by A. E. Wasp
It made Benny’s problem shrink down to nothing, compressed his whole existence to not even a blip on the timeline of the world. He found the thought soothing somehow.
Mikey didn’t have a favorite mug as far as Benny could tell; he used whichever mug was clean and closest to hand. Benny picked the white one with the black silhouettes of birds on a wire. He’d picked it up on impulse at a thrift store back in California. Something about the starkness of the image appealed to him tonight.
While the water boiled, he sliced an apple and scooped some peanut butter onto a plate, something he learned from Jasmine. His stomach rumbled, and dinner felt like it had been ages ago.
Tea made, he balanced the plate with the apples and peanut butter on top of one of the mugs and walked carefully into the living room, eyes on the ground in case of stray Legos or crayons.
He put the mugs on the table, next to Mikey’s laptop. Mikey stared at the screen, eyes wide. The flickering red glow from screen washed over his face, throwing harsh shadows over his cheekbones and lighting twin fires in his brown eye. Reflected in the dark window behind him, Benny could see the chaos as soldiers scattered around a burning truck. He heard the faint rat-a-tat-tat of small weapons fire coming out of the headphones Mikey had on.
Stepping between Mikey and the computer, Benny gently pulls the earbuds out of Mikey’s ears. “Hey, no. Don’t watch that stuff.”
Mikey looked stricken and horrified. His eyes flicked from Benny’s face to his stomach as if he could see through Benny to the images of war still playing behind him. “Was is really like that?”
Benny’s heart broke for Mikey, just a little, but mostly he was exasperated. Of course, most people had no idea about the reality of war. Many people forgot that the country was still in a war that had been going on for almost a decade and a half. Afghanistan, Iraq, and Pakistan were almost fictional, like Naria or Mordor. Places they couldn’t point to on a map.
Benny sat down on the couch next to Mikey, legs pressed together. He leaned forward to read the description under the video. “Well, seeing as that video is from some poor schmuck’s helmet cam, yeah. It was really like that.”
He handed Mikey his cup of tea. “Why are you watching this, babe? Hasn’t this day sucked enough?”
Mikey blew on the tea, then took a careful sip. “I wanted to see.”
“Do you really want to see what I did?”
Mikey nodded.
Benny sighed, then pulled the laptop towards him. With a few taps of the keyboard he pulled up a video he was way too familiar with. He positioned the laptop so Mikey could see and pressed play. “This is from my cam, during an operation in the Sangin Valley.” The point of view was from behind a belt-fed machine gun that pointed out from the vehicle between two tan metal panels. He pointed at the gun. “That’s an M2, fifty cal Browning machine gun.”
Mikey turned a look of disbelief on Benny. Benny didn’t think Mikey’s eyes could get any wider. He leaned closer to the screen. “That’s you? Somebody gave you a machine gun?”
“Yeah, that’s me. Can you believe it? Your tax dollars at work.”
They watched in silence as the camera shook and the gun fired, smoke streaming from the barrel.
Mikey paused the video. “If it’s a machine gun, why do you have to keep pulling that handle back?”
“Because some fucking boot loaded the belt the wrong way. That would be me, by the way,” Benny laughed. He could do that now, at the time it hadn’t been the least bit funny. “Watch.” He fast-forwarded the video to the part when he had reloaded.
The video ended and another one started to load. Mikey rubbed his hand across his face and looked a Benny like he had never seen him before. “So you actually killed people?”
Benny never stopped being amazed at that question. What did people think we were doing over there? Winning hearts and minds? Handing out candy to kids and building schools? Must be nice to be able to block out the fact that every day somewhere in the world some grunt was fighting for his life. He wondered briefly what Troy’s infantry experience had been like. Jay-Cee would have been in right after 9/11, Benny realized. “That’s generally what they give you the giant ass machine gun for,” he said to Mikey, voice short. He probably should give Mikey a bit of a break, the reality was a lot to process. Benny knew he hadn’t fully processed it, just pushed it down. Maybe it was time to find someone to talk to. Time to treat the issues that had literally driven him to drink rather than just dealing with the symptom.
“You were so young. They’re all so young.” Mikey leaned his elbows on his knees, both hands covering his nose and mouth. The videos played while the tea grew cold on the table. The erratic sound of weapon fire poured out, tinny and distant, from the discarded headphones.
Benny wrapped his arm around Mikey, pulled him against his side, and shut the laptop lid. “Enough.”
Mikey turned his head into Benny’s neck. “I can’t believe you’re comforting me over this. I’m sorry. What I said before…”
“Needed to be said. You were right. I have been stuck in self-pity mode. Stuck in my head. One thing I’ve learned, recovery – and life - is never a smooth progression. We lurch along with a series of leaps and staggers. And sometimes we need a push to move on. You gave me a push.”
“This day has been fucking exhausting,” Mikey sighed.
“You got that right.” Benny reached for the plate with apple slices. Exhausted or not, he was hungry. He offered the plate to Mikey, who took a slice of apple and scooped up some peanut butter with it.
“Come to bed with me tonight?” Mikey asked through a mouthful of food.
Benny wanted to more than anything. “What about Jasmine?”
“If it’s not too much to ask, just stay with me a few hours. I’ll set the alarm. We’ll shut the door. I need it tonight.”
“Me, too.” Benny pulled Mikey to him and kissed him, tongue forcing Mikey’s mouth open. Benny tasted the peanut butter and felt the slickness of Mikey’s teeth. He pushed Mikey back against the arm of the couch, hands sliding up under Mikey’s shirt.
Mikey pushed Benny away gently. “Let’s go upstairs.”
“Yeah, okay.” Benny stood up and held out his hand for Mikey. Mikey took it and followed Benny up the stairs.
“Wait here,” Benny said at the door to Mikey’s bedroom. He disappeared into his room, and when he came back, he carried a couple of candles, the incense burner, and the bottle of massage oil. He pushed Mikey gently into the room and closed the door behind them.
Mikey put the incense and oil on the nightstand, and then placed the candleholders on the dresser, pulled out the fake candles to turn them on. “LED,” he explained. “So I don’t burn the house down.”
“Smart,” Mikey said as he sat heavily on the end of the bed.
Benny lit the incense, and soon the sweet smelling smoke drifted through the room. “Hey, you got a present.” He reached for the paper heart on the pillow, obviously a Jasmine special, and handed it to Mikey. “What’s it say?”
Mikey turned it to him so Benny could see the ‘Daddy + Benny’ painstakingly printed on the front in Jasmine’s neatest lettering yet. “This one’s a card.” Mikey opened it. Benny sat next to him and read over his shoulder.
Inside the heart-shaped card, a short note that had obviously been written by Vanessa read. “I’m sorry I went into your room. I promise not to ever, ever do it again. Please don’t be mad. Love Jasmine.” She had signed her name on the bottom.
“That is so sweet. I’ll have to talk to her and tell her I’m not mad.” Benny took the card out of Mikey’s hand.
“Well, you can’t let her think it’s okay to go into your room and dig through your stuff. I’m beat.” Mikey fell down backward onto the bed, feet still on the floor.
Benny climbed on the bed and straddled him in one smooth move. Smiling, he closed the card, holding it front of Mikey’s face. “I like this part, though. Daddy and Benny. We should carve it into o
ne of the trees.”
Mikey reached for Benny’s hips, running his thumbs along the top of his waistband. “I’ll get right on it.”
Benny leaned forward, letting the card fall on the blanket, and bracing himself on his hands. “Let me take care of you tonight, okay?” He kissed Mikey softly and sweetly.
Mikey’s hands were warm on his back. “Yeah. Okay.”
Benny reverently slipped Mikey’s shirt off, kissing his way up Mikey’s body as he did. “I can’t believe how hot you are. It’s so fucking hard to keep my hands off you.” He licked across Mikey’s muscled chest, paying close attention to his nipples.
Mikey gasped and writhed underneath him. “Oh, my, God.” His hands hovered over Benny’s head as if he didn’t know whether to push him away or pull him closer.
Benny gave a sharp nip to the muscle of Mikey’s chest and grinned. “No one ever do that to you before?”
Mikey shook his head, hair rustling against the sheets. “No.”
“That is a crime.” Benny bent down and showed Mikey what he had been missing all this time, sliding his thigh between Mikey’s legs to give him something to rub against. Benny took his time, pinning Mikey’s arms to the bed, and using every trick he could to drive Mikey crazy.
Mikey pushed up against him, thrusting his cock hard against the muscles of Benny’s thigh. “Oh shit, shit,” he whispered hoarsely, trying to stay quiet.
Benny ground down against Mikey’s thigh, so close to the edge just from the feel of Mikey under his tongue and the choked off sounds Mikey made as Benny worked. With a growl, he pushed Mikey’s chin up with the palm of his hand, holding it there, as he sucked and bit at the soft skin of his neck.
“Fuck.” Mikey’s chest heaved, lifting Benny’s body with each breath.
Benny nipped Mikey’s earlobe, loving the give of the flesh between his teeth. Damn it. He’d meant to go slow, to take his time, and make it so good for Mikey, but his body had other plans. Strung out from adrenaline and fear and relief, the animal part of his brain wanted nothing more than for him to lose himself in Mikey’s body.
“Soon,” he panted into Mikey’s ear, slowing the frantic thrusting of his hips to a grinding roll. “Soon, I’m going to have Vanessa take Jasmine overnight, and I’m going to tie you to the fucking bed and do everything I have always wanted to do to you. I’m going to see how loud I can make you yell.”
“Jesus Christ,” Mikey panted, struggling against Benny’s hand on his chin to get his mouth on Benny.
Benny’s hand tightened around Mikey’s wrist, but Mikey used his free arm to grab Benny’s ass.
“We’ll wreck the bed, stay in it all day, and have the delivery guy leave the pizza at the front door.” Benny reared up to his knees, hands working on the button of Mikey’s jeans. “Then we’ll move downstairs to that hideous purple couch and live out some of my dirty teenage fantasies. Then we nap, wake up, and do it again in my bed.” Benny ripped the zipper down and grabbed the flaps of Mikey’s jeans, dragging them down Mikey’s legs as he knee-walked backward off the bed.
Hitting the ground, Benny kicked off his shoes and stripped himself as quickly as humanly possible.
“Get the fuck back up here,” Mikey ordered.
Benny crawled up the bed, dragging himself over Mikey’s body.
Their coming together was anything but slow and gentle. They thrust against each other, fingers punching bruises into their skin as they rolled, mouths kissing and biting any skin within reach. Incense and the smell of sweat and sex hung heavy in the humid air, and they gasped and groaned, biting back the louder sounds fighting their way out.
Benny groaned and bucked up hard, rolling Mikey onto his back. He pushed himself up, straddling Mikey’s hips, his cock pressed deep against Mikey’s ass. “God, Mikey, I want to fuck you so bad. Would you let me?”
Mikey whimpered, his fingers digging into Benny’s hips. Benny rocked against Mikey’s cock, riding him. He closed his eyes, head tilted to the ceiling as he concentrated on the drag of Mikey’s cock over his sensitive skin. “I’d make it so good for you, I promise.”
Mikey’s cock throbbed against Benny’s, and his eyelids fluttered.
Benny bent down to whisper in Mikey’s ear. “Make you scream.”
Eyes flashing dangerously, Mikey grabbed Benny’s head and yanked their mouths together in a devouring kiss, tongue plunging into Benny’s mouth, sucking the air from Benny’s lungs. When Benny was shuddering, gasping wreck, Mikey pulled away, putting his mouth against Benny’s ear. “Do it,” he said, hard and clear.
Benny almost came.
Panting, trembling on the precipice, he leaned his forehead against Mikey, legs quivering as he lifted off Mikey’s body to try and get some control. “Oh, shit. Fuck. Can’t. Can’t now.” He rolled his head against Mikey’s, smelling the shampoo he used, the thick, heady incense, and the scent of their bodies together. “I need time. Need to hear you.” He lowered himself back down onto Mikey, hand on Mikey’s chest to ground him, and dragged his ass over Mikey’s hard cock. “But you can fuck me.”
Mikey pushed Benny’s sweaty hair off his face, his hand gentle as it curved around Benny’s ear. He cupped Benny’s cheek, and Benny nuzzled into the touch and felt Mikey’s heart jack-rabbiting under his hand.
“Love the way you beg,” Mikey rasped.
Benny huffed out a shaky laugh. “Jesus Christ you’re trying to kill me.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do.” With a shift of his hips, Mikey gently shoved Benny off and rolled him onto his back. Pressing himself against Benny’s side, Mikey leaned over Benny, kissing him like he was something precious, something breakable, his hand stroking from the curve of Benny’s jaw to the jut of his hipbone.
Benny shivered, goosebumps rising on his skin from the sweat drying on his body and the swell of emotion. He reached for Mikey, hand on the back of head, holding him in place, and kissed back gently, sweetly, until the feel of Mikey’s hands and mouth on him stoked the fire in veins so high he thought he would burn from it. “Fuck me. Please,” he whispered into Mikey’s mouth.
“Okay,” Mikey said. Benny felt him smile against his mouth, and then he rolled away to dig through the nightstand drawer.
Benny reveled in the sight of Mikey’s strong, wide back as it swooped down to the perfect curve of his ass; his skin glowing with sweat in the false candlelight. Benny put his hand flat on that skin to feel the heat of it.
Mikey rolled back, clutching a brand new bottle of lube.
“When did you get that?” Benny asked, taking it from him.
“Last week. I kept hoping we’d get a chance to use it.” He took the small bottle back and flicked it open. Pouring some out onto his hand, he leaned over Benny with a wicked grin.
He took his time getting Benny ready, opening him slowly, until Benny’s hands were fisted in the sheets and he was begging under his breath.
Finally, Mikey couldn’t wait any longer. Slotting himself between Benny’s legs, he put his hand behind Benny’s knees and pushed them up and back. Then he stopped moving.
His hands trembled on Benny’s legs, and stared intently at the bed, the long strands of his hair curtaining his face, and hiding his eyes. He shoulders heaved with the force of his breath.
“Hey,” Benny said. “Look at me.”
When he did, the force of the emotion on his face took Benny’s breath away and made his mouth go dry. He looked awestruck. The years and pain and fear falling away and revealing the boy Benny had fallen in love with all those years ago. No power on earth could have held back the words that fell from Benny’s mouth. “I love you.”
Mikey laughed softly, hands tightening on Benny’s legs. “I love you, too. But I’ve never… never done this. Help me?”
Benny smiled and reached to grab Mikey’s cock, guiding him to where he needed him most. “Here, feel with me.”
Mikey brought his hand to join Benny’s. He pushed in slowly, incrementally, and Benny’s ey
es rolled back in his head, and he panted open-mouthed.
“Oh, fuck, Nito. You feel so good. I can’t -” and Mikey’s hips snapped forward, fucking into Benny as far he could get.
Benny’s shout bounced off the wall, and they froze, heads turning to the baby monitor sitting across the room, green lights flickering in the dark. The even sound of Jasmine’s breathing stayed steady.
Mikey pulled out and slid back in smoothly, and he shifted his weight, kneeling up and hooking Benny’s legs over his strong arms and pulling him up onto his lap. All Benny could do was hold on to whatever part of Mikey he could reach.
They were as quiet as the could be; the only sounds in the room the slap of flesh on flesh, the gasps and moans Mikey couldn’t hold back, and the soft ah, ah, ah, Mikey punched out of Benny with every thrust.
It had never been like this for Benny. Never.
“Fuck,” Mikey cursed, shifting his grip as his hands slipped on the sweat on Benny’s legs. One of Benny’s legs dropped to the ground, and Benny shoved his fist in his mouth to hold back a shout at the change of angle.
Mikey dropped down onto his hands, and Benny wrapped his legs around his waist. “Gonna, gonna get you a gag,” Mikey panted into Benny’s ear, as he pounded Benny into the mattress.
Benny’s whole body shuddered, and his spine curved up, rubbing his cock against the washboard of Mikey’s abs. Benny felt the flush spreading down his chest, matching the heat rushing up from the bottom on his spine.
Mikey chuckled breathlessly. “Oh, you like that.” He put all his weight on the one hand and wrapped the other around Benny’s rock-hard cock. “Come on, Nito. Come for me. I can’t hold out any longer.” He stroked hard and fast. “Come on.”
Closing his eyes, Benny came, breath locked in his throat, hands gripping the sheets and ripping them loose from the corners of the bed. He could feel his brains shooting out from his dick.
