by A. E. Wasp
Benny laughed harshly and then looked down at the floor. “Shit,” he whispered. He turned to face Mikey. “I really should have told you all this before. I’m sorry. Yeah. I go to a meeting almost every day. At lunchtime. There are a couple different ones close enough to the studio that I can squeeze them in. And Jay-Cee knows. Sometimes Chris comes with me.”
Mikey filled the sink with hot water and added some soap, buying himself some time to think. “So is Chris…I mean does he?”
“Is he an alcoholic, too? Yeah, though his main issue was heroin.”
“Damn, Benny.” Mikey slowly lowered the plates one at a time into the hot soapy water. “I mean, this is the kind of stuff I need to know, especially about people who are around Jasmine.”
“People like me,” Benny said, voice soft and full of self-loathing even Mikey could pick up on.
“No. Hey.” Mikey turned and shook the soap off his hands. He grabbed Benny’s arms. “Not you. Never you.”
“You know, you’re lucky you didn’t know me the last two years. I’m extremely lucky you didn’t know me. Because if you did, I wouldn’t be standing here.” Benny flashed a smile that was more the old Benny than this sadder, hurting Benny. “Well, I might be standing here because this is my house. But you know what I mean. I was everything you hate. Drunk, promiscuous. You think Chris is a stereotype? You should have seen me. I’m sure there are pictures all over Facebook, I’ll find some one day.”
Mikey took a chance and pulled Benny in for a hug. The whole kitchen was visible from the living room. If Jasmine noticed it, he’d just say Benny needed a hug. Which was the God’s honest truth.
Benny clutched onto him, burying his face in Mikey’s neck. Mikey hugged back just as tightly, wet forearms leaving water stains on Benny’s back. He felt Benny’s heart beating against his. It was getting harder and harder to hide their relationship from Jasmine. Mikey couldn’t even really remember why he wanted to.
The music from the credits of the movie started to play, and they reluctantly separated. “Of course you can go to a meeting. Do you need a ride?”
“I was thinking I could bike and you and Jasmine could meet me at Vincent’s after for dinner?”
“Sounds perfect. Jasmine will be thrilled.” Mikey figured if Benny could be brave, he could be, too. “Do you want to maybe see if Dmitri wants to come? Or Chris? I figure Angel and Troy work most weekends anyway. I can text them.” He was going to take Benny’s word for it that they were friends, and that his overtures wouldn’t be met with incredulous laughter or polite confusion. And even if that was the outcome, Benny’s smile was reward enough. “Really?” he asked.
“Really.”
“Okay, that would be awesome. But I’ll call them, don’t worry.” Benny turned back to the sink. “I’ll clean up, you go amuse Jasmine. I figure we have four seconds before she’s bored again.” He leaned in and gave Mikey a quick peck on the lips. “I got some stuff for you, you should read. About being with an alcoholic. Some of it might not be one hundred percent applicable because we don’t have a past so much when I was drinking. But then again, the reason we lost those years is because of the drinking. But it will still be good. Give you some things to look for, things to watch out for in the future. What to do if I slip up again. It will explain why I do some of the things I do.”
“Okay. I’ll read it. But I have faith in you.”
“Faith is great, but knowledge is better.”
Jasmine wandered in, right on cue. “Come play with me.”
“We’re going to finish cleaning up and then it’s hair time for you and me. But if you’re good and don’t whine today, we’ll go to Vincent’s for dinner. Sound good?” Mikey looked down at her.
Jasmine jumped up and down. “Yes! Vincent’s, Vincent’s,” she chanted.
“Go amuse yourself for a few minutes,” Mikey told her. “I’ll be right in.”
“Okay.” She skipped off, leaving Mikey and Benny to finish cleaning up.
Mikey sat on the bed in his room looking at some of the pamphlets Benny had left out for him while he waited for the tub to fill for Jasmine’s bath. She had been in her room doing something with string and her dolls when he’d checked on her a minute ago.
Mikey sighed and pushed the hair out of his face. The picture the booklets painted wasn’t pretty, but it was far from hopeless. They could get through this. They would. He tried to imagine Benny black-out drunk screwing around with random strangers and was sad to realize he could actually picture it fairly easily. It was Benny in high school but off the leash. There were footsteps in the hall, and Mikey looked up to see Benny standing in the doorway. “Hey,” he said, putting the pamphlets down. “What’s up?”
Benny frowned, blinking at the bright light coming in the room. He put a hand on the doorframe and just looked at Mikey.
“Benny?” Mikey stood up.
Benny looked up and smiled as if he had just noticed Mikey. “Hey, babe.” Benny glanced around the room. “Why did I come up here?”
“I don’t know,” Mikey said cautiously. “Do you remember?”
Benny shook his head and laughed it off. “I must have been thinking of something. It will come back to me.”
“How’s your head?” Mikey asked, Dmitri’s warning clanging loudly in his ears.
“Kind of hurts, now that you mention it.”
“What time is your meeting?” Mikey walked up to Benny, feeling his forehead like he was checking for a fever. He felt ridiculous even as he did it, but it was a reflex from four years of parenting. No fever, for what it was worth. Mikey thought it was probably worth very little.
“Four o’clock. Should be about an hour. I’m getting kind of tired, though. I might take that ride after all.” He rubbed his temples, squinting at the light.
Mikey took him by the shoulders and turned him gently. “Why don’t you take a nap and I’ll wake you up in time to drive you to your meeting.”
Benny’s expression was conflicted. “You sure? I was going to throw some laundry in, hang out with Jasmine for a while.”
“Positive. She’s going in the bath in a minute, and the laundry is already in.” Mikey guided him down the hallway. “Nap. You’ll feel better.”
He felt Benny’s body relax as soon as he hit the dim lighting and familiar smells of his room. Mikey pushed him gently down on the bed. “Sleep. I’ll wake you up.” He kissed Benny on the head.
He shut the door behind him, nearly jumping out of his skin to find Jasmine standing right behind him stark naked. Man, she was sneaky when she wanted to be. He hoped she hadn’t seen him kiss Benny, as innocent as the gesture had been, though the look in her eyes said she had.
“Ready for your bath?” he asked, guiding her towards the bathroom with a hand on her back, hoping she would forget all about it.
chapter fifteen
Mikey paced the length of the house from front door to the back door off the side of the kitchen. If he pulled on that one dread anymore, it was going to twist off. He snagged a hair band off the table as he circled the living room and, shoving the phone between his neck and shoulders, tied his hair back.
Jasmine kneeled in front of the table cutting and coloring the pile of hearts she was making for everyone that was going to meet them at Vincent’s. For her sake, Mikey fought to keep his voice even.
“So you’re coming to Colorado for how long?” He breathed heavily through his nose. It wouldn’t do any good to let George know how nervous he was.
“Yes, sir. Of course, we’ll be around. I know Jasmine would love to see you. It has been too long. It’s hard for us to get away.”
Like he had done so many times before, Julia’s father offered to pay their way to New York, but Mikey just couldn’t bear to go back there. That house was like a shrine to Julia. It haunted him.
“I think two weeks is a perfect amount of time. You’ll have a lot to do with Jasmine.”
“We want to see you, too, Son,” George said in that
deep rumble that had always been so hard for Mikey to interpret.
“How do you spell Troy?” Jasmine asked, green marker poised.
“T-R-O-Y,” Mikey said, angling the phone away from him for a little.
“Excuse me?” George asked.
“I was just spelling something for Jasmine. She’s making cards for some of her friends.”
The conversation was torture. George sounded stiff as if he was afraid of saying the wrong thing, and, God, did Mikey know that feeling. It was hard to speak normally with his brain screaming at him that they were going to take her away for real this time.
Jasmine grabbed him as he circled the table again. “How do you make an R?”
““I would love to meet her little friends,” George replied.”
“Well, Troy is about my age and ex-military, so not so little.” Fuck. Quickly Mikey wrote out Troy’s name in capital letters on a scrap piece of paper and shoved it as Jasmine. And then he closed his eyes and cursed himself for an idiot. Great. Now George and Frances would think Julia had no friends and that Mikey lets her hang around with strange men.
It took Mikey a second to realize George was chuckling. “I remember what that is like. We were the first of our friends and family to have children by quite a few years and, well, you know Julia was an only child. She spent years as the only child in a group of adults. Be careful, they can get quite spoiled and too precious from the attention.”
All Mikey heard was the unsaid you let our only child die that hung over every conversation they had.
“Yes, sir. I will watch it. They seem very fond of her. Troy has a service dog that Jasmine is crazy about. And actually, sir, I have to go. We have to meet them for an early dinner.” Mikey walked into the kitchen and stared out the back door screen, watching the sun glint off the river down at the end of the property. He really needed to fence the yard off soon. He’d had nightmares of Jasmine getting away from him and going to the river by herself.
“Well, I won’t keep you. We’ll be in town next Friday late, so we’ll take a shuttle. We’ll be staying at the Marriott. Shall we meet for brunch Saturday morning and make some plans?”
“That will be great. I look forward to it.” Mikey ended the call and rested his arm against the door jam. Birds chirped, and squirrels romped through the trees, jumping from branch to branch without a care in the world. He inhaled deeply, the fresh air under the trees cool despite the heat of the day and touched with the smell of fallen pine needles. He breathed deeply again, feeling some of the stress fall away. No wonder Benny lived out here, the beauty of the place soothed your mind.
The phone beeped with an incoming text. All done Benny sent. Getting a ride with Chris meet u?
Yes
Mikey tried to push thoughts of the Young’s visit to the back of his mind. He’d try to be in the moment as his therapist had suggested. At this moment, Jasmine was with him, she was healthy and happy. It was a gorgeous day, he had enough money to take his daughter to dinner and friends to have dinner with. Right now, everything was fine, and he was going to enjoy it.
“Okay, Jasmine,” he said, turning away from the door and walking to the living room. “Pack it up, time to go.” He helped her load the hearts into the pink vinyl backpack she’d been lugging around all day, and then they were off.
The hostess on duty at Vincent’s waved them through to the back patio. Five o’clock on a Sunday was a slow time for the restaurant, and the bartender and waiter leaned against the bar watching a soccer game on the overhead television. The few customers inside seemed content to chat over drinks and early dinners.
Mikey got to Vincent’s later than he had planned due to an argument over shoes. Mikey wanted Jasmine to wear them, and she didn’t want to. Given a choice between wearing her sandals or staying home Jasmine choose sandals, but she wasn’t happy about it.
Benny, Chris, Troy, and Dmitri sat at the big round table pushed into the corner of the patio. It was almost under the treehouse so Jasmine could play and they could have eyes on her without anyone having to leave the table. Mikey was touched by the thoughtful choice. The shade was welcome, too. Red Deer in July could get hot as the late afternoon sun poured down the foothills to the west and slid under the protective shade of the trees.
Angel sprawled out on the low stone wall surrounding the patio soaking up the sun and the heat from the rocks like a cat.
A three piece band was setting up in the band shell at the other end of the patio.
Troy saw Mikey coming and lifted his hand in greeting. He and Angel both wore their black Vincent’s t-shirts and black pants a little worse for the wear at the end of a brunch shift.
“Hey, everyone.” Jasmine dragged her feet a little as he walked to the table.
“¿Qué pedo, Mikey?” Angel asked. She’d dyed her hair blue and shaved it on both sides since the last time Mikey had seen her. A beer dangled from her fingers, and she looked relaxed and happy.
“Not much. What’s up with you?”
“I think Vincent’s going to make me a manager.”
“Oh, congratulations. That’s awesome.”
Moby scrambled up from her spot under the table when she saw Jasmine coming. That made Jasmine smile, and she dropped Mikey’s hand to run to pet Dmitri’s crazy-eyed Border collie.
Benny smiled as Mikey slid into the chair he’d been saving. Mikey remembered Jasmine’s presence just barely in time to stop himself from kissing Benny hello. That was the last thing he needed her telling the Youngs.
“You look amazing,” Benny leaned over and said under his breath.
Mikey had thrown on a white coarse linen shirt over his dark jeans and a pair of brown leather sandals he’d found in the closet and didn’t even remember buying. Come to think of it, they might be Benny’s. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d worn the shirt. It verged on almost too casual to him.
“What’s up with Highness?” Benny asked.
“She didn’t want to wear shoes.”
“And you made her,” Angel asked in mock horror. “You monster.”
“I’m the worst.”
Dmitri stood up. “I’m thirsty. I’m going to get a pitcher or two. Any preferences?”
“Can you bring a pitcher of iced tea?” Mikey asked.
“No problem.” He turned to go, and Angel threw a pebble at him without sitting up.
“Get something good, not that crap you usually drink.”
Making sure Jasmine’s attention was still on the dog, Dmitri flipped her the bird. “Bud Light it is.”
Vanessa came through the patio door and made her way over to them. She looked professional and together as always. Mikey didn’t think she left the house in anything less than dress pants and a blouse. She hugged Jasmine and kissed Benny and Mikey on the cheek.
“You guys remember my sister Vanessa?” Mikey said to the table. “I know you only saw her briefly.”
“Hi, everyone. I hope you don’t mind me crashing the party. Mikey invited me.”
Angel pulled herself up and lifted her beer in Vanessa’s direction. “Thank god you’re here to save me from testosterone poisoning at this sausage fest. Well, you and Jasmine. Girl power!”
“Girl power!” Jasmine squeaked, jumping up. “What’s a sausage fest?”
Chris almost choked trying to hold back a laugh. Mikey gave him a dirty look, but he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing himself.
“It’s a party where you get to eat a lot of hotdogs,” Benny said. “A lot,” he added, looking meaningfully in Mikey’s direction.
Mikey smacked him.
“Here, Vanessa, take my chair,” Chris offered, getting up.
“No, I’m fine you stay.”
Chris shook his head. “No, really. I’m going to sit here for a few minutes.” He pulled one of the green plastic chairs over to a spot across the table from Mikey and Benny. He pulled his legs up onto the seat and balanced a sketchbook on his knees. Taking out a penci
l, his hand flew across the paper as he observed the group.
Dmitri came back with the pitchers of beers, followed by one a server.
They took turns ordering.
“I want a milkshake,” Jasmine said.
“No. That’s dessert. How about water?” he asked.
“How about lemonade?” she countered.
“Sure. But just one.”
Jasmine smiled as the server handed her a kids’ menu and a basket of crayons.
Dmitri laughed. “You just got played,” he said to Mikey.
“What do mean?”
“I bet you anything she knew she was never getting that milkshake but if she just asked for lemonade right out, you’d say no. So she highballed you.”
Mikey narrowed his eyes at Jasmine. She pretended not to notice, concentrating on her coloring. The corner of the menu fluttered in the breeze, and she smacked at a crayon that threatened to roll off the table.
Benny laughed. “I’m kind of impressed,” he whispered to Mikey.
“Don’t encourage her.” Remembering what George had said about her being spoiled, Mikey snapped the words out more harshly than he meant to.
“What’s wrong, Mikey?” Vanessa asked.
He sighed and motioned to a quiet corner of the patio. He paused halfway out of his chair. “Do you mind keeping an eye on her for a second?” he asked Benny.
“There’s like ten grown-ups here and two dogs, dude. I’ll think she’ll be safe for a minute.” Benny rolled his eyes.
Mikey raised one eyebrow and pointed at Troy. “Him, I trust. The rest of you...” He shook his head sorrowfully.
Chris looked up quickly. “Was that a joke? Did Mikey just make a joke? Is it the apocalypse?”
Everyone laughed like they were supposed to, it was a perfect Chris response, but something was off about the tone.
Mikey motioned for Benny to join him and Vanessa. “Is Chris okay?”
Benny nodded. “Tough meeting is all. Lots of parent stuff came up. He’ll be okay. He’s got us.” He clasped Mikey’s upper arm. “Thanks for asking. It means a lot that you noticed and asked. I think you like him.”
