hurt. ‘Of course. I’ll see to it straight away.’
‘There’s a spare key to the filing cabinet in an unmarked pouch in the strongroom on the highest shelf directly to the left of the door. Make sure you put it back when you’re…when you’re done.’ Although his voice had softened somewhat, Henry hung up abruptly.
When Nate finalised his phone call and left the office with a muttered, ‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ she headed straight for the strongroom and that hidden key.
The last thing she wanted was to be hauling files from Henry’s office while Nate sat in it.
Bad enough that she still hummed with awareness from that car-park debacle, drat his muscled biceps and beautifully sculpted chest!
Less than a minute after the courier left, the telephone rang. She dredged deep for the appropriate upbeat, professional tone. ‘Chrissy Gable. How may I help you?’
‘This is Paul Erickson. I’d like to speak to Nate Barrett, please.’ The man had an accent that she couldn’t quite place.
‘Mr Barrett has stepped out for a minute.’ She offered to take a message, and after a momentary hesitation the man gave it to her.
Her usual neat penmanship faltered as she realised the significance of what she was transcribing onto paper. Nevertheless, she recorded the message faithfully. Took her leave politely of the man, assuring him that she would, indeed, ensure that Mr Barrett got the message.
Oh, she would give it to him all right!
Nate returned to the office a few minutes later. ‘Is that for me?’
‘Yes, actually. It is.’ It would have been nice if she had remained in the rather bland, too-angry-to-feel-it-any-more frame of mind that had overcome her.
Unfortunately, when she looked at Nate the numbness left her. Anger swelled, rapidly filling its place. Yielding to the inevitable, she surged to her feet and flung the note at him.
‘Your recruit apologised for phoning back earlier than arranged, but he wanted to let you know that he has made his decision. He will be delighted to accept the position as the new permanent head of Montbank Shipping Australia.’
Nate glanced at the note, then tucked it casually into his inside suit-jacket pocket.
Casually! How could the man act like that about something so monumental? So appalling? So wrong?
‘You’ve hidden this from me.’ You don’t intend to even see your grandfather’s illness through. You’re going to replace him like some grocery item that’s past its expiry date.
‘When were you planning to tell me? The day Henry’s replacement arrived? When were you planning to tell Henry? Or did you think he was simply too past it to have a say?’
How could Nate treat his grandfather so casually, with such disregard for Henry’s feelings and rights?
Nate’s hands clenched. A muscle beneath his jaw tightened. His gaze met and held hers for the first time in days and his eyes softened with…what?
Pity? For her? Did he think she was upset because of him? Because this meant he would be leaving soon?
You are upset, she told herself. Admit it.
He eased the
clenched hands, but the tension in his face remained. ‘I never said I would work in Henry’s place forever.’
‘No. You just let me believe you would stay through his recovery, and didn’t correct me when I made that assumption.’ She felt sick. Physically sick with a combination of heartache and disappointment. ‘You might as well have lied to me outright. It’s that close to the same thing.’
‘It isn’t.’ He took a step toward her. Reached for her arms, then stopped. Dropped his hands. Stepped back again. ‘I didn’t lie to you, Chrissy. And I tried to tell you from the start that Henry couldn’t just walk back into this job. You didn’t want to hear it.’
How could she hear it? Henry was like a surrogate parent. If she lost him as her boss…
More importantly, why should she have to hear it? Nate’s actions would devastate Henry. She gave Nate the full benefit of every angry, condemning emotion churning inside her.
Turned them all on him through eyes that stung behind the barrier of her glasses. ‘He might be your grandfather, but you have no right to try to push Henry out of his position running this company.’
Overwhelmed, heart-sore, fighting the whisper that insisted Henry did need to slow down and she had simply been ignoring that knowledge, she swallowed hard. ‘Even if Henry had agreed to retire, which he hasn’t, why would you choose someone from outside the firm?’
‘There’s nobody here who qualifies to take over.’ For a moment, his gaze seemed to beg her to understand. Then he hardened his expression once more. ‘I had to go further afield. I’ve chosen someone from my—from Montbank’s overseas arm.’
‘You can’t just do that.’
‘Be reasonable.’ He rammed a hand through his hair. ‘Do you think I haven’t agonised over this? Do you think the decision came easily to me? My grandfather is no longer fit enough to run this place. I told you before and I say it again now. It’s time you accepted that. Henry will have to accept it, too.’
‘I’ll tell him what you’ve done.’ A desperate feeling swamped her. He’s right. You know he is. ‘That you’ve hired someone to replace him permanently. He has the right to know what you’ve been plotting.’
And I don’t care if this means you’ll be gone any day. I don’t!
The mouth that had showed hers such tenderness, such sweetness, firmed and hardened into a determined line. ‘There’s no need for you to speak to him. I’ll break it to him. I’ll convince him he needs to retire, and that Erickson is the man to replace him.’
‘When?’ She fought to control her raging emotions. ‘When will you tell him? When will you leave?’
‘I’ll tell him soon. Maybe tonight.’ The look on his face said it couldn’t come soon enough. ‘I’ll leave as soon as Erickson can get here.’
‘You may have helped me once, that first day at the hospital, but you don’t really care about your grandfather.’ Chrissy drew a deep, shaky breath. ‘You never have, but I’ll take care of him.’
She would, too, if it took every ounce of determination she possessed. ‘I’ll be there for him. Just like when the stroke happened. Just like six years ago when he was trying to get over you leaving him.’
‘You know I have to go, Chrissy. It’s more important now than ever.’
‘I don’t have time to discuss this.’ She snatched up a note from her desk, and grabbed her keys and shoulder bag from her drawer. Knew she was refusing to see the truth, but couldn’t face it anyway. ‘As it happens, I have a business matter of my own to attend to right now. If I’m lucky, it will keep me out of the office for the rest of the day.’
Nate watched helplessly as Chrissy stalked past him. Her eyes were full of fire, her expression angry and hurt and so damned brave. He wanted to hold her so much that his arms physically ached to be around her. Instead, he was doing his best to leave her.
‘Chrissy.’ Helplessness swamped him. ‘I never intended to cause you pain. Not about Henry. Nor the other morning—’
‘Don’t worry about me, Nate.’ Her chin firmed and she tossed back her head in a show of determined defiance. ‘I’ll soon get over that incident. After all, there are plenty of other men in the world. Maybe I’ll just pick one of them to complete my sexual education!’
CHAPTER NINE
MAYBE I’ll just pick one of them. On those words, Chrissy had rushed from the office.
‘I can’t get her threat out of my mind.’ Nate turned the car in the direction of the hideaway cottage and tried not to imagine Chrissy making love with some other guy.
He failed. Just as he had failed each time he thought of it as he waited in vain for her to return to the office this afternoon. And as he drove toward Henry’s home to speak with him this evening.
‘The conversation with Henry went well, too.’ Sarcasm laced his muttered words.
Nate had broached the topic of retirement as gently as he could. Henry had refused to contemplate his suggestion. Had simply given him a stubborn look, thanked him flatly and assured him he would be back in the saddle in no time. That made two people living in fantasy land.
Restless, frustrated with the impasse, his thoughts churning and with no answers in sight, Nate had climbed into his car and simply driven. All over the city. For hours, as he tried to regain his equilibrium.
What really got to him was that it all kept coming back to Chrissy. Didn’t matter if he was thinking of work, or his grandfather, or what to eat for dinner.
‘You’re hooked on her. She never leaves your thoughts.’ Somehow, despite his determination to do otherwise, he had allowed feelings for her to grow. Affection? Or something more? Whatever, the feelings were uncomfortable. Alien. Threatening.
He finally stopped outside the cottage, but instead of going inside he restlessly pulled out his cellphone and dialled the number for Chrissy’s apartment. If he could just talk to her again. Explain things better so she would understand there was no choice…
‘Hello?’ A breathless Sophia answered the phone.
‘It’s Nate Barrett. Is Chrissy there? It’s business.’ Well, it was business in a sense. The business of saving his sanity. Besides, he should tell Chrissy that Henry had objected to his suggestion of retirement. That should make her as happy as it made him fed-up.
‘Oh, sorry, Nate. Chrissy’s out with Joe.’ Soph drew a hurried breath. ‘We’re all busy tonight. Bella’s out and I’m about to go, too. In fact, I think that’s my ride tooting in the street.’
Chrissy. Out. With some other guy.
Maybe I’ll just choose one to complete my sexual education.
Even as Nate warned himself that his reaction was irrational, that perhaps he should calm down before he did anything he might regret later, jealousy and fury roared through him.
He had to call on every bit of self-control he owned to speak politely. ‘It really is important that I find her, Sophia. Do you know where she went?’
Soph rattled off the address for a popular cabaret venue, then hastily hung up.
Nate pocketed his cellphone and then, jaw clenched, caution gone, he went after Chrissy Gable.
‘Thank you, Joe. The cabaret was lovely.’ Chrissy smiled at her neighbour and friend, and hoped her smile didn’t reflect her misery. ‘It was nice of you to invite me.’
‘For you, my love, anything. Besides, I probably wouldn’t have gone by myself, and I already had the free tickets.’ Joe made a show of tucking her arm through his. ‘It would have been a shame to waste them.’
They stood on the crowded street outside. The one downside of the cabaret had been that it was way too hot in there. As a result, Joe still had their outdoor coats draped over his arm.
He spotted someone in the crowd, called out, then turned back to her. ‘Will you excuse me for just a second? That’s Enrico. I’d like to say hello….’
‘Sure. I’ll wait here.’ Her gaze followed Joe for a moment, then she turned away.
Moments later, a man materialised at her side. He wore rough work clothes, with a woolle
n cap pulled low over his eyes. ‘I’ve been watching you, Chrissy Gable, and now it’s time to warn you.’
‘Warn me about what? How do you know my name?’ With no sign of Joe near by, she began to edge away from the man. ‘I’m here with a friend. Please go away.’
‘Tell Nate Barrett to keep his nose away from the docks.’ The man shoved his face close to hers. ‘If he doesn’t call off his investigation team, he might just find himself at the bottom of the ocean somewhere. With rocks in his pockets. Capisce?’
‘Who are you?’ She tried not to sound as rattled as she felt. ‘You can’t just go around making threats.’
But the man had melted away into the crowd.
Chrissy stood frozen, shaken to the core. What had the man meant? Why would he threaten Nate?
‘Well, that was nice—’ Joe’s cheerful voice stopped mid-sentence. He quickly wrapped his free arm around her. ‘What’s happened? You look terrified.’
‘It was nothing.’ She didn’t know why she chose not to tell Joe. Actually, she did. She wanted to tell Nate. To warn him. She needed to hear his reassurance that all would be well. That the man had been some lunatic and Nate was perfectly safe and would stay that way.
‘Did you team up with your friend, Joe?’ She lifted herself up on high heels and dropped a kiss on his cheek. ‘I enjoyed our night, but I understand if you want to go on somewhere else now without me. In truth, I’ve had enough, anyway.’
I’d like you to go, so I can focus on what just happened, and how to deal with it.
‘Then I’ll see you into a taxi.’ He hugged her close, and whispered, ‘You look way too hot in that dress. If I leave you alone, you’ll have to fight off a mob of admirers. On the other hand,’ he added wickedly, ‘I could be tempted to steal the dress for myself.’
Despite herself, she laughed. ‘You might keep trying to steal Gertie, but you know you don’t cross-dress.’
‘Well, no, but it got a smile out of you.’ Joe grinned, and his gaze softened. ‘Life is never as painful if you can laugh at it a little. That’s my motto.’
‘It’s a smart motto.’ But her emotions were too raw right now for her to adhere to it as well as she wished she could.
